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Friday, March 31, 2006

Books 13 and 14 and a Movie update

Book 13 - On the Run by Iris Johanssen. Boring. Let's move on. Her work is going into the shitter. I won't buy her in hardback anymore.

Book 14 - Something Blue by Erica Giffin. Loved it. You sorta kinda have to read the book prior to this one, Something Borrowed. It chronicles how the lead character in Something Blue, Darcy, got to be in the predicament in which she finds herself. I highly recommend both books. The characters are so realistic and anyone who reads them will at the very least be reminded by someone they know and either like or hate. Go to Barnes and buy them both and spend the weekend on the deck reading. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Movie review - Derailed starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen. Wow, what a movie. I really wanted to see this when it came out but for various reasons, the hubs and I never made it. This movie kept me interested from beginning to end. It was totally unpredictable with a few twists and turns that I swear you will NEVER see coming. I was thoroughly impressed. It helps that I just love Jen A. and want to smear butter on Clive and eat him like toast, but seriously, it's all about the story......

I had a nice lunch today with an attorney I used to work with at my old firm. She left the firm for a couple of reasons that are way too personal to her to go into on the inter-fucking-net, so let's just say she moved on to greener pastures. It was cool to see her again and to nosh on a fab cheeseburger at the Ugly Dog. I love me some Ugly. Tomorrow night I am having a girls' night with my girls from the firm while the hubs watches LSU put a smack down on UCLA. One might assume that I am a UCLA girl being that I hail from the land of milk and honey, but not so much. Truth be told, I think basketball is about the most boring sport out there, so the hubs shall enjoy his game without my commentary. I'm sure he's crushed. Devastated really...

Sunday I am having brunch with my girl, Karen, again. She is such fun. She refers to her three little girls as the devils. LOLOLOL. You have to sit and talk to her or at least listen to her to truly appreciate her wonderful sense of humor but fuck, the girl makes me laugh. :) That's always a good thing.

So I am off to bed and to start another book. I am doing pretty well on this 50 book challenge thing. I might actually be able to do it. Go me. :)

Elizabeth at 10:52 PM


Stuff Portrait Friday - It's Random, donchaknow?

Today's Stuff Portrait Friday is all random things that Kristine asked us to show today:

-our washer and dryer
-our robe
-a flower because Hi, it's spring

Yeah, nothing exciting to see here. They do get used an awful lot though.

I don't have a robe. Not sure why, just don't. So I found this one at Victorias Secret and thought it was cute. Um, I look just like that too.

This flower is on a plant that is in my kitchen. The plant is from FIL's funeral but it somehow does not make me sad.

Did ya play?????

Elizabeth at 7:51 AM


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Just shove the knife in my eye now

Britney "Hey y'all" Spears is on Will and Grace tonight. What the fuck is happening to the world? I mean, I know it sucks ass this year, but has one of my favorite shows had to sink to such depths? Apparently the answer is a resounding yes.

That shrieking you hear?

Yeah, that's me.

Elizabeth at 8:04 PM


Life update

I am sitting here watching Guiding Light (shut up) because I really need a work break. I am close to reaching an end point for one large section and I am feeling the "get the fuck done" feeling. I need a break. I actually took one for the bulk of yesterday while the hubs and I ran around town spending money like we had it or something. We went to Sam's and dropped a ton o' cash for giant quantities of food and new malibu type lights for outside. I am so not a fan of the solar powered ones because they don't tend to provide enough light regardless of how much sunlight beat down on them all the fucking day long. Nevertheless, the hubs really wants to try them because he does not like dealing with wires and let's just say that maintaining the whole light bulb, light parts thing is so not up his alley. He is one that likes to wait until like 15 of them are out before he changes bulbs. That makes me get a tic so let's hope that these lights are bright enough. If not, back they go. We had lunch at Hooters which was so fucking good that I was talking about it for like 5 hours afterwards. I have issues. That shit was good though. However, our little waitress chick was a pretty girl but had the personality of a doorknob. I mean, I do not fault these girls for working there. Shit, they got bills just like you and me. Trust me, when my shit was slammin' (there was a time), if I had thought about how much money those girls are probably brining in nightly all for waving their boobies in men's faces, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, I would be all over that pantyhose/shorts look. However, this chick was just like blah. I mean, she probably gets pissy ass women who come in there and heaven for-fucking-bid do their men look at the waitresses and then the women take it out on said waitress, so I guess I understand her hesitancy to be nice if there is a chick at the table. However, if she wants to make bank, she needs to be a tad nicer. I'm just sayin....
We also went to FIL's grave site because yesterday was his birthday. I was good until we left. Then, the water works came. I wish he was still here. Coincidentally, my nieces birthday was also yesterday. We dropped off her presents at school. Why not just take them to her bday party, you might be wondering quietly to yourself? Well, because MIL will be there and we will not be going. Hubs is working, but there is no fucking way I will be there. Sucks to have to kinda take it out on the niece, but I gotta do what I gotta do. We made sure her presents got to her though.
I did find the bad ass comforter featured below also. It was a fun day - lots of running around but it was surprisingly relaxing.
Well, the work ain't gonna do itself so I suppose I had better go finish up. Tonight I am watching "Derailed" finally. The hubs is working later than we thought so I can watch that and a late dinner of steak and grilled asparagus once he gets home. Yum!
Oh, also, I called the parish nearest us to inquire about their "let's convert her ass to Catholicism" class. I have to grab the registration from the Pastoral Center. The classes don't start until August so until then, I think the hubs and I will try to make mass as regularly as possible. I mean, I might run screaming out of the parish but at least I tried something. If I run into any of the freak shows that Molly over at Mean Coffee did, I might just bring weapons to class.

Elizabeth at 3:53 PM


My new purchase

I am a whore for comforters. I found this at Target for an absolute steal.

Obviously the bulk of it is black and white but there are flecks of green in the sheets and throw pillow that match my walls without being GREEN like my other comforter.

Isn't she loverly?

Elizabeth at 9:05 AM


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I am so very tired....

