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Friday, July 14, 2006

As requested, my update

Ok, the smack-down-on-da-exbitch dances y'all did - yeah, they did not work. Our reduction is MINISCULE. And now we have to pay 86% (don't ask) of the boy's uncovered medical expenses which amount to $42 a month or something - almost the amount of our reduction. I am truly past it. I was mad briefly but now I don't give a shit. In 2 years, we are shit canning that bitch with nary a warning. 23 months to be exact. If she does not like it, she can take our asses to court. If I don't stab her in the neck first.

OK, so the other appointment was not regarding the vasectomy reversal as many of you assumed. Well, not entirely. We were not like at a doctor or anything. We are trying to get our finances in order so we are attempting to consolidate some debt we have in order to get a better interest rate and therefore, a lower monthly note. If we do that, we will free up some monthly cash in order to take out a loan for the operation which costs around $10K.

I will let your mind wrap around that figure.

Here is the thing. My hubs makes pretty good money - especially considering he is a firefighter. Base salary is not shit. He works a ton of overtime and also carries a second job. With all of those factors, at the end of the year, he pulls in a tidy sum. However, after paying the camel-toed bitch and our house note, my car note, our bills, food, gas, utilities, etc - well, you see where this is going. That money goes quickly. I have the potential to make pretty decent $$$ on my new job which is cool. Anyway, my point is that we are putting the plan in motion to procure the money for the operation when we are ready to go ahead. I don't plan on getting pregnant for about 2 more years, but if we can get his operation sooner rather than later, then that is a huge obstacle out of the way. Until we are ready, I will just keep popping my pill (which I take because my body is a FREAK) religiously.

So that's the big thing. Just getting our financial house in order so that I can be a big walking uterus some day soon.

Speaking of walking uteruses, uteri??? my sister was due to spurt out my niece yesterday. So far no news. I hope all is well. I think I will be giving her a call later today.

So I am sitting around the other day just chilling and there is this super white guy walking up my driveway. Like WHITE. Makes me look tan as hell white. Turns out he was the assistant pastor of the church my mom visited this past Sunday. OK, I am all for church. I think that it CAN be a great place to learn and make friends and just get your shit together. Seriously, YEAH GOD. However, I do not like unannounced visits to my home by any sort of clergy. I really don't like for the pastor to ask me if I am 100% sure if I am going to heaven during said unannounced visit. I REALLY don't like for after the pastor asks me if I am 100% sure I am going to heaven and I said "Um, not sure" for him to sit down and point out Bible verses to me about accepting Jesus as my personal savior. Why, in seminary or theology school or whatever, do these people not take body language classes? I was clearly uncomfortable. I was clearly not enjoying the vacation bible school that was taking place at my kitchen table. Did he not see that? If I had asked him for some guidance or we were IN CHURCH or in Sunday school, I'd have been prepared to deal with that. I finally just headed him off at the pass and said "Holy crap, I misunderstood. Yep, I am saved. Big time saved. Double coupon clipping saved. Yep, that's me. Yeah God." I'm sure he did not buy that, but DUDE, I did not ask for your assistance NOR did I ask you to drop by my home un-fucking-announced. Am I now going to hell for lying to a man of the cloth? Yeah, probably. It did not help that he reminded me of a guy I dated whose very presence in this world makes my whole body tic. Suffice it to say, I will not be attending that church with my mother. Besides I am getting ready to do the RCIA classes to see if I want to join the Catholic church with the hubs. I am trying to cut down my use of the word "fuck" to less than 2 dozen a day. So far, so good.

Right now, the hubs is taking the boy to see that Tokyo Drift movie. Nope, I ain't kidding. When we saw the preview of that, it took everything I had to not turn to the hubs and go "Awww, honey, a movie where your people don't drive really poorly." He saw my snide ass comment a mile away and just turned to me and went "Shut up." No, my hubs is not Japanese. He is a Flip. However, just like I lump all us whiteys together and admit none of us can dance well, all the Asians go in one big bad-driving pot.

I am off to take 47 Tylenol Sinus because I think my head just exploded from pressure. Later.

Elizabeth at 2:32 PM



at 3:05 PM Blogger Random and Odd said...

Hold on... I didn't get past the whole stab her the neck part without...seriously SPITTING water out of my nose. Just enjoy that because I don't to that very often.

Oh.My.God. You crack me up.

When Dan and I were together we decided that the exbitches last child support would be paid in Canadian Pennies.

at 3:13 PM Blogger Fuzzball said...

I guarantee that when that whole holy man thing went down God was upstairs smacking his forehead and going "geeeeeez would somebody toss that guy in a lion's den or WHAT???"


at 3:27 PM Blogger The Kept Woman said...

Religion in general is funny to me so the 100% going to Heaven gave me a good laugh...because when push comes to shove aren't we all relying on faith that Heaven even exists?

I mean, I'm just saying...

at 3:32 PM Blogger Carrie said...

I HATE un-invited visitors. Mainly because I usually don't tidy up or change the cat litter unless I know for a fact someone who might care is coming over. Nothing like cat hair and stinky litter to run off unwelcome guests.

You so need to go spend some time at that revival or whatever place I talked about - you don't appear to have enough of the spirit in you. :)tee-hee

at 4:13 PM Blogger Nicole said...

I love the pennies idea- You should totally do that :) Heehee! I hate when those people circle the neighborhoods. Its really annoying. If I want to information, I will come to you! Lets have some SFG babies in 2 years! Yeah! :)

at 5:58 PM Blogger Nap Queen said...

I hate those scare tactics to get people to "save" themselves. I would have said, "I don't believe in Heaven, so I really don't care if I go or not!"

at 7:24 PM Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Well if you go to hell, then I will be right there with you; we can smoke cigarettes and drink tequila.

at 7:56 PM Blogger Shell said...

We had a ton of those religious nut jobs coming around the apartment complex one summer. I usually yell that I'm going to hell anyway so don't waste your time with me and they move on. My Grandmother likes them to come over so she can act like she's a crazy old lady even though she's completely sane.

I can't believe you even opened the door.

I'll start planning the no more child support party.

at 10:47 PM Blogger Tammy said...

Girl, you were in Texas the bitch got stabbed in the neck. :)

at 11:31 PM Blogger Kami said...

So, hey, Football Widow and I are having condoes next to each other in Hell. Wanna reserve one next to us?

at 2:09 AM Blogger Football Widow said...

Ahh yes. You must have a condo next to us in Hell. It will be good times.

Finances suck. Really suck. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I can't wait until you have to quit paying that psycho bitch.

at 10:46 PM Blogger Pissy Britches said...

so hell...
i don't read you for less than 24 hrs and you have posted 3 fucking times.
you hab.
GOOD LUCK on everything.
I heart you.

at 10:47 PM Blogger Pissy Britches said...

And I will for sure be in hell.
Fo' sure.

at 1:27 PM Blogger TBG said...

Oh good luck with the reversal!

And that ex wife of his we will be having a party the day you guys have to stop paying her!


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