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Thursday, June 02, 2005

Random hatred

OK, so I am a little pissy today. I have rampant PMS (can you call it PMS when it is not really pre-anything anymore), but yet once again, I digress. However, this post is dedicated to the fucktards in my office who get on my nerves. For the most part, the chicks I work with and around all day are pretty fucking cool. HOWEVER, (you knew that was coming, right?) there are always those couple.....that just work your damn nerves. This post is dedicated to them.

Let's call the first one diva. Why would I call her that? How about why the fuck does she call herself that? Oh and she does too. That is her fucking email address. Allow me to paint the picture. She is from here but lived in New York and worked for a huge firm named White and Case. I don't know dick about White and Case and I am sure it is just a lovely firm. Apparently it is HUGE and literally has people working all shifts. This girl, who came here as a paralegal, with much fanfare because she was from this big NY firm, blah blah blah, can't do shit. Come to find out that despite being called a "paralegal" at the prestigious firm of W&C, she was a glorified copy and Bates labeling girl. Um, no. She knows how to summarize nothing, subpoena nothing, request nothing, etc. THAT IS OUR JOB. We do not copy. We do not Bates label. WHAT THE FUCK, SISTER? Anyway, she gets here and it's all stories about NY and how fabulous (the amount of times she uses that fucking word is staggering) it is and all that shit. Then we come to find out that she sings opera. And she knows the named partner's father who used to conduct for the NO Opera Company. Lovely. Then she proceeds to speak to this same named partner in German because he is, in fact, German. I hated her from that point on. It gets worse. She finds out that the other named partner who is actually semi-retired now is a man that her father is apparently friends with and she proceeds to call him BOB. OK, this is a super loose firm. I do not call any of the attorneys Mr. or Miss anything. EVER. BUT WE DO NOT CALL THE FUCKING MAN WHO STARTED THIS FUCKING FIRM FUCKING BOB WHEN WE JUST MEET THE FUCKING MAN. OK, manners. I don't want to infringe on this man's privacy, so let's just call him Mr. L. Hear me, sister. His name is Mr. L. Even the other partners call him Mr. L. NOT BOB. Why this chaps my ass so badly is beyond me but it so does. I could go on and on about this girl, but I think this gives a pretty good idea of what this girl does that ruffles the living shit out of my feathers. Let's move on.
Then we have the good ole girl. I live just outside the city of New Orleans. Anyone here that calls themself a Cajun is full of shit most likely. The true Cajuns live out in the swampier part of the state towards Lafayette and south of there. Well, this woman that I will call C loves loves loves to regale us with what she calls her "Cajun accent" and tell us stories of livin' on da bayou, cha. If I don't pop this woman's head like a fucking zit, I will consider it a personal triumph. This woman commutes 90 minutes to work here in the city. Why she does not take her country podunk self out to Houma or Thibodaux and work for a firm out there is beyond me. Nope, she drives her giant SUV from butt fuck nowhere to work here and annoy me. It does not help that she is the secretary of one of the attorneys for whom I work. So I have to deal with her. I must have killed puppies in my last life to deserve this karma.
Last but not least, we have the office slut. I am one of the youngest people that work at this firm. While it is a fairly young firm in that a number of the partners and associates have small children and are in the middle of their "family" years, most are still older than me. I think just this one girl, maybe one other, is younger than me. Significantly younger. Her job is to basically be the back up for various duties. She is the back up recep. She keeps the office supplies on order, etc. Oh, also back up court runner. Um, ok. Does that require that you were a suit that is a size too small and 4 inch heels? I am gonna go with NO. You are trekking around the office doing various things and sometimes running to court all over town. You need comfort. You need ease. You need to look professional but this is not a fashion contest. Put on some fucking khakis, a cotton shirt, and some tennies and call it a fucking day. Oh, but that would not require that she hoist her breasts up and out of the suit jacket of her suit du jour. And apparently that would be a GOD DAMNED CATASTROPHE.
Are you feelin me people? Do you see why, on various hormonally related days, why some of these fucking people are treading into dangerous territory by annoying me? These were people that work with me - not those for whom I work. THAT is a whole separate post. I could go on for days.

Elizabeth at 12:45 PM



at 1:36 PM Blogger Weetzie said...

ummm....sorry to hear you are feeling pissy so I erm am tagging you with this book meme but ummmm...only if it will make you feel better and erm....you don't have to do it if it ummmm....is going to make you more pissy.....mmmmmK?

at 2:36 PM Blogger Lasadh said...

I feel you, man.

We have a girl in our office who is essentially a file clerk. She puts things in files and put labels on the file and puts the files in drawers. Sometiems she lists the files in a mysterious spreadsheet somewhere, but that hasn't been confirmed. She actually had the nerve to request the work "manager" in her title. As in "File Manager" and some idiot somewhere caved and let her call herself that.

So now, she thinks she is actually a manager and the highest person on the totem pole among the support staff. She's a complete fucking idiot.

Coworkers can really suck sometimes.

Have some chocolate!

at 2:44 PM Blogger Cherry said...

I am sorry you are having a pissy day, but I couldn't help but laugh at your colorful descriptions of your co-workers.

I work at a law firm in Denver as a legal secretary. And I can sympathize with some of the people you can get stuck working with in the legal field.

At my firm, I have: (1) a born-again, bible thumping paralegal with absolutely no social skills, (2) a dim-wit who is our floater...she used to be a legal secretary, but seeing as how she doesnt know a pleading from a copy machine, I am finding that hard to believe and (3) the friggin idiot who I thought was a smart, rational woman until she got knocked up by her work-release (from jail) boyfreind who is doing time for 2nd degree assault.

Still lovin your blog.... :) You are too funny in the way you describe things.

at 4:44 PM Anonymous lawbrat said...

Girlfriend, vent it out and clear your mind and take that head and pop it like a zit. That had my dying. I hope it gets better. Bad days suck ass. Hugs!

at 11:41 AM Blogger Nessa said...

pop it, baby! POP IT!!!! hope you're having a better week!


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