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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's raining, it's pouring.....

The old man is most likely snoring but being that he is at the station, I am being spared the nasal musical stylings of the Flip aka the Husband. Damn,it is really coming down out there. I love rain storms. I would love to be able to go somewhere and sit outside but being that my patio is not covered, I am gonna go with no.

Things are really improving. I think making the decision to get some help took a lot of the pressure off of me and I see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's a dim light and there have been points during today that it was not easily seen but I know it's there. This has happened to me in the past. The first time that I clearly remember feeling this way was in college. I worked midnight shift in a store so I studied while I worked and then slept before class. It was pretty cool actually. Anyways, for whatever reason, I was just despondent about everything. I would wake up and cry while I got ready for school, cry on the way there, cry in between classes, etc. I was one of those people that held it together in front of everyone so no one except my boyfriend at the time. At some point, it passed. I don't remember when. It just sorta did. I also fell apart when I first started waiting table at Ruth's Chris. I would cry when I ironed, etc. You know the drill by now. Still, no real clear reason. And now this. This go round is by far the worst. The sadness is coupled with anger this time. I think I am frustrated with myself because I hate feeling this weak. I am really trying to get past this and realize that I am not a whack job. It's tough for me to ask for help and to admit that I need people. I am struggling with knowing that I will most likely have to take some sort of med for a while, if not forever. (Oh, the rain is so crazy out there. LOVE IT.) I just have to realize that I am ok and have faults and that those that are closest to me will understand and if they don't, fuck em.

Thank y'all for your wonderful support and comments. I hope that I can go back to my sarcastic, bitchy, sometimes funny self and quit boring y'all with my drama here soon. This drama ain't funny so it's GOTTA GO. :)

Elizabeth at 11:15 PM



at 12:20 AM Blogger Territorial said...

Got your back! Big Cyber Hug coming from the frozen north.

at 2:47 AM Blogger Annejelynn said...

any bit of light is better than "dwindling in the dark" - why I wrote that in quotes, I have not a clue. But I hope you get the point.

at 8:25 AM Blogger Danielle said...

gurl!! ur gonna be alright!!! your all that! now snap out of it (luv u gurl!!)

at 8:27 AM Blogger Lisa said...

Sounds like your on the right track to feeling better. Honestly I would be more concerned if you werent feeling some type of sadess, anger, whatever it may be after all that you've been through in the past months. Even folks who never suffered depressive episodes in the past will be feeling some type of effect from this. I dont even live in NOLA but I've been feeling very down and blah myself..


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