For whatever reason, I have been rising and shining a tad bit earlier than usual and hitting the ground running. I suppose this is a good thing, but the thing is that now at 10 at night, I am ready to fall into a coma. I used to be such a night owl. The hubs and I were talking about how we used to just be getting our second wind at about 11 at night. Of course that was when I got up at 9 am and worked until maybe 4 in the afternoon. Um, yeah. I am not sure that I like this whole up with the birds thing because it reminds me, yet again, that I am getting older. Isn't paying taxes enough? FUCK.
I had lunch with a friend on Sunday and I decided to treat myself to a trip to Barnes and Noble on my way home. I normally avoid any and all stores of any type on the weekends because they are insane, but I went anyways. After immediately finding two books and two magazines with which to while away many hours, I ran into a lady that I worked with at the firm. Apparently, she had to take a medical leave from the firm because she was thiiiiiiiiiis close to having a total mental breakdown. See, the sad thing that no one tells the rest of y'all up there in non-Hurricane-ville is that this shit is still fucking with us. I read an article written by some psychiatrist from Tulane who stated that we will see a skyrocketing number of post-traumatic stress disorder diagnoses for the next 2 to 3 YEARS because of what this area has had to go through. I do know for a fact that one of my all time favorite secretaries who truly lost it all in the storm moved to Atlanta, I believe, and was struggling to hold on to her sanity due to all this shit. (L - you will know this secretary by her "Lookah heya, you!!!") How sad this all is. I mean, I got out of this shit relatively unscathed and sometimes it even gets to me sometimes. Had I lost everything, I think I would be drooling into a cup by now. The strength of these survivors are amazing. I hope that my friend makes it through this ok. She deserves at least that.
The hubs is off tomorrow so he and I are going to run to Sam's Club to stock up on crap. Plus, we may (if I can talk him into it) have lunch at Hooters. Am I the only girl in the world who can look past the cheesiness of this joint (not to mention the silicone) and just dive head first into wing sauce? Well, if so, that's ok. It can be my secret. Me and all the testosterone driven men in the universe.
I finished work early today and was all excited at the prospect of watching disk 3 of season 1 of Laguna Beach. (Shut UP.) Imagine my dismay to discover that I had watched the entire season already. This disk was just outtakes, deleted scenes, house tours, etc. Man, I get so few thrills in life and damn it, I wanted to watch this stupid, insipid while the hubs was at work. Instead I ended up weeding the rest of the planting beds out front while talking to my friend, Cher, who picked up and moved her ass to Houston on the phone. Hopefully our friend, Karen, and I will be able to go out there to visit her in her giant new house and have a true girls weekend. That would be big fun filled with margaritas.
Sidenote: This new show, "Teachers", looks good.
Fuck, it is 8:30 and I could go to bed right NOW.
I think I am going to go lay down and read. I'll take my Geritol and soak my bunions later.

Elizabeth at 9:15 PM


Monday, March 27, 2006

Question for the masses

Are ones boobs supposed to hang out somewhere near the bottom of the rib cage without a bra? Let me be more specific are the boobs of someone who has never had a child supposed to do that?


Great. I'm screwed.

Elizabeth at 8:05 AM


Saturday, March 25, 2006

Book 12 - The Great American Stay-at-Home Wives Conspiracy by Dan Merchant and B. Scott Taylor

I am going to go out on a limb and say these are not their real names.

I got this book from the library on a trip there with the hubs on Thursday. The title caught me and I thought it might be.....well, funny. Turns out that this dude is either (a) seriously on to something or (b) a complete nut job. It all starts out when the main character, we shall call him Hubs, is at the country club pool with is 4 children and he overhears conversations flying about between the Botoxed, liposucked, spray tanned housewives that are lining the perimeter of the pool in lounge chairs. Rough life, yes? It is almost like they don't even realize he is there because he becomes privy to the fact that these women are making a sport out of sucking the life and money out of their husbands. It sounds bad but seriously, this shit was slightly amusing. Being that this man is only in his 30s and retired because he sold his dot com company for some sick amount, he makes it his mission to find out just how pervasive this housewife mafia is and who its leader is.
The book started out pretty funny. It was hilarious to hear how this dude's wife manipulated the shit out of him and how he became aware of it without her realizing that he no longer had his head up his own ass. Then, after a while, he sorta started to sound a bit like a raving lunatic. He did try to bring a few of his male friends over to his side of the fence, but they knew on which side their bread was buttered and smartly shied away from it all. I only recommend this book if you have a good sense of humor. If you are a SAHM and can't see that most of this book is very tongue-in-cheek, then it will piss you the fuck off. However, if you like hearing how a man's mind works (he is alarmingly candid about his, um, masturbatory practices) then it is pretty fun to read.

Elizabeth at 1:24 PM


Friday fun and Saturday is quiet

So yesterday the hubs leaves for work at like 5:30. Could I go back to sleep? Uh no. So I get up and the first thing I do every morning is check the bank account online. I go see what cleared since the day before to keep tabs on shit because Lord knows I can make an accounting mistake and then we are all NSF and shit and that ain't cool. So I go check it out and the tax refund is in there. SCORE!!! I call the hubs to let him know and that I will be doing a combo of dancing out of sheer joy and writing out 9,000 checks for the next hour or so. Actually, me and the Pooper went on a walk first. Then I came home and wore a pen right out of ink. Damn, I paid some shit. The stack that went into the mailbox was large. Not to mention the crap I paid online. It's a good feeling though. Granted, I would have so rather taken that cash and plunked it down on a nice down payment for a truck for the hubs but this was necessary so I gotta let that go, ya know? We also padded the savings a bit and put the money aside for the attorney for the whole child support reduction thing. Only 2 months til we are outta that shit - not that I am counting. Of course we still gotta pay for the boy but whatever - I'll take what I can get.
Then I ran out to wash my car that was so dirty that it was no longer white. Yeah, not good. Picked up some new tennis shoes for both the hubs and me and then came home to watch Laguna Beach, Disk 2 of Season 1.

Don't judge me.

Once he got home, we went to grab a very late lunch and then went to go see a matinee. We chose Inside Man because it had a great cast and looked pretty damn good. It did not disappoint. I'll pretty much watch Denzel do anything - like reading the ingredient list in my favorite household cleaning product. I could not give less of a shit. He's in it - I go see it. Jodie Foster was great as always. A total bitch on wheels but she did it well. Overall, a fab flick and I highly recommend. We were out and home early - way before the teeny boppers flocked to the show. Really, the teenagers do not bother me so much as the people who feel the need to bring 4 month olds to the movies. OK, sweetheart? This is a movie. It's probably loud and Baby is not gonna like the noise and the not being able to move so perhaps it is not the best idea to bring them to the fucking show. Ya feelin' me? Stupid ass. We came home and chilled out before making it an early night.
Now today I have to work which sucks major donkey dick but shit, I had an off day yesterday that was not supposed to be an off day so I can't bitch too much, right? I will anyway - in my head - but whatever.

So y'all have a lurvely weekend. I'll be here slaving. Or something. After my walk with the Pooper.

Elizabeth at 9:18 AM


Friday, March 24, 2006

SPF - Birfday style

Today is Kristine's birthday and in honor of this wonderful event, she has asked us to show her the following:

-our cyber-gift to her
-3 words to describe her written down and photographed
-us making fucked up faces and photographing that

Here you go darlin. My gift to you is last year's Superbowl win to your Oakland Raiders. I am stripping it from my beloved boys in Black and Gold and giving it to y'all. It is the least I can do considering y'all picked up that winning ass QB from New Orleans, Aaron Brooks. Um, good luck with that, by the way.

The last part is, actually 3 words, in and of itself, but I don't give a fuck. You are cute and silly but damn, you got some good hair.

Yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about. No make up. Hair in 3 tiny pigtails all over my giant head and I had just woken up. Tell me my shit ain't hot in the morning. And yes, my hair is darker because I had a highlighting attempt go very much awry. Think yellow. Think straw. Think trailer park. I was hot.

So there you go, Kristine.

I hope y'all played in honor of the Queen of SPF. If you don't have time to play, at least go wish the HAB a very drunk birthday. I mean, a very nice birthday. Whatever.

Did y'all play?

Elizabeth at 7:17 AM


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

FUG Thursday

Damn, y'all, I was strolling along on the net and decided to see what was coming out of Paris this season. Let is just be said that I am NOT a fan of haute couture. I don't get it. I can't appreciate the asthetic or whatever. I am a make me comfy and magically take off 20 pounds type of girl. If your clothes can do that, I could not give two shits if it was made by Yves St. Snooty McSnoot. Behold the ugly...

