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Monday, October 31, 2005

I fucking hate this man


This is the Saints owner taking a swipe at a camera crew who "dared" be filming when his highness was not in the mood. He then had a verbal altercation with a Saints fan. Who the fuck do you think pays for your lifestyle, fuckwad? This dickhead wants to take the team elsewhere - specifically, his place of residence, San Antonio. Well, Paul Tagliabue said um, no. If the team goes anywhere other than right back here, it will be Los Angeles. Well, guess what Benson? California is not gonna take your shit. They will not just toss money at you in desperate attempts to get you to keep your team there. They could not give two shits. Professional teams of all kinds are all over that state, dickhead. Your sad ass, no playing little Saints are not going to impress them. Being a born and raised Cal girl, I know whereof I speak. So fuck off.

Elizabeth at 12:26 PM



So I am dealing with some rather irritating issues right now. Well, irritating but ultimately good. I think. I was trying the working from home thing. Went horribly. I have no clue why this company lied their big fat asses off to me about the quantity of work that was available but they did, so I believed them and I am dumb. This is hardly news. Therefore I took it upon myself to try to drum up work on my own. That also went SWIMMINGLY. So I started brainstorming as to what the FUCK I could do to work and make money but not go back into an office environment. So I am taking a class in medical transcription online. I know (well, sorta know - I know her blog) someone who did it and it is not a scam and she is gainfully employed now from home. SCORE!!! So all is great in that arena.

However, this is fucking big time with my self esteem. i am a worker, people. I am not proud of this attitude but I possibly at one time sorta looked down my nose at women who stayed home - children or not. I totally was like "Jesus, go get a damn job - even part time, you lazy Bon Bon eating, soap opera watching piece of SHIT." As time has gone on and I have grown up a tad, I now completely get why people stay home with their children. Day care is a JOKE and expensive as hell. But I have no kids. We are doing this now so that hopefully when I am knocked the fuck up, we have the working from home deal in place and there is no lapse in time. I can pop the little one out and hopefully get back working at a reasonable time frame considering I won't have to leave the home. Sounds all very reasonable right? Well, this class is going to take me roughly 4 to 6 months. The literature I have read says 4 months but that means over Xmas and blah blah blah so at the outside, it will be six. I am going to bust ass to try to make it 4 so that I can get working ASAP because frankly, people, I can't take this any more. I feel like a loser. My husband is busting his ass working a kabillion hours at the station and at Job #2 for us to have money. I mean, we are OK financially because we have savings and the bills are getting paid since he is working like a dog but I can't help but feel like a big loser mooch. Don't even bother with the comments like "Well, if it was him, you would support him" or "Y'all are a team so it does not matter where the $$$ comes from." I know all this but that does not change the fact that I am not used to feeling the need to justify what I do all day and what I have spent money on. I know that I need to just get over this, focus on finishing this school deal as quickly as possible so I can regain some dignity and move on. I just had to vent a little. Here is the killer part - if we had a kid, I would not feel this way at all. I mean, I would have a reason for being here. However, with no one here but the pets (and let's face it, they need me like an extra paw) I just feel like I am expecting him to do it all. OK, enough bitching. I mean how bad can life be when I get to wake up every morning to this face since she forces me to share my pillow.

God I love that little face. What a priss.

Elizabeth at 10:21 AM


Sunday, October 30, 2005

Reason #18392 why I love Halloween

They put scary/suspensful movies on all day and night. I am currently watching a classic Hitchcock "Rear Window." This is probably my all time favorite movie. Love it. Now I just need to see the original Halloween. I hope they do not air it tomorrow night because that is "Are you ready for some football?" Steelers play the Ravens. I will be here on my inflatable Steelers chair with my lucky socks on - not that my boys will need it. I predict a rather easy win.

Elizabeth at 9:36 PM


Cold weather brings out the housewife in me

Ever noticed how if you like to bake, the yen to do so tends to happen during the chillier months? I mean who wants to put a fucking oven on when it's 95 degrees outside and you can wring out your clothes at the end of the day?

I just baked the living shit out of an apple cake with caramel glaze - all home made. I peeled and cored those apples myself, baby. I did not taste it but according to the Momenator and the Husband, it was good. I rock. If you want the recipe, it is in this month's Real Simple and I checked - it is also on their website RealSimple.com. It is a tad labor intensive for my taste but it smelled the house up very nicely. :)

Elizabeth at 7:37 PM


Saturday, October 29, 2005

Candles run amok

This is what happens when you put a tray of candles with rock thingamajigs on the table, light 'em up and then leave them to melt. The pile of wax that had leaked onto my table has been successfully picked off. Now I have to pick candle wax off all these little rocks. Son of a BITCH.

Elizabeth at 10:23 PM


Stolen from Holy Schmidt

Grooming Products:
Shampoo - Pantene - Sleek and Silky or something like that
Perfume - if I wear it, it's Dazzling Silver but I mainly wear Bath and Body Works body sprays - currently my favorite is Black Raspberry Vanilla
Lotions and potions - either the mate of the body spray I am using or Vaseline Intensive Care because it works well and has no scent
Toothpaste - whatever is on sale and is a gel

Cell phone - Samsung flip phone - no clue model
Computer - HP something or other with a bad ass Gateway flat panel monitor that I heart very much
Stereo - Random stereo

Sheets - They match my comforter - that's all I know people
Coffee maker - no clue - I hate coffee
Cars - 2003 Pontiac Sunfire that I heart even though I really want one of those new Pontiac G6. Those just look purty.
Stationery - E-mail

Pizza - Pepperoni and extra cheese. Pizza Hut Pepperoni Lovers if I can really be choosy. Too bad the Pizza Huts down here are all ghettofied and gross so I settle for Papa Johns.
Thai Food - Um, ew
Mexican food - Enchiladas
Grill - Burgers and steak. Oh, also love hot dogs on the grill. Yep, I am white trash
Burgers - Port o' call. Place here on Esplanade that makes the absolute best burgers I have ever had in my life. See, now I'm hungry
Breakfast - French toast, bacon (crispy) and some yummy biscuits with butter, not margarine. Ew.

Soda - Coke, coke and more coke.
Bottled water - Dasani
Coffee - None please
Alcohol/Liqour - Margaritas and Rolling Rock

Clothes/Jeans - Whatever fits, is relatively inexpensive and looks half decent.
Favorite Places - home, Target, any and all book stores, and the kitchen table at my Dad's house while he is baking

Necessary Extravagance:
Not sure this is really an extravagence but I am a magazine WHORE and read probably 10 to 15 a month. I just love them.

