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Friday, January 13, 2006

The case for girlfriends

I want for very little in my life. I am a pretty lucky girl and have most of what people find necessary to sustain an existence. However, somehow in the last 32 years or so, I seem to have lost touch with most of my girlfriends. I still have my absolute best friend, Wendy, from high school. She still lives in CA but we keep in touch via email and the phone and see one another once in a blue moon. However, close friends that you can call and say come over or better yet, just have them drop by, don't exist for me. I have spent some time trying to figure out why that is.

Mistake number one is that I tend to make friends at work. Then, when I leave that job, I will make the effort to keep in touch with a chosen few girls but eventually that falls by the way side. The exceptions to that are very few. The husband and I are having dinner tomorrow night with two of my girlfriends from back when I waited tables at Ruth's Chris (which is now gone thanks to the whore Katrina) and their husbands. I know it will be a blast. However, after tomorrow night, I will go months without seeing them - especially now that one of the girls, Cher, moved her ass to Houston. My point is that eventually life seems to get in the way on both sides and we don't stay close. Even though at some point I really considered these girls my true friends and not just work acquaintances. Same thing at the law firm I just left. I miss those girls. I have tried to keep in touch via email and I have tried for us to get together to do a girl's night but with very little exception (the occasional email) those relationships are fading as well. This makes me sad.

I am very hard to approach too. I find myself being very standoffish. I think that my insecurity comes across as "don't bug me." I am so not like that. Well, ok, sometimes I am totally like that, but not usually. I am very afraid of being rejected by someone that I sort of encase myself in an emotional armor that is hard to penetrate. I don't let people in very easily at all. I'm sure this comes across to other women. I'm not sure how I come across on here but there are a lot of layers that I don't let other people see very often - if at all. Maybe others view my distance as lack of interest. I'm not sure that is likely to change though. My insecurity is deep seeded.

Basically I miss having girlfriends. Truth be told, I have not had close girlfriends (the sort I am describing - drop by the house unannounced, stay for din, whatever) since high school. Hi, I'm 32. I have had friends but not that type. Not the type I clearly need. I would love to meet a cool funny girl here in the hood that I can hang with but that has yet to happen. I'm not sure where I am going with this post but I just want to toss my request out into the big universe. I am tired of spending the evenings that the husband is working doing my toes, watching The Wedding Planner and eating Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner. I would love to be hanging out, drinking a great margarita with a funny person that I can bitch about my husband too. And she would understand because her husband is just as much of a dipshit. (They all are - admit it.) At this point, I would even settle for a great gay guy friend. Whatever. I'm not picky. Beggars can't be choosers.

Elizabeth at 10:44 PM



at 1:47 AM Anonymous asterismos said...

I agree with you whole-heartedly. I don't have any of those type girlfriends either. I had one firend who I was developing that kind of relationship with and it ended over very silly things this past November. She is a relative-in-law of mine who I thought I could have that sort of relationship with. It was nice but to no avail it just couldn't work. Right now, my hubby is out of work and although we really want to stay in the town we have made our home in, we have the possibility of maybe having to move. So the girlfriend goes on.

It's snowing here. I love snow. =)

at 1:49 AM Anonymous asterismos said...

so the girlfriend search goes on.

oops I should have previewed my comment

at 10:01 AM Blogger Kami said...

So, move into my hood, and you can come over whenever AND stay for din, just like the MILF.

I've found that I have just a handful of friends like that, and I'm fine with it. I'm so thankful to have the handful that I have here since moving.

at 10:26 AM Blogger Nap Queen said...

I have my sister, but feel the same way you do. I totally put up a wall. I think people think i'm fine without them, which is really the not true. Most of my close friends live over 25 miles away, and that seems to be too far to drive for any of us :(

at 1:19 PM Blogger Football Widow said...

I'm kind of in the same boat. All my really good friends live elsewhere. We keep in touch and get together when we can but it's not the same as being in the same town. I have friends that I work with but the one I was closest with moved away.

Thank goodness for the mom's group that I joined. I found a couple of cool chicks to do stuff with and hang out with. With kids or without. Maybe there is some yahoo group in your area that you could join and meet people through?

We need our girlfriends. They are so important. You guys should move up here and we can hang out!

at 5:13 PM Anonymous lawbrat said...

I had to put great effort into making girlfriends. I have many guy friends, and they are great, but its not the same as a girlfriend. Its not easy to find females that are cool, fun, and not petty little b*t*hes. I have found a couple of the though.

It just takes time, and it will happen.
Hugs to you!

at 8:43 AM Blogger MMC said...

With you. My closest friends are all elsewhere, also. And since moving, I've done precious little besides squeeze out critters, and heaven knows, I haven't had a lot of time to invest in friendships. I can hope, though, right?

at 5:52 PM Blogger Tammy said...


at 3:13 AM Blogger JD's Rose said...

SFG, you can move into my hood... I think we'd have a ball!

at 10:12 AM Blogger sullen girl said...

I so completely agree with you on this one. I moved just over a year ago (I tend to do that quite a bit) so I'm going through the drama of trying to start new friendships and it's not an easy job. I'm moody, so unfortunately I think I come across as bitchy when I'm in certain moods to some people that don't know me well. I truly don't intend to - but I know I do. Something I need to work on I'm sure.

My 2 best girlfriends live 4 1/2 hours away and we see each other as often as we can - but it's not nearly enough. Life just happens and in no time at all we realize it's been months and months since we've seen each other. It sucks.

Too bad I'm up in Indiana - Honey Nut Cheerios and margaritas sound fantastic :D

at 1:14 PM Blogger Sea_creature said...

I was JUST writing about the same thing a few months ago. It was more like, I've lost interest in the few friends I have left from highschool. We're all different people. I have a lot of trouble find 'cool' girls, too. And sometimes, I'm the one who makes all the effort to keep in touch and if I stop...there goes the friendship. Well, I'm tired of California...I may come your way someday! Who knows. But yea, I hear ya. It's hard for us cool people to make friends 'cause let's face it, there aren't enough of us to go around!

at 10:26 AM Blogger Nessa said...

I was JUST talking about this yesterday with Star Mama. I have these friends, but they are dwindling, as they are moving out of state. Thank GAWD I met Spoonleg and can now call her ass over when need be! I do wish, though, that I could develop something close like that with my neighbors or someone that lived closer to me.

at 8:40 AM Blogger AL said...

Friendship is such a touchy subject for many people! I have been thinking about this a lot, too. One of things that I realized (very recently) is that, as with many things in life, we go through friendship cycles. For a long time, I was "mourning" the friendships that I once had and longed for the same thing now. Well, I am not the same person I was back then - I that is okay!

My advice, relax and learn to enjoy the moment...this will lead to new friends. You will probably need to open up a little more to get there, but when you find a few good "adult girlfriends" it will be worth it.

Plus, don't forget the blogger GF's you have. I know that is one of the reasons I started writing!

Have a great week:)


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