Pointless if you have boobies.

All I can say is Seinfeldesque puffy shirt. Just no.

Ick. Just ick.

Holy 1984 Batman!

What the fuck is this shit and am I going to have to worry about them trying to reproduce it at Target? Dear God, that shit is just nasty. I mean, I like clothes and all that shit, but there is no way on earth that I would be proud to rock any of this crap - regardless of what overpriced label is on it.

Elizabeth at 10:45 PM


Movie review - Troy

I started watching this last night (it's a fucking long ass movie) but stopped to do two things - watch Boston Legal (Denny Crane) and bake some chocolate chip cookies. I have to finish up today so I can get it in the mail so I can continue watching Laguna Beach. So far, the movie is not so bad, but I am consumed with how much I can't even look at Brad Pitt anymore. I mean, he is naked frequently in this movie and I am still not feeling it. I have decided to stare at Orlando Bloom who, Good Lord, is a beautiful man.

If anyone can answer this question for me, I'd appreciate it. Who is this chick that Achilles is doing the hibbity bibbity with? She looks so familiar but I can't place her yet and it's making me nuts.

Also, small secret revealed - people always ask me how do I not partake of the yummy baked goods that I turn out. If you ingested as much raw cookie dough as I do during the baking process, you'd be all cookie'd out as well. Shhhh.....

Elizabeth at 11:48 AM


My very 1st Way Back Wednesday - Be gentle with me please

OK, so I so love TKW and her Way Back Wednesday ideas always crack me up, but somehow I never end up playing. Well, this week, I happened to have the perfect picture just a bedroom away so here you go.

Basically we had to find a picture that had some kind of funky ass pattern from the 70s.

This is me and I am 3 or 4 here. I went to pre-school and this was our class picture. Yeah, check me out rocking the green stripes. Good lord, if I do this to my kids, I hope y'all bitch slap me over the net.

Elizabeth at 9:57 AM


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Holy shit

I just got back from walking the Pooper. I tend to do this once or twice a day on most days of the week. It helps me get some exercise and also calm his fucking ass down. Anyways, on the last leg of my route, a lady in an Expedition pulls over and says "Ma'am?" I stop and see what she wants because (a) it's a chick and (b) I live in a decent hood where I don't have to fear strangers.

Or so I thought.

Apparently one of the workers on some widow's house decided to rape her. Her physical injuries were extensive enough to require surgery. You know, because losing her husband this past year was not bad enough. To add insult to injury, she was on meds due to either anxiety or depression from the husband's death, so whether or not the man will be ID'd or caught is not a definite.

So what does that mean for our walks? I guess I don't go after dark now. Nice.

I love walking when it's dusk/dark because it's quiet but people are still up. I get some peace and quiet and boost up the ole heart rate. I really hope this is a rumor but I fear it's not.

Say a prayer for this poor victim. I know I will.

Elizabeth at 8:26 PM


Random shit

So my cousin, who is probably the only person more obsessed with pop culture than I am, tells me that I must add the first season of Laguna Beach to my Netflix list. I was like "Um, I am gonna go with no." We were even on this topic of convo because we were discussing via IM the hilarity of the newest US Weekly cover that had Jessica Simpson and Kristen Cavalieri on it. I knew who the girl was, but had never seen her show - until last night. I succumbed to peer pressure and did, indeed, add the entire first season to my Netflix list and moved it to the top the way she insisted I just had to. I HAD TO. I watched disc one of three last night and, as she suspected I would be because despite what standardized testing told me in school my IQ is about 5, I am now hooked. I almost accosted the mail chick today hoping that disk 2 was in the mail. Sad people. It's just sad. I am 32, for Christ's sake. Did I mention that I was also addicted to the show Sorority Life when it aired on MTV? Oh yeah, another proud moment.
I did watch a good movie last night though called Cherish. Sort of an odd flick, but pretty entertaining overall. It had Robin Tunney in it - the chick from The Craft. The creepy friend of the husband in The Good Girl was also in it. He was slightly less creepy but still.....that face....gross. I say check it out if you are ready for something a little quiet but good overall. I also moved up the movie Derailed with Jennifer Aniston. I really wanted to see it while it was out but we missed it. It looked like one of those disturbing movies that I live for.
Is anyone besides me wondering what the fuck is going through the mind of advertising executives lately? Why, at 2 in the afternoon, do I need to know all about erectile dysfunction? Those dancing bears in the woods that are holding their naughty bits because they gotta take a piss? Yeah, that's gross. And is there THAT BIG OF A MARKET for Vagisil? Seriously? If odor is that much of a problem, I advise that you take a shower. If that does not work, then you need to go see the gyno - that shit ain't normal. And you know that most of these execs are men. They probably sit around scratching their balls going:
Exec #1: "Duuuuude, you know how like chicks have like innies and we have like outties?"
Exec #2: "Yeah, man, that's weird. I mean, how do they get clean?"
#1: "Dude, I think that is what this shit (Vagisil) is for. I think we need to like totally corner the market on naughty bits cleanliness."
#2: "Bro, this is why I don't understand why we are both virgins - we are both like so in tune with the bitches."
And so on..........

Damn, we are so poor right now. It blows. Hard core. I did get some good news last night. I am thiiiiiiis close to paying off another bill. Gotta love it. However, I am ready for a crazy ass shopping trip. Not gonna happen any time soon though. Damn bills. Bastards. Don't they know that I need a new purse?

Gotta work.

And don't judge me for the obsession with US magazine or knowing shit that is on MTV. Y'all know y'all do that shit too. If not, Ashlee Simpson would have never occurred.

Elizabeth at 2:17 PM


Monday, March 20, 2006

Book 11 - Bitter is the New Black or Why You Should Never Carry Your Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office - plus a general update

I have been rather MIA lately but it's for all good reasons. First things first, I just finished this book Bitter is the New Black and I swear that this was one of the most hilarious books I have read in a long time. The title caught me and I read the back with my interest peaked. Basically, this young woman is at the top of her game - employed at a level where she makes mad money, living with a great guy who, despite Jen's (that is the main character) many character flaws loves her just the way she is, and living in a penthouse in Chicago that most of us would die for. Then 9/11 happens. She even manages to make that shit funny. Loses her job, then the boyfriend loses him and everything goes from there. I think I have done a shitty job describing this book because it does not sound in the least bit amusing but TRUST ME, I would be sitting on the couch giggling like a dork. And not from any meds either. I highly recommend. The author's name is Jen Lancaster. She even has her own website, www.jennsylvania.com. Go check it out and if you like her writing style and tone, I know you'll love the book.

Update on my life - Thursday I worked and ran to go get my hair cut. OK, I think I may have posted on this before, but my girl's business was fucked to the UP by Katrina (actually burned my looters - I so heart New Orleans) so she can't do my hair. My last visit was the one in which I posted how my instructions apparently prompted this new chick that I tried to give me a mullet-esque do. Um, no. So I tried another place. Jesus, what the fuck do I have to do or who do I have to give a massage with a happy ending to in order to find a girl who can cut hair and listen to instructions? Y'all, I swear that I am so clear. "Please cut about 1 1/4 inches off the total length with graduated, not choppy layers so that my hair is not terribly bulky which is how it normally would look if I just let it go." Is that not clear? I mean, please tell me what the hell I am doing wrong. Anyways, she cut it too short and now I look like Dorothy Hamill. You can suck my left boob if you ask for a picture of this, bitches. Ain't gonna happen, mmmmmmmkay?