Elizabeth at 5:35 PM


I am starting to gross my own self out

I was reading Real Simple - one of my absolute favorite magazines EVER. I found out that there was a website called organizedchristmas.com. Ok, if that is not cool enough, the website is merely a piece of a bigger pie called organizedhome.com. I am so excited and so embarassed to be this excited. It's an odd feeling.

Elizabeth at 3:43 PM


Stuff Portrait Friday - a day late and done my own way

I am not a huge Halloween decoration person but I do have fall type stuff out and up and in the yard so that is what I am putting on here. I also did not canvas the neighborhood for their decor because frankly I just didn't wanna. So here goes.

This is my Fall table. I got all this shit from Kohl's and have still not come to terms that in order for me to go back to Kohl's I gotta drive 3 hours to Jackson. That just fires my ass up.

This is what you see when you first walk in my front door. I love this little wall hanging. So very cute.

Now we are outside. This is my front door. Please note the absence of a storm door. I love to have my door open and let some light in but I can't do that since we have no storm door. Of course, this is, in no way, a reflection on my husband. OF COURSE NOT. (We won't go into the slats in the blinds that need to be taken out.)

This is just to the right of the front door. I got this little stick in the ground thing because it was cute and only $5.99. I love a good bargain. :) The flowers just chilling there on the bricks need to be planted because the one behind them kicked the bucket. Don't think we got that poor thing into the ground soon enough. Poor thing. :(

This is farther on the right in the same patch of planting area. I love this sad little scarecrow. Check out the dress. So cute. I know, I'm a dork.

Last but not least, this is my big living room window. I have these two pumpkins peeking out. I love them because they required no carving. The picture did not turn out too spiff but the one on the left is really cute. Nasty mean face. I love it.

Well, there y'all have it. SPF a day late and done my way. Hope you enjoy.

PS - on a totally unrelated topic, "American Psycho" is on and I have a sick fascination with this movie. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that Christian Bale is in it and he is beyond fine.

PPS - on another unrelated topic, I have the house to myself until tomorrow. The noise you hear is me doing the dance of glee.

Elizabeth at 10:08 AM


Friday, October 28, 2005

Move over, Rachel Ray

Just a quick note to put out there that my house currently smells heavenly of garlic. I have a roast in the oven that I gutted and stuff with minced garlic. This shit smells good. And on purpose people. It smells good not by some random act, but because I cooked. I gutted the fuck out of a roast. I am ready for my show now on the Cooking channel. Back it up, y'all.

Elizabeth at 6:11 PM


Thursday, October 27, 2005

Puss N Boots

The absolute rampant abuse these animals have to go through on a daily basis is staggering. Clearly.

Elizabeth at 3:32 PM


Jacket night

Tonight we will be going up to Jenea's school for the football game. Not sure exactly why it is on a Thursday but whatever. It is also jacket night. They literally have a ceremony to give out the letterman's jackets to those who have earned them. Here is the killer. The student has to then give them back. NICE. Since Jenea has not technically completed two full years of a sport (after basketball season, she will have done so) her jacket goes back to the school until that time. Nevermind the fact that it is paid for. Unreal. I love it.

Other than that, life has been relatively quiet. The son, Mano, got into it with his sister yesterday and in a fit of teenage rage, left their house and walked here. In his socks. LOL. So he stayed here for dinner. He was going to hang out for a bit until the first bits of cookies that I was baking made it out of the oven but the bitch had to have him home immediately despite the fact that he did not have homework to do. WHATEVER. OK, Bitter Betty. Sorry, he came here when you pissed him off. I suppose you would rather he be on a street corner killing small animals or spray painting fences, right? My bad. Next time I will just send him on his way with a spray can. Then the husband takes him home and is gone one hour and twenty minutes. Um, why? Apparently they needed to discuss this afternoon's antics with the kids. OK, no problem. Joint parenting - it's lovely. But how about a phone call, dickwad? How about "Hey babe, Bitch and I are gonna deal with the kids issues for a bit - back later - not sure when." That is all I wanted. Instead, I got a 'tude. Let's not even go into the fact that she only wants his input when her boyfriend is at work. We just WON'T EVEN GO THERE. I am quite certain the woman beating boyfriend had no clue that the husband was there last night.

So anyway, that was my evening. Yesterday afternoon consisted of me and the husband going to see an attorney. You know, to divy up the estate. AS IF. Actually it was to find out the proper course of action regarding the child support. Jenea will be 18 in January and I was not sure how or when or in what amount the child support would be reduced. See, in this lovely state of ours, the husband is only obligated to pay until the kids are 18 or finish high school - whichever comes last. No biggie. Please let me be clear. I would begrudge these kids NOTHING. I do love them very much. They are good kids despite living with the spawn of hell. With very little exception, we have had no problems with them. I enjoy their company - the little that we do get with them. However, this woman is screwing the system and has done so for quite some time. She lives with a man who makes probably decent money and contributes to their household (as he should) while raping us with the amount of child support we are obligated to pay. My husband has not gotten to claim either of the children on his taxes for the last 8 years because according to the judge, it would put an "undue burden on her." Are you kidding me? She put a sunroof in her piece of shit car with one refund from the IRS. I can see how the children needed THAT. But can we touch her? Nope, because on paper she makes close to nothing as a teacher's aide. Well, sister, your days are numbered, YA HEAR???? I will dance the dance of glee on that fateful day when the boy is 18 and out of school and you get a big fat check for $0.00. I will gladly help the kids out in school - give them money for books, lab fees, kegs of beer, etc. Just knowing that the money, for the first time EVER, will go directly to them will make all these years well worth while. So SUCK IT, BITCH.

Remember when I said I was gonna let this stuff go with the ex-wife? Yeah, that's not going so well.

Elizabeth at 3:30 PM


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The absolute best thing about Halloween

I love "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and watch it every single year. My favorite part is when Lucy is bobbing for apples and comes up with Snoopy on the other side of the apple and has fits yelling "Dog lips." That kills me to this day.

Elizabeth at 7:35 PM


Reba is a blogger too

Here is Reba making her presence known while I catch up on one of my fave blogs. Now that the in-laws are gone, she comes out from under the bed much more often which makes me incredibly happy. :)

Elizabeth at 4:09 PM


Stolen from Cherry

A. Recommend a book and tell me why the I should read it:

B. Recommend a movie and tell me why I should watch it:

C. Recommend a cd/album and tell me why I should listen to it:

D. Ask me anything, anything at all unless it would embarass another person and I'll answer as honestly as I can:

E. This was not stolen from Cherry but I would love to see some random pics of y'all's homes - inside and out. I am a decorating whore and love to get new ideas. I am totally fine with stealing them from others. You can email them to me if you would rather not post them on the net. Leave a comment and I will give you my email address. :)

Thanks y'all.

Elizabeth at 11:33 AM


Queen of the Castle

Couldn't you just eat her?

