Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Diva Strikes again

OK, people, perhaps you will tire of my ranting and raving and be thinking yourselves "Jesus, she just got approved for a house - the bitch should be happy." To which I say, back off - you know not of what you speak. Let me sum up.
I have somehow gotten roped into working with the partner next door to my office who has these document intensive files FROM HELL. I am not talking a large file or two people. I am talking boxes upon boxes of documents coming to us at warped speed that need to be weeded through because when we request them, clearly we mean to fucking send them all fucked up and out of order and that would be way to fucking professional to take the time to make it clear what the fuck you are sending. Um, I digress. Enter Summation. Those of you in the legal field know what I am talking about. It is a computer program that I took a course on while I was getting my paralegal certificate. Oh yes, you need a certificate to do my job. What a fucking crock because trust me, people, I did not learn dick. I learned by doing, not from taking a class on it. Um, I digress yet again. Summation is the computer program from hell. I know it can be helpful. I KNOW. However, it is a touchy ass not user friendly program that I truly thought I had seen the last of, but OH NO. It is rearing its ugly head yet again. Well, guess who is queen of the Summation? Oh you got it. The Diva. I am sure you recall me ranting previously about her - from NY, says fabulous a lot, etc. Well, this bitch is going to give me and V a tutorial - "a quick 15 minute lesson" - on how to use Summation. Um, let me just say that the reason that the class or tutorial was so fucking short is because that is all she fucking knows. She has used this program to scan in documents and code these same documents for well over a month and she does not know how to create a new field. I can't tell you the sheer number of times I heard the phrase "Oh, I gotta ask about that" or "Wait, that was not supposed to do that." This is the same girl who can not do the work for the two attorneys to whom she is assigned because she is way too busy scanning. A trained monkey who scratches his ass and smells his finger after could do that job. OH WAIT. I forgot the best part. We, the paralegals as a whole, are super busy to the point of almost drowning. We get help, right? Well, halle-fucking-lujah. The diva snatched her up to assist her with scanning. V, my friend and fellow paralegal, about bit her fucking tongue off at that one. Oh, and the new paralegal just passed the bar so she is in fact AN ATTORNEY. So we have an attorney scanning documents. I had to vent about this because I am about to fucking BLOW. And not blow in a good way, you pervs. LOL. Please send me good vibes or chant for me or whatever the fuck you think will help because soon you will see on the net somewhere that a paralegal in New Orleans lost her damn mind and bit the head of another paralegal OFF.

Elizabeth at 4:26 PM

7comments

7 Comments

at 5:29 PM Random and Odd said...: SENDING ALL MY GOOD VIBES...goood vibrations...*chair dancing and singing The Beach Boys*
at 8:36 PM Amy said...: Sorry but the part about the monkey! I am laughing my arse off, while feeling for you and having to deal with that crazy diva-bitcha.
at 10:39 PM Anonymous said...: I liked the monkey bit too. I tell ya, when I need a paralegal, your so my girl. But, I'll be a good attorney to work with.
Thank you so much for your comment. I cant tell you how much I appreciate it.
I know a really good defense attorney who can get you off for the head biting. What a lovely, non-brain having person to have to be around.
Prayers, good vibes, wood knocking...all for you.
at 3:37 AM Spurious Nurse said...: All my fingers crossed that things get better!

Um. Do you routinely bite off peoples heads? Cause that might be something you need to address...
at 9:27 AM Shari said...: You poor thing!! Nothing worse than wasting time with a 'know it all' trying to 'train' you on something. Diva totally sounds like a big pain in the ass. Hope today is better!!
at 10:02 AM Spurious Nurse said...: Also, whoever's giving you crap about not being happy enough about your house is HIGH. I mean, being excited that things are moving forward is one thing. But buying/selling a home is still a huge PAIN IN THE ASS.

Especially when you work with a para-dork.
at 10:43 AM Anonymous said...: From a lurker!

SUMMATION SUCKS!

LOVE a Legal IT person in Philadelphia.