Sunday, November 26, 2006

How I spent my day

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Here is my tree. My angel from years past bit the dust. I very intelligently put a candle in the tote that housed the angel and of course in my attic, that candle melted and now the angel is pink. NICE. So my tree is topless for the time being. Topless. Friggin whore.

I got up and went to mass today. I know people have their own ideas about church and religion and all that, and to that, I say, cool. Lord knows I have ran the friggin gamut on religion as a whole. I mean, for a while, I really was content to never step foot in another church again, save for the rare wedding or funeral. But with all that is going on, attending mass and my classes (which have been off the last 2 Wednesdays and I actually MISSED them) helps me. I get a little caught up in the singing and truth be told, having not been brought up as a Catholic, all the stuff they do still seems somewhat exotic to me. The genuflecting, the responsive stuff, the taking of communion every single time...all that. I feel more a part of a church community than another time in my life. Considering I have not even been baptized yet or partaken of the holy wafer (I say that just to make Shell think by reading it, she is hell bound), that is saying a lot. I pray all the time. I pray for me to stop being so angry. I pray for me to be kinder and less judgmental. I pray for me to let so many things GO. But lately, as you can imagine, I have prayed for my dad. I don't pray for a cure. I don't pray that one day he wakes up and it was just all a horrendous mistake. I pray for him to have strength and deal with this and I pray for him to at least feel peace. I pray that he knows how loved he is. I pray that if and when the time comes, he is surrounded by those who love him best, who understand that he did the best he could. I pray that I am holding his hand and rubbing it and he not only feels my love but a love from something bigger than him or me. It may sound like I have given up hope or resigned myself to the fact that a cure or remission is not in the cards. I can see how it might come off that way. I wrestle with this daily. I swing from one extreme of just wanting a miracle to the other extreme of picturing my life without him. 85% of the time I sit in the middle somewhere knowing that I have power over none of this. Fair or not. Crappy or not. Lucky or not. It is not up to me. That is what I pray for the most - the clarity to see that either way, my daddy will be ok. It is the hardest struggle I have dealt with in my 33 years.

The rest of my day was spent at lunch with friends which is a fabulous way to spend an afternoon. Particularly an afternoon where my boys got their ass handed to them in a shut out. Dude, 9 sacks on Ben. What the HELL? Um, offensive line? Come see for a sec. OK, the guys on the other side of the line of scrimmage? Um, yeah - they be not nice. They be like wanting to take your boy down. The job here is to block. BLOCK THEM. Perhaps if I draw pictures it will help. Y'all are friggin KILLING ME. And Ben, I know you are feeling the pressure in the pocket constantly, but if you throw one more pick, I swear to all that is good, I will fly up there and kick the living shit outta you. I'm just sayin.

Oh, and for those of you that perhaps were feeling a bit sad that with me attending mass and intending to finally be baptized and take communion for the first time in Catholic church in a few short months, I might perhaps quit cursing or whatever. Never fear. I imagine that the F bombs will be flying for years to come. Most people still get on my damn nerves and I will always refer to the hubs ex as Camel Toe Annie. Some things will NEVER change.

Word.

Labels: Dad, Random, Update

Elizabeth at 10:42 PM

12comments

12 Comments

at 11:15 PM Unknown said...: Your dad’s in my prayers.
at 11:48 PM MommyOutOfControl said...: I tried to comment after your last post, but blogger was being a bitch. I wanted to let you know that I was praying for your dad. Totally none of my business, but it might help to see if he is on Procrit. It's a shot he would get once a week that helps keep red blood cell counts up, and is a fairly common thing chemo/radiation patients receive to help reduce that possibility of blood transfusions! It has worked wonders for many of my patients. Hang in there...lots of us are praying. I read daily, but rarely comment, but know I am thinking of you.
Jamie
at 8:07 AM Sheri & SuZan said...: We are keeping your Dad in our prayes.

Lovely tree.
at 8:18 AM Tammy said...: Hope Dad is okay.

So glad that the "F" bombs will still be flying, though. :)
at 8:29 AM Monogram Queen said...: You know I am praying for your Dad.
Love the tree and girl, I was thinking of you yesterday when the Ravens handed your boys their asses. I seriously was.
Glad to see you will still be keepin' it real also. Religion doesn't make you perfect, only forgiven.
at 8:41 AM Terri said...: Great Tree!

Your dad is in my thoughts.

And yes, it wasn't pretty. Feel bad for Ben. Ouch!
at 9:26 AM Wendy aka Cheeky said...: LOVE the tree!

I think the things you are praying for in respect to your dad are right on the money. Whatever God's plan is for him, you want him to have the strength to deal with it. While you are at it (and I will be too) you should pray for that same strength yourself to be able to deal with whatever comes your way.
at 9:26 AM Unknown said...: I think Jesus is OK with swearing.
at 11:46 AM Kami said...: Thank BOB you won't stop cursing. I would just die. OMG.

Thinking of you and your dad all the time...
at 12:27 PM Beth said...: Thinking of you and your dad. I went through it with my step dad, so I know where you are coming from. Gorgeous tree!!
at 1:51 PM Anonymous said...: Very pretty tree! I am holding off putting up my tree for as long as possible.

I will pray for your dad.
at 3:02 PM Unknown said...: SFG - you rock. That is all.