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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Sad news

I have not written about this until now because frankly I have been trying not to think about it. While we were away, we got a call from MIL that FIL was back in the hospital. Great. Good news. He was dehydrated from tossing his cookies and needed fluids so he was admitted in the last couple of days we were gone. We get home and go see him and all looks ok. His color is good. Spirits were good. Once he could eat and poop normally, he could go home. Well, they ran tests while he was admitted and it seems that the tumor hickey thing he had cut off right before we left was just the tip of the cancer iceburg. To make a long story short, the mess was all through his abdomen. The only thing left to do was send him home with hospice care. We got THIS call while sitting in a movie theater this past Friday night. (Before you get all crazy, the phone was on vibrate but I still heard it.) So that's the deal. Cutie McCute is at home now just waiting to die basically. I mean, isn't that what this is? We wanted him to come here and stay with us but he would not do it. Always thinks he is putting us out. I was even willing to deal with the MIL under my roof once again during this time which should be testament to the fact of how bad I would rather he stay here. I mean, the hospital bed and all his equipment are in a FEMA trailer for God's sake. For those of you not in the know of just how not roomy a FEMA trailer is, pick your nose and flick that booger. See how far that went? Yeah, that's about how wide they are. Now fart and walk away. See how far you went to escape the smell? That's about how long they are. But that is where they are - monitoring their home being rebuilt.

Several things about this anger me. I know that is a shocker but just for shits and giggles, let's go over them. You do not live for 65 years, work most of those years as a tug captain on the river leaving your family for two weeks at a time missing out on birthdays, first days of school, etc in order to pay the bills for said family only to die in a trailer. I'm sorry, you just DON'T. There is no way in hell that house will be done before his health fails him. So that means - and stay with me here - that MIL will have the happy occasion of moving back into her home without the man who paid for all that shit. A bit of background - that land that the house sits on came from Husband's mother. She passed away 13 years ago and from what I have heard of her, she would shit twice down MIL's neck before she let her live on her land. So basically MIL is now copping a squat on something that came from Miss Ora's family. Trust me, this is the shit that makes small towns go nuts. She left this land to FIL, husband's sister who just passed and husband. PERIOD. It angers me that now not one Alexie will live on or enjoy the fruits of that land. I know it sounds like I don't like or love my MIL but that's not true. She drives me - that is true, but I love her. I don't understand much of what she does but that is neither here nor there.

Another thing that fires me the fuck up is that this man has been in pain for years. Was it not fucking clear to all involved that perhaps there is a bigger problem at hand than FIL can't poop? HUH??? HUH??? I mean, I have no medical degree on my wall, but fuck people, this ain't rocket science. It angers me that she watched him deteriorate. Because he is a stubborn mule (and that is about the closest I will ever get to ragging on FIL) she allowed him to just go on. FUCK THAT. I already told my husband he can forget about me playing the part of the ever obedient wife and letting him just wither away just because he does not want to go to a doctor. I will drag his big ass there myself and I don't give a fuck if he hates me for it. Whatever. Hate I can deal with. Being a widow - not so much.

I'm angry at my husband and me because we should have done the dirty work if MIL was not going to do it. We should have stepped in months ago and said "Look, you old fart, we are taking you to get whatever scans are necessary in order to find out why you have no appetite, are in constant pain and feel overall like shit on a stick." We did not do it. I guess neither of us wanted to deal with the onslaught of shit from MIL and FIL. Would any of that have made a difference? Would they have caught the cancer sooner and been able to treat it? I have no clue. All my reasons for being angry may have not made an ounce of difference but we will never know now, huh? I hate when things are not clear. I hate it.

What I know for sure is that I really love this little Flip. Love love love him. He is cute, ornery, perverted in a cute way that only a little old man can be, and loves his family. Really loves them. So now we wait. Like Grim Reapers, we wait. I imagine he will have good days and bad. I only hope that we remember the good stuff.

