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Saturday, April 30, 2005

Amazingly accurate.......

Your Taste in Music:

Country: Highest Influence
80's Pop: High Influence
90's Pop: High Influence
Classic Rock: High Influence
R&B: High Influence
80's Alternative: Medium Influence
80's R&B: Medium Influence
Hair Bands: Medium Influence
80's Rock: Low Influence
90's Alternative: Low Influence
90's Hip Hop: Low Influence
90's R&B: Low Influence
Adult Alternative: Low Influence
Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence
Progressive Rock: Low Influence
How's" Your Taste in Music?

Elizabeth at 8:19 PM


Friday, April 29, 2005

Annoying questions via email

I have gotten countless emails with the "Getting to Know You" questionairre and it is almost always the same shit regurgitated over and over and over. So I am compiling a list of questions that I think actually mean something. Some are stupid, but all of them say something about the layers of someone's personality. I will put questions or statements here and go ahead and answer them for myself. Please feel free to flagrantly steal and put this on your site if you feel the need. I do it constantly.

1. Best place you have had sex - swingset
2. Member of the same sex you would so do if given the chance (I don't give two craps if you are gay or bi or not - just answer the damn question.) Salma Hayek
3. Ever cheated with a friend's spouse or significant other? No. I did date a friend's ex and that was so not the thing to do. He was so not worth it.
4. Ever had sex at work? No, but did some other stuff. ;)
5. Part of the body that turns you on the most. Smile and a man's arms. purrrrrrr
6. Favorite drink - alcoholic. Frozen margarita with salt - preferably on a Friday afternoon after work on my back patio.
7. Favorite drink - non-alcoholic. Diet Coke.
8. Book you are currently reading. Some book by Iris Johannsen that is boring me to tears but I am determined to finish so I can loan it to my friend Pam.
9. Favorite restaurant. Houston's on St. Charles Avenue. I love to have a late lunch there and enjoy watching people out the floor to ceiling windows.
10. Sport that you watch and totally get into. Football - no doubt.
11. Scariest thing you ever did. Going through a rough patch with an ex where I thought my safety was in danger.
12. Ever cheated? Oh yeah. Not proud of it but I did it.
13. Ever regretted a break up. Yep, and still do.
14. Ever met someone off the net. Yes - funny story to be told later.
15. Member of your family you are convinced is adopted. Would have to be my brother Mike who looks like none of us and is a complete freak.
16. Age when you had your first adult kiss. 15 and it was in my boyfriend's bedroom and I was initially totally grossed out. He just sorta shoved his tongue in my face.
17. Blogs read daily: Dooce, Katie, Torrie, Kristine, Lawbrat, Home Detention Lady, Spurious Plum. There are others but I tend to click from other sites to find them. There are so many that I just love.
18. Last lie told. Hmmmm, will have to think on that one.
19. Food you can not live without. Pizza - no contest.
20. Would you stay with a spouse or significant other if you found out they cheated? Hell no.
21. Have you done so already. When I was a stupid teenager - yes.
22. Ever dated outside your race. Oh yeah - I have the United Nations of ex-boyfriends. I think the only race or ethnic group I have yet to date is a Native American.
23. Place you must visit before you die. Greece.
24. Ever messed around with a person you knew was married. Sorry to say but yes I have.

I will post more questions as the come to me but this is a great start. :)

