Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Back from the land of which I came.....huh?

It was never so clear to me how much I have changed since leaving the land of milk and honey as this trip home this last weekend. That place is insane. I could never in a kabillion years live there. Case in point, the house that my fam and I lived in during high school was a nice house - 4 bedrooms, pool in back, but nothing like astronomically special. Nice safe hood, you know the drill. It is going for close to a million bucks. Um, yeah. You read that right. I am not Tori Fucking Spelling. How the hell are people supposed to live that way? Normal people, I mean. God, whatEVER. Don't even get me started on the freeways.
OK, so the project that I had to have done before I left is done. Yeeeeefuckinhaw. Man, that was a muthah. I got up at 3:30 AM Thursday in order to make my flight. I was there for a wedding and also we were doing a lunch/shower for my knocked up sister. Let's do the recap, shall we?
Got in Thursday. The bro picked me up. He is who I stayed with. Poor thing. My shit and I took over his bathroom. He probably went home after dropping me back off at the airport like "Wow, there's my counter." I met up with my BF who was also the bride. Now, please realize, that up until now, I only heard wedding updates from her. She totally sounded calm. I was like all proud of her for not going all Bridezilla on the other bridesmaids. I was way off the mark. She was a ball of fucking nerves about the weather and every other single detail. Ho. Lee. Shit. I am glad I missed all that crap leading up to the wedding. I love her and did not wanna have to bitch slap a sister, ya know? Basically Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday were low key. I hung out with the bro, lunched with the bride, and of course put a hurting on Kohls. It was ever so loverly. Saturday night was the rehearsal dinner. One of the other bridemaids and I had a falling out in high school and I was not sure how things would go. Initially it was very uncomfortable. I was so not thrilled, but the groom's friends were really cool so I got to talk to them. So Sunday I go over Wendy's house early. That was the bride, by the way. Debbie, another bridesmaid, was doing everyone's hair because, well, that is what she does. Tricia, the fall out girl, was there. I mean, it was so fucking ridiculous how uncomfortable I was. Wendy, however, was so tense that her shoulders hovered around her ears all damn day. OK, I am sure that several of y'all will disagree, but I just don't see the damn point of allowing details to make you crazy. Granted, it is a wedding day, but I guarantee that all the shit that brides freak the fuck out over are never noticed by the guests. So for the love of GOD, calm down. That was reason #1837182 why I trashed tradition and went on the beach for my nuptials. Way less stress. Anyway, she was a freak and we all sorta bonded over that - our fear of Wendy stabbing any of us in the neck at any given time. After that, it was all good. Wedding was fun for the most part. I drank heavily and never got drunk - just calmed my nerves. Basically I was just glad for the whole deal to be done. I am not a good bridesmaid. I don't enjoy that shit. I try to put on a happy face about being all dolled up like a damn kewpie doll but really I just want my flip flops back on and to go have a beer. I am hopeful that this is the last wedding I am in for like ever.
Now, the next day was fan-fuckin-tastic. I got to see my PG sister who looked so damn cute. I totally can maybe see the belly touchers of the world point of view. I just wanted to rub on her like a buddha. However, y'all will be proud to know that I did no such thing until I asked and it was only because the baby was kicking and in my 32 years, I have never felt that. By far, one of the coolest things I have ever felt. She showed me her popped out belly button - how cute. She looks so good. She is a very petite girl (clearly we are step-sisters) so she has that whole very slender, just a basketball under the blouse look happening. If she was not my sister, I'd have bitch slapped her. Her mom in law, my step-mom, Krista (that's the sis) and I drove down to Santa Monica to a place called Shutters on the Beach for a relaxing lunch with a bunch of chicks - about 13 - and gifts. No cheesy ass games. None of that nonsense. Great food in a beautiful place which cool chicks and champagne. Loved it. I have a ton of pictures of both the wedding and the shower, but I am too tired to do that now, so you will have to wait. Suffice it to say, Krista looks wonderful and a good time was had by all.
Right now, the hubs and my mother are at the girl's graduation. He asked me to reconsider going and actually I thought a lot about it on my exhaustive trip home (more on that later), but I just could not do it. I am still angry and I have not forgiven anyone about anything. I have always sworn in the past that things would be different and that I was going to take a stand, but I always backed down. I just could not back down this time. I am not sure that I made the right decision, but I had to go with my gut and protect myself. That might sound selfish, but these have been 9 really long years and I can't keep allowing myself to be set up to be knocked down. I don't think the hubs is really pleased with me about this, but I had to do it. I hope he understands. He apparently told the girl how I felt when she inquired about the number of tickets he needed for the after party and she found out I was not going. However, he told her that I was not going because I thought she did not want me there. While that was true, that is not why I did not plan to go. I did not plan to go because those kids have made it abundantly clear that I don't matter. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. If there is any one word to describe their feelings towards me, it's indifference. And that hurts. After all these years, they still don't care. Well, I have to start caring about myself to do something - even if it causes waves.
I will have to go into the ridiculous trip home later. I am tired and the house is torn the fuck UP. I can't deal. Just wanted to check in and say hi to everyone. I'll try to catch up on blogs as soon as I can. :)

Elizabeth at 8:28 PM

7comments

7 Comments

at 10:04 PM Tammy said...: It's about fucking time you got back!
at 11:27 PM Kate Giovinco Photography said...: Welcome home, damn I have been waiting to hear from ya for days!

We missed ya SFG!
at 8:27 AM Wendy aka Cheeky said...: We missed ya!! But I am glad you had a good time!

Good for you for taking a stand and sticking to it! Stand strong girl!
at 11:41 AM Kami said...: Well, I think your hubs will get over it. He needs to take a stand and tell his kids to treat you better, IMO.

XOXO

MISSED YA!!
at 6:26 PM Anonymous said...: Sounds like a great trip! Welcome back!
at 12:31 AM Melanie said...: Good for you for doing what feels right for you.

Sounds like a great trip. Can't wait to see pics.
at 10:16 AM Pissy Britches said...: You do what you feel you need to do.
Those f*cking kids needs to realize they aren't the only people in the world that have feelings.
I soooo feel your pain.
I really do.
I heart you and am glad you are back.