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Sunday, April 30, 2006

This is how I torture my dog.

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Elizabeth at 10:14 PM


Friday, April 28, 2006

Sometimes life is just funny

Am I the only one who is giggling because Rush Limbaugh was back in jail?

Elizabeth at 9:57 PM


Stolen from High Maintenance Mama (I so love that name)

1. when was the last time you went to the bathroom outside? Does a Portapotty count? If so, then when I went to the Strawberry Festival a few weeks back.
2. when was the last time you saw your parents? I saw my mom earlier this morning. I saw my Dad New Year's Day.
3. which family member do you most resemble? My Dad. Big time.
4. do you own your own bible? Yes, a couple of them
5) do you wear deodorant ? YES!
6. do you clean up nice? I can look pretty good when I really try.
7. when was the last time you tripped and fell ? I don’t really know.
8. where was the last place you slept besides your home? Hotel in Chandler, AZ when we went to see my Dad during Xmas
9. what are you listening to right now? A show on TV - Close to Home
10. have you ever started an uncontrollable fire? NO
11. ever run out of gas on the road? One time and it was like less than a 1/4 mile from home
12. would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves? I don't cut grass but I'd rather eat glass than rake leaves.
13. your middle name spelled backwards? Nna
14. what is the last thing you downloaded on your computer? Could not even guess
15. last time you swam in a pool? Over the weekend with the hubs in our pool
16. have you ever been in a school play? Yes, in grade school
17. how many kids do you want? At least one, but two would be nice if we could manage them
18. music you dislike most? Rude rap music that is thumping next to me in a car and vibrating the entire road
19. you registered to vote? yes
20. you have cable? Satellite
21. ever prank call anybody? Sure, back in school
22. would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? There is no way!!
23. do you have a garden? Well, the front yard is landscaped with flowers and stuff if that counts.
24. whats your favorite comic? I love Calvin and Hobbes
25. bath or shower? morning or night? Shower in the morning
26. best movie you’ve seen in the past two weeks? The Constant Gardner from Netflix
27. best pizza topping? Pepperoni and cheese layered like 14 times.
28. peanuts or popcorn? popcorn, with extra butter (real butter, not that fake crap) and salt
29. have you ever smoked? NO
31. chocolate bar? Milky Way
32. when was the last time you voted at the polls? Last presidential election
33. when was the last time you ate a home grown tomato? Don't have a clue
34.are you good in bed? Like I am going to tell y'all that. Ask the hubs.
35. ever order anything from infomercial? No
36. sprite or 7-up? Sprite
37. have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/ school? Yes, to jobs I had when I was younger - waiting tables, etc.
38. ever thrown up in public? Yes, at church when I was a little girl and sick as a dog. Hanging out of my now husband's truck as we were trying to cross the bridge and then again out of the hubs truck after a Christmas party. Um, I was not drinking or anything.
39. would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True Love, which I already have
40. do you believe in love at first sight? No, but I do believe in "Damn, I'd do him" at first sight
41. who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My FIL
42. did you have alot of hair as a baby? I guess a fair amount - now I have thick ass mop
43. what do you think about most? How to make more money to get us out of debt
44. favorite form of traveling? Used to be by plane but now that makes me a tad nervous and I don't enjoy it like I used to, so I guess by car with some great scenery to keep my attention
45. if you could have one magical power what would it be? You know that Easy button on the commercials? Well, I would like a delete button. I would delete one particular person so fast that her too tight camel toe inducing jeans would fly right off.

Feel free to steal. Just let me know so I can come read your answers. :)

Elizabeth at 9:17 PM


Some stuff that is on my mind

To Jennifer Love Hewitt: Or Wondertits as my cousin Jen calls her - please, darlin, not everyone needs to see your mammaries overfloweth. It is just not necessary. What the fuck is with the Hepburn-esque eyeliner and false eyelashes? Like every day. You were supposedly all sick or something in one episode of this damn show and you had full make up on. INCLUDING LASHES. It's ridiculous, so just stop it.

Am I the only person that when you hear someone say "If you've got a problem..." I immediately to say "Yo, I'll solve it" and do the kick ball-change move that Vanilla Ice did back in the early 90's? No? So, that's just me, then? Mmmmkay.

Does pizza and chocolate constitute a varied diet? No? Wrong again? FUCK!!!

Does the show "Deal or No Deal" infurate anyone else? When some fuckwad who makes a total of like $25K a year throws away like $125K because their greedy asses are trying for the damn million, I want to jump through the screen and yell into their faces that if their children don't get to go to college due to their financial dipshitness, then they have only their selfishness to blame. I can't watch that show or my blood pressure skyrockets and I get a headache.

