Friday, February 24, 2006

Finally.............the update

OK, so let's start at the beginning. Wednesday night I am sitting here not working when I should have been and the husband calls. "Can you take a ride down to Lafitte with me?" He was at work on duty. I thought it a tad strange, but said fine. I just kinda figured that maybe his dad was not doing so hot. He got here and off we went. Turns out that Mr. V had taken a turn for the worse and had pretty much been unable to communicate short of wiggling eyebrows and grunting. The MIL was under the impression that he wanted to communicate something to someone so she called various sisters and family members to the family in order to figure out what he wanted. I spoke to her earlier that day about pre-arrangements for the funeral and SHE NEVER SAID A FUCKING WORD. Nor did she call my husband. So we go down and the whole damn fam was there. I had no idea that a FEMA trailer could hold that many people. Suffice it to say that I am thankful that we got down there, were able to tell him the things we wanted him to know, were able to give him comfort and love when he needed it most. The husband asked him if he was ready to go see the husband's mama and Jen, his sister, and he did the eyebrow thing. His little body was just tired, y'all. He got last rights that evening and we finally said good bye about 1ish in the morning. The husband took the next day off and we did the pre-arrangements that morning. After arranging what flowers were to be ordered and all the arrangements for the services, we were famished. We stopped for a quick bite before heading back down to see Mr. V. We got the call in the middle of lunch. My first thought was "Why did we not go directly down there?" But you know what, we got to tell him all that we wanted him to know the night before and while I wish we had been there, it comforts me that two of his sisters were there with him - in addition to MIL. The next day, Friday, we went and did the final arrangements and got everything in order. After running around Thursday and most of Friday, we were beyond worn. The wake was Sunday evening. It was pretty damn awful. The one bright light was that Mr. V looked really good. I have been to funerals where the person is like orange or an ashy color, but not him. Cutie patootie right up til the end. The husband did incredibly well. He is not one to be the "silent, I will not cry type." He lets go which I am glad for. You have to let that stuff out, ya know? The extended family was incredibly comforting and I am also thankful that during this horrible time, I got to know them even better. First instance of MIL acting an ass. I could see the irritation on her face that the aunts (in the past I referred to them as the hens - because they are totally mother hens) made all over the husband. They were concerned about him. They wanted to comfort him. I'm sorry - why is that WRONG? The man lost his mother 13 years ago, his sister 8 months ago, and now his father. I think he is entitled to a few God damn hugs. Apparently MIL thought this was supposed to be her time - we should all be bowing down before the martyr who actually "took care of" her sick husband. (Some of y'all know why that particular phrase is in quotes.) However, she was visibly annoyed. What the fuck ever. Cut to the next morning. Viewing started for 8. Mass was at 11 with graveside service immediately following. Got there for 8. No MIL. Mmmmkay. She is running a tad late. 8:30 - no MIL. She finally strolled in at 8:45. People had been coming in, asking for her, wanting to extend their well wishes, etc. What on earth was I supposed to say? NICE. Situation #2 where she acts an ass. The funeral director walks up to me and tells me that at about 10:30 or so, he will come and find either me, my husband, or the both of us to go over some final details before the mass. Great, thanks dude. She is mad. She calls me over "What did he want?" I told her. Now she is mad because SHE is his wife, SHE should be the one he is talking to. Um, hold on a fucking minute. The man dealt exclusively with my husband and me. Had she had the forethought or, brace yourself, MANNERS to walk into the funeral director's office and say "Hi, I am Mrs. _______, you have dealt with my step-son, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask." Or whatever. Now before you get all crazy that the woman was in mourning and probably was not thinking clearly, back up, ok? If she was truly that busted up, why would she give one flying fuck who the funeral director spoke to? Right. Exactly. Now let's move on.
In making the arrangements, we had to choose a casket. Well, that was a barrel of laughs. We initially picked this really beautiful one that had a Last Supper emblem on the side and then again in the inside of the lid. However, when we went back to make the final arrangements, the husband reconsidered and decided on a different casket because this one had detachable angels (or your decoration of choice) on each of the corners that could be taken off and kept as a momento for the fam. He decided he wanted that. No problemo. We told Her Happiness who, believe it or not, did not care. I think the fact that it was the same price may have had something to do with that. But I digress. Once again, who had the funeral director dealt with up to this point? That's right, boys and girls - US. We had made our wishes known about keeping the angels on the casket so the FD removed them, bagged them up along with the sign in book, the memorial cards, and some other small things like the crucifix and rosary from the casket and handed them to us when we got to the grave site. No biggie. We get to where they will inter Mr. V. There are only a couple seats - it's mostly standing only. MIL sits down and the husband goes to sit in one of the others. He is literally sitting at the HEAD OF HIS FATHER'S COFFIN. Crying. Did I mention that he was crying and saying "Oh, Daddy"? HAVE I MENTIONED THAT HE IS NOW THE ONLY MEMBER LEFT OF HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY? Did I bring up the crying? MIL chooses right that very second - my husband's ass had barely hit the chair - to say "I need my angels." I NEED MY ANGELS? Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? He barely acknowledged her at that point. So she said it AGAIN. At this point, I was standing behind the husband trying to somehow comfort him and I was stunned to the point of being speechless. Is this woman seriously going to sit here and worry about some mother fucking angels when her dead husband is a foot and a half away from her about to put into the wall of the mausoleum? Oh yes, ladies and gents, she sure was. The service was mercifully short and the husband and I were sort of gathering ourselves to go home. She brought up the angels again. One of the aunts bought a big beautiful plant rather than flowers for the service and told us she would like us to take it home. Very sweet I thought. The husband was taking the plant to the truck and was going to get the MIL's crap. He gave her the other 3 angels and whatever else was in the bags. He did take out the crucifix and rosary. Now, I do not profess to know much about Catholocism but I do know that my husband's entire family was raised Catholic. That crucifix and rosary did not mean diddly shit to her. My husband, while not a practicing Cath, had an attachment to it - aside from it being with his father in the casket. We were home a cool 15 minutes. Rrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg. Let me sum up the conversation.
MIL - Where are the rosary and crucifix?
H - I have them.
MIL - Well, I want them.
H - Well, I wanted them and they are here.
MIL - I wanted them.
H - (Had to take the phone away from his ear for a moment to gather himself.) Fine, they are here at the house. You can come pick them up at any point.
SLAM down the phone.
To say that the husband was shocked and pissed is really understating things. He was just so fucking mad that she did that - on top of the other shit she has pulled. This was not a woman in mourning. This was a woman planning the rest of her life. Now perhaps I am not giving her the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what it is like to lose a husband. Maybe people react in different ways. But I know her. This is just her. Cold. Heartless. Gimme gimme gimme. I want mine. Like a fucking child.
I am not sure how the husband feels about all of this but I am DONE. Done with a capital D. Done like a burned steak. I do not give one flying fuck if I ever see her again. She is a thoughtless, selfish, nasty bitch of a woman and frankly I am thankful to be rid of her. I put up with her shit in order to have a relationship with my FIL. I would not change my actions in the past for anything. I am a much better person for knowing him. I have a lot of wonderful memories of what a goofy ass he was. That is well worth dealing with her ass. However, I do not have to do that anymore.