Elizabeth at 10:07 AM



at 10:50 AM Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Obviously, SFG, there's a lot going on here, more than I could ever hope to understand, especially seeing as I'm just someone who likes reading you and getting to know you. However, I do want to offer my sincere condolences. Sounds like FIL means a great deal to you. Hopefully the time you and your husband have remaining with FIL can be spent peacefully and joyfully, and with dignity on his part. That's what's really important from here on out. Be good.

at 10:51 AM Blogger A taste that's bitter said...

How lucky he is to have someone that loves him so much.

at 12:21 PM Blogger Annejelynn said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news... I can totally understand wanting him to stay with you guys (you gave up so easy? - push it girl! push it!!!) - figure out the primary reason FIL and MIL are using to refuse the offer and MEGA counter against it! If that doesn't work, I'm sure your love vibes will reach him all the same, to his lil' trailer. Makes me sad - don't forget though, he isn't gone just yet.

at 12:53 PM Blogger Sea_creature said...

Awwww, I'm so sorry to hear about all this. But yes, he's still here... Try to make the most of it. I know, I know, so much easier said than done. Especially under the circumstances. All you guys can do is what's best...offer him all the love and support you can while he can still accept it.

at 1:23 PM Blogger Tammy said...

Well, that just sucks.

Please don't do the shoulda, coulda's. Mmmk? Those do you absolutely no good. There is nothing you could have done that would have made the outcome any different.

I know you love him and don't want him to be in the trailer (in which boogers are getting flung and farts flown), but maybe he's happy there. He gets his privacy and he knows that his wife is there with him.

I just want to walk to N.O. and give you (and him) a big HUG!!

So sorry, honey.

at 1:33 PM Blogger Nessa said...

I have one piece of advice for you (because I went through this 3 years ago) - MAKE Vince see his dad every day that he can until the time comes. If he doesn't, he will live the rest of his life feeling guilt that can ruin the best relationships.

My husband and father were closer than any two men I've ever seen and when his dad went downhill...he couldn't stand to see his father like that. Then he passed and hubby felt guilt like a mofo...ask me where they got us? Nowhere. MAKE him do it.

at 1:33 PM Blogger Spikey1 said...

I tried to laugh at your booger and fart comment but I just couldn't. My sadness is with you.
Hugs to you all!

at 1:48 PM Blogger MilkMaid said...

:( Hindsight is always 20/20, don't beat yourself up.

I agree with mean coffee, he's very lucky you are in his life.

I'm sorry....carol

at 1:52 PM Blogger Snickrsnack Katie said...

I am so sorry to hear of your FIL's illness - I can only say that he is so lucky to have you as his D-in law. Sounds like there is a lot of crap you have to deal with, but you will get through it!

at 2:21 PM Blogger Jomama said...

I'm sorry about your FIL. I hope you can get him about of that trailer soon. He and your husband are lucky to have you to administer tough love when it's needed.

at 2:25 PM Blogger Bossy Britches said...

so sorry to hear that. dont blame yourself though, there is nothing you could of done..

hopefully he will go in peace..maybe you cans till talk him into coming to your house..i wish you luck..

at 3:05 PM Blogger Blessed & Cursed said...

I'm so very sorry to hear about this. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Also, I agree with Nessa, make sure your husband spends as much time with his dad as possible. You need to be with him too because it's obvious that you love him like your own father! He's lucky to have you for a daughter-in-law! Hugs!!!

at 5:11 PM Blogger Football Widow said...

I'm so sorry for you guys. Please don't beat yourself up over what might have been. Just cherish the time left with him.

at 8:27 PM Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Don't beat yourself up so much. Your FIL is a very lucky man that he has a DIL that hearts him so.
Just enjoy him while he is here..cuz it could all be over soooo soon.
Give him hugs and kissed and tell that bitch of a MIL to fuck off AFTER he is gone.

at 10:35 PM Blogger Kami said...



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