Why do I feel like I am not really "reading" when I read these like easy to get through chick lit type books? I feel like I am somehow cheating and not really like enriching my mind or something. Why can't I just sit back and enjoy them since I so clearly do?

Why am I dreading this damn wedding shower tomorrow?

Why do I dread going to be in my very best friend's wedding? I am like totally treating it as a chore. That is not being a very good friend.

Why am I completely obsessed with celebrity gossip?

On that note, is anyone else disgusted that Denise Richards is straddling her ex-bestfriends's (Heather Locklear) soon to be ex-husband (Richie Sambora)? I mean, that is just fucked up, no?

What planet of backward and not right do I live on that Britney "I don't drive with carseats and my baby fell out of a highchair thereby necessitating visits from Child Services TWICE" Spears can get pregnant TWICE and I am going to have to shell out over $10K to maybe get knocked up by my husband who, unlike Kevin Federline, is employed times deux?

I am watching a tv show where a girl got a cop stripper at her bachelorette party. Why do I feel like I got so screwed over because I so did not get one?

Does anyone else think that Kelly Ripa lives a charmed life? She works approximately an hour a day for one show, has a second show, and is married to Mark Consuelos. Other than having to sit next to Regis, her life is flawless.

OK, I guess I have emptied my mind for now. I'm sure there will be more mindless drivel to follow.

Elizabeth at 8:47 PM


Book 19 - I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies)

***Scroll down for SPF***

I read this book is just over two days. Laurie Notaro is hilarious - much in the same way that Jen Lancaster was in Bitter is the New Black. The book is autobiographical and tells the story of the time leading up to when her first book was published. She is an incredible mess of a person, but so damn funny that you have to love her. If you liked Bitter is the New Black, then I know you will love this book. Enjoy!!

Elizabeth at 11:42 AM


Stuff Portrait Friday - It's how you look at it.

Something BIG. My sweet girl's giant fluffy butt. It has reached epic proportions recently. Sorta like her mama.

Something small. My iPod mini. I heart this thing so much. Probably one of the best gifts I have received EVER.

Half of something. Half of my TV as I was watching the Golden Girls this morning. Yep, I still love that show.

So let me know if you played, bitches!!

Elizabeth at 10:02 AM


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Book 18 - Goodbye Jimmy Choo by Annie Sanders

This was a cute book, but for whatever reason, it took me longer than usual to finish it. The story was about two women from the English suburbs who become friends because they have nothing in common with the Stepfordish other Momanistas in their neighborhoods. The end up starting a cosmetics company using the formulas and ingredients found in one of the women's aunt's old diary. It was a good story with a lot of colorful characters and interesting plot lines. If you want a nice read, then I recommend. :)

Elizabeth at 12:30 PM


A slightly different take on FUG Thursday

FUG Thursday brought to us by the wonderful Kami is our chance to point out the fashion pointless and ugly as a public service announcement for the blog world.

First, let me bring you the anti-FUG. Jessica Alba never ever looks bad. She never even looks mediocre. I almost hate her.

On the other side of the coin, we have the Almost Constant FUG. Kelly Osborne is just a wreck. Everything about her looks is almost always too severe. She so needs to stop dragging fashion ideas from Big Papa.

The sometimes FUG, sometimes not-so-FUG. Carmen Electra is a beautiful girl. True, she wears way too damn much make-up and sometimes dresses like a $2 whore, but having seen her on tv with very little make-up on her lovely face (yes I watched her and Dave Navarro's show on MTV - SHUT UP) I can attest that she is GORGEOUS. Every now and then she busts out with an outfit that is a tad more conservative and she looks lovely. Then, of course, she busts out with skanky shit the next day. Oh well, when you look like that, I suppose you can wear whatever.

Going to a baseball game later - high school game. Should be a good time. I love sporting events. Too fun. :) Y'all have a loverly day.

Elizabeth at 10:10 AM


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

OK, so it works but I am still a tard

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My personal favorite quote:

Me: How long does this record for? (Because all the greats ended their sentences with prepositions.)
Hubs: Until you press STOP.
Me: Oh, ok.

I am nothing if not, um, bright.

Don't critique my video taking ability or I will cut you.

Elizabeth at 1:53 PM


Let's see if this here thing works....

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Two things occur to me when I see this.

1. My husband is a massive man.
2. I have the evil laugh of a cackling hen from hell. Jack up the volume if you don't believe me.