Elizabeth at 12:40 PM


Thursday, April 28, 2005

The knot in my belly is now gone

So very much can happen in 24 short little hours. I came to work yesterday near tears and with a giant knot in my belly from the sheer stress of it all. Work had become intolerable and I had already sent resumes out. I was ready to walk, people. Well, fairly early on in the day (which was Admin Professionals day or whatever fuckin' PC title they gave what used to be Secretary's day) I had received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Mike, the boss who had been so incredibly nasty. My only thought was that clearly these had been on order for quite some time because we have been hating each other for a week. Not long after the flowers showed up, Mike comes strolling into my office with the subpoenas I had asked him to sign and decides we need to have a pow wow. Long story slightly shorter, he claims to have never meant any of the outright nasty things he said to me in the manner in which I took them, blah blah blah. In his defense, we have always had a very informal way of speaking to each other - i.e. calling each other fucktard, etc. However, the tone of the emails in question were so different. I whipped out said emails and went over them saying "OK, what did you mean here....and here....and HERE???" The one thing that is making me sorta believe that he is truly just this clueless and not the mean bastard I had been seeing was that when I told him he had reduced me to tears 5 times in 3 days, he looked truly shocked. I made sure to watch his reaction because I have a good bullshit meter. He truly looked amazed. Well, I am in wait and see mode now. He could very well just want to put his pissy ass mood behind us and is merely doing damage control. I have no clue. I am glad I confronted him and do not regret it in the least. For the time being, I am staying put but if he ever treats me that way again, I am gone pecan. I will never be truly comfortable with him again because a part of me just does not buy the whole "I had no idea how you took it" crap, but at least I am not crying at the drop of a hat anymore and I am getting sleep.

On a different note, still no word from R. We are going on a week now. The killer is that I am not all that worried about it. If he contacts me, cool. If not, I imagine I will live. I still fail to understand the way my brain works and how I can be all fired up about something or someone and literally can change my tune within a few days. Very odd. Maybe someday this will all make sense. One can always hope.

Elizabeth at 10:17 AM


Wednesday, April 27, 2005

How NORMAL am I? Clearly an unscientific test.....

You Are 55% Normal
(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Elizabeth at 11:08 AM


Ass trolls and the ulcers they bring

As posted above, I am having career troubles. It is past midnight and I am awake. Wide fuckin' awake. I confronted Mike today about how heinously he has treated me and he had the audacity, the fuckin' nads, to play stupid. He is totally going into "cover your ass" mode and is setting it up so that if I go to the partners over this, he can say "clearly I had no idea what she was talking about - she was obviously taking my comments the wrong way." He knows the problems I had before when I went to them over the last dickhead. He KNOWS that I would sooner quit than to go through that again. Well, he has won. I am going to quit. I have updated my resume and sent it out to two separate staffing agencies this evening. The man has reduced me to tears on 5 separate occasions over the course of 3 days. What the fuck kind of working conditions are those? I am not going to HR or the partners so I am out. I am laying here in bed trying to get some sleep in anticipation of what is sure to be another fun filled day of work tomorrow and all I can do is see him in my head and feel the tension and anxiety he has brought into my life. So now I will go to work tired and ill prepared for the oncoming array of shit. My stomach is in a perpetual knot. I really hate him. I want to do something to him that will hurt. Really hurt. However, anything I could even think of doing will just end up on me. It will just make me look bad and I can ill afford that considering I will need another job before I leave this one. I can't afford to have a blemish on my resume - leaving a job in a poor manner, etc. I do not know if any of what I have typed here will make sense or follow any sort of coherent path. I just thought that if I could get my thoughts down and possibly out of my head, I could maybe sleep. I am not sure I am strong enough to get through this with my dignity intact. I really hope that I am.

Elizabeth at 12:40 AM


Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Somewhat of a surprise

I always thought that I thought a tad more like a man, but far be it from me to question the results of this highly scientific test. :)
Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Elizabeth at 11:15 AM


Saturday, April 23, 2005

The week from hell

Well, this was an interesting week. It started out normal enough. Then Tuesday my work life sorta exploded. For those of you that do not know, I am a paralegal in a medium sized insurance defense firm. Normally I like my job as well as those that I work with and for, but Tuesday pretty much changed all that. I busted my ass last week working almost every night (including Friday) and I worked a good bit on Saturday. However, my boss - we shall call him Dickweed - told me late in the week "just do what you can do." Call me crazy but I took that to me that I should do what I can do but don't kill myself - that if all the summaries are not complete, then oh well. Nevertheless, I still did my best to get done what I could. Long story short, he fuckin' flipped on Monday and without going into tons of detail really did tell me via email "don't blame me if you can't handle your job." To say that I was pissed is the understatement of the fuckin' decade. That fucktard made me cry and I do not like to cry over some asswipe like that. Therefore, I emailed him back and told him that the summaries would be done. Therefore, I worked 15.5 hours on Tuesday and busted my ass but they got done. I went in Wednesday morning for 7 and had those on his chair before he even came in. And since then he has had the fuckin' nerve to try to be nice to me. Oh no. Don't even go there, fuckwad. You do NOT get to speak that way to me and then try and make nice. Fuck that. I saw him briefly on Wednesday - when the fuckin' depo that I busted my ass for did not even go forth - but Thursday and Friday I did not see him in the least. Which was just fine with me. He can kiss my fuckin' ass. I have busted my ass for this dickweed and now he can forget it. I will do my job and that is it. I will not give him any reason to bitch about my work but as for having a good working relationship, he can kiss that good-bye. OH, GET THIS. He also wants to include me on the lunch next week for secretary's day or week or whatever politically correct phrase they use now for it. Um, I THINK NOT. I do not want his thanks for anything. I want my paycheck and for him to stay the fuck out of my way - not lunch. So I think I will be declining his invitation. In fact, I believe I feel a cold coming on right in time for Friday's lunch - cough, cough, sniff, sniff.