Friday, the Momenator and I got up at the butt crack and drove to Vicksburg to visit my aunt and uncle (her brother.) Their grandson was there visiting along with his mom. He is the cutest kid in the world and always so damn pleasant to be around that it makes me wanna tuck him in my purse and bring him home.

Here he is riding his John Deere little motorized deal - complete with John Deere hat.

This is him towards the end of our evening. Aunt Sheri asked him to go get a diaper since he was going to bed. All day he wore big boy underpants, donchaknow. So he comes out with a pull-up and promptly put it on his head which led to me calling him a future frat boy. Damn, I love that kid.

Saturday I went to a birthday party for our friends' daughter who turned 13. One of my nieces, Darrian, was there so it was nice to see her. Overall I had a really nice time even though there was some pubescent strife amongst the girls later on in the evening (all the girls spent the night over there), but I mean what else could happen? You put that much hormones in one places and you see what happens. I am surprised the house did not combust. Anyways, Jessica, the birthday girl, had a wonderful time. Her mom cried about 12 times because she turned 13 and it was one of those momentous, my daughter is no longer a little girl, days. It was sweet, but poor Jessica was like "Mom, seriously get a grip."
Sunday I went to lunch with my friend Karen where we were waited on by one of the rudest waiters I have ever had the displeasure to encounter. His name was Whitney. Yes, HIS name. That is apparently a man's name to some women who want to pick their son's sexual identity from day one. (Just stop your hate mail right there. I am far from a homophobe so just stuff it before I get all rainbow on your asses.) Anyways, Karen and I sit down. Her husband is a restaurant manager of this very same restaurant in a different location. Whitney takes his time coming to greet us. Strike one. I imagine he had eyeliner to reapply. Oh, let me also add that Karen and I between us both have about 20 years of restaurant experience so if you are even semi-decent in your service, you are getting well over 20%. However, if you suck for no good reason and/or have an attitude, I won't hesitate to be a giant bitch. Then, when he brings our drinks, Karen orders us two appetizers despite my protestations that I imagined they were huge and therefore more entree sized. Karen said for us to just eat them, see how we felt and if we wanted more after, then go from there. OK, no problemo - sounds good. She expresses our wishes to start with these two appetizers to Whitney. He had the fucking audacity to go "To START?" Oh NO. No, you just did NOT, Whitney. Let me school you just a tad about how to wait a table properly. If two WOMEN are eating appetizers and they say to start (hence appetizer), you do not - either in manner or vocally - express your shock that two such winsome creatures would consume so much food as just a starter. You do not look so horrified that you think you will have to bring a trough to the two hogs at Table bliggity blah. You think quietly to yourself "Cha-ching!!! If they eat more, that means my per person average will be x amount thereby solidifying my chances of getting a greater tip." You do NOT act like we just said we wanted a side of beef. I mean, y'all know that I am hardly a size 2 - HOWEVER, I am not in any way huge. Neither is Karen. Karen busts her ass 6 days a week with a person God damned mother fucking trainer and Sunday is her day to eat what the fuck she wants, WHITNEY. So if she says that we want a vat of deep fried lard, WHITNEY, I say you curtsey and bring it to us, you flaming bitch.
Wait, what?
Sorry, I digressed. So, um, lunch was great. Whitney? Not so much. Whitney also has a lovely little comment card on its way to his manager. Yeah, don't fuck with an ex-waitress. I busted my ass for 6 years doing that shit and you know what, I had bad days all the time. When that happened or food took forever or I was just a dipshit that day and fucked up your order, I APOLOGIZED. I owned up and explained that my manager or I would rectify it now and what could he/she or I do to make this better. I hated my job with all of my being but I fucking did it to pay my bills and needed my job so when I encounter bitches like Whitney who so clearly think they are way above slinging a little hash for Sunday brunch, it makes me want to squash them into waitstaff powder. Go elsewhere and work at a make up counter where the rest of the snooty bitches work, WHITNEY.
OK, so the rest of Sunday, I did a little work and laundry. Nothing exciting in the least. I had plenty of time to work into the evening since Desperate Damn Housewives was a repeat again. Look, Marc Cherry, I don't know if this is you (the producer and creator of the show) or the station doing this bullshit, but I am over it. We went 3 fucking weeks without DH and we finally got a new episode last week. The very next week is a repeat? Um, I think not. Get on with writing some good shit because I am suffering from withdrawl. Grey's Anatomy, however, was the bomb diggity once again. I am very glad that Denny, he of the giant eyebrows, did not die. I really want him to get better and him and Izzy to go off into the sunset together.
Small aside - Mean Girls is on right now on Showtime. I love me some Mean Girls.
"Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen." Ahhhh, great flick.
Today I got up to get the Momenator to the dentist. I did all the grocery shopping, ran to the bank, ran to the post office, and then the drug store and came home. The hubs is finally back from a 7 day stretch at the station. He came home to a jungle where our lawn used to be so he spent his morning cutting grass while I ran all over East Kibbip doing this and that. Then he went to Job #2. He works hard but damn it, I have a Target habit that he needs to support. That was in the vows. I think.
OK, so I am going to get back to work now before I curl up on the sofa and sleep. The weather is all gray and icky - perfect napping weather. I have to be strong and slap the stupid headphones back in my ears and work. Later, bitches.

Elizabeth at 3:29 PM


Thursday, March 16, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday - brought to you by the letter C

Today Kristine asked us to please show the following:

-our couch
-our candles
-our coat

The couch that I LOATHE. I hate sectional sofas as a rule but this thing is monstrous and I just want a normal couch/loveseat combination in a very basic taupe color. Is that too much to ask? According to the husband who has commandeered this sofa as Nap Central, it is.

Candles on the kitchen table.

More candles on the end table in the living room.

Candles on the coffee table. These pictures are only a small sample of the candles scattered about my home. I am a candle whore.

Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh buddy. I bought this beauty when I was evacuated up in Da Burgh. Is she not loverly? Does she not make you want to sing the Polamalu song?

The front view. And yes, I wear this bad boy all over Luziana. I could not give two shits if this is Saints/LSU country. In my humble abode, it's all Steelers all the damn time, bitches.

So, didja play?

Elizabeth at 10:14 PM


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Fuck ME, this shit drives me

Why why why is it so hard to put shit in the dishwaher properly? I was on my way to bed and I can't go to bed with dishes in the sink (shut UP) so I was going to put the last couple glasses in there and I saw this. I am going to give a tutorial on how to load a dishwasher properly. Son of a BITCH.