Elizabeth at 1:50 PM


Neighbors from hell, part deux and movie reviews

I so can't even deal with these dipshits next door. OK, when we moved in here, I heard these like HORROR stories of the freak show man who lived here before we did. He had a wife and 2 girls as well. He would not allow any cats to roam the neighborhood. He would freak if someone walked in his grass. And, my personal favorite, he would not allow the shithead neighbors next door to put their garbage cans on the other side of the house because he did not want to see them. Yeah, dude had some balls, ok?

Is it sad that I am now starting to feel his pain? I mean, as evidenced by the pictures I posted yesterday, they clearly don't take pride in the outside of their home. I mean, I am not perfect - by far. My lawn could use a good cutting right now but the fact that it rained today means the hubs can't cut it. (Yeah, he's all broken up.) However, I do not leave shit all over the side of my house either. And the motorcycles have GOTTA GO. I have no problem with bikes or bikers. I mean, shit, I don't care. However, when it comes to the whole revving of the engine and the loudness, I get pissed OFF. In that way, I am an old mawmaw who shakes her fist at those damn kids these days.

I watched two fairly good movies recently. Requiem for a Dream was quite the ride. It was rather arty and creative in how it was shot. The characters were interesting. It was not a movie that I would normally love to watch, but I did appreciate it for the way it was different from other movies and the story was actually very touching and sad. Last night, I got a new Netflix and I curled up cozy in bed during a storm and watched Match Point starring Johnathan Rhys Meyers (not sure if I spelled that right)and Scarlet Johannsen. Very good movie. Basically, the story was about this rather wealthy British family that JRM marries into. He ends up having an affair with the Scarlet character who, by the way, was engaged to the young man in the rich family who happens to be a friend of JRM even before he gets into the family. It, of course, ends disasterously but I won't completely spoil it in case you decide to see it. It just came out on DVD yesterday so go check it out.

There are big changes in my life going on right now in a professional capacity. I will have hopefully good news to report in the next couple of months, but for now, just keep sending those good vibes my way. Speaking of good vibes, I am feeling better about the shit I vented about yesterday. I am not nearly as irritated by it as I once was. It is their loss really and I am over it. I shall go to this shower on Saturday, and then cut my losses. I am kinda just bummed that they seriously disappointed me.

Oh, here is a goody for ya. As y'all know, I have had zero contact with the MIL since the death of my FIL. I mean, nothing. She has been in contact with the hubs a couple of times, but absolutely nothing to me and that is just fine by this bitch. So the hubs comes home the other day and says he spoke to the MIL. She asked him to ask me (yep, it's become that mature - we do the adult version of "pass this note down to her") if I wanted her cat - the very same cat that we took care of for a few months before. She just had to have this cat. Had to. Now, he is a nuisance and she wants him gone. He is too spunky basically and according to her, "seems lonely." Yeah, whatever. She is too busy spending money with wild abandon to take proper care of a pet and she wants it to be over with. I told the hubs no for a couple of reasons but I am concerned that she will extend no effort to find a proper home for him and just end up letting him go in the woods or something. I really hope she does not do that. I'll have to bitch slap her for that shit.

No Way Back Wednesday for me today. I am too lazy to go digging through the pictures. How is that for slackass?

Elizabeth at 11:00 AM


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Any clue why I might not be a huge fan of my neighbors?

Taken very surreptitiously from my kitchen window through the blinds.

Tell me this shit is not unncessary.

Elizabeth at 5:58 PM


Isn't this the damn truth?

Which Deadly Sin Is Yours?

Which Deadly Sin Are You


Make war and not love is your motto. Better to rise up in anger and strike someone down than be pushed around.

Find out your Deadly Sin at Quizopolis.com

Elizabeth at 1:34 PM


What pisses me the fuck off, part 1 of many, I'm sure


Here is the thing. Sometimes I wonder why the FUCK I try to be friends with da chicks. I mean, as a gross generalization, I assert the following - women are catty, backstabbing, fickle, bitchy, sneaky, underhanded, and chicken shits who will talk shit behind your back soon as look at ya. My friends when I was in high school and college were predominantly male. What is it about having the testicles that makes men somewhat less inclined to sell out their friends? Life was way easier then too. I kept the chicks (except for a few well-chosen girls) at an arm's length. As I have grown up a tad more and entered the work world, I thought that perhaps women were a bit more mature than the girls I had encountered in the past. Um, not so much the case. They are just way better at manipulating situations and turning things around to suit what they perceive to be reality.