And now the onslaught of "eating pussy" jokes shall commence.

Elizabeth at 9:16 AM


Sunday, October 23, 2005

Further evidence that in my past life I was a housewife

I just realized something. The sound of a dishwasher humming and draining and its overall general racket is something that comforts me. In my mind, it means that earlier I must have done something for my family in the kitchen that made enough of a mess that I needed to utilize one final appliance. It means that I spent time in my kitchen doing something other than eating Dibs right out of the carton. I like that.

Yep, I'm a freak.

Elizabeth at 10:00 PM



I just put two loaves of banana bread in the oven. The house is beginning to smell really good. I love that.

Elizabeth at 7:39 PM


Weekend update

Well, as I mentioned before Jenea did not win. She took things pretty well because in her mind, she never had a shot anyway. Does the child not have a mirror or what? Anyways, I was just bummed. I really wanted her to win because she is a good kid and I just wanted it, damn it. In all fairness, Courtney, the winner, seems like a nice girl and Jenea seemed to like her so I guess in some alternate fucked up place, that is a nice thing for her. Even though the wrong girl was wearing the crown. CLEARLY.

Yesterday, the husband and I busted our asses in the yard doing this.

And this.

Suffice it to say that the back of my legs are screaming at me as if I did something really heinous to them instead of just actually using them. Crazily enough, sitting at a computer or on the sofa does very little for the backs of the thighs. Who knew???

Last night, we went to our friends house to watch the LSU game. (They won!!!) Kenny and Lynn gave us the most awesome anniversary present. They made a slide show on their computer from the video of our beachside wedding and set it to music. Then they made a framed deal with biblical verses on it relating to marriage - the first of which was from our own wedding. How awesome and thoughtful, huh? They rock.

On the work front, I am thiiiiiiis close to signing up for a medical transcription class. It is some $$$ to fork out (not a ton, but enough to make me stop and think) but I think it will be a good thing. I can actually do the application online so that is beyond fabulous. I am not much for this writing with pens thing. Nope, not for me.

Today I got up and took the Mom to church. While she was there praying for my soul no doubt, I went to my own personal church, Target. I am officially starting my Xmas shopping (none of which I started there unfortunately). However, I just purchased 3 presents online via my virtual church, Amazon. I got 2 presents for the husband so I can't put what they are here or he will probably see them and then he must die. I also got a really cool Steelers history DVD thing for my brother. He is slightly less manical than me, so I think he will enjoy it. Not for nothing, but my boys in Black and Gold just stomped the living shit out of Cincinnati. What a pity. Hey, Cincy--------SSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK IIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Y'all should cower in the face of the true AFC North killers. Back off, you giant pussies.

OK, I am off to be domestic and shit. The whole cooking thing is going remarkably well. I have yet to poison anyone, set off the smoke detector or give anyone the trots. I say that is a major score for me. :)

Elizabeth at 3:44 PM


Saturday, October 22, 2005

Busy day

I have a million things to do but I wanted to let y'all know that Jenea did not win. :( The girl she thought, Courtney, did win. Oh well. I have pics to display but I have to do it later.

Is it dumb that even though this is not my biological kid, I was more heartbroken than she was?????

Elizabeth at 11:18 AM


Friday, October 21, 2005

Homecoming Parade and Bonfire

This is Jenea riding in the parade last night. Isn't she cute? The two guys with her are the football players that accompanied her in the car for the parade. We had a bonfire afterwards. The Homecoming Game and the crowning is tonight so I will keep y'all posted. She had better win or I am gonna yell "RAT!!!"

Elizabeth at 9:25 AM


Thursday, October 20, 2005

This is the face of a guilty boy

The stuffed horse in the picture is Trigger, Gage's new toy from Super Target. You see how he treats his new friends, huh? Rotten little beast.

Elizabeth at 12:37 PM


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

This is hardly a shock

You are a

Social Moderate
(56% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(38% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Elizabeth at 10:02 PM


Open memo to the ex-wife

I hate you.

The end.

OK, not quite. I am tired of worrying about you knowing shit about my life. I am tired of you using any and all excuses to drain my husband and me of our money. I am tired of you only having the kids call me when they need me to do something. I am tired of having to act like we are civil when we are not and frankly I see no reason for us to be. I am tired of the kids not seeing you for what you are. I am tired of the kids believing what you say strictly on blind faith - even if what you say is about their father and is clearly not true. I am tired of not being able to sit where I want when we go to the step-daughter's games because I don't want to be that close to you. I am tired of your family making me uncomfortable. I am tired of all of this getting to me. I am therefore letting it all go. As of now. I am not going to act like this any more. Your influence on my life is sick. We have been in each other's lives for 9 years now. Whether you realize it or not, I am here to stay. How much the kids are in our lives is up to them, not you. We will continue to be here for them in good times and bad but will not be forced to feel bad that the time we do have is far too little. Most of all I am tired of the fact that you have such an all encompassing hold on my husband's children that he is too afraid to speak to you about something because it might ruin Homecoming Week for his daughter. He knows that it will result in a giant brou haha and sadly, he is probably right. So, ex, I am tired. I know this sounds wrong and will come out bad but I can't wait until the kids no longer live with you and are on their own because THEN we don't have to deal with you. I do love those kids. A lot. That is what bugs you. If I was a horrible person who yelled at your kids and tried to keep their father away from them, you would get a sick sort of satisfaction out of that, wouldn't you? You and I both know the answer to that. Well, I'm done. You do not win. You no longer will have the hold on my life that you have had up til now. I am through with you. You are a weak powerless person who feeds off manipulating people. Well, I am not letting you manipulate me any more. I am not going to allow you to manipulate my husband either. If he does not grow and set and start dealing with you, then I will deal with you. If the kids have to hate someone, fine - let it be me. I can take it. He can't. So fuck off. You and I are DONE.

Elizabeth at 9:29 PM


Note to the Husband

Look, you are six foot, three. I am five foot, four. Therefore, when you stack the shit in the pantry yay high on the top damn shelf and all I want to do is get down a roll of paper towels, it results in a topple effect and almost makes me get conked on the head by Clorox Clean Up wipes, curse loudly and send the dog scampering away. If you even want a shot of meeting up with the new and improved woo woo (or just the same woo woo that saw the doctor today) then quit doing that. Those giant containers of food and crap we get from Sam's hurt when they hit my toes. OUCH.

Elizabeth at 8:24 PM


Invasion of the woo woo doc

I have been having chick issues of late and my husband pretty much demanded that I go see the woo woo doc. I am not like Kristine of Random and Odd. I have been to the woo woo doc on a regular basis, but I hate to go and since the aforementioned issues have, um, maybe affected our, um, personal life, the husband all but put me and my woo woo on a dolly and wheeled me to the door of the woo woo doc. He is, how shall I say, over it. So I went, found out the prob, and it shall be fixed pretty easily. Rah team. Go me.