Elizabeth at 10:51 AM


Thursday, April 21, 2005

How depressing is this?

I mean, don't get me wrong - this was an amazing movie, but how depressing is this? Good Lord, if this is any indication of what my life is like, I am going to just end it all. No pun intended. Sorry, Jewish people. Apparently I am going to just go from religion to religion and say rude shit. Mazaltov. (SP?)

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Elizabeth at 3:21 PM


The perils of a misspent youth

In earlier posts from yesterday, I promised two stories - one about what a horrible day Tuesday was and one about my shoplifting story. Since I am in a fairly good mood today, I do not want to think about Tuesday, so today's story is the big stealing story.

I grew up in southern California. During my formative years (high school), I lived with my father, step mother and step sister in a fairly nice area called San Dimas. Yes, San Dimas of Bill and Ted fame. The city actually exists. Anyway, I digress. My sister is younger than me. She was a bad ass. I, for the most part, was a good kid. I did spend an inordinate amount of time tipsy but I got good grades and managed to get out of high school without a kid or a venereal disease so in my book, I did well. I digress yet again. So the sister and I are walking out of the drug store that was near my house. She had on those jean overalls that were the fuckin' rage way back when and it had this center pocket thing. She very calmly goes "I just love shoplifting" or something to that effect and promptly plucks out of the center pocket a bag of candy corn. I was about 15 or so at the time probably. Hardly a tiny child. However, my eyes probably bugged out of my head at the realization that my baby sister had STOLEN......SOMETHING......FROM.....A....STORE. I was both appalled and admiring her for her boldness. I am a lot of things, but I tend to lack the chutzpah to do something like that. Well, I DID lack the chutzpah. I thank my sister for leading me down the path to my near destruction. Here is the story.

I was in Ralph's grocery store. I was with my slut friend, JoeAnn. Everyone had a slut friend, right? I certainly am not judging her. I actually lived my life vicariously through her. She also is a good example of someone much bolder than myself. Anyway, by this point, I had already shoplifted probably $300 worth of make up from the Ralph's as well as the already mentioned drug store next door. I got a crappy allowance. Getting a job was not going to happen. And damn it, I wanted new make up. You do the math. So, anyway, we were in Ralph's. The one detail that sticks with me is that I had on green sweat pants. I had already taken several things and was very comfortable with it now. I did not even get a high from it. We are walking out of the store and I feel a hand on my arm. "Excuse me.....what line did you check out of?" I always legitimately bought things - attracted way less suspicion that way. I pointed to the line I had been in and handed over my bag. I then very slowly and deliberately strolled to the outside of the store. And then I ran like hell. I could hear my friend laughing her ass off. Later she told me that she had never seen anyone run like that in her life. She claimed I was just a streak of green. All I know is that I got away with it. And I was scared straight. I have never done anything like that again in my life. I managed to hide out and make it home with no one ever the wiser. I did not set foot into Ralph's - even with my step-mom - for well over a year. I was convinced that they would have my picture somewhere and someone would remember me as the streak of green thief. When I finally went back in, my heart was like in my chest. No one said a word.

That is my big shop lifting story. Pathetic I know. I am sure there are people who have walked right out of Circuit City with a big screen tv on a dolly but I only dabbled in the thievery of make up and magazines. I wish I could say I felt some form of guilt for the make up and stuff I stole, but honestly I don't. I am thrilled I never got caught and had the parents find out. That would have been a fate worse than death. The whole disappointed look sucked big donkey dick.

