Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Advice for moi, por favor

OK, so here is the thing. I am a fairly nice girl. No, seriously, I am. I for sure have my issues and get into bitchy mood though just like anyone else. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I will admit that I make snap judgments.

Here is the problem. There is someone in my life (albeit peripherally) that I truly hate. I am not saying hate like "Oh I hate when people wear red and pink together." I mean, HATE. I wish bad things upon her. All the time. If something happened to her that was bad, physically painful, embarrassing, emotionally draining, whatever, I would be happy. I'm not joking, y'all. I am totally giving it to you straight here because I need your advice and I want you to understand just how all consuming my loathing of this woman really is.

How do I get over it? It has been several years that I have felt this way. YEARS, people. If someone told me the story of how this woman and I came into each other's lives and that one of the women (me) literally spent time fantasizing about ways to run the other woman over, I'd be like "Seriously, get a hobby." My husband does NOT understand. Venting to him is only an option for like 5 minutes. However, as I am sure you can imagine, I can go on and on about the various ways in which she resembles the devil for days. I can do marathon bitching sessions about her. He does not want to hear it - for which I can't say I blame him.

I understand how truly immature my behavior is. I understand that by not letting my feelings go, I am only crippling myself. I understand that all I am doing is wasting my energy on something negative when I could be out, I don't know, saving the spotted owl. I KNOW ALL THIS. Save the lectures please. I know I'm wrong. I'm not saying she does not deserve the vast amounts of hatred I possess but I know that I have to LET. IT. GO. It's making me crazy.

So I need your help. Please - practical advice only. If you tell me to take up yoga and become one with the universe and reach a zen place, I might have to bitch slap you. Was there someone in your life that you felt this way about? Did you get over it ever? How long did it take you? How specifically did you do it? Was it a conscious process or did the feelings fade over time? (I am not thinking fading will work since, as I said, it's been several years and if anything, I hate her more now.) Assuming you have let the bad feelings go, do you still, even now, get flashbacks of just how horrible he/she was/is?

Just please give me some assistance. I'm not sure how many more nights I can lay in my bed trying to sleep with my insides in a fucking knot thinking of how bad I want to knock this bitch's head off with a baseball bat.

And no, that is not an exaggeration in order to be funny. I'm not joking. So HELP.

Elizabeth at 9:50 AM

17comments

17 Comments

at 10:25 AM Spikey1 said...: Oh great.. why do I have to be first?? I will come back later! ;)
at 10:49 AM Tammy said...: Don't be angry. Get even. It will make you feel tons better.

You think I'm kidding? I'm not.
at 11:16 AM Anonymous said...: Wish I could help but I've been hating, HATING this, uh, woman, for 21 years. That's right......21 years. This month. I go for years not seeing this, uh, woman & then I end up running into her & all I can think is how I want to bash her face in, kick her nasty ass, burn her house down with her inside, stick a big knife in her tiny, little black heart....and I'm a nice person, too. No, really, I am. I know it isn't healthy. I know I should just let it go. Sorry. Can't do it. I seriously want bad, horrid things to happen to her. If I saw her obit it tomorrow's paper---this is so bad---it would only bring a smile to my face.
at 12:09 PM Amy said...: Well . . . I don't know if I can follow the last comment!

I hated my Mother for a long time. She did some fucked up things when I was a child, etc. It took years to get over it. I had to move away for high school, stay far away for college, and live over 2,000 miles away now. Eventually, time healed the wounds and my hatred did disapate.

The memories never go away. I will have moments out of the blue when the hate flares up. I just push it down and away. I forgave her, but will not forget. Eventually, you will just learn to live with it and not obssess over it.

This doesn't seem like much help . . . sorry!
at 12:23 PM MilkMaid said...: Try to get a hold of yourself and be a SELFISH BITCH with your time and brain space. Don't let her take up any of yours, she doesn't deserve it.