I have always wanted to be friends with women who had that whole "we are one big sisterhood" mentality. Sadly (or maybe not sadly and I truly mean no offense to y'all) the only place I have found this is in the blog world. My IRL friends (again with a few notable exceptions) have proven to be just as ridiculous as the girls from my past. The women I have encountered on here have almost completely revamped my opinion of the fairer sex. This was quite the job being that my opinion of women in general sucks donkey dicks. So y'all should be pretty proud of y'allselves. LOL

Let me tell you the situation that has incurred my wrath today. A girl I used to work with just got married. I am really excited for her. She is a great girl and deserves some happiness because, trust me, I have met her ex and she paid her damn dues, OK? I received the invitation to her shower that is being held after the wedding (long story why this is being done this way). I emailed another girl that I used to work with who I have not seen in FOREVER to see if she was going to the shower because I would love to see her. OK, that was my mistake. I should have never assumed. However, this girl hung out with me and the now married chick a lot. I know that married chick and this girl continue to be at least fairly close so I just naturally assumed that she was invited. I know, completely stupid ass move on my part and I felt really bad when it became incredibly apparent that your girl was never invited. Um, nice. I agree that this was my mistake but I see no good fucking reason why this girl should have been excluded except for her not making some sort of clique-ish popularity list. Trust me, something about this stinks. I smell some sort of bullshit reason coming as to why this girl was not invited. Oh, and TRUST ME, I will bring it up when I am there on Saturday. Oh yeah, I will.

I'm just a bitch that way.

Elizabeth at 12:50 PM


Monday, April 24, 2006

Meme stolen from one of my new favorite blogs - Exceedingly Mundane with Stacy

Name 5 Things that:

1. Make you smile:
My animals
Hanging out with good friends
Making the hubs laugh at me and go "You are so stupid."
Going to Target
Knowing that chances are great that I won't even have to commute to an office AGAIN

2. You can see on your desk right now:
Mail that needs to be filed away
Picture of the girl at Homecoming
Stack of CDs that I pulled music from for the iPod
Some reference books
Bills that need to be paid

3. Kept you busy this weekend:
Weeding out front
Washing my filthy car
Lunching with Karen

4. You’ll be doing this coming week:
Waiting for this email to see if I got accepted into this dealio thing
Swimming and getting a tan
Celebrating the Momenator's birthday
Paying bills

5. You’ve said to make someone else smile:
I showed Mom how Reba thinks she is hiding behind something when her entire ass is hanging out
Made our waitress smile yesterday at Houstons
Probably something goofy to either the hubs or the mom - no telling what I said.

Feel free to steal like I did. :)

Elizabeth at 12:03 PM


Saturday, April 22, 2006

The day my daughter utters these words to me, I will know my work here is done

Stolen from Isabel's site at All About Me.

Elizabeth at 11:02 AM


Friday, April 21, 2006

SPF - my initials

Kristine was threatened to put up this week's SPF in a hurry so she came up with something kinda different - take a picture of something that starts with each of your initials. I could not decide if I wanted to use my married name or maiden name so I did both. Do I get extra credit?

My first initial is E. I totally had a hard time with this one so I took a picture of my favorite form of Entertainment. If I did not have movies in my life, I'd shrivel up and die. I probably turn over my Netflix movies quicker than a lot of people do. I am sure that Netflix is not a fan of mine being that I am soooooo getting my money's worth.

Second intial is A for angel. This is one of the angels that came off FIL's casket. It finally does not make me sad every damn time I see it. Progress is a good thing.

My married initial is also A for Arizona. This is one of my favorite pictures that I took while we were there over Christmas. This was the sunset on our first day at the Grand Canyon. Isn't it awesome?

My maiden name initial is C for CD collection. Right behind movies is my love for music. I have the big love for music. I love everything from George Strait to the Supremes to The Cure to Gwen Stefani. Just about anyone could find something they like in my collection.

So, did you play or what, bitches?

Elizabeth at 8:31 AM


Thursday, April 20, 2006

Isn't she loverly?

I am not even close to a shoe whore but these little darlings had me at hello. I will own them one day. I might only wear them on, um, special evenings, but they shall live in my very cramped closet at some point in the future. Even if I have to pimp Gage out to neighborhood girl dogs to get the money, I shall have them.

Elizabeth at 3:29 PM


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

FUG Thursday and a quick movie review

Well, today is FUG Thursday where we point out the fashion senseless and warn you not to partake of the ugly wares out there. Or we will take your picture and put your stank ass on the net.

