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Friday, July 22, 2005

Thank the ever loving skies above that it is finally FRIDAY

Seriously, the whole working last weekend thing was nice for the old paycheck but it has made this week interminably long. That is even with my little mental health break on Wednesday. I was looking over some work that I did over the weekend that is being typed up now by the secretary and she had a couple of questions. It is abundantly clear what work was done on Sunday because I was like punch drunk. I did the same page twice, made listings that made no sense, just put no bates number on one, etc. Luckily the secretary had a sense of humor about it because had that been me typing that shit, I would have been irate.

So, ladies and gents, it's time. Time for what you may ask? Oh, it's TIME FOR YET ANOTHER STORY OF "As the Firm Turns." Oh man, where to start? OK, let's give the basics. There are a total of 10 paralegals here. For those of you who are not privy to this shit, let me splain a tad, mmmmmkay? Normally, you as assigned to work with specific people. For instance, I am technically assigned to work with, let's call them, the Yankee and the Meatball. Why would I say technically? Because that is not reality. I had one case that just settled (God BLESS) with another associate that I inherited from another paralegal. Now that it is settled, I am done with him so let's cross him off the list. But the partner right next door (you know him from previous posts as Fagan - um, probably because that is his name and fortheloveofchristihopenooneatworkcomesuponthisblog). So I also answer to him. Now we have a new associate that I am also sorta doing work for. This does not count the two other associates who are assigned to.....................GUESS WHO????? Oh yes, the Diva. Is she doing their work? Well, what the fuck do you think? I am gonna go with a big fat ass no. I don't even know how many people that is total. Let's just say that it is MORE THAN TWO. So, me and everyone have been busting our asses. And though I may bitch, whine and moan, believe it or not, I am quite certain my work load is smaller than some of these other girls. It's fucking crazy ok. They are losing their minds. Three, count em, three of us have gone to the office manager (I fucking refuse to call her by her new title which is COO because when you work from 10 AM to 3 PM most days, you do not fucking deserve that title, ok?) requesting a paralegal meeting. I mean, none of us know what the hell others are doing or what is going on in anyone's office but our own. We are supposed to be able to help each other out but that is not occuring because we are all a little territorial with our work product and none of us really have the time to go around asking what the status of everyone's shit is, ok? Also, on that rare day that you do not have a deadline looming or 50 thousand documents to go through, you want to exhale. You do not go actively searching for yet more shit to start that you may or may not actually get to finish for someone else. Well, after the 4th request, we finally have a meeting scheduled. Can I tell you what the fuck will be accomplished? Not a fucking thing. Frankly, I think that the ten of us need to sit down with pitchers of margaritas served by Hispanic men in tight black pants and hash this all out and figure out how we can collectively keep one another from ripping our own hair out at the roots. Why am I so anti-management? Because I know nothing will change. We will be fed the party line and given much fake sympathy and sent on our ways. Such fun.

So the diva - how is she not doing the work for her two assigned attorneys? Well, fuck if I know. She somehow managed to get an assistant to help her (an assistant who just passed the fucking bar for Christ's sake) and yet she has continued to work on ONE FUCKING CASE. Granted, it is a huge arbitration that will go through November at the absolute earliest, but in the meantime, guess who is picking up her slack? Me and everyone else. How Fagan is not aware that she is snowing his ass and not as irreplaceable as she has made herself out to be is beyond me. Fagan is a bright guy. We are not talking about some flunky here. The dude is a pretty quick study, ok? However, after getting yet more help in here to assist with the arbitration, she somehow managed to get Fagan to email Barbie (that is the office manager) and say that he needed the Diva until at least September. Either she has him drugged into believing she is the shit or he is tapping that ass and her shit be snappin'. I tend to go with option A.

My one boss lost his secretary so he has a new one that I call Too Tall Sally. Let me boil it down for you. I just got a memo from my boss that is dated 07/12/05. Um, it's the fucking 22nd. So it took her 10 days to get me a 4 line memo. Thankfully, he also emailed me this task because it is time sensitive but HI, 10 damn days for a fucking memo. Are you kidding me? She also has a cure for all that ails you - in the form of crystals. Oh yeah. I am like "Seriously, get the fucking rock away from my chakra because I have a headache and I am fixin' to ram it up your ass." If she tries to get me to go with yet another "herbal" approach, I will go buck.

Well, I do believe I have wasted enough time but I wanted to say hi while I had the chance. Tonight is dinner with some friends. I already put together two pans of lasagna (as noted in SPF, the one thing I can cook well) so hopefully it will turn out great. Tomorrow night is girl's night at mi casa. Lots of margaritas and snacky foods and laughing at things like Astroglide and Scrotum Scrub. Here's to hoping your weekend is as fab as I hope mine will be!!!!!

Elizabeth at 1:23 PM



at 1:55 PM Blogger Cherry said...

Good post, glad I am not the only person working in a crazy law office!!


at 2:01 PM Blogger Danielle said...

OMG!!! I am tellen yah their is sumthen in the air at these law firms; I have the diva, the country chic, and I could go on. I think their all nuts and they should put PAXIL in the conference rooms not cookies!

at 2:01 PM Blogger Danielle said...

okay PAXIL with COOKIES lol....

at 3:03 PM Blogger Van! said...

You need to be VANdalized!


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