And then go enroll her email address at all the porn sites you can find.
at 1:38 PM Annejelynn said...: funny thing, my honey-man and I were just talking about this subject in that I have someone I cannot stand - the only person in this world whom I feel I can say I hate 'er... it's been almost 7 yrs since we met and nearly 4 since she left Vegas? she boils my blood like no one else I know and I DO NOT know how to get over her... Although I don't fantasize about bad things happening to her and don't have to deal with her as often as I once had (dating her bro), she comes to mind and I'm instantly enraged! I too used to wish bad stuff would happen so she'd learn her lesson, that she wasn't as high and almighty as she thought she is. Now? sometimes when I'm at my best, I wish that she'd just CHANGE and then I could let it go, but she's still a raging bitch, worse than ever before (she's the sister of a best friend of mine who I talk to weekly). I'm working on it myself, letting this go - I'll let you know if anything works!
at 2:30 PM Lucky Lum said...: Yes, I have spent time hating a particular person too.
I was finally able to let it go when she came back and apologized for her wrongdoings.
I still hated her, but I didn't obsess about it as much.
She pased away unexpectantly a few years ago. Now I just feel sorry for her.
at 4:29 PM Fightin' Mad Mary said...: Everytime you think about this person, it just drains your energy, right? Stop obsessing, and conserve your energy for something else. Get your mind off it and move on. Maybe use that energy to organize your closets or scrapbook - sounds crazy but organizing things in my life make me feel better, it might work for you.

PS. I'm not a fan of getting even, all that planning and plotting also wastes your energy and time. Let karma take care of that for you.
at 5:23 PM Anonymous said...: Get over it woman,you mean your letting this @#$%*&?:' take time and space of your life,please she's not worth the energy,let go of it,set the BITCH FREE
at 7:09 PM Doug Bagley said...: For me, it took a lot of reading. Books like "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and "Tuesdays With Morrie" were helpful. I just kind of emmersed myself in them for a period of time. Sometimes I just have to put the thing aside for a while and come back to it when I can deal with the problem more positively. I think it's sort of a "to each his own" kind of thing too. What works for some doesn't work for others. Finding what helps can be a journey. And this is about as serious as I get, lol.
at 8:12 PM Nap Queen said...: I don't think I've ever hated anyone that much, but I can say that I've tried getting even before, and it's disappointing. A let down. What about getting a journal (other than a blog) and physically writing about how much you hate her and why? You might think about it less if you are writing it down.
at 8:55 PM Kami said...: Ummmm, when you get the right answer, let me know, so I can apply it to a few people to whom I am semi-related.
at 9:06 PM Unknown said...: I'd start with a cup of Green Tea and then get of my Chinese bell-ball-thingies...

JUST KIDDING!!!

Ummm, are you in contact with her on a daily basis? If not...much easier...if so...not so easy.

Things I suggest:
1. Get a voodoo doll...really, they're nice
2. Juvenile but therapeutic is printing out pictures of her and drawing in mustaches, glasses, warts, genital herpes, etc.
3. Tie her name on a balloon and let it go over the ocean...BWAHAHAHA! Got you! Didn't I?
I've hated 2 people that much, but they were people who passed in and out of my life very quickly so it was easy (sorta) to forget.

Slashing her tires is always a nice gesture too.
at 10:04 PM I'm not here. said...: This is going to sound stupid, but it does work from time to time:
Take a notepad, not a computer 'cause sometimes it's better to scribble like a 3 year-old on a pixie-stick sugar high instead of typing. It will also save your keyboard the abuse.
Now, take a pen and write like you were telling this person off for all its worth. Keep doing this until you run out of paper/get tired of doing so/get a mean case of writer's cramp.
Then, after you're through with that, shred the shit out of the pages. Stomp, spit, and rip the crap out of it, and if you have a fire pit or some safe place to burn them without setting your house on fire, let the mutha burn.
I hope this helps.
at 2:29 PM Unknown said...: At heart I am a peacemaker. Yet I know that, if one has been injured by another, making peace is far from easy. There are means for making peace, but most are complex and none are simple.

What I have done that works best for me is to pray for the other person. One does not have to be of any religious belief or even have belief to do this. It is a straightforward one-line entreaty: “May Light shine upon (name) for the greatest possible good.”

Given time, it usually works for me.
at 3:20 PM Rhonda said...: I understand. I feel this way about my ex-husband. If he died, I would not shed a tear. I will never stop hating him, but these days I think about it less and less.

I think the only thing you can do is make the conscious decision to stop. So slash her tires like TKW suggested.
at 9:44 AM MilkMaid said...: I wanna know if you prayed for her lol?