BUT, you knew this was coming, right? Guess who works there? Oh yeah, the sister in law of the ex-wife. Normally I would be like "what the fuck ever" but guess to whom my chart goes to upon my departure from said woo woo doc? Oh yeah, the SIL. So she is entering the medical codes of what my various ailments have been and will be and she now knows when my period is, how often I have sex, whether I have ever had an STD, been pregnant, impaled myself on a bar stool (this really happened in a case I used to work on at the firm - I SHIT YOU NOT), etc. Now, this is a professional office. I can count on the discretion of these medical professionals, correct? How about HELL FUCKING NO? There is not one shred of doubt in my evil dark mind that had I gone in there for a pregnancy test and got some fab news, the ex wife would have gotten wind of it before my ass even hit my car seat. TRUST ME. So one would think that I would change docs, right? Well, I thought about that briefly, but I happen to like my doc. She is young and kind and seems interested in what the deal is with my woo woo and its accompanying parts. There is also this once annoying, now very comforting thing called HIPPA. Let me splain. HIPPA protects patients from their medical information becoming public to people not authorized to have it. Basically if this fucktard has the no brains to spell out any part of my medical record and I get wind of it (Oh, and trust me I would because none of these assholes can keep their mouths shut), her ass will be fired because I will sue that place so fast if they refuse to fire her that their fearful of litigation asses will have her out the door faster than you can say PAP smear. Part of me hopes she does breathe something to the ex because it would give me great pleasure to be the cause of her termination. Is that sick? Demented? Twisted? Perhaps but this bitch has been a two faced little troll to me from day one and I loathe her. This whole born again "I found Jesus" bullshit she expels - I don't buy for a minute. No way. No how. There is a better chance of me not saying "fuck" in 24 hours than this bitch being a Christian.

In other news, the working from home thing is not going the way I had hoped. The work is not much as I had hoped. Therefore I sent out a ton of resumes to local attorneys to do contract work for them. I am also investigating another company and plan to send in a test depo summary for them to review. I really want to make this work but I have a limited amount of time in which to do so. If not, then I gotta hit the street with resume in hand ready to go back into an office atmosphere. I am hopeful that I can find something that will pay the bills and then some. Terri over at Terri-torial does medical transcription from home but that took a year to take the course to do so. I am definitely going to look into it but I may not have a year. I could do the course while working outside the home (should I have to do so) so that when I do crank out a kid I can work from home doing that. I am just trying to keep my options open. If y'all have any other ideas that might work, please let me know. I would appreciate any and all suggestions. I am open to anything except hooking and pole dancing. I will however be a pimp. No shame in my game.

Elizabeth at 7:10 PM


Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Winn Dixie can suck my ass

I purposely avoid the Walmart by my home because it is the only one open on this side of the river and all the people from Orleans Parish and the Eastbank of Jefferson Parish are infesting my Wally and you can't fucking move in there. So off I went to the WD. I did my shopping, found all that I needed and then moved to the new self check out machine area things. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE THINGS? All I heard was "The weight of the product does not match what was scanned. Assistance is on the way." First off, assistance took its sweet ass time being on the way. Secondly, just let me scan my shit, bag it and go and shut the holy hell UP. By the time I left, the two men behind me were aghast at the language that came out of my very sweet looking mouth. I mean, to the naked untrained eye, I seem like a nice girl who probably blushes when she says "darn." So to let the "fucks" and all variations thereof fly at will LOUDLY, it tends to shock people. I wish I had given enough of a shit to check out their reactions. I bet it was fucking priceless.

Elizabeth at 5:12 PM


So you are arranging those for me to eat them as a midnight snack, right?

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
And here is the Gager checking me out arranging the flowers that I got for the anniversary. He thinks everything is about food and everything is about him.

He is so much like him mama.

Elizabeth at 10:29 AM


Monday, October 17, 2005

Told y'all

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
See, I have cooked. I made pancakes, sausage and biscuits for the husband. He wanted me to make sausage biscuits for him so that is what that is at the top. Once I looked at the picture, I realized it looked like two piles of mashed potatoes. I promise not to take photos of each meal.

Elizabeth at 3:30 PM


One year and one day

Well, I was busy yesterday so I did not get a chance to blog about it being my very first anniversary. Yep, that's right. It has been one solid year and I have not killed the husband for leaving magazines in the bathroom, leaving lights on in the bathroom, jiggling the bed unnecessarily hard when putting on his giant shoes in the morning when I am not yet up, buying yet another toy for our incredibly spoiled dog and generally just being a man. I consider that progress.

We enjoyed our day together. We went to lunch at a restaurant in Crown Point called Restaurant Des Familles. It is out in the country and has floor to ceiling windows along one giant wall so you can see all the trees and Spanish moss and was just AWESOME. Food was great. Loved it all. Then we drove to Baton Fucking Rouge just to see a movie. This might not sound like a stellar way to enjoy one's first anniversary but I am a movie HOUND and it has been well over two months since I have seen a movie due to the hurricane and our theaters locally have yet to reopen. So off we went. And there.....in Baton Rouge.....we also went to....................SUPER TARGET. Have two more beautiful words every been uttered????? Super and Target. Just say it. Super Target. Kinda gives ya chills doesn't it?? We ended up seeing Flightplan which I enjoyed big time. I had figured out one of the bad people pretty much from the beginning but the whole plot line was really kinda cool. We hung out in the BR for the bulk of the day and then headed on home. Overall, a really enjoyable day. Complete with Super Target. He must really love him some me. I also got a cool anniversary present - a new digital camera that is so tiny and light. I love it. Right in time to take an obnoxious amount of pictures of my step daughter being crowned Homecoming Queen on Friday. Love it.

OK, brace y'allselves. The in-laws are gone. Exxxxxxxxxhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee. As previous written about to death, it's not the FIL who bugs me. He can stay until his final breath. It's the MIL. I was just so glad to have my home back. So. Very. Glad. I celebrated by cooking my husband breakfast the last two days and I am cooking dinner tonight. Like in the kitchen. With like ingredients and stuff. And pots and pans and like non-microwaveable food stuffs. Be proud, y'all. Be VERY proud.

Well, I still have stuff to do. I washed my gross car and steam cleaned the carpets all over the house so far. I gotta get out in that yard and pull weeds and get all that old mulch out of there because since the winds and rain kinda mucked up the yard. We pulled out the little bush that was all kinds of messed up and I did a whole crapload of weeding since the yard went a total of 4 weeks with no attention. It weren't PURTY, mmmmkay??? Therefore, we are planting some pretty fall flowers and fixing the yard so that I can drive up to it and not go "Ick." So, I'm off like a dirty shirt. (I will bake my bad ass chocolate chip cookies and ship them to anyone who can name what movie that line was from and who said it.)

