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Thursday, February 01, 2007

A long overdue update and one very bad dog

First off, this is my new purchase. I have mentioned on Lost In Suburbia's blog that I wanted a barn star a few times and I always have admired her decorating dealios she has going over there. So I found this guy on eBay last week or so. No, a few weeks actually. I think it is 36 inches across and that awesome burnt red color. I dig it.

What do you get when you cross this.....

......with this?

Answer: One very bad dog trotting down the hall carrying my STEELERS BEAR like it is his newest acquisition? Little fucker. I would string him up but he has no balls.

So anyway, my life. Yes, my life. Well, it's been okay. I have discovered the joys of talking to the bitches online. That, right there, is big fun. I have also been talking to Pissy via email while we both work and that hag took today off and I had to be all productive and shit. Bitch. Then, there is Tracy, aka Fuzzball, who cracks my shit up on the regular. I gotta say, you nutty ass bitches keep me sane.

OK, not sane.

Um, not homicidal. Let's go with that one. That is more truthful.

Today was Dad's final PET scan. Now we wait like 5-7 days to get the results. So again, think shrinkage, internets. Or maybe gone. How about gone? I like gone. Shoot for the stars, bitches. Personally if I could go in there and rip the tumors out myself I would.

Let's not even discuss what a skanky whore blogger was being today. Dude, what the fuck? How am I supposed to pass the time when I take breaks from listening to doctors drone on and on when I can't comment on blogs? On the same day Pissy deserts me because of a little snow. Pfffft.

Oh, and I have a cold. Nothing major. But from the neck up, it is Snotfest 2007. Nothing is funnier than having a sneeze sneak up on you and you let loose with such force that you scare the dog who is under the bed behind you and you hear his head make a very telltale clunk noise hitting the bed frame when he jumped from the noise. It is becoming more and more clear just where all his brain cells went.

I know it looks like he has been hitting the doobage and THAT is the reason for the brain cells jumping ship at such a rapid pace, but it is the constant blunt head trauma, I assure you. Nary a surface is safe - coffee tables, corners of walls, door jambs, and now bed frames. They all have dents from his melon making contact.

I blew off class last night due to feeling like ass. Could I have made it? Sure. I was not dying. I just was tired and felt ick-tastic and just did not want to bother. I'm sure God will get over it. He has bigger things to deal with. Like assholes. There are a lot of assholes in this world. He needs to smite them.


Sorry, I digress. I had a very active evening of Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy. Plus of course my Y&R that I can tape now due to DVR. I will just spare you all the week long saga of my DirecTV vs. cable nightmare, but suffice it to say, I now have cable and DirecTV can kiss my lily white ass. Surprisingly enough, I am very calm and polite in dealing with customer service people and tech peeps on the phone because really, it is not their fault that the company they work for are direct descendants of the devil so why be an asshat to them? However, we are now involved in a billing dispute due to us supposedly breaking a contract. I will go and personally style Camel Toe Annie's hair before any of those cocksuckers see a dime of my hard earned cash. Booooooyah.

I have been taking craptastic care of myself lately. I gotta snap out of it and realize that this really bizarre, half curly, half straight hairdo I got going just is probably not the look for me. However, when I exit the shower with wet hair, do not take the time to blow it dry and then straighten it, and then pull the top half back, the normal curls and ponytail bump make it into some nightmare that Belinda Carlisle probably wore in about 1986. In other words, Kami would FUG my ass soon as look at me. It's no bueno, y'all. Starting tomorrow, I give a shit again.

Or Monday. Whatever.

So that is really all that has been going on. All is quiet on the homefront. I have not killed the dog yet. Despite his best efforts. Just keep the dad in your prayers or chants or whatever the fuck each of y'all do. Slaughter a sheep for him. I could not give a shit less. Do what you gotta do.

I'm out.

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Elizabeth at 8:46 PM



at 11:03 PM Blogger TBG said...

first bitches!

at 11:06 PM Blogger TBG said...

Hey I love love love Barn stars very nice!

Sorry the dog is being so naughty!

I hope the cancer is gone in your dad that would be awesome news. I will keep him and you in my prayers!

Hey I love me some GA yep I was watching Ugly Betty and Greys tonight! Oh I so heart Dr. Preston Burke he is so flippin hot!

at 11:08 PM Blogger Tammy said...

With a star like that you so belong in Texas.

What? Chatting online? What did I miss? You Yahoo or Gmail. E-mail a bitch. I wanna chat too!

What would you do with that dog if he weren't so damn cute?

at 11:33 PM Blogger Beth said...

Hi, long time lurker here. ( Sorry, I am extremely shy and don't wanna put my foot in my mouth) anyways, I love reading your blog, most of the time you have me cracking up.

The dog is too damn cute and looks totally tore up from the floor up.

I am keeping you and your dad in my thoughts and hoping the scan comes back clear. Been through it before with my step dad.

at 11:56 PM Blogger Shell said...

I would get one of those stars if I thought it would fit on one of my itty bitty walls.

I haven't seen GA yet. It's on the Tivo. Don't tell me what happened.

Lately everyone I know has had some good news with their cancer. Maybe the luck will continue. A lady I work with got a lumpectomy after a vicious cycle of chemo and they said she came out clear. Another lady I know her cancer was benign. My Uncle didn't end up having cancer. Maybe it will keep going.

at 9:27 AM Blogger patti_cake said...

Hon I am sending healing,shrinking vibes to your Dad. I wish him the best of health.
Gage... ah Gage. I could just kiss his darling nose. He is SO cute! I would probably have given him the Steeler bear. He's THAT cute!
I love your barn star..... hmmm... thinking where could one go in the new home. Do they make PA dutch ones?
NOT that I have anything against TX i'm a PA native though.
Have a great week-end chica!

at 11:24 AM Blogger Fuzzball said...

Like you would EVER kill that happy face puppy! ;)

Love ya, babe

at 1:11 PM Blogger Carrie said...

Hope the cancer is gone, gone, gone!!!!

Pooper is so cute. I bet you didn't even yell at him when you saw him with your bear - he's such a little stinker. :)

at 4:45 PM Blogger Kami said...

Lamb - slaughterd.

I love that Pooper.

at 12:53 AM Blogger Sheri & SuZan said...

Bwahahahahah " I would string him up but he has no balls." THAT was priceless!

Oh and I so love that Star.

at 12:59 AM Blogger Football Widow said...

That dog is mighty lucky he is so damn cute. Mighty lucky. I have to listen to Dr's drone on all day too but sometimes they expect me to respond back. Too bad I can't say what I'm really thinking.

Hope the cancer is all gone!!!

at 10:24 AM Blogger Cheeky said...

I have been in this house over a year and still nothing on the walls - I suck at decorating but I do wanna steal your star!

Awww Pooper!!!!!

at 10:49 PM Blogger Torrie said...

Fuck cancer.


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