Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Ch-ch-ch-changes

OK, so my life is normally very much the same - day in, day out. Frankly, I like it that way. The only variance is whether the hubs is here, at the station or at job #2. (Yep, we have THAT many bills - read ex-wife) Anyways, other than that, my days sorta fade into each other. I am not comfortable discussing details here but my work life has changed a little bit recently and I am adjusting. Slowly. This adjustment shall prepare me for the next phase. Anyone that knows me for a milli-fucking-second will pick up on the fact that I tend to be a bit of a worrier. I do not think I am stupid. I know that I tend to pick things up fairly rapidly. However, any time any sort of change comes down the pike that entails me using or learning new skills, I naturally assume that I will be so stupid about it that I will be featured in medical journals somewhere describing that they found a new low in moron-ville. Seriously. No clue why I am like this. Lack of confidence I guess. Who the fuck knows? So, anyways, here I am - just adjusting away - trying to map out how my work life will be from here on out and so far, things are going rather well, in my humble opinion. Of course, in my brain, that means that my work life will not be good later and I will never have work and will never have money and end up on the welfare and then have many baby daddys and then start wearing shorts that are way too short and putting red stripes in random places upon my head of hair. You see how my brain works, yes? Seriously, I need to be studied....
Anyhoo, I just need to find some damn confidence. If anyone is selling any, then you so have a customer in moi because apparently this is not an inherent quality in my make up. Does anyone else go through this? I am sure other people do and are just less vocal about it than I am. Like at my last job, I was complimented CONSTANTLY. The bitch ass ho of a COO freaking loved me and asked me to join her team (accounting) rather than be a paralegal (at that point I was getting my paralegal cert. and was the firm's receptionist - a job that took years off my life fo sho) because she was so impressed. Did this cause me to stop questioning the quality of my work and whether or not I was a dumbass? To quote crackhead Whitney, hell to the no. I still thought that someone....somewhere was gonna figure out that I was a waste of space and my days were numbered.
You were not aware of the full extent of my neuroses, huh? Yeah, it's pretty.
So anyways, talked to the Dad tonight. I have an older Dad - this June he will make 71. So that causes me some stress. Like I had no idea that he had....let's just say bowel issues. That makes me sad. Also, apparently he fell while my step-mom was away and cracked the fuck out of his face - big old gash on his cheek. Poor thing thought he was having another stroke. Luckily, not the case. Just lost his balance I guess. My dad has never looked his age and until very recently, never acted it. He does not take care of himself. However, due to some genetic roll of the dice, he has very few health problems - a quality that I am thrilled he tossed down to his one and only baby girl. Like, we have the ability to pollute our bodies for decades and really, not too much occurs. He has only in the last couple of years start to show his age. He lives several states away and I am just now starting to get worried about getting a phone call from my step-mom going "Get on a plane NOW." I know this is something that I will have to learn to deal with and live with but that scares the crapola out of me. I mean, that's my DAD. Ok, I don't want to think about that anymore. Moving on...
Friday, the momenator and I are driving to Vicksburg to see my aunt and uncle and their grandson who is, quite possibly, the cutest toddler around. I will most likely take an obnoxious amount of pictures in which to showcase his fabulousness. Also, being that I am gone Friday, I will do SPF late Thursday evening. Um, y'all probably don't give two shits about that do you? Ok, moving on again...
HOLY CRAP ON A NAIL - guess what!!!!! The step-daughter's boyfriend, J, heard on the radio that all the Mervyns are leaving Luziana. Ok, big whoop. But guess what he heard is taking their places? KOHLS. Yes, thank God above, we are entering the 21st century and joining the rest of the US in loving us some Kohls. The house stuff there.......ahhhhhhhhhhhh....I will dream about that later. Place mats, runners, napkins.....I am almost giddy. I see hubs getting job #3. Poor bastard.

Elizabeth at 11:17 PM

6comments

6 Comments

at 10:35 AM Tammy said...: Okay. As odd is it may sound, I could have written that post. I lack the self-confidence in my abilities and I've been doing this shit for almost 10 years. You'd think by now I'd think I was good at it. Everyday I think I'm on the verge of being fired. Even when I get compliments daily. Weird, huh?

I'm sorry your dad is not feeling well. Hope he gets better soon.
at 12:18 PM Wendy aka Cheeky said...: Wooohooo on the Kohl's - they have the greatest sales!
at 1:38 PM Melanie said...: I am the same way. But part of my job is measured in sales and market share and crap so I at least have some sort of measurement in how I'm doing. But I am about to learn a new product and I'm so afraid that I'll be the only one that fails the test.

Sorry about your dad.

Woohoo on the Kohl's!
at 7:31 PM Annejelynn said...: "holy crap on a nail" ??? I've never heard that one before...LOL
at 3:03 PM Nap Queen said...: I don't have any confidence either. Hello, I'm almost 30 and never been laid off or fired. I think they call the fear that someone will figure out you're a moron is "imposter syndrome", and boy do I have it. I ALWAYS think someone is going to find out I'm not really the person they think I am. Sorry to hear about your dad. I hate the thought of my parents getting older....it's really scary.
at 11:26 PM Anonymous said...: Sorry about your dad not feeling well. Mine is only 63 but had a heart attack at 49 and still smokes a pack of cheap cigarettes a day and drinks (not heavily, but still daily) and generally doesn't treat his body very well. So I'm always worried about him too.

As far as the self-confidence goes, I've got a lot of the same issues. My most recent job was doing tech support which I hadn't done in like 5 years so I was always soooo concerned that they were gonna fire my ass cause I didn't know what I was doing. Instead I quit to stay home after I had my baby. Whenever I reenter the workforce, my self-confidence is gonna be down around my ankles after being gone for several years.