Happy anniversary, you big annoying hairy man. I luvs ya.

Elizabeth at 2:54 PM


Saturday, October 15, 2005

True laziness

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
Inside his tiny tiny brain: "Should I continue up to the sofa so that I may take a nap properly or shall I just chill here in the hopes that my mother picks up my hindquarters later? I am gonna go with B."

Elizabeth at 10:18 AM


Friday, October 14, 2005

It is much more clear now

I have been up since 4:45 A fucking M. Y'all know I would only do that for a friend, right? Our friend, Kenny, has to have surgery on his snot holes (polyps) and his wife is there with him so their three little chilrens have to still get to school right. Enter moi. It is not a problem - very hilarious and cute kids. Allow me to illustrate: Jessica, the oldest and the only girl is telling me the story about this little girl coming to her house and trying to basically con her out of some of her necklaces and little jewelry and stuff. So Kenny, one of the twins, goes "Not the Jesus one, right?" Jessica goes "No, not that one." Kenny, visibly relieved and earnest as could be goes "Well I hope not, cause that's JESUS." I about fucking died. He was so dead serious that I could not laugh so I just turned my head the other way and proceeded to do the whole body shaking "I'm not laughing" thing. That kid kills me. So they were dressed, toofers brushed, breakfast eaten, school work in bags and off we went to school. I got them there on time - actually we were early. Go me.

So anyways, I have had a lot on my mind lately. I have been attempting to work from home with not very much success. The company that I have been doing stuff for like slowed way down. Let me explain why this chaps my ass. Granted I was taking a chance quitting my job in order to do this kind of work. I gotta take the slow times with the busy, the good with the bad. I get that. However, when I was doing the training, they were so gung ho about getting our paperwork into them because they were so backlogged and there is so much work, etc. And now, it is like NOTHING. Um, nice. So here I sit. Now, if we could swing this financially, I would be all for it. I have discovered a few things about myself. I am an extreme homebody - much more than I ever thought possible. I am sure this is exacerbated by the fact that I was out of my home for a month and just grateful to be here, but there has always been the homebody in me. I LOVE BEING HERE. I am a big nester. I love to make my home comfy and inviting and nice but still livable. A place where it looks great but that you can put your feet on the sofa or coffee table. Ya feelin' me? I am even anxious to begin the whole cooking thing. I promised the husband unit that if he agreed to me being home and working here (did not take much convincing) that I would cook more. I am so not a cook so I have been all over the net reading up on easy recipes and stuff like that and saving them. I have not really busted them out because the in-laws are here and if I am going to do test runs on potentially disgusting food, I would prefer to only make my husband and mother suffer. I don't want to share the wealth. :) I have major guilt about being here now that my husband has gone back to Job #2. What kind of lazy piece of shit am I that my husband works two jobs while my ass is home????? That is why I am really making an effort to sorta take care of things around here. Before I had no qualms about being like "Get up off your ass and do whatever." Now I pretty much do it - with the exception of the pool. That is his domain.

The point of this is that yesterday I spent the day updating my resume and composing a cover letter to accompany it. I then went around in the neighborhood near the courthouse near my home. I took down as many names of attorneys as possible and then came home, canvassed the yellow pages for those that I might also be able to help. I got their addresses and sent off the resumes. Now I know the odds people. Chances are if I get a 10% return on interest based on these resumes, I am probably ahead of the pack. However, I am willing to do whatever it takes to continue to do this. I never anticipated enjoying being home this much. I putter. I do laundry. I pack my husband's bag for the station. I play with the doggie. Hopefully I will get enough work that will justify me staying home. The THOUGHT of going back into an office atmosphere just makes me want to retch. Right now it is rather difficult because the inlaws are still here but chances are they will be gone within the week. I would like to get a real routine down that will fold my work into the things I have gotten to do here. I mean, it's just great. I never in a kabillion years thought I would be ok being home. I truly think that if I had children, I could do this no problem - work or not. Being that I don't have human kids, I do have to do some work, right? RIGHT? I keep telling myself that. Puttering does not equal income. Anyways, think good thoughts for me that I can get enough work to sustain us paying our bills on time. That is always a nice thing. :)

Elizabeth at 9:19 AM


Thursday, October 13, 2005


I have a million random thoughts in my head that I don't have time to post because the husband is due back from Job #2 any moment and I don't want him to come home to a mess. I have major guilt issues over the whole work thing which I will post tomorrow because if I don't vent soon, I may burst.

On a positive note, I spent my evening reading Kami's blog from the very beginning and she is a damn crack up. I love how she thinks but I wonder how she reads my blog sometimes - I can be somewhat, um, angry sometimes. LOLOL. Anyways, if y'all have not met Kami, click on her link over to the right. I have yet to figure out that deal where you can link right in the blog. Big ol' mystery right there.

Good night for now. Tomorrow is an early day for me. Very early. Like 5 AM early. Jeeeeezzzzzzz..........

Elizabeth at 9:47 PM


Cooling his goods

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
Apparently airing out his nads on his back is not good enough. Dusty has to defile my ceramic tile by shoving his nooky parts on it.

Elizabeth at 6:09 PM


Charm abounds

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
This is Dusty - the in-law's cat. He is a little trouble maker and drives Hoss, my mom's cat, NUTS which amuses me to no end.

Generally I can find Dusty on my bed - legs akimbo - as demonstrated in this shot. He likes to show us just how much of a man he is. I think he has a good chance at being featured in Hustler Kitties.

Elizabeth at 2:53 PM


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Fisher's Future Homecoming Queen

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
This is my step-daughter, Jenea. Is she not fucking GORGEOUS??? The stunning thing is that she resembles my husband so much it is like he just shit out a kid and plop there she was. I see almost none of her mother in her, thank GOD. Anyways, she is up for Homecoming Queen and we will know the results next Friday at the Homecoming Game. I have a pretty good feeling that she will win because (a) have you gotten a good look at her??? she's FUCKING GORGEOUS and (b) she is not snooty or clique-ish - talks to everyone unlike some of the girls at her school. So I think she is a shoe in. The best part? My husband gets to walk her down the field and they will both be all decked out. I am so excited. I will post whatever pictures I can that are not blurry from me crying like a big ninny baby.

Elizabeth at 9:35 PM


Stealing yet again - this time from Ms. Perdie

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Debbie Fucking Gibson. I loathe her

2. Where was your first kiss?
On the sidewalk outside my boyfriend's house. It was very fast.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? No, but my friend, Mike, pulled a small palm tree out of my boyfriend's yard because he treated me bad. Does that count?

