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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Karma - she's a muthafuckah

OK, so y'all know I work for an insurance defense firm, right? If not, now you do. So here I am paralegalling (it's a word, bitches) my ass off in DEFENSE of insurance companies. DEFENSE. As in on their side. As in high fiving with the insurance companies over us collectively beating down bogus claims.
So I get a call from my husband a bit ago from the insurance company. He had to go pay our homeowners and flood (because I live in the soupbowl of Louisiana) insurance prior to closing. No problemo. He gets there cashier's check in hand for the full amount. "Oh, Mr. SFG, I think the quote we gave you for flood might be wrong." WHAT??? We close in less that 48 hours. Um, rrrrrriiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhhhttttttt. You can't just void a cashier's check. So he sits there and ends up having to hash it all out with them (keep in mind that tonight is his sister's wake so he could possibly be a tad distracted) but finally gets it all straightened out. When he called me to tell me the problem before he fixed it, I went off SLIGHTLY. The word "fuck" and its various derivatives (fucking, what the fuck and my fave fucktard) may have been thrown around with callous disregard to any poor soul who happened to pass by my office during my tirade. So now in my head insurance companies suck. They may pay my paycheck indirectly but they suck large donkey dick.
I have tried to come up with something worse than insurance companies to defend and I came up with the following:

1. defense of Nazis
2. defense of those who run puppy mills
3. defense of those who love Tom Cruise
4. defense of women who insist on wearing stretch pants when clearly their stretch pants days are decades ago (as should be stretch pants but let's not get greedy)
5. defense of naturally skinny people who "just can't gain weight"

Feel free to add your own.

Elizabeth at 1:38 PM



at 5:06 PM Blogger Annejelynn said...

defense of super fat people who complain they've tried every diet, while they eat a super-sized Mickey D's meal

at 5:28 PM Blogger Caroline said...

Defense of unoriginal "crunk" rappers, middle aged boy bands, and anybody with those metal grills in their mouths.

Defense of domestic, animal, child, or otherwise abusers.

Defense of any of the Victoria's Secret models who are too hot for their own fucking good, except for Tyra, who needs to do something with her hair and huge forehead (bangs, anyone?).

Defense of anyone with a fanny pack.

Defense of Michael Jackson.

I can't think of any more...

at 9:02 PM Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Defense of people with BAD taste.
Defense of George Bush.
Defense of bigots and racists and homo-phobs.

You crack me up SFG.

at 12:45 AM Blogger Kitty said...

I was just thinking about how bad I feel for the guy that's going to have to represent Saddam in court. Notice how there really hasn't been anyone steppin up to the media saying "hey, I'm Saddam's lawyer... look at me!"

at 9:24 AM Blogger Virgo Kitten said...

I'm right there with ya, defending hospitals and insurance companies. Fun fun fun.

I have to say people who defend Lindsay Lohan (so over her), Mark Geragos (because he went from defending Michael Jackson to Scott Peterson, neither of which were really "winners"), and people who defend those poor Hollywood starlets and recording artists who crack up from "exhaustion". Please. They're all either divas or drug addicts. They're not exhausted. *I* am exhausted!

at 7:01 PM Blogger Fuzzball said...

Here's where my parelegalin' skills go on a daily basis: defending the asbestos, silica, and coal tar pitch-using companies. I just LOVE working for The Man. *sigh*

at 3:59 PM Blogger Tammy said...

I too, am an insurance defense paralegal. Have been for about 8 years. And yes, I hate insurance companies too. Fuckers.


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