Saturday, August 19, 2006

Looking back.

I just read a post on Texan in Kuwait's blog that got me to thinking. When I think back on this year, it truly makes my head spin. A little over a year ago, we bought our house, my first. Not long after we had a small gathering here for my birthday and the very next day I left my first home because that fucking bitch Katrina decided to come here rather than Florida and my life changed immeasurably. I left my job. My house was still standing. I had to leave my husband for a month. For 36 hours, I did not know if he was alive or dead or being held at gunpoint by looters. I came back and never went back to my job. That is a decision that I will never regret. That place was stifling me. I walked away and even though we struggled this last year, right now it's all worth it. After much hard work and stretching dollars so far, they about ripped in two, I am where I need to be. I miss a total of one person from that firm. Sure, there are tons more that it is nice to see should I run into them at Sam's Club but the bulk of them, I am fine with not seeing. Now I get up to "go to work" and there is no knot in my gut. There is no eczema on my eyelids from stress. I am not eating my weight in fried food because I am so freaked out. (OK, sometimes I still do that, but now it's just because it is so goooood.) I am so appreciative that this is my life. Y'all just don't know.
Other things that have changed is my relationship with the kids. It is now pretty much nonexistant and trust me, that's a good thing. I deal with them strictly via their father. I inquire after them from him. If he talks to them or sees them, fantastic. However, I am not in denial anymore that I am anything to them and that, truly, is the largest burden to have lifted off my shoulders. It sounds cold but the not caring is so amazingly freeing. I wish them well, but I do not need to be a part of it.
My relationship with the hubs has gone way up and waaaaaay down at various times. He can be rough to deal with sometimes. No one would guess that of course because he is Mr. Nice guy, but I think that the fact that we made it through this year and are not divorced or living in separate households (we were not far from that, believe me) is a testament to the fact that we have been through some shit, ok? I do really believe that he is the one for me, but damn, sometimes it can be hard. I never really believed the whole marriage is work thing, but um, they weren't lying.
I lost my FIL this year. Let's just not go there, mmmkay?
We spent Xmas in Phoenix so this coming Xmas will be our first one in the new house. I am pumped for that. I am a very "home is where the heart is" type of person and I love nothing more than enjoying what we work super hard for. I am a major home body which is why working from home is the ideal solution for me. I so dig making everything just how I want it and having it all be clean and aesthetically pleasing and yet super comfy that you wanna sit down and put your feet up.
I am not sure where this post is going.
I think this next year will be a good one. The hubs and I are in a better place in several different parts of our lives. We do not have nearly the worries now that we did. We are more focused than ever on our little family and it is a nice feeling. I just can wish that in the next 2 years, our little family will be expanding. I mean, I already have the post baby body. It would be nice if I had, ya know, the baby.

Elizabeth at 10:30 PM

3comments

3 Comments

at 10:30 AM Tammy said...: Eczema on your eyes? Really. OMG.

I'm glad you're in a better place now.
at 8:51 AM Me said...: It was a year of change... forced change... but sometimes change is good. It sounds like it has been overall.
at 11:12 PM Melanie said...: Sounds like things are headed in the right direction.