Thursday, March 01, 2007

Update

Yeah, the weather here is no bueno. I have a Pooper under my desk and I just got a memo from Reba that she will be moving to sunny San Diego. I could not quite make out the paw scratches but it said something like "First, you brought in that damn dog and now this rain, this LOUD RAIN. You no deserve me. Bon soir."

I had no idea she was bilingual.

Labels: Gage, Reba, Weather

Elizabeth at 2:34 PM

8comments

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Said yesterday while the dog had inflicted yet another unintentional wound

Hubs (while grabbing his man boobie): "Ouch, God damn it, Gage, that hurt."
Me (while trying not to snicker): "Did he get your nipple with his death claws AGAIN?"
Hubs (still clutching boob): "Ouch, yes."
Me: "Damn, he used to be the nut finder, now he is the nip finder."
Hubs (all of the sudden pain free and looking annoyed: "Is that a slam at my heritage?"
Me: Sigh "No, dear, had I wanted to do that, I'd have dubbed him the Gook finder. Pay attention."

Labels: Gage

Elizabeth at 11:53 AM

9comments

Friday, February 09, 2007

What I do when I should be working

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This came out a little dark, but here is the Pooper again.

Labels: Gage

Elizabeth at 9:21 AM

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

A long overdue update and one very bad dog

First off, this is my new purchase. I have mentioned on Lost In Suburbia's blog that I wanted a barn star a few times and I always have admired her decorating dealios she has going over there. So I found this guy on eBay last week or so. No, a few weeks actually. I think it is 36 inches across and that awesome burnt red color. I dig it.

What do you get when you cross this.....

......with this?

Answer: One very bad dog trotting down the hall carrying my STEELERS BEAR like it is his newest acquisition? Little fucker. I would string him up but he has no balls.

So anyway, my life. Yes, my life. Well, it's been okay. I have discovered the joys of talking to the bitches online. That, right there, is big fun. I have also been talking to Pissy via email while we both work and that hag took today off and I had to be all productive and shit. Bitch. Then, there is Tracy, aka Fuzzball, who cracks my shit up on the regular. I gotta say, you nutty ass bitches keep me sane.

OK, not sane.

Um, not homicidal. Let's go with that one. That is more truthful.

Today was Dad's final PET scan. Now we wait like 5-7 days to get the results. So again, think shrinkage, internets. Or maybe gone. How about gone? I like gone. Shoot for the stars, bitches. Personally if I could go in there and rip the tumors out myself I would.

Let's not even discuss what a skanky whore blogger was being today. Dude, what the fuck? How am I supposed to pass the time when I take breaks from listening to doctors drone on and on when I can't comment on blogs? On the same day Pissy deserts me because of a little snow. Pfffft.

Oh, and I have a cold. Nothing major. But from the neck up, it is Snotfest 2007. Nothing is funnier than having a sneeze sneak up on you and you let loose with such force that you scare the dog who is under the bed behind you and you hear his head make a very telltale clunk noise hitting the bed frame when he jumped from the noise. It is becoming more and more clear just where all his brain cells went.

I know it looks like he has been hitting the doobage and THAT is the reason for the brain cells jumping ship at such a rapid pace, but it is the constant blunt head trauma, I assure you. Nary a surface is safe - coffee tables, corners of walls, door jambs, and now bed frames. They all have dents from his melon making contact.

I blew off class last night due to feeling like ass. Could I have made it? Sure. I was not dying. I just was tired and felt ick-tastic and just did not want to bother. I'm sure God will get over it. He has bigger things to deal with. Like assholes. There are a lot of assholes in this world. He needs to smite them.

And SMITE THEM HARD.

Sorry, I digress. I had a very active evening of Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy. Plus of course my Y&R that I can tape now due to DVR. I will just spare you all the week long saga of my DirecTV vs. cable nightmare, but suffice it to say, I now have cable and DirecTV can kiss my lily white ass. Surprisingly enough, I am very calm and polite in dealing with customer service people and tech peeps on the phone because really, it is not their fault that the company they work for are direct descendants of the devil so why be an asshat to them? However, we are now involved in a billing dispute due to us supposedly breaking a contract. I will go and personally style Camel Toe Annie's hair before any of those cocksuckers see a dime of my hard earned cash. Booooooyah.

I have been taking craptastic care of myself lately. I gotta snap out of it and realize that this really bizarre, half curly, half straight hairdo I got going just is probably not the look for me. However, when I exit the shower with wet hair, do not take the time to blow it dry and then straighten it, and then pull the top half back, the normal curls and ponytail bump make it into some nightmare that Belinda Carlisle probably wore in about 1986. In other words, Kami would FUG my ass soon as look at me. It's no bueno, y'all. Starting tomorrow, I give a shit again.

Or Monday. Whatever.

So that is really all that has been going on. All is quiet on the homefront. I have not killed the dog yet. Despite his best efforts. Just keep the dad in your prayers or chants or whatever the fuck each of y'all do. Slaughter a sheep for him. I could not give a shit less. Do what you gotta do.

I'm out.

Labels: Brain dump, Gage, Update

Elizabeth at 8:46 PM

11comments

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Me and Idol - We are BFFs

I swear to God, some fat bleached blonde bitch just said this on national fucking television. This was right after some guy juggled while he sang and then had a fucking shit attack outside after he was rejected for singing worse than William Hung.

Oh man, if you could see Simon's face right now.....Fat Blonde is really trying to bring it. Dude, she has 2 inch roots and 4 chins.

Oh, and I have no words for the girl who sang like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz.

I am only watching this as a favor to Pissy. I think she now owes me her kid.

However, in 16 short minutes, Real Housewives of Orange County is coming on and I fucking dig that show. I know it's shallow. I know the women are botoxed to within an inch of their lives, but holy shit, is it fab. I also watch the Hills so if you are going to rag on me for watching shit that is tailored to a 15 year old, just save it. Heard it, processed it, and I've let it go. I like what I like.

It was back to work today. I am not sure what the hell occurred from yesterday when I had shorts on to today when my feet froze and broke off when I ran the 20 feet from my front door to the mailbox, but holy hell. I don't envy you TX bitches with all that ice. This is more than enough. I do believe that northern Louisiana is getting hit with it now. They had to close a couple interstates for sure.

We had spaghetti, meatballs and garlic bread. Gage was quite transfixed...as evidenced by the following picture:

And yes, I let him eat it.

Labels: Gage, TV, Weather

Elizabeth at 9:43 PM

16comments

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Nabisco should rule the world

I feel like ass. Friggin planes and their germy after effects. I keep talking to hear myself because it sounds like an echo in my head and that's big fun. Can you say clogged ears? Makes doing my job a CINCH.

I am blowing off class tonight and even now, 13 weeks in, the Catholic guilt is getting me. Pathetic. Being that I am not yet Catholic, what does that make me? Catholicesque? Catholiclike? MiniCatholic?

The only thing making me feel better is Cheez-Its. However, they make me thirsty and I am out of water and I don't wanna get up. Therefore, my tongue feels like hairy and dry and gross.

Good news is that we got the Pooper's picture on our Xmas cards. Son of a BITCH if he is not the cutest damn thing ever. You all may think you have cute pets but unless he/she even bears the slightest resemblence to the King of all Poopers, then you would be so very wrong. I shall send them to whomever trusts me not to stalk them in emailing me your address. If not, I will most likely scan the bad boy and put his Santa cloaked ass right here on the net. Currently he is sitting just to the right of me staring at me because he has dog senses and he KNOWS that there is one Cheez-It left in this bowl.

Should I give it to him?

Labels: Gage, Health, RCIA

Elizabeth at 6:33 PM

3comments