Elizabeth at 11:46 PM



OK, so my life is normally very much the same - day in, day out. Frankly, I like it that way. The only variance is whether the hubs is here, at the station or at job #2. (Yep, we have THAT many bills - read ex-wife) Anyways, other than that, my days sorta fade into each other. I am not comfortable discussing details here but my work life has changed a little bit recently and I am adjusting. Slowly. This adjustment shall prepare me for the next phase. Anyone that knows me for a milli-fucking-second will pick up on the fact that I tend to be a bit of a worrier. I do not think I am stupid. I know that I tend to pick things up fairly rapidly. However, any time any sort of change comes down the pike that entails me using or learning new skills, I naturally assume that I will be so stupid about it that I will be featured in medical journals somewhere describing that they found a new low in moron-ville. Seriously. No clue why I am like this. Lack of confidence I guess. Who the fuck knows? So, anyways, here I am - just adjusting away - trying to map out how my work life will be from here on out and so far, things are going rather well, in my humble opinion. Of course, in my brain, that means that my work life will not be good later and I will never have work and will never have money and end up on the welfare and then have many baby daddys and then start wearing shorts that are way too short and putting red stripes in random places upon my head of hair. You see how my brain works, yes? Seriously, I need to be studied....
Anyhoo, I just need to find some damn confidence. If anyone is selling any, then you so have a customer in moi because apparently this is not an inherent quality in my make up. Does anyone else go through this? I am sure other people do and are just less vocal about it than I am. Like at my last job, I was complimented CONSTANTLY. The bitch ass ho of a COO freaking loved me and asked me to join her team (accounting) rather than be a paralegal (at that point I was getting my paralegal cert. and was the firm's receptionist - a job that took years off my life fo sho) because she was so impressed. Did this cause me to stop questioning the quality of my work and whether or not I was a dumbass? To quote crackhead Whitney, hell to the no. I still thought that someone....somewhere was gonna figure out that I was a waste of space and my days were numbered.
You were not aware of the full extent of my neuroses, huh? Yeah, it's pretty.
So anyways, talked to the Dad tonight. I have an older Dad - this June he will make 71. So that causes me some stress. Like I had no idea that he had....let's just say bowel issues. That makes me sad. Also, apparently he fell while my step-mom was away and cracked the fuck out of his face - big old gash on his cheek. Poor thing thought he was having another stroke. Luckily, not the case. Just lost his balance I guess. My dad has never looked his age and until very recently, never acted it. He does not take care of himself. However, due to some genetic roll of the dice, he has very few health problems - a quality that I am thrilled he tossed down to his one and only baby girl. Like, we have the ability to pollute our bodies for decades and really, not too much occurs. He has only in the last couple of years start to show his age. He lives several states away and I am just now starting to get worried about getting a phone call from my step-mom going "Get on a plane NOW." I know this is something that I will have to learn to deal with and live with but that scares the crapola out of me. I mean, that's my DAD. Ok, I don't want to think about that anymore. Moving on...
Friday, the momenator and I are driving to Vicksburg to see my aunt and uncle and their grandson who is, quite possibly, the cutest toddler around. I will most likely take an obnoxious amount of pictures in which to showcase his fabulousness. Also, being that I am gone Friday, I will do SPF late Thursday evening. Um, y'all probably don't give two shits about that do you? Ok, moving on again...
HOLY CRAP ON A NAIL - guess what!!!!! The step-daughter's boyfriend, J, heard on the radio that all the Mervyns are leaving Luziana. Ok, big whoop. But guess what he heard is taking their places? KOHLS. Yes, thank God above, we are entering the 21st century and joining the rest of the US in loving us some Kohls. The house stuff there.......ahhhhhhhhhhhh....I will dream about that later. Place mats, runners, napkins.....I am almost giddy. I see hubs getting job #3. Poor bastard.

Elizabeth at 11:17 PM


Does she know how cute she is?

I really really really wanna make the bed - being that it is past 11:30 and y'all know I have that straight comforter fetish - but I just can't. I mean, look at her. If I try to move her, she hollers in this really annoyed "Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?" meow. Being that I opened the blinds she is already annoyed by the brightness of the room. It is only a matter of time before one paw is flung dramatically over the eyes in an attempt to block the light that I so rudely allowed into the room.

Elizabeth at 12:39 PM


Hey, good news - I'm not a moron

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!
Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Elizabeth at 10:55 AM


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Au revoir

Dusty is a gone pecan. The MIL came to pick him up this evening while I was, ahem, conveniently gone bringing the husband dinner at the station. I gotta say, I will miss the little fucker. However, I won't miss those bombs he leaves in the litter box after one IMMEDIATELY scoops it out.

Elizabeth at 11:31 PM


Good news for Houston

OK, I seriously have seen it ALL now. Not sure if the nationwide news talks about this but New Orleans crime rate has taken a serious nose dive since Katrina the whore because, well, all that area that you see on tv under feet of water? Yeah, that was one of the largest ghetto areas in the city. Mmmmhmmmm. And it is now empty. They all bes in Houston.

Except one.

I am sitting here and the news begins. I never watch the news here because it's all crap and they lie so whatever I am doing wasting my time. However, the damn newscaster caught my attention before I could change the channel. He was describing how there is a 3 block radius roped off because the police are in the middle of a shoot out with the most wanted man in New Orleans. Wow, ok. Got my attention now. Then they show his picture and his name.

Ivory "B-Stupid" (last name).

I shit you NOT. His nickname is B-Stupid. I mean, that sorta says it all, does it not? So, good news, Houston. Somehow one of the fucktards that used to make up most of Orleans parish somehow did not cross the LA/TX border and end up jacking up YOUR crime rate. We kept B-Stupid here.

Elizabeth at 11:02 PM


Must see movie

I was not tired so I decided to watch Hustle and Flow. Gotta love the Netflix. That movie was so well done. Terrance Howard - fab. Taryn Manning - fab. Ludacris - fab but a total dickhead in this. Writing - fab. Acting - way fab. I don't give a shit if you are not a rap music fan (I am not so much) - you must see this movie. I really felt for Sug - the young girl who I assume was one of his hos out of commission since she was knocked to the up. She was a very sweet girl and I just sat there wondering at what point her life got so bad that she decided to sell her soul to the highest bidder. Anyways it was a very intense movie but I was very impressed. Terrance Howard very much deserved that Oscar nomination.

PS - a couple of y'all have inquired why I am still dealing with MIL. Well, I'm not, but the hubs has to for a while. We had her dining room furniture in our garage, her tv in our guest room and I still have her cat. Until the cat is gone (which I believe her daughter is coming to get tomorrow or the next day) I have some tie to her. However, we have not spoken, nor do I plan to. She is pretty much exorcised out of my life. The hubs just wants to tie up whatever loose ends we have and be done with her. Good riddance, I say.