What the fuck is this supposed to be? Get this shit y'all. This is designer. And Ugly as FUCK. Proof positive money does not buy class or taste. Give me a Target bag over this any damn day.

Just when you thought it could not get worse - shoes that match. OK, I am all for coordination, but not when you start with butt ass ugly and then just pile more ugly on top. This is just wrong, people. Take note.

Movie review - The Constant Gardner. Oh my - what a fantastic movie. I am so thrilled that Rachel Weisz got the Oscar for her role in this movie. It was just wonderful and she was beyond fantastic in it. I am not even a Ralph Fiennes fan (Dude, he did Maid in Manhattan, for fuck's sake), but he was awesome as well. If you have even a tiny heart or are even remotely interested in what goes on out there - beyond your tiny little white bread community - then I beg you to see this movie. If it does not move you, then you have no heart and we are through here.

Night all - I have to be up early!!!!

Elizabeth at 11:25 PM


Way Back Wednesday - Moldy Cheesy Family

Your moldy cheesy family (like "Cheese!" and moldy 'cause it's an old picture...demented and odd, I know)...this week I'm looking for the oldest family photo that you have...hopefully this will highlight some killer fashions of the past!

This is probably the oldest picture of my Mom's family that I have with her in it. The people in the back are my great-grandmother Cooley, Grandpa Lancaster, Grandma Lancaster holding my mom. The kids up front from left to right are Uncle Marvin (my mom's fave brother who has passed on), Aunt Jeannie, Uncle Alan (also passed on - the cancer runs rampant in the fam), and Uncle Ron who went on to be a BAMF football player in Canada. Probably the only picture of my incredibly unaffectionate grandmother actually touching one of her children nicely.

This pic is too cute I think. It is the last 5 girls. There were 10 children in all - my mom being #5. That is her on the far right. Aunt Betty is next to her, then Aunt Dorothy, Aunt Janet and the one on the far left looking annoyed by life is Aunt Shelby. This looks like it was taken at Clairton park which is where my family still has picnics to this day. Gotta love it.

So there you have it - my stab at WBW. Let me know if you played!!!

Elizabeth at 10:06 AM


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Long overdue update plus books 16 and 17 and various flick reviews

Hey y'all. I've not been around for nearly a week. We had some home stuff to attend to while my Mom was in Vegas. We had some water damage in her room and we had, up until this past week, done only a temporary fix in there because the permanent fix involved moving her ass into another room. We knew this trip was coming up so we decided to just wait until now. Thursday the hubs ripped out the old ceiling and about a kabillion pounds of insulation came down as well. That was...fun. He busted his ass and in the process, we decided to paint her room as a surprise. Which she did not notice until I asked how she liked the new color. The old color was purple and we changed it to cream and she DID NOT NOTICE. She is special that way. Once we pointed it out, she goes "I wondered why it was so bright in here." God love her.
Being that her computer is where all the internet set up is and the computer was not hooked up, we had no internet access around the rest of the house considering this computer and the laptop are wireless. I thought I'd go batshit, but really, it was kinda nice. I read a lot when the hubs had to work on Saturday. In fact, let me review the next two books right quick.
Book 16 was called Southern Living by Ad Hudler. Quick recap - transplanted Yankee ends up through a series of events including the death of her hell raising mother living in a small town in Georgia and discovers that, much to her amazement, it may just suit her. Good book - quick read.
Book 17 was Savannah Breeze by Mary Kay Andrews. I love this author. The first book I read from her was called Hissy Fit. The title caught my eye and I was really happy with her writing style. This book was a sort of continuation of another one of hers called Savannah Blues but this time it was told from the perspective of the best friend of the main character in Blues. This was what I spent the bulk of Saturday reading. Loved it to pieces.
OK, so anyways, we worked our asses off. Saturday the hubs ended up having to work so I took that time to clean house and lay around until my friend, Karen, finally came to check out the house. I live maybe 35 minutes from her but there is a river between us. Those that live on the Eastbank of New Orleans act like the act of crossing the river should be done only as often as a leap year occurs. It amazes me. They so need to get over that crap. We have a hell of a lot less crime, y'all. Might wanna find a reason to cross on over once in a while. She and I hung out here and then grabbed a bite to eat at the second restaurant we went to. The first one was a fiasco and we ended up leaving because the waitress was just that rude. Sunday the hubs came home and we went to mass. Of course the joint was packed since it was Easter, but it was a nice service anyway. I am not terribly familiar with the clergy of this parish but this guy who held mass on Sunday I had heard one other time and he seems really nice - like he thoroughly enjoys his job and has a lot of enthusiasm for it. That is always good to see.
The Momenator came home early yesterday morning in time for us to have her room done. Yesterday we did some yard work and the hubs ended up having a 3 hour nap on the sofa. I guess he was more tired than he realized. I mean, we left, went to Walmart, and walked in and put stuff away and the dude never moved.
Movies I have seen:
Proof - very good movie. I am a Gwenyth Paltrow fan, so this appealed to me. Anthony Hopkins played her deceased genius father and Jake Gyllenhal played one of his former students. Nice, quiet movie with a great story line. If you are in the market for a flick where there is nary a car chase or anything, I say check it out.
North Country. This movie just pissed me the fuck off and hate men. To realize that all this happened in 1989 just blew my mind. I wanted to wring her father's neck. Definitely check this out.
Brokeback Mountain. So very good. I was not sure what to expect even with all the hype and hoopla surrounding this movie. It was an excellent film and I was thoroughly impressed with every performance. Even the hubs liked it. That is saying a LOT.
OK, I have to take the Pooper on a walk before he has a stroke. I am pissed that I missed SPF this past week because I had the perfect pictures for person/thing you want to dye/die. Oh yeah, I did. Would have been PERFECT.
Catch y'all later!!!