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? No, I am so dense that I never know when people are interested.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Yep

6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Smile and presence of dimples or lack thereof

7. What do you order at the Coffee Bean? Um, I live in Louisiana where we just fucking got Target so let's not get crazy, people.

8. What is your biggest mistake? Way too many to count

9. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Not that I remember.

10. Say something totally random about yourself. I am a fount of useless knowledge

11. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?Yeah but I am not saying who because she is just so horrid looking that y'all will think I am a giant she-man. (I look nothing like her.)

12. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? No

13. Did you have braces? Yes, 18 fun filled months.

14. Are you comfortable with your height? I am 5'4" - let's go with NO.

15. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you? Gave me a dog as an engagement gift.

16. When do you know it's love? Who the hell knows?

17. Do you speak any other languages? I can speak very little Spanish despite taking 4 damn years of it.

18. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? No, as my pasty pale tail will attest to.

19. What magazines do you read? And here is where y'all see my weakness - Us Weekly, People, Glamour, Allure, Real Simple, Self, Marie Claire, Oprah, InStyle, Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Lady's Home Journal. It's sick - really.

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo?Yep!

21. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? My high school Sunday school teach, Mr. Ves, two uncles.

22. Do you watch Mtv? Hardly ever.

23. What's something that really annoys you? People who drive slow in the fast lane.

24. What's something you really like? Pizza, Hooters wings, Coke, Steelers football - all of those things at once and it is orgasm city.

25. Do you like Michael Jackson? When he was black and a man, yes I did. Now, not so much.

26. Can you dance? Like only a really white girl can.

27. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? 36 hours straight

.28. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?No.

29. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?Of course.

Elizabeth at 5:16 PM


Blatantly stolen from Cherry and I did not even ask. I am a rude ho.


First best friend: Misty who I remember vividly because her birthday was on May 4th and she said May Fo

First Car: 1988 Mercury Topaz

First kiss: First kiss: Franklin Barreno First real kiss: Mario Hernandez (I see a trend.)

First makeout: Mario

First big trip: I guess Hawaii when I was too damn young to enjoy it

First flight: To Pittsburgh to see fam when I was about 2

First time skiing/Snowboarding: Fuck that.

First concert: That would be David Lee Roth with Poison opening for them. I fell asleep - rock on.

First Alcoholic Drink: My sister and I used to sneak drinks from my older, not at all wiser brother. Drink was called Skip and Go Naked. I shit you not.

First ticket violation: Going 35 in a 20 right behind the Walmart.

First job: I worked at my mom's friend's office for two summers. She was an attorney and since I also wanted to be one (stupid girl) I hoped to glean useful knowledge. I did - I am not an attorney. Take from that what you will.

First date: Is it sad that I can't remember that?


Last car ride: Is it sad that all day yesterday and so far today, I have yet to step foot in a car. So it has to be day before yesterday when we came home from Lowes.

Last kiss: Hubby

Last time you cried: When I found out that the in-laws dog died

Last movie watched: Lost Junction

Last food you ate: Mini Hershey bar.

Last love: Before the husband-o, that would be Jerry who, unfortunately had so many self esteem issues, that I just could not deal anymore. Good guy though.

Last temptation: To itch my ass crack and I did not partake. That is some fucking self control, no?

Last item bought: another garbage can from Lowes

Last annoyance: Reba wanting to lay on my pillow and put her fluffy cat ass in my face.

Last time wanting to die: can't even think of one time

Last alcoholic drink: Margaritas on girls night which was well before the hurricane

Last concert: Keith Urban at a casino in MS that is no longer there

Last phone call: the husband

Last friend you added on MYSPACE: What the fuck is MYSPACE?


Current Best Friend(s): Wendy

Current Car: 2003 Pontiac Sunfire

Current love: Hubby, Gager, Reba - not always in that order. :)

Current drink: Coke sitting right next to me.

Current activity: Still trying to not delve into the ass crack.

Current annoyance: the cost of health insurance

Current mood: Good but I gotta get up and take a shower soon and who the fuck wants to get out of PJs???

Elizabeth at 10:17 AM


Sunday, October 09, 2005

Nap friends

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
This is Dusty on the left - my in-law's cat. Hoss, my mom's cat, is on the right. They fight all damn night so in the afternoon, obviously they are rather winded and worn down from their nocturnal activities. A moment after this shot was taken, Gage bounded on the bed and woke them both. Sometimes I love that dog.

Elizabeth at 9:50 PM


Weekend update

Friday night the hubby, the niece and I went to the step-daughter's game to watch her dance. Of course, Fisher (her school) got their ass handed to them by Bonnabel. God love 'em. Came home, promptly crashed after watching some of "Amityville Horror" and doing laundry. Saturday I was up early and in full Bree Van De Kamp mode - I baked a double batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies, banana bread and brownies (which were out of a box but damn good). Then I finished the laundry I had started on Friday night. I cleaned the entire house, cleaned my funky body, set up the buffet stuff for the BBQ we were having later that day in celebration of the birthdays we missed due to Katrina. Those were my husband's, our friends twin boys, and of course, Gage. We did not have a massive get together - just our friends, Kenny and Lynn and their three children, the inlaws, the niece (the other niece was in MS with her friend), my mom, her man of the moment, his son (oh yeah, my mom's boyfriend has a six year old son - let's do the math there, shall we?), husband's children and a few other stragglers. The day overall was very nice. The husband enjoyed his gifts and watching the LSU game and grilling dogs and burgers, etc. Then the shit hit the proverbial fan. As I have written in previous posts, our relationship with the kids has been touch and go. Never horrible but they just sorta decided a few years back that they had little need for us that was not financial and we were sorta cut out. Only in recent months has this begun to turn around. So we are enjoying seeing them and the time that we get with them is cool. So last night, after daughter got off work, she and her brother, and the mother's boyfriends son (yep, please read that again) and some other relative of the mother's boyfriend's son came over. Um, can you say not FUCKING INVITED? However, being the peace loving stupid fucks we are, we let it go. Let me sum up, OK? The relative that was never introduced to us, never spoke to us, never said thank you for having me over, proceeded to do the following:

1. Helped himself to the food including but not limited to diving into my fridge, opening up the cookies and brownies to get him some, etc.

2. Disrupting the LSU game several times with his antics. (Short of disrupting a Steelers game, you do NOT disrupt an LSU game unless you have some very interesting stat to share or you are fixin' to rag on the other teams mamas.)

