Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's raining, it's pouring.....

The old man is most likely snoring but being that he is at the station, I am being spared the nasal musical stylings of the Flip aka the Husband. Damn,it is really coming down out there. I love rain storms. I would love to be able to go somewhere and sit outside but being that my patio is not covered, I am gonna go with no.

Things are really improving. I think making the decision to get some help took a lot of the pressure off of me and I see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's a dim light and there have been points during today that it was not easily seen but I know it's there. This has happened to me in the past. The first time that I clearly remember feeling this way was in college. I worked midnight shift in a store so I studied while I worked and then slept before class. It was pretty cool actually. Anyways, for whatever reason, I was just despondent about everything. I would wake up and cry while I got ready for school, cry on the way there, cry in between classes, etc. I was one of those people that held it together in front of everyone so no one except my boyfriend at the time. At some point, it passed. I don't remember when. It just sorta did. I also fell apart when I first started waiting table at Ruth's Chris. I would cry when I ironed, etc. You know the drill by now. Still, no real clear reason. And now this. This go round is by far the worst. The sadness is coupled with anger this time. I think I am frustrated with myself because I hate feeling this weak. I am really trying to get past this and realize that I am not a whack job. It's tough for me to ask for help and to admit that I need people. I am struggling with knowing that I will most likely have to take some sort of med for a while, if not forever. (Oh, the rain is so crazy out there. LOVE IT.) I just have to realize that I am ok and have faults and that those that are closest to me will understand and if they don't, fuck em.

Thank y'all for your wonderful support and comments. I hope that I can go back to my sarcastic, bitchy, sometimes funny self and quit boring y'all with my drama here soon. This drama ain't funny so it's GOTTA GO. :)

Elizabeth at 11:15 PM

3comments

3 Comments

at 12:20 AM Terri said...: Got your back! Big Cyber Hug coming from the frozen north.
at 2:47 AM Annejelynn said...: any bit of light is better than "dwindling in the dark" - why I wrote that in quotes, I have not a clue. But I hope you get the point.
at 8:25 AM Danielle said...: gurl!! ur gonna be alright!!! your all that! now snap out of it (luv u gurl!!)