Elizabeth at 1:01 AM


Monday, March 13, 2006

Book #10 - Suburbanistas by Pamela Redmond Satran

I loved this book too. I have done really well picking out reading material lately and have yet to be disappointed. This book was about how two childhood friends grew apart when one becomes a major star and the other stayed behind in their childhood town to become a housewife and mother to 4 children. I won't go into details as to how they got back in to each other's lives or what all transpires but it's great. Quick read and I enjoyed every page.
So I think we are finally going to bid adieu to Dusty, the gray cat I have featured here in the Hustler Kitty pose. Apparently MIL's house just about completed and she wants her cat back. Not a problem, bitch. Come get him. I DARE YOU. This weekend was quiet. Saturday the husband worked and I ended up taking the longest nap ever thereby wasting any time I had to work. Sunday the husband finally came home and promptly had to step and fetch to bring her highness (MIL) her ridiculously overpriced dining set. Why the ex-convict piece of shit son in law could not come get it is beyond me. Oh wait, that's right. Get this. The daughter (my husband's step sister) ups and quits her job like over a month ago. The husband was STILL IN JAIL. Yeah, he is JUST out of prison. And she waited for his dumb ass. Well, maybe that makes her the dumbass. Anyways, he could not come get it because he is in ARUBA working. Apparently he got the job back he had prior to his unfortunate incarceration. Shocking but awfully understanding of his boss, I thought. So basically she is sitting on her ass collecting his checks while he is trolling around Aruba probably aiding and abetting the people who killed the Holloway chick.
Anyways, today I find out that the husband will not be home until Saturday morning. Some of y'all might be like "FUCKIN RIGHT!!!" However, that is a tad too long. I am used to two and three day stints at the station but 5? Good God. Let's hope the bad ass paychecks are big enough that it outweighs feeling like a single mother to the menagerie of animals. Granted he is up the road but I am in the fucking mood to be overly dramatic so just indulge me, would you please?
So I'm walking through Barnes and Noble the other day and this book catches my eye - "Bitter is the New Black." Loved the title so I pick it up and read the back. I file its location away in my head so I would remember to grab it on my way out. I ended up finding another book in the back but still wanted this one so I stop by the table where it was and that is when I see it. The author's name is my cousin's name. I about shit. I was like "Um, is there something she was keeping from me?" Aside from cousins, we are super good friends so I thought I'd be in on this particular portion of her life. Alas, just a chick with the same name. However, you know my ass had to buy the book, take a picture of it, and send it off to said cuz. I was like "Something you need to tell me?" She and the hubs got a good laugh out of it.
Random thought - I believe I at least bruised, if not outright broke, one of those little bones in my foot - metatarsal I think. (One would think I would know that considering how much time I spent learning this shit, but nope, it escapes me right now.) I was going into the guest bath to pee and for whatever reason my left foot apparently took a wide angle going into the room and I kicked the living shit out of the door with my three middle toes. So straight up from my middle toe, it hurts like a muthah when I walk or go up on tiptoes to get something out of the cabinet. And I'm a towering girl of 5'4" so I am up on toes A LOT. I quite possibly said "FUCK" really loud when I kicked the door. Just maybe.
Saw that new show tonight with Julia Louis Dreyfuss called the something or other of old Christine. Pretty damn funny, I gotta say. I do believe I'll be tuning in again.
Yes, my life is that boring. Shut UP.
OK, so I am off to bed I guess to read my cousin's memoir or something. Let's hope there is a good flick on tv because I am not so much tired. Being that we are dead ass poor right now, can't do any online shopping. Damn it. I had the chance to marry for money and chose love. Don't mock me. Y'all might shop in better places than me, but I won't want to put an axe in the husband's head in 10 years. At least I hope not. If I do, then this love thing is highly overrated. :)

Elizabeth at 9:10 PM


Saturday, March 11, 2006

Book #9 - The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella

Fab fab fab book. I obviously read it rather quickly. Basically it is about this woman, Samantha, who is an incredibly driven attorney who is on the partnership track at one of the most prestigous law firms in London. Her outside life, anything not having to do with work, is non-existant. On the very day she makes partner (the youngest partner in the firm) she finds that she made a huge mistake and missed a major deadline thus costing one of the clients 50 million pounds. Um yeah. So basically she takes off and ends up through a series of twists and turns in the English countryside living the life of a domestic even though she does not even know how to sew on a button.

I so loved this book. Samantha was a great character and I loved the inner journey she took throughout this book. Obviously it was a rather fast read, but it was not fluff. Well, maybe it was a little fluff but sometimes fluff is what a girl needs, ya know? Anyways, I highly recommend. :)

Elizabeth at 10:12 PM


Gotta have faith, faith, a-faith-uh.....

I have had this post rambling around in my sometimes incredibly empty head. I have thought a lot lately about what I am going to be giving to my kids. Not material stuff because, let's face it, that shit does not make you happy. I mean, the bigger things. Am I going to pass on some of the family traditions that we had? How will we celebrate birthdays? Will I spoil the little rotten thing? Will I be a good disciplinarian or will I try to be tough and end up laughing like I do with the dog? And the major thing - what am I going to teach him (I am determined to will my husband to spit out a "Y" chromosome) about God? When I tell him that things are supposed to be one way or another, what sort of moral background am I going to give him? Where am I going to say I got my thoughts and beliefs from? I am not going to just pull answers out of my ass. My parents did that whole black and white no shades of gray thing with me and it did not fly. At all. If I tell my child that a certain thing is the incorrect way to think/feel/be, I wanna be able to say why.
I have not attended church with any sort of regularity in quite some time. My husband and I have taken stabs at finding a church home a couple times only to end up going back to sleeping in on Sundays. Our most recent excursion looked promising in the beginning. The pastor and his wife seemed a tad.....tv-ish...for me but I liked the music and the message but something was off. Finally I came to find out that this non-denominational church had very deep roots in a former Pentecostal church. That is not for me. I won't go into the various reasons why but I was increasingly uncomfortable and ended up telling the hubs one day that I would not be going back.
The husband was raised Catholic. From what I can tell, he became a non-practicing Catholic pretty much from the time he left his childhood home. He did raise his two kids Catholic as a promise to his mother. However, that promise was tossed on the side of the road when he and the ex got divorced and she pulled them out of catechism to be nasty.
My background is that, in my life, I have attended churches in just about every denomination of Prostestantism - Methodist, Baptist, Dutch Reformed, Presbyterian, etc. There are subtle differences, but for the most part they were all the same to me. I do not affiliate myself with one or the other of any of them. So I don't feel any sort of loyalty to any of them.
That leaves me sort of rudderless. Thinking about my kid's future is what brought me to this topic but really, I need to explore this further for my own sake. But where do I go? Most churches directly contradict LOUDLY what I believe in my heart to be true. I don't think that gay people are going to hell. I don't think that just because someone is Muslim they are obviously a terrorist and should not be trusted. I don't think that someone of another faith is also necessarily going to hell either. I don't believe that someone who lives their life as an absolute bastard 6.5 out of seven days a week but does his one hour in church a week is going to heaven. I think your faith should permeate your life - every layer of your life. I don't like churches that feel the need to prod their members into bringing people into the flock. I don't want to broadcast what I believe to others and show them how they've gone astray. I don't remember who said this but someone said once that one's faith should be like a light. It attracts its own attention. If you live your life in a certain way and treat people a certain way, those around you will naturally be attracted to you and may, on their own, decide to find out why you are the way you are. Does that make sense? I probably butchered the fuck out of that example but it makes sense to me. I have issues with the judgment. I don't like the way women are treated in the Catholic church. Who says that just because Joe Blow attends Bliggity Blah church that he has any right to sit in judgment of me and how I live my life? I don't want to attend a church that makes me feel "superior." I want to feel safe. I want to feel protected. I want a sense of community. I want a church leader that I can go to with any and all problems and not be ridiculed or made to feel less than anyone else.
I am not sure where I am going with this. I am not sure where to begin this journey. I have talked to the husband about maybe going and talking to a priest or pastor and being honest with my feelings. I am not going to pull any punches either. I am going to tell whoever I speak to the problems I have with various churches and see what they have to say. I guess I will be able to gauge my interest in their church based on their reactions to my criticism. If I am met with stoic inflexibility, then that is not the place for me. That will be the telltale sign, I would imagine.
If anyone has any thoughts or ideas, I would appreciate any input.