Post funeral - The husband and I took the Pooper to the beach. We had resisted driving that far because we did not want to be that far from FIL in case something happened. We both needed to get away and enjoy a day of relaxing and stupidity in the form of a psychotic dog. I forgot my camera unfortunately but he had a fabulous, incredibly sandy time. The back of my car can attest to that.

The husband is doing remarkably well all things considered. I'm sure when FIL's birthday comes next month, it will all hit him again. He just went back to work yesterday so at least we were able to spend some time together before the grind started back up again. Thanks to all of you for your prayers, thoughts and wonderful comments. We are doing ok. FIL is much better off. I just keep telling myself that even though I am selfish and would rather he be here.

Elizabeth at 8:09 PM

15comments

15 Comments

at 12:13 AM Kami said...: What Cat said. :)

((((HUGS))))

The birthday will be very hard for him, hon.

MORE HUGS!
at 12:14 AM Tammy said...: Please tell me he didn't give her the rosary and stuff. I would have told her she could come and get it if she thinks she could take me.

What a total bitch. I'm sorry honey. (((HUGS)))

At least FIL is in a better place. Give the hubbs a hug for us!
at 2:12 AM Unknown said...: A rough situation, made much more difficult than it should have been. You guys handled better than some would have.
at 8:52 AM Elizabeth said...: Well, Donald, thanks, but if I want to see that, I can set up a video camera in my room.

Thanks for the tip though. Fucking moron.
at 11:40 AM Unknown said...: Just what you need in this time of need, some get-your-mind-off-of-the-heavy-stuff-porn.

Your husband sounds like he's been through WAY more than any one person should have to and your MIL sounds like a...well, a bitch.
at 9:59 PM Pissy Britches said...: I am so sorry that things were so rough and that she is such a stupid bitch. There is one in every family isn't there. Jeezus. I would be done also. Just done.
With a capital FUCKING done.
at 11:55 PM Melanie said...: I'm glad that you and your hubby were able to be there for each other to comfort one another. There is a special place in hell waiting for her.

((Hugs))
at 9:38 AM Renee said...: Why do people have to show there asses at funerals. When my dad died my twin brother tried to make it ALL about him and my dad had 5 kids! Your MIL sounds like a Fucktard...i mean that in the nicest way possible!lol

Hugs to your hubby and yourself!!*hugs*
at 10:05 AM Spikey1 said...: What is wrong with people...?
My hugs to you all!
at 12:21 PM Danielle said...: Sounds like hubby is taking it okay. I am glad to hear you all got out to go to the beach before getten back to the grind. Been thinking about you gurl.
at 2:43 PM Shari said...: Oh, that was a sad post. :(

Your FIL is in a better place. Your hubby sounds amazing. Poor guy. I can't imagine being the last of the family left. I am glad you were there for eachother.

(((HUGS)))

And I know this is WAY out there, but I laughed at the comment where you replied to Donald. lol
at 9:55 PM Anonymous said...: Even with her being a bitch, i'm just shocked that she went as far as she did. Unfuckingbelieveable!

Big hugs to you and hubby.
at 1:44 PM Nap Queen said...: I can't believe that shit. What a cold, heartless woman. I'm so glad that your husband has you to lean on and that you were able to get away for a little relaxation. You both deserve it!
at 2:02 PM Nessa said...: what a whore. can't wait to hug you both in July because you're coming here in July and you're staying with us because i love ya' and that's just the way it is.
at 7:23 PM Sea_creature said...: Wow, what a fiasco. Yes, you guys handled it very well. Bravo. That wench sounds just like my step-grandma...who was another cold, heartless, SELFISH, oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-she-just-said-that bitch.