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Thursday, January 04, 2007

Message to the Big Guy

Dear God,

Thanks for delivering my Gwen CD today. That made me mucho happy-o.

Where is my rain? I was promised rain. Give me rain, damn it.

Can you please tell Tupac across the street that I am thiiiis close to going batshit crazy on his ass?

Can you also please rev up whatever process is holding up the moving out of my asshat neighbors?

Can you please scrape ten pounds off my ass? Both sides?

Can you please tell doctors that nothing grosses me the fuck out like listening to someone chew and that if this chick does not take out the hard candy that she is so joyfully sucking on (some guys should be so lucky), then I am gonna drive to this hospital in another state and stab her in the neck?

Make it 15 pounds, ok? Each side? I'm not joking.

Great, thanks. Peace.


Elizabeth at 2:20 PM



at 2:37 PM Blogger Stephanie said...

Make me a copy of that Gwen CD STAT mmmmkay.
You know I ain't gonna buy it if it ain't got Coach written on it somewhere.

If you have Nelly Furtado, go on and copy that one while your at it.


at 2:37 PM Blogger Stephanie said...

And this time
I am FUCKING 1st and 2nd BITCHES

at 2:58 PM Blogger FutureFoodTVStar said...

Um, yeah..

And while you are at it, please tell my upstairs neighbors that they really don't have to walk around like they are part elephant. They are knocking the crap off my walls.

at 3:44 PM Blogger Stacy at Exceedingly Mundane said...

You're welcome to all the rain you can stand. It's been raining here most of the day and it's totally grey and dreary. I'll be glad to send it your way if I could :)

at 3:47 PM Blogger Mainline Mom said...

Oh you crack me up.

at 3:52 PM Blogger patti_cake said...

Ok God, listen to everthing SFG says and take away my tummy pooch and about a half an asscheek each while your at it. Thanks God. Me & SFG are pullin' for ya!

at 3:59 PM Blogger Carrie said...

I hear the nasty rain that blew though here last night is supposed to smack ya'll today... :)

while you're talking about neighbors could you tell mine to stop doing the 5 minute humpy in the morning - that shit wakes me up. :P

at 4:19 PM Blogger Arlene said...

Asshat...I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!
I have a guy down the street that turns the stereo on IN HIS BOAT, IN THE STREET, and rocks the neighborhood for hours on end. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Some people's children, I swear!!

When he's done with your ass, can you send him my way please!

at 4:42 PM Blogger Territorial said...

I can handle food in their mouth...it's when they do that sinus clearing thing over and over again...or when they whistle when the speak. GRRRRR

at 5:47 PM Blogger JD's Rose said...

While he is scraping the 15 pounds off, can I stand in line too? Please?


at 6:43 PM Blogger TBG said...

Oh my goodness I love the open letters I think I might have to start writing some!

at 10:10 PM Blogger Shell said...

Girl...radar shows you are getting your rain...

Is there a line for ass fat removal?

at 10:35 PM Blogger Tammy said...

Reason #374,393,393 Why I Heart SFG.

at 11:10 AM Blogger Cat said...

Let me know if he gets your message K? cuz I need to send him a new one, I think mine keeps getting lost.

at 2:38 PM Blogger Toes in the sand said...

Love this open letter. And I wanna a lil scrappin as well...


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