Elizabeth at 10:38 AM


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

FUG Thursday - our help to save the planet from the fashion unconscious

It's FUG Thursday where we try to collectively save y'all from making major fashion mistakes. Here are just a few that I found on the net. I find it very difficult to take surreptitious pictures of people that are committing FUG offenses. I am going to have to be schooled on that.

I hate this style of shirt. I mean, this girl is a model so she weighs, what? A buck ten at most? She looks fat in this. Well, as fat as she could look after just having vomited up breakfast. Note to designers: This style is not flattering to anyone. Wake the fuck UP!

Is that what we have been reduced to people? I see even one of y'all wearing this shit, and I am throwing a tarp over you and dragging you to the nearest store.

Awwww, Fergie. You know I love you, girl. You have a killer face, killer bod, and a hot ass boyfriend. (Bitch.) But my sistah, what is with this get up? Just no, honey. You don't have to say yes to EVERYONE who asks you to wear their clothes, mmmmkay?

Holy shit. What the fuck is up with this girl's boobs? I don't fault Tara Reid for getting implants because, fuck, who am I to judge, but for the love of all that is holy, why must you dress like this and make them look like globes stuck under your ugly ass dress?

Elizabeth at 11:09 PM


Sicky McSickness

I took this picture of Hoss, the Momenator's cat, earlier today because he was not feeling good. We noticed that he was trying in vain to pee like all over the house and could not go despite him doing the "I am going pee" squat. Called the vet who said it was most likely a bladder infection and did not give us an appointment until tomorrow. We all got up today and he was way worse. Miserable and did not want anyone touching him. I made the bed sorta around him and he did that sad "Mrrrooooooooooooow" noise that cats make in distress. So I made Mom call and plead our case and try to get in today. It worked.

He is at the vet now and apparently the deal is that this is life threatening. They are going to catheterize him and from there, I don't know. Mom handles crises, um, not well, and asked no questions. So that was good. I had dropped her off to go run to our attorney's office while she was in the vet so I was not there to ask anything other than "Will he die?" The best part is the Mom is leaving for Las Vegas in the morning and is now sick with worry. NICE. Luckily, I really love our vet so let's hope they can work miracles up there. I mean, they pulled an entire dryer sheet out of my baby girl, so who the fuck knows?

Keep Hoss and my Mom in your prayers. I gotta go stop crying now.

Elizabeth at 5:16 PM


Way Back Wednesday - When I was just a twinkle.....

The Kept Woman wants to see our moms when they were fixing to burst forth in birth. I am my Mom's only child so these are all me. My mom is a tiny thing and even when big and pregnant, she really only got a giant basketball belly. Did not get too puffy and stuff. I seriously doubt that will happen when I get knocked to the up. I imagine I will be a stuffed sausage. That is such a good look, donchaknow?

This is her outside some apartment building. No clue where this is though. She worked until she was like 8.5 months PG so I am surprised I did not have whatever brand typewriter she used embedded on my forehead when I finally came out - two weeks late.

I have no clue where this is either.

This appears to be taken at the same time, but once again, no clue where this is.