Please feel free to share similar stories. I love stories from days gone by.

Elizabeth at 12:57 PM


This made me laugh

Sometimes things on the net just crack me up. What on earth did I do before internet connection? Oh, that's right - I read actual books.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Elizabeth at 12:35 PM


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Just flagrant stealing is what this is.....

Are y'all beginning to realize that today no work is getting done and that I am just going from blog to blog reading people's stuff and basically snagging their ideas? OK, just so we are clear...

This is from Spurious Plum whose blog makes me giggle...I so love the Defcon 5 houseguest cleaning stories. Someone more anal than me - hallelujah. Anyway, here is what I stole:

In the immortal words of Holy Schmidt -
"T if for true, F is for false you fucktard!
(T) I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car
(T) I've Never Been To Japan
(F) I've Never Been In A Taxi
(F) I've Never Been In Love
(F) I've Never Had Sex In Public (um....)
(F) I've Never Been Dumped
(T) I've Never Done Cocaine
(F) I've Never Shoplifted - that is a funny story to be shared later.
(T) I've Never Been Fired
(T) I've Never Been In A Fist Fight (Man, do I want to though!)
(T) I've Never Had Group Intercourse ( Yep, I'm Prudence McPrudepants)
(F) I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House
(F) I've Never Been Tied Up
(F) I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone
(T) I've Never Been Arrested
(F) I've Never Made Out With A Stranger (only once!)
(F) I've Never Stolen Something From My Job
(T) I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
(T) I've Never Gone On A Blind Date (that's a WHOLE separate post to be addressed later this week.)
(F) I've Never Lied To A Friend ("Does this make me look fat?" "NO, but I'm not sure about the color....")
(F) I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher
(F) I've Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans (I live in NO so I have no choice.)
(T) I’ve Never Been To Europe
(F) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
(F) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(F) I've Never Skipped School
(F) I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker
(T) I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose (Ow.)
(T) I've Never Had Sex At The Office
(F) I've Never Been Married
(T) I've Never Been Divorced
(T) I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week
(T) I've Never Posed Nude
(F) I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them
(T) I've Never Killed Anyone
(F) I've Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
(F) I've Never Been Drunk (HA!AHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!)
(T) I've Never Smoked Pot (again, one of the few)
(F) I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar
(T) I've Never Taken Ecstasy
(T) I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
(T) I've Never Eaten Sushi (No. Poor fishies. Now pass the chicken.)
(T) I've Never Been Snowboarding
(F) I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party
(T) I've Never Had Sex While A Friend Was In The Room
(T) I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
(F) I've Never Flashed Anyone
(F) I've Never Met Anyone From Online - see post above - was my one night stand. His name was Ryan and he was hot as hell. No clue what his last name was nor do I care.

Elizabeth at 2:42 PM


51 Random things.....

I am inspired by Kristine's "Random and Odd" blog in which she lists 51 random facts about herself. She claimed that it is harder than it looks so I am testing it out.....let's roll.