Elizabeth at 12:17 PM


Friday, March 10, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday

Does anyone besides me find it ironic that I am sitting here waiting to watch the Debt Diet episode on Oprah because I am so intent on getting the hubs and I out of debt and yet I just came from buying a new book that I really don't need? Granted it's not like I bought a car, but still.....

No? It's just me?

Ok, moving on.......

Kristine asked us to please show the following:

-our junk drawer
-our trash cans
-our trunk

Clearly I did not clean this bad boy out. This drawer is in our kitchen and is where various pieces of crap are. The shadow you see at the top is a curious kitty.

Inside trash can.

I think that small dinky trash can that does no good for anyone was left over from when the peeps moved out before us. Why we kept it, I just don't know. So time to spray some Weed-B-Gone crap, no?

My trunk was not cleaned out - promise. I generally don't leave crap in it. I have this crate with various car fluids and jumper cables in it. That deal in the corner is my CD changer that I heart very much.

So tell me, didja play?

Elizabeth at 8:31 AM


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Book #8 - Just Between Us by Cathy Kelly

It just occurred to me that I am a tad behind if I hope to make 50 books by the end of the year. Damn.

I loved this book. The story revolves around the Miller family - the mother and father who have been married almost 40 years and have what seems to be a perfect existence, the 3 sisters - who each are charmed in certain ways but never see the great things in themselves, and all their partners in crime and assorted relatives. I was into this book from page 1. This novel was over 500 pages but it did not seem like it at all. I never found that it drug out or anything. The characters were all likeable and I related on some level to all of their situations. I highly recommend this book.

I am now just starting to read "The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie Kinsella - famous for her "Shopaholic" books. I was not a fan of those but her book "Can You Keep a Secret?" was fantastic. I'll keep y'all informed. I'm sure you will be waiting with bated breath.

Elizabeth at 6:07 PM


How to embarass the fuck out of a family member also known as ME

Imagine, if you will, getting a phone call say...oh, just now from the funeral home where they laid out your father in law. The funeral director is on the phone and says "Hi, Mrs. A, how are you?" After I respond and inquire as to his well being (all the while wondering why he is calling), he says those wonderful words that have such an ominous meaning - "We have a situation."


Let me preface this by saying that yesterday we got a call saying that the death certificates were in. Fab. The only person that could pick them up was the hubs since he had signed off on them. No problemo - I told them that he would swing by early this afternoon on his way to work and snatch them up. "Great" they replied. See how easy that was. You ask for a service to be performed. Someone performs said service. You say thank you with some amount of graciousness. It's all very civilized.

Enter MIL.

After the funeral director tells me that we had a "situation," I am then informed that MIL has called there (the way he said it implied that she has called there more than once) inquiring about said death certificates and was, in fact, acting an ass. Now this was AFTER they told us that the death certificates would take up to 30 days to get back to the funeral home from Baton Rouge due to there being such a backlog of death recordings since the storm. Well, shit happens, I told him I understood and would relay that message to MIL. Which I did. She made a face at the time it would take but I informed her that unless she wanted to hand deliver this shit to BR and then wait for it and drive it home, that was the way it had to be. Being that the woman will not drive OVER A BRIDGE, that was not gonna happen.

A small aside here. Have y'all consulted an atlas lately? Um, LA has water everywhere - the Miss River, the Intercoastal canal, Lake Pontchartrain, etc. Not driving over a body of water makes life rather difficult on those around you since we now have to handle any of your business that involves going over a motherfucking bridge.

ANYWAY, she apparently called the funeral home and was less than polite with the staff. I say that because why on earth would the funeral director take time out of his day to call me - clearly embarassed I might add - in order to request that me or the hubs do some sort of interference because she has been so incredibly rude to his staff. YEAH. All I could do was apologize and say that yes, I would have my husband call her immediately to let her know that the death certificates were picked up this afternoon and he would take them to her when he had a moment. The FD was clearly relieved that he could wash his hands of MIL. TRUST ME, DEATH MAN, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

I mean, seriously, people, what the fuck do you say? "I'm sorry that this woman who has the same last name as me so I can't act like I don't know her is so unbelievely clueless and rude and uncompromising. I'm sorry that the words 'thank you' never leave her lips. I'm sorry that nothing is ever FUCKING ENOUGH."

Clear evidence that I have made the right decision in washing my hands of her and not trying to maintain any sort of relationship with her now that my cute FIL is gone. I truly think he would understand.

On a happier note, one of my fave blogs, Mean Coffee is the chosen blogger to be in the spotlight. Go say hey to her and find out for yourself how fucking hilarious she is.

Elizabeth at 3:09 PM


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Advice for moi, por favor

OK, so here is the thing. I am a fairly nice girl. No, seriously, I am. I for sure have my issues and get into bitchy mood though just like anyone else. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I will admit that I make snap judgments.

Here is the problem. There is someone in my life (albeit peripherally) that I truly hate. I am not saying hate like "Oh I hate when people wear red and pink together." I mean, HATE. I wish bad things upon her. All the time. If something happened to her that was bad, physically painful, embarrassing, emotionally draining, whatever, I would be happy. I'm not joking, y'all. I am totally giving it to you straight here because I need your advice and I want you to understand just how all consuming my loathing of this woman really is.

How do I get over it? It has been several years that I have felt this way. YEARS, people. If someone told me the story of how this woman and I came into each other's lives and that one of the women (me) literally spent time fantasizing about ways to run the other woman over, I'd be like "Seriously, get a hobby." My husband does NOT understand. Venting to him is only an option for like 5 minutes. However, as I am sure you can imagine, I can go on and on about the various ways in which she resembles the devil for days. I can do marathon bitching sessions about her. He does not want to hear it - for which I can't say I blame him.

I understand how truly immature my behavior is. I understand that by not letting my feelings go, I am only crippling myself. I understand that all I am doing is wasting my energy on something negative when I could be out, I don't know, saving the spotted owl. I KNOW ALL THIS. Save the lectures please. I know I'm wrong. I'm not saying she does not deserve the vast amounts of hatred I possess but I know that I have to LET. IT. GO. It's making me crazy.

So I need your help. Please - practical advice only. If you tell me to take up yoga and become one with the universe and reach a zen place, I might have to bitch slap you. Was there someone in your life that you felt this way about? Did you get over it ever? How long did it take you? How specifically did you do it? Was it a conscious process or did the feelings fade over time? (I am not thinking fading will work since, as I said, it's been several years and if anything, I hate her more now.) Assuming you have let the bad feelings go, do you still, even now, get flashbacks of just how horrible he/she was/is?

Just please give me some assistance. I'm not sure how many more nights I can lay in my bed trying to sleep with my insides in a fucking knot thinking of how bad I want to knock this bitch's head off with a baseball bat.

And no, that is not an exaggeration in order to be funny. I'm not joking. So HELP.

Elizabeth at 9:50 AM


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I would be mad but seriously, look at the face

Meet Louie - one of the 4 dogs living next door. How did I get a picture of him in the backyard, you might wonder quietly to yourself? Yeah, that's MY backyard. I opened up the door and said "Hi, Louie" while I snapped the picture. He turned, posed and even wagged his stump tail. I would be having a raging case of chapped ass but how can you get mad at that face? I mean, really.