3. Cursing in front of my friends' children - found that out today.

4. BREAKING THE NAPKIN RING THAT I JUST FUCKING BOUGHT IN DA BURGH AND THEN RIGGING IT TO LOOK LIKE IT WAS NOT BROKEN. (Despite the caps, it was not that he broke it. He is 12 - shit gets broken, ok? I mean, I am not a tyrant. But come up to me and say "Miss Liz, I broke this and I'm sorry. I would have let it the fuck go, but to hide it and never say a word????? UM, NO)

5. He then burst into MY BEDROOM where my niece and Jessica (friend's daughter) were playing a board game on my bed and proceeded to push his way onto their game. Nothing fires me up more than someone treating my company like shit.

6. Picking up my cell phone, finding out upon asking that it was MY cell phone and then digging into my menu, settings and address book. WHAT THE FUCK???

7. Never once saying "May I please....??? Hi, my name is..... or my favorite "Thank you for having me....

8. He was incredibly rude and just nuts in general and he made me use the F word in front of my friends' children.

So now of course, this entails us having to discuss this rude fuck with the ex-wife. My very fave person in the world. She will try to turn this back on us and make us look like shit and she may or may not be successful at that. You know what? I could not give less of a shit. The kids need to start thinking for their damn selves and if she runs us down, I would hope that they would know what is crap and what is the truth. We think they are actually beginning to figure out that we are not the ogres that the mother/bitch has undoubtedly made us out to be.

Fast forward to today. The niece wanted Jessica to spend the night which was no problem. I mean they were having a BALL so why stop the fun, ya know? So they stayed up til all hours (I heard nothing - ear plugs ROCK) and today we went out to breakfast and then to Target. The girls were acting like goobs and giggling like idiots which was so cute. I remember being that carefree - when everything was funny and I just laughed so hard with my friends that my belly hurt. So they seemed to enjoy themselves which is great. The niece's sister was not here so it was good that the girls had each other to keep company, ya know? Overall, with the exception of that nightmare rude ass child, the weekend was good. The husband and I still managed to have no sex, but then that is married life, right? I mean, it used to be just me that was tired all the time but since we came home, he is worn out too. Working like a dog will do that to ya. So now we are an old married couple. It is only a matter of time that we will be sitting at Denny's for the early bird special not speaking like old couples. When that occurs, just shoot me, will ya?

Elizabeth at 8:37 PM


God love her

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
We had people in the house for a good bit of the day yesterday. We missed the husband's birthday because of Katrina the whore so we celebrated yesterday with a small get together. Reba, brave soul that she is, hid in my closet on top of the shoe holder thing under my husband's shirts. She is so cute, I swear.

Elizabeth at 4:28 PM


Friday, October 07, 2005

Martha Fucking Stewart

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
I have my table all set up for fall. How did I become this woman? Is Bree Van De Kamp hiding underneath all my foul language and scratching my crotch in public? I am scared, people. Run before I rearrange your kitchen cabinets.

Elizabeth at 9:56 PM


Thursday, October 06, 2005

What kind of food am I?

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.
What Kind of Food Are You?

So basically I cause gas.

Elizabeth at 5:22 PM


The charm is hereditary

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
This is my niece, Darrian. We were at Sonic the other day and she tried to take a drink of her shake without the lid and straw because it was too thick to come through. This is the result. Thank God she is a cute kid. :)

Elizabeth at 11:38 AM


Oh, the grace

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
Here is Reba jumping down off our counter in the bathroom because she is so disgusted by the fact that Dusty (my FIL and MIL's cat) has come into her lair. She is a prissy little fart. Can't have strange animals in her domain.

Elizabeth at 11:37 AM


Here we have sadness

Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
This is my husband's mom's tomb. There is no casket in it. This is what people do not see on the news. Miss Ora was buried right across the street from the home my husband grew up in - the house Mr. Vincent still lives in - well until recently. When the water rises like this, the strength of that water is unreal. It moved the cement top of her tomb and filled the inside with water thereby raising her casket up and it floated down toward the levee. NICE, huh? There are 3 completely open tombs and 3 caskets hanging out elsewhere so at least everyone is accounted for but the mystery is who is in what casket. I mean, Miss Ora died 13 years ago. Remembering small details about her casket is not gonna happen. Luckily his brother in law remembers the color of it so that narrows it down. This was on the news. My poor husband about fell apart when the flower canisters with "Mom" and "Alexie" written on them were just on the news. I mean, this is a man who still cries every time he goes to her grave. Seeing this and his childhood home pretty much destroyed and covered in mud and muck did not make for a nice day in our lives.

Elizabeth at 11:34 AM


I love these things.

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

Participate if you like. I have seen this on several blogs. Just comment that you want me to do this for you and I will. :)

Elizabeth at 11:18 AM


You know you live on the Gulf Coast when....

You have FEMA's 1-800 number on your speed dialer.

You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your
kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti
Os and Boston Baked Beans.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the
plywood covering your windows.

When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you
say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe

Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on
your arms.

You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home

You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular

The road leading to your house has been declared a
No-Wake Zone.

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on
the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane
and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

You rationalize helping a friend "board up" by thinking
"It'll only take one gallon of gas to get there and

You have 2-liter coke bottles and gallon milk jugs filled
with water in your freezer.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain;
today you can assemble a portable generator by

You catch a 13-pound redfish in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your
homeowner's insurance policy.

You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo,

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy
with the biggest chainsaw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more
meteorologists who work for the Weather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled

Relocating to South Dakota doesn't seem like such a
crazy idea.

You spend more time on your roof than in your living

You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer,
fence builder or a tree worker.

A battery powered TV is considered a home
entertainment center.

You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit
during the summer.

Your child's first words are "hunker down" and you
didn't go to UGA!

Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily
mean it's Christmas.

Toilet Paper is elevated to "coin of the realm" at the

You know the difference between the "good side" of a
storm and the "bad side."

Your kids start school in August and finish in July.

You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the
air conditioning.

Elizabeth at 10:33 AM


Wednesday, October 05, 2005


Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.
I warned y'all - he is cute. I mean, seriously, do you see the troll hair? You just gotta love him.

I guarentee after this picture was taken, he pointed to his bicep and said they were pure steel.

Elizabeth at 9:44 AM


Monday, October 03, 2005

A few reasons why my husband rocks the Casbah

I spend a lot of time bitching on here so I thought I should at least say something nice about the Fucktard who is my very own. So, Dipshit, this one's for you. (Hey, at least I capitalized Fucktard and Dipshit so he knows he is just not a random fucktard or dipshit. Him is special.)