I can only hope that I have as nice a pregnancy as my mom did. She said she never felt better and with the exception of major fatigue during the first trimester, she loved it.

Happy WBW!!! Let me know if you played!

Elizabeth at 10:47 AM


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Book 15 and movie review

I just finished "Best of Friends" by Cathy Kelly. I really loved it. I had read another book by this author and really enjoyed her style of writing. I highly recommend.

Watched Capote. Yawn. Watched The 40 Year Old Virgin. Seriously, the part where the pothead said he takes 3 Excedrin PM and then tries to ejaculate before falling asleep made me laugh so hard that I almost missed the next part. Steve Corell (or however you spell his name) is a RIOT. Then I decided to hit the hay and a movie I had on my Netflix list was on a movie channel, The Forgotten. I really had high hopes for this. Basically Julianne Moore plays a mother who is in therapy dealing with the death of her son who perished in a plane crash. Then, very suddenly, it becomes apparent that perhaps she is a nut job who never had a son and is manufacturing these "memories" to deal with a miscarriage. Lots of government type intrigue which basically led up to the reason for the "abductions" of these children who were supposed on the plane being:

Brace y'allselves.



I shit you not. I was like "Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Julianne, you should be ashamed." What a lame ass flick.

I have to go cook dinner shortly and finish up some work, but I figured I had better share some movie/book info before or I would totally forget.

Elizabeth at 5:57 PM


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Fug Sunday in Pontchatoula

***EDITED TO ADD*** Can I just say that I have a raging case of chapped ass due to Desperate Housewives NOT being on and Grey's Anatomy being a repeat? Does ABC realize I look forward to this all week. Bastards.

We spent the day in the small town of Pontchatoula at their Strawberry Festival yesterday. It was so incredibly fun. However, me and my camera saw many a FUGs. Y'all it was a Fug Fest. Please behold.


The position of this woman's head does not give you a true idea of just how high this hair was. It was like 1985 mall hair that I would have idolized with high school glee back in the day. Plus, sister had some major roots going on.

My brutha - why do we need to match the Lakers jersey to the yellow and purple shoes. Please, darlin, stop being a stereotype.

Thought y'all would enjoy these. They made me laugh when I took them. As I said before, I could have taken at least a dozen more, but I had to at least try to be sneaky about it. Did not want to get my ass kicked at the festival. :)

Elizabeth at 7:41 PM


Friday, April 07, 2006

I really miss him today

I am sitting here watching my future husband on tv (Tim McGraw) and he is doing his "Live Like You Were Dying" song and it made me think of FIL again. I really wish he were here. I made him a promise that my kids would know just how much a nut job their paw paw was. I promised that I would tell all the stories I heard about and a few that I got to witness all on my own. I promised I would tell them that their paw paw made it possible for us to own our home by giving my husband his inheritance before he ever passed on. I will make sure that they know that their paw paw was goofy, wonderful, kind, so stubborn you could throw something at his head, and so darn cute that you just wanted to hug him. I wish I could give him a hug again.

Elizabeth at 8:03 PM


Call me the fireman......that's my naaaaaaame

So, how ironic is it that the wife of a fireman let some sludge that slopped out of the lasagna last night build up on the bottom of her oven, didn't clean it, and when said wife tried to use the oven today, started a fire in her oven?

That is the definition of ironic, my friends.

The wife called the husband, who happens to be on duty, in a slight panic because not only had she started a small fire in the oven, but she could not find the fire extinguisher.

Yeah, that's brains right there.

All this wife needs to do is yank all the batteries out of the smoke detectors and the entire house would be a giant hazard.

Um, and I have no idea who this stupid fireman's wife is, either.

No idea at all. I bet she's hot though.

Elizabeth at 2:59 PM


Thursday, April 06, 2006

Feeling your pain, Houston

***EDITED TO ADD*** Tammy of Rant n Ravin Haven is no longer part of the unemployed. My girl was out of a job like only a DAY, y'all. That's a talented girl, right there. So wander on over to her blog and give her some congrats!!!!!

There was an interesting story on our local news tonight. One of the local correspondents went to Houston to question the residents about how they feel about our lovely residents invading their city. The Houstonians were much nicer about it than I'd have been considering that Houston's violent crime rate has climbed since the New Orleans residents have infested it. Fights in schools have gone up. It's pathetic. This is how we show a city our gratitude for taking us in? Yeah, good call.