This is the evidence of how Louie and the black dog (also cute but whose name escapes me) ended up in our yard. I especially love the mud and dirt all over my bricks. Y'all do remember that I am a TAD anal, right? Yeah, so now I'm twitching.

PS - the really nasty bitch from yesteday seems to have gone away and I am way calmer today. I think when I peed out the 14 lbs of water weight ALL DAMN NIGHT LAST NIGHT I must have pissed out the bitch too. Good deal.

Elizabeth at 12:13 PM


Monday, March 06, 2006

The hormones - they are a-ragin'

I am in the worst mood today. I snap at anyone if they breathe too fucking loud. My period needs to hurry the fuck up so I can feel human again.


Elizabeth at 8:48 PM


Saturday, March 04, 2006

Fab new tv show

"Conviction" which apparently will normally air on Friday nights repeated its series premiere tonight and I just finished it. I'm in like. It looks good. Really good. I believe I remember seeing that one of the Law and Order people are one of the writers or producers or whatever - so that's good stuff right there. Of course normally on Fridays, I watch Wonder Tits (J. Love) in Ghost Whisperer but now I have another show to catch. Yep, my life is THAT exciting. Whatever - watch the show anyway.

Elizabeth at 10:58 PM


It's gonna be that kind of day

Have you ever put on face moisturizer - the kind that has alpha hydroxy acid or whatever - only to discover you have some sort of tender spot on your face that you did not know existed until the burning started from the acid? Yeah. That's good times.

Good news: I have to clean the house today because tomorrow I am actually getting the fuck out of here to go have brunch with a friend from a prior job that I managed to keep in contact with. She has yet to see the house so it's gotta be all spiffed up. I am excited to get out for a while and gossip with my girl. Yeah!!! :)

Elizabeth at 11:32 AM


Friday, March 03, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday

Kristine's instructions are to show the following:

-Our favorite pair of jeans
-Our birthmark, moles or freckles
-Our photo albums

I am not a jeans person. I know, shocking, right? So this is it. I wear these from time to time and you can't tell but they are capris. For a while, they were too tight but now they are getting too loose. Maybe if I like how I look in jeans later, I might be more inclined to buy more. :)

Here is my most annoying mole. As you can see, I am fair skinned and have moles or freckles all over. This one is right dead center in the hollow of my throat and I have had more than one person think it is a speck of dirt. Do I have a reputation of not showering or what? Not sure what that's about.

My favorite photo album. Our wedding album. 'Nuff said.

This is one of the two albums that I have out. I just recently purchased them at Target and they are both filled already of pictures from my childhood and older pictures of my mother's side of the family. It was nice remembering all those times.

Here is where the rest of the albums live. I was so not getting that heavy bitch down to take a picture of the inside so there you go. :)

Elizabeth at 9:12 AM


Thursday, March 02, 2006


OK, I just went to the sitemeter. I got over 200 hits today. If you come here, I am curious what you have to say and what keeps you coming back. Do you like me, hate me, wonder if I am actually fried in the crispy way or fried in the high as a kite way, etc? Ask me anything and I will answer as truthfully as I can. I do however reserve the right to say "Um, let's not go there."

I wanna see if I can get to 100 comments. I so very much doubt it being that it's shocking when I hit 20-something, but hey, throw a girl a bone, why doncha?

I actually got this idea from Nessa who gets over 300 hits a day. She is way funnier than me and has cute kids with adorable kid toes. So go say hi to a sistah.

Elizabeth at 7:20 PM


Reason #183917381 why I continue to loathe Bush

Tape released today confirming that the arrogant mother fucker KNEW how bad it was here and how bad it was going to be after the storm. That smug son of a bitch. I hope his penis shrivels up and falls the fuck OFF.

Elizabeth at 12:29 PM


Oh, thank you GOD

Thanks to this lovely man who loves to make sure that the government does not get one red cent over what we, as taxpayers, owe it, the husband and I are getting a nice refund this year. I am quite pleased. :) I was having a bit pity party for myself yesterday over some material issues and I thought to myself last night that I so needed to get over myself. I am healthy, live in a wonderful home that keeps me warm at night, have all the furniture I need, have meals to eat (as my ass will attest), and get to buy stuff for myself just for shits and giggles sometimes. I need to get the fuck OVER IT. So after I smacked myself in the face a few times, I moved on. And this is what happened today. Proof positive that when you let something go, sometimes what you need ends up coming to you. :)

Elizabeth at 10:24 AM


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Help a brutha out

Please go to Poop and Boogies site and read the latest post. Anyone who has this sort of info on cancer or oncologists or know any personally or anything about MD Anderson, please let him know for his friend. Thanks bunches!!!

Elizabeth at 8:38 PM


Book #8 - The 5th Horseman by James Patterson and movie update

As I have said a couple of hundred times, James P is one of my all time favorites. He has had a couple misses here and there (think The Jester) but he is about 95% aces. Not bad, huh? This book did not disappoint. I am a fan of the series of which this book is the fifth. It is the Women's Murder Club series made of 4 professional women who, on their own time, occasionaly combine forces and information to solve crimes in the San Francisco area. I won't spoil this book for those of you who've yet to read it. I will just highly recommend it.

Recent movies seen via Netflix and the actual movies:

Finally went to to see the remake of When A Stranger Calls and sorry to the critics that hated, but I loved it. I vaguely remember the old movie and there were a couple key changes but overall I was freaked the fuck out. I consider that a triumph. However, if you are one of those sticklers who gotta be true to the original, then maybe pass it by. It was definitely better than Final Destination 3. Shut up, I like scary movies. Even if the plots are sorta........lame.

The Manchurian Candidate - also a remake of the original - starring Denzel "Mmmmmrrroooaarrr" Washington and Meryl Streep in a very realistic portrayal of a politician who will sell out anything she has. I was pretty much riveted the whole time. I have never seen the movie from the 60s (I believe it was the 60s) but this one was great.

De-Lovely - the story of Cole Porter. I was a tad wary of this one but I was very pleasantly surprised. I watched it late last night after working my fingers to the bone. (I have chubby sausage like fingers so believe me, that was a lot of work.) It was fantastic. Kevin Kline played Cole and Ashley Judd played his wife, Linda. I had no idea that Cole Porter was a homosexual. Even though he was married, I would not say he was bisexual. He was clearly a man who preferred other men. I do think he loved his wife very much though. It was very well done, very clever in how the movie was put together. If you have even the smallest appreciation of music that you will NOT hear on the radio, I say give it a whirl. Even if you just want to see a movie about an actual story. No boobies, no car chases, no blood, no guts. Just great acting and great story telling.

Wimbledon. Just cut my eyes out right now. Enough said.

Well, being that I worked the aforementioned Jimmy Dean fingers to the bone, I am taking today off. I shall watch Guiding Light in about 30 minutes and then I am cleaning the house. Not really an off day is it? Well, apparently that is an off day for most women - exchanging one form of work for another. Ordinarily I don't mind, but today the hormones, they are a-ragin' and I am Bitchy McBitch and am having a big "I'm tired" pity party. Just me and the Pooper. It's rough being us. ;)

Elizabeth at 2:20 PM