1. He bought me a DVD that has no less than six hours of Pittsburgh Steelers history and highlights for my birthday. Now that's love people.
2. He actually roots for my team.
3. He will tell me when Jerome Bettis is on Sportscenter being interviewed or something.
4. In case it is not really clear, I can be a tad....shall we say.....moody and he manages to put up with it and love me anyway.
5. He is a good dad. His kids have really tested our patience a few times but he never lets that color how he feels or acts towards them. He is thrilled for whatever bit of time they give him.
6. When I approached him about working from home, he never asked how often I would nap or how many times I would break to watch Guiding Light or how often I would blow this pop stand to go have lunch. He just supported me and said that if we can make it work, then he is all for it. (Not that I do any of those things OF COURSE.)
7. While I was evacuated up in Pittsburgh, he sent me flowers to let me know he missed me.
8. Even though he would love to cuddle while we sleep, he knows that I HATE to be smothered while trying to snooze and he keeps his distance. Only once in a while does a stray foot wander over to my side.
9. He totally was on board when I asked if my mother could move down way sooner than we anticipated - like right the fuck after our wedding.
10. He is a good son. He loves his dad and shows him how much every day.
11. He is willing to once again go under the knife and fix his currently broken sexual organs so that I can pop me out some kids. This reversal surgery is not covered by insurance, does not sound like much fun and will once again undoubtedly entail him getting shaved by some random person - something I am sure he will look forward to.
12. He never says one word when I come home with yet another purse.
13. He allowed me to decorate our room in pink, white and lime green. I am sure he feels like the most flaming gay men ever when he steps in there but he let me do it anyway.
14. When I lovingly call him a "gook" (He is Filipino), he knows me well enough to know I am kidding. Sorta.
15. When I make fun of his various oddities (not being able to flare nostrils, having the smallest, squintiest eyes EVER, having this permanent crease in his forehead from raising his eyebrows in an ever-failing attempt to make said eyes appear less, well, gook-ish, and the inability to not splay his toes) he never gets offended.
16. He never points out my oddities (the fact that my forehead is so big it is a fivehead, my three inch long legs, my hair that frizzes the moment I step outside, and my favorite, my stretch marks despite the fact I have yet to have children) in public.
17. He only sometimes rags on Guiding Light because he knows that despite it being so damn stupid I have been to some degree hooked on it since age 7.
18. Last but not least, he waited for me for years when I was not ready to be married and was my best friend during that whole time.

So, dear, I have no clue if you read this, but thanks for all you do. I love you, you giant hunk of man. Even if you don't think my feet are cute. (NOTE TO THE INTERNET - THEY SO ARE.)

Elizabeth at 2:51 PM


Damn it all to hell

I missed "Desperate Housewives" last night, so I am pulling a Nessa (LOLOLOL) and asking for some help from my blog friends to tell me what the hell happened. If you also happened to see "Grey's Anatomy" and can fill me in on that, I would be forever in your debt.

Now me and my 4000 mosquito bites are taking my mother to the doctor. I hope to be back later.

I have updates on my work situation, my hair, my feet, and my MIL. Lots of goings on. :)

Elizabeth at 9:56 AM


Saturday, October 01, 2005

Brace y'allselves (it's a word) for me being a selfish shrew

OK, so I love my father in law, right? I mean the man is just cute, ok? I mean he is like five three, a buck twenty AT MOST and Filipino. That is an equation for cute. How he managed to take any part in making my mammoth husband is a mystery, but I digress. So he inlaws have been sharing my humble abode for over a week now because Rita the whore fucked their shit up. The levee behind their house broke and their house is flooded and not in a good way. So here they are. It's not the FIL that's making my eye twitch. It's so not. He just sorta floats through the house, picks at food here and there and lets what is left of his hair stand straight up off his head in almost a halo fashion. He is so unobtrusive. Doesn't want to put anyone out, ya know? I mean, seriously, who could not love a tiny Filipino whose hair looks like a troll doll? Did I mention that on top of being so small that I could bench press him, he will bow up if you happen to touch his bicep? It's hilarious. If I touch his arm, he will flex and go "That's steel, babe." You gotta love it.

HOWEVER, (y'all knew this was coming, right???), my mother in law comes with the tiny Filipino package deal. Oh, she is a test. She is bossy, opinionated, loud, bossy, bitchy, pushy, did I mention bossy? Oh, and nosy. Oh, and greedy. So in the time she has been here, she has told my mother who takes four medications a day "Oh, well I am not a pill popper." Oh yeah she did. Pick your jaw up - it gets better. She has flat out asked me how much money we have gotten from FEMA. She has flat out asked me if we received money from the Red Cross and she does not want to be nosy but how much? She has FLAT FUCKING OUT asked me how much our check is made out for from the insurance adjuster who just left. I mean, what the fuck people. She can say what she wants about her being concerned about her husband since he was a cancer patient, blah blah blah, but I don't buy it, people. She is money hungry and when she found out that her insurance company would most likely pay out the policy limits since their house is a total loss, I swear I saw dollar symbols pop up in her beady eyes. She is running through that cash already. TRUST ME. This is a woman who will literally go out and purchase the same damn thing I have just because she is one of those immature people who is like "Well, she can't have that if I don't have it to, so I gotta shop." Case in point, I got my husband a really nice leather LSU jacket. Him loves him some LSU and it was a great deal and his Bday was coming so what the hell? I'm gonna pass it up? I am gonna go with no. Literally by the following year, she bought Mr. Vincent (that's FIL) a suede Saints jacket and then had the nads to say to me "Now Nonnie (that is what they call my husband - don't ask) is not the only one who has a nice sports jacket." Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Should we worry about that? She really is just that childish. Also, she is ready at a moments fucking notice to go on the defensive. She thinks every God damned thing is some slight on her. Um, memo to MIL, it is not all about you.

OK, so how can I begrudge her anything when the poor woman just lost her house? I know. I KNOW. I just gotta vent. I mean, I feel horrible. My poor FIL has lived in that house for over 40 years and worked his little body hard for those years working on a tug boat to pay for that. At this point in his life, to have to start over sucks big donkey dick. All his memories are there. He lived with my husband's mom there. That is where my husband and his sis grew up. It sucks any way you look at it. I am trying to remember that and not fly off the fucking handle when she asks me how much money we got from whomever. I really am. I can be a selfish whore. I ain't gonna lie. I mean, I can give to people and I like to do for people, but there is a part of me that is selfish and wants to tell MIL, "You ask me one more God damn time a question about money and I am gonna kick your rather bulbous ass out on the street, mmmmmmmkay?????" FIL can stay for as long as he wants. He requires very little - coffee, a place to smoke, food here and there (not much of an appetite on him), and a place to watch the Saints get their ass kicked while he states the whole time that this year they will go to the Superbowl regardless of their abyssmal record. God love him. MIL? That's another story. For my husband's sake, I am biting my tongue. Hard. I so better be getting Wife Points for this.

Elizabeth at 4:56 PM