Well, it has moved on over to my neck of the woods. I live across the river from the City of New Orleans. Um, that is not an accident. I happen to like the Mississippi River to be in between me and the more scummy aspects of our fair city. Well, some of those displaced are living in a makeshift FEMA trailer park on the other side of my rather small town. Is it any sort of shock that the crime rate in my small town has skyrocketed since they moved in? Is it any sort of coincidence that the crime has centered around those individuals?

Um, I am gonna go with NO.

So, Houston, I, as a citizen of a city outside of New Orleans feels at least a small part of the frustration y'all must feel over having to deal with residents of New Orleans. Meanwhile people from all over the country are wondering how much their taxes are going to go up to clean this mess up. Is this any way to show them that we deserve to have our homes back? Is this how we show that this city is a vital place that is open to tourism? Is this how we act on NATIONAL FUCKING TV? Shooting up schools, murdering our new neighbors?

As my good buddy, Tammy says: I hate people.

Elizabeth at 11:10 PM


Evil SFG in the hizzouse........or Why Ex-Wives should shut the fuck up when their gravy train aka child support is coming to an END

Yeah, ex-bitch is pissed. That noise you hear? Yep, that's me tap dancing because she is annoyed because she thought that we were obligated to pay for the girl through college.



It's called 18 and done, bitch.

Did you hear that second noise? Yeah, that's your gravy train coming to a screeching halt.

Fuckin' A!

Elizabeth at 6:15 PM


Until I have time for a proper post.....

I give you the animal menagerie.

Elizabeth at 9:22 AM


Monday, April 03, 2006

Odd ass weekend

I have already told y'all about my incredibly interesting Friday evening. Saturday, I got up, did some work, took my first swim of the summer, and then went to go have dinner with some girls I used to work with. I felt so uncomfortable. I am really not sure why. I play acted like I had a fabulous time, but it was a giant charade. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. They clearly have sorta healed whatever hole or space I took up in our little clique. I don't mean to imply that I was so integral in these women's lives because clearly I was not. I have thought briefly about going back to the firm to visit some of the people with whom I used to work but the more I think about it, the more I think that is not going to happen. I am just not sure. I was not happy there for various reasons that I will not go into here and frankly I think it might be better for me to just cut my losses. Perhaps I will change my mind later, but for now, this is where this lies.
I came home from dinner to find a very not pleased hubs sitting about 6 inches from the TV screen watching LSU hand their asses over to UCLA. So that put him in a fab mood. Luckily he was tired, I was tired, so we both pretty much crashed. Got up early Sunday morning to go to mass. I am planning to take the RCIA classes at a parish near to my home but they do not start until August. Until then, I am going to attend mass there so that I feel a tad more comfortable entering these classes. Like the deacon said, after the 25 weeks are up, I might decide that while this was a lovely education on Catholicism, this is just not for me. I have to at least check this out though. So, from now on, the hubs and I will attend weekly mass as often as his schedule permits. I may attend alone if he is just on some God awful stretch of work, but I am not sure about that just yet. We got home, I finished working, and then we hit the pool again. :) Truth be told, we spent so little time here last summer that I was unable to truly get into the whole backyard living thing. Hurricanes permitting, I plan to spend a sick amount of time in the pool. The hubs and I even have a bet as to whether I will be tan by my birthday. He has no faith in his pasty pale wife. After that, we went to dinner at some friends' house and stayed to watch the Lady Tigers also suck ass. On a related note, I am all for female athletes having been a rather sporty gal in my high school days, but what. the. fuck? There is some chick on LSU's team that I swear to God was hiding some man meat. She was a straight up dude, y'all. Hubs gets all pissy when I talk about him watching the lesbians on tv (women's basketball) and says I say that about any girl who plays sports. Um, whatever. I PLAYED sports, dickwad. I also found out the benefits of lip gloss and leg shaving. It's called balance, hubs. Look it up.
Being that I completed a rather huge chunk of what I am working on, I am taking today, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. Today the hubs was working so other than running Mom to the doctor, I was a lazy piece of shit. Tomorrow I have a few things to do. Wednesday is our appointment with the attorney about shutting off part II of the ex-bitch's gravy train come May. Girlstepchild is now 18 and out of school in 2 short months. Could not come fast enough for me. Two more years and we are done completely. Y'all will do the happy dance with me, right?

Elizabeth at 9:07 PM


Protecting the homestead

Dog that followed my Mom home from her walk. What a cutie huh? Gage has not yet realized that his home has been infringed upon.

Holy crap, it's another dog - not a figment of his imagination. Let the barking begin.
Upon noticing, he was scarily calm and just sniffed the corner of the door.

Elizabeth at 11:59 AM