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Saturday, December 30, 2006

Crap in my brain

Well, as I sit here in my little office/spare bedroom watching the weather rapidly turn from bad to worse, I am so happy that I am cozy in my house on this icky weather day. True, I am working but hey, small price to pay for never having to commute in inclement weather ever again. I no mind.

As you have probably heard, there is a vote going on over at Celebrating Women for Blog of the Year. I have not a shot in hell of winning and that is totally okay with me. I am not nearly as popular or as good of a writer as many of the blogs over there (speaking of which I think TKW should so have been a contender being that she is a damn funny ass woman), so I am not going to worry too much about it. I was really touched when they made me Blog of the Month. Shocked the crap right outta me is what that did. So if you really think that among all those pretty damn good contenders, I am the best one, well, thanks and you are welcome to vote. I already made my vote and I do believe this girl is one funny chica. I also only plan to vote once. I guess you can vote more than that, but I am not sure why I would do that unless I just voted for the same girl over and over. I don't want to like cancel out my initial vote by like spreading them out. Does that make sense?

So Saddam is dead. I am not sure how I feel about that. Do I think he was a monster? Um, yeah. Mentally disturbed really. Which is what leads me to the current ambivalence. Did we (and I say we not knowing who actually hung him) kill a man who had like a mental imbalance? I am certainly not trying to undermine the disgusting way he tortured and murdered tons of people and the Draconian methods with which he maintained his rule. Certainly not. I am also not someone who has a problem with the death penalty. That is one of the few things my father and I agree upon. Certain individuals can NOT and will NOT be rehabilitated, no matter what. However, when the evidence begins to swing in the way of mental imbalance, then I am not sure how I feel. That of course brings on the question of "Well, if one's imbalance provokes one to slaughter innocent people doesn't that sorta override any issue one would have with offing the twisted fuck?" I guess it does, huh? I used to be very cut and dry, very black and white about these things and as I have gotten older and I hope a little more compassionate and wiser (those things are not mutually exclusive) I am realizing how many shades of gray there are and all the things I thought I had clear opinions on are not as clear anymore.

A lot will happen this year and a lot of things I am hoping to happen. I will be baptized and take communion at church. My hubs will undergo surgery to correct his vasectomy. Hopefully this time next year, I will be bitching and whining and moaning about how I am clearly the only pregnant girl in the world to be THAT uncomfortable. The state of my dad's health will be determined. I hope that I change some as well. I hope that I continue to not hold grudges the way that has been my habit. I am very slowly getting better but I have ooooooodles of a way to go as well. I hope that my job continues to be something that I actually like doing. I hope that I continue to not lose sight of what really matters. I hope that my new niece continues to grow and be healthy and a happy little grunter. I hope that I have enough love for myself that I will not continue to abuse my body in the way that has become such a habit in the last 33 years.

I got an email yesterday that made me sad. Y'all remember a while back that I wrote of getting an email from my ex-boyfriend that he was getting married? If not, let me refresh. Basically he wrote to tell me and it struck me as odd and really pathetic that he never once said anything about this girl as a person. He never said how happy he was. He never once said "Holy shit, I am so excited." He wrote about where he was getting married and how much stuff they had accumulated between the two of them. He then emailed me yesterday to see how our Xmas was and to wish me a Happy New Year. I responded regarding Christmas and New Year's and asked him how his first Christmas as an old married man was. He said fine but that he wished he was single again. OK, ummmmm, he has been married for like, what, three minutes? I won't go into all the details of what his issues are with being married, but it makes me sad to see how much he has changed. I always had some issues with his being so very spoiled, but he was never this person. We correspond not terribly often and it is always sorta "Hi, how are things?" sorts of emails, but every now and then I will get a glimpse into the person he has become and it never fails to shock me. He is cold now. There is so obviously an emptiness in him or in his life that he has aggressively tried to fill with stuff, material crap. He is just not the person I remember at all and that bums me out because though we could not make things work, he was always such a good person and a genuinely nice guy. That person has been replaced by this.....I don't know.....other person. I am not sure what transpired from the time we broke up, through the years until now, but the effects are not pretty. In fact, they are quite pathetic. So I hope this year brings him some genuine happiness in whatever form that may be. Genuine - not in the form of a new gadget or outdoing someone he really can't stand. I will also say a prayer for his wife, because holy hell, she is gonna need it.


Elizabeth at 1:17 PM



at 6:34 PM Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Marriage isnt always good or fun.
Know what I mean Gene.

SH is dead. Wow. I can say I was totally shocked. Shows how much I watch the news.

at 8:19 PM Blogger Sheri & SuZan said...

You know we love you!!! That's why you were a blog pic. (btw: TKW was a blog pick last year and back up to feature in 07).

You have to work at a good marriage...so sad for the X-boyfriend.

HAPPY NEW YEAR SFG!...When ya coming to H-town?

at 9:26 PM Blogger Mind said...

Ya reckon you could post a link for us to actually vote for ya and all? ;P

at 10:08 PM Blogger Cat said...

Happy New Year Chic!!! I so voted! I was nominated as well. HOW THE HELL THAT HAPPENED, I have no idea. LOL

As for SH, ummm no big loss, I am shocked at how FAST they did the exacution, I mean geesh, it takes years for anyone else that needs to be.

weird on the Ex boyfriend, all I can say is thank god none of mine are emailing me. I would be in SO MUCH TROUBLE! LOL

Take care girl!

at 1:05 AM Blogger Toes in the sand said...

So sad about the ole X. Funny how life events shape and mold us.

Happy New Year SFG!

at 9:10 AM Blogger Dixie said...

I personally think Saddam deserved a public hanging so that people could throw rotten food at his twitching body, but that is just me.

I hope that you get all you want in the New Year. You deserve it!

Happy New Year SFG!

at 9:35 AM Blogger Nap Queen said...

I'm not so into the death penalty, but in Saddam's case, I think it was his time to go, mental or not. He just needed to be gone from this world.

I hope next year is wonderful for you and the hubs!!!


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