Tuesday, May 16, 2006

It's better today

Yesterday I had a really awful day. The last 9 years of abuse that my husband and I have suffered at the hands of his ex-wife and children just hit me full force. I have been so stressed lately that I have cried for no reason (and for once, it is NOT hormonal), I can't concentrate on work, and I have felt incredibly isolated. The hubs and I had a HUGE blow out over the phone with me basically spewing forth all of my anger and sadness in the form of lots of cursing and hatred towards the 3 of them. He ended up coming home for a while to speak to me and I ended up falling apart crying and telling him how angry I was that he let all of this get to this point. He could have dealt with that woman years ago, but the only thing he can really do now is not put up with her shit anymore and not let her run our lives. I used to make excuses for the treatment we got from the kids because they were young and probably were just taking their mother's word as gospel. Well, they are 18 and 15, soon to be 16, so that excuse no longer holds water.
I have completed my last official act as step-mother. The graduation announcements are out and the senior pictures have been ordered. I sent out the last couple announcements that I forgot to send out earlier this morning. I am officially done. I am not even sad at this point. Not at all. Unfortunately, I almost feel relieved.
I am not going to keep the hubs from having a relationship with his children. I would never do that. They are welcome here if they choose to come but I will not be a part of it. I will go out for a while and he can call me when they leave. Being that they have been to this house MAYBE 8 times since we moved in last July means that this particular part won't be a hardship. I would like the record to show that this is NOT what I wanted. I wanted us to be a family. I never wanted to take the place or compete with their mother. However, because of other forces, that is not possible. All I can do at this point is protect myself. I also will not hold my tongue anymore. I will say what I want when I want because I no longer give two shits whose feelings I hurt. I have taken the high road up until now and it does not work when you are dealing with trash.
Today I slept in and feel a lot better than I have in a while. I am going to run some errands and try to work later. I really hope that I am past the worst part of this. I am really not sure how much more of this my marriage can take.

Elizabeth at 12:17 PM

9comments

9 Comments

at 12:46 PM Terri said...: Just want to offer you a big Hug. You're a stong person to have been putting up with all of this.
at 12:49 PM Kate Giovinco Photography said...: All I can say is that you are a great person and you have to do what is best for yourself and your husband and not allowing them to strain your marriage as hard as that is is what needs to be done. You have come up with a way for you to deal and your husband to still see the kids. There is nothing more you can do!

good Luck and hang in there! We love ya!
at 12:59 PM Tina M said...: You know in your heart that you have been more than wonderful about the whole thing from the statr and that's all that matters. It's time to start worring about you & YOUR feelings instead of theirs!! Good for you for standing up.
at 1:28 PM Wendy aka Cheeky said...: {{HUGS}} Good for you for having a huge blowout! You needed it and I am sure it needed to be said/done. They are doing what they are doing because they can.

Stand strong! You have come up with the best possible solution given the circumstances. Now its time to take care of you!
at 2:55 PM Fabnormal said...: aww man. That sucks. you would think that after nine years, people would learn how to act.
at 2:55 PM Sea_creature said...: You guys so needed to get it all out in the open. Great job. I know, this must be putting so much strain on you guys. I believe you are doing the exact right thing in this situation. Keep it up, don't lose faith...
at 2:58 PM Kat said...: I can't believe you've had to deal with all this. You are stronger than me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. hope things get better. (((HUGS)))
at 3:53 PM Kerri Anne said...: Hang in there babe. You really are an awesome lady. Those kids are missing out.
at 7:32 PM MommyOutOfControl said...: Nothing to add except that I used to be one of those bratty stepchildren, but I outgrew it by like 14 or 15....they should have outgrown it by now. Hang in there...it has GOT to be better eventually. You are right. You have to live a healthy life, if that means cutting them out of it, then by all means do it! Hugs.
Jamie