1. I have no conscious memory of losing my virginity.
2. I have the ability to recall really stupid facts about various things and have no reason why I know them. Hence, I am called the font - as in font of useless knowledge.
3. Bad grammar used to make me crazy until I moved to the South - where grammar has gone to die. I have since given in.
4. Sometimes I feel closer to people that I have never met in person than to those people that are in my life every day.
5. Yesterday was the worst day in my professional life. (More of that later.)
6. I have 3 older brothers and one sister - and yet somehow I am an only child. Figure that one out.
7. My best friend in the world is named Wendy and Wendy rocks, ok?
8. I annoy those who go to the movies with me because any time the Dreamworks logo pops up, I MUST SAY "My Wendell works there."
9. Cell phones are the most annoying contraption but I am thankful at times that I have one.
10. I have never owned a brand new car.
11. I can not name my one favorite movie - I can only narrow it down to 5 or 6.
12. I love roller coasters even though the height thing scares the shit out of me.
13. I am not any where near the place I thought I would be in my life at the age of 31.
14. My biggest fear is that I will never have children of my own.
15. I have only had one true one night stand in my life. Unless just hooking up counts in which case, I need to break out the calculator.
16. My favorite ice cream flavor is Cookies n Cream.
17. Nothing brightens my day more than Reese Peanut butter cups.
18. I live and subsist on caffeine.
19. I try not to act like this is true but if someone ever took my laptop away, I would cease to exist.
20. I can not stand this woman in my office. I have no idea why but I just loathe her. This woman has never once done a thing to me - that I know of.
21. I sing loudly in the car and to my ears, it sounds good. Probably not so much though.
22. Even though I would never admit it or ask for it, I love for a fuss to be made over me on my birthday.
23. I very often confuse love with lust/hopeful thinking.
24. I still wonder sometimes if I decided against law school out of fear of possible failure.
25. Sometimes it is so much easier to lie.
26. I have lost two cats for inexplicable reasons. When I say lost, I mean they died, not I can't find them. That still haunts me.
27. Greece is the one place I want to see before I die.
28. I need a vacation so badly right now that I can taste it.
29. Fat babies make me smile - particularly the rolls. Love the rolls.
30. I want to eat breakfast off Dennis Quaid's belly.
31. Headaches come so often to me that I most likely have a giant tumor in there somewhere.
32. I have a flair for the dramatic - see above.
33. Sarcasm is my way of saying what I really feel and hiding behind the possible joke aspect of it.
34. My shame - I was addicted to "The Bachelor/ette" for about 3 or 4 seasons. I have now moved on.
35. Certain things fascinate me that I have no business being interested in - case in point, Ashlee Simpson. Why?
36. I am incredibly jealous of one of my cousins who seems to have everything going for her.
37. I have a very difficult time with monogamy. (And let the hate mail begin.)
38. After sleeping 10 or 11 hours, I can be up for a few hours and easily nap the afternoon away.
39. I am great at procrastinating when I do not wish to do something.
40. Cleaning my kitchen floor is the task I detest most.
41. Coming home to my dog and having him be so damn excited to see lil ol me is just such a high.
42. Coming home to my cat who does nothing more than raise one eye open in a very "Oh, you again?" way - also a huge high.
43. Dusk is my favorite time of day.
44. Have never had sex on a beach and I so want to.
45. Ditto with glass elevator. Going doooooowwwwnnn???
46. There are so many things about me that no one in the world knows.
47. Football season is the best thing about fall and winter.
48. I want to meet Terry Bradshaw someday and when I do, I will rub his head.
49. I have been seriously depressed two times in my life.
50. I wish I could redo the last three years of my life.
51. My future daughter's name will be Emma.

That was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Hope you all enjoy. :)

Elizabeth at 1:28 PM


Monday, April 18, 2005

Catholics - please do not hate me, but.....

I am sick to death (no pun intended) about hearing about the Pope dying. You know, the poor man was ill and it was his time. OK, the funeral is over. Let's move on. I am tired of hearing about smoke stacks, and the significance of this, and the importance of that. Since when do we need to know all this??? Of course, I was just a wee lass when this pope was put into office? Power? (What does one call that?) Anyways, perhaps I just do not recall all of this pomp and circumstance because I was too busy making Ken and Barbie do NC-17 rated things to each other in the Corvette. I was so good at that. I watched soaps with my grandma from age 7 on - I have had sex on the brain ever since. A word to the wise for all you moms out there - kids learn tongue kissing from the Guiding Light. I am here to tell the tale....

OK, back on topic. Now they want to sanctify him. Pardon my ignorance but doesn't a person have to perform certain things - like miracles - to even be considered?? I am sure this Pope was a wonderful man who loved his church and devoted his life to God, but SAINT??? I think people are letting their emotions get a tad overwrought. Let's get perspective people. No women can serve as priests. The male priests can't marry or do the deed. Lots of these male priests are touching our children and scarring them for life. Before we sanctify anyone, perhaps let's take a gander at the church and do some house cleaning. It's all about priorities - let's find some, shall we?

Elizabeth at 2:06 PM



NOTE TO SELF - YOU WILL MARRY FOR MONEY AND NOTHING SHORT OF THAT. Working for a living is highly overrated and tiresome. I can be shallow. Sure I can. No problem. I am down with shallow.

Elizabeth at 11:16 AM