<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d10984815\x26blogName\x3dTwisted+life\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://twistedlifeofmine.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-8579710881784851407', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Friday, June 30, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday

Stuff Portrait Friday - Shaun style

This week, the happy couple would like the following shots:

-a photo with a story behind it
-a Random and Odd photo
-something borrowed

OK, let me finally tell the story about how Gage became Gage. OK, so the hubs and I had been together for a while and I had let him know in, no uncertain terms through my best friend (yeah, it was all very 9th grade) that I would like to be married before I turned 800. Well, he went out and bought me a ring and kept it at his friend's house. Well, one day the kids, me and the hubs were at the house. His daughter and I were baking cookies while the men folk watched some LSU game. I went to go grab the mail and lo and behold, there was an envelope in there from some jewelry company - looked to me like a bill. Hmmmmmm.... I confront the hubs and he gets all pissed off. I go back to baking cookies because I figure I ruined some surprise. I go back out between batches and find him in the room laying across the bed looking all despondent. I sit and talk to him asking him what's wrong. He does the classic guy thing of "Nothing" all with the lower lip stuck out in a very petulant fashion. So his daughter and I sit there and he finally comes out with the fact that the envelope I found was a rejection letter for credit he tried to acquire to get me a ring. I, then begin to feel HORRIBLE. He tells his daughter and I that he has tried to get credit at a number of stores and has been rejected by all of them and he has no idea how to get me a ring, blah blah blah. At this point, I feel BAD. Like BAD. So we (the daughter and I) tell him it's ok and not to worry. Eventually we go back to our evening.

The following night, the hubs is at the station. I go over there to have dinner with him. I am all excited because I come up with a bomb ass plan. I tell him I have an idea and for him to keep an open mind briefly. He looks skeptical but he does, at least, listen. I tell him that while a ring is a lovely thought and a traditional engagement gift given from guy to girl, it is really just a symbol of an enduring contract - the one that states that we will be married. That's it. It is just a big shiny contract - a pretty contract normally but when you get right down to it, the meaning behind the symbol is more important than the symbol itself, right? So I propose that he get me..............wait for it...........an engagement dog. Yeah, he laughed. I was like "No, seriously, wait and listen." I wanted a dog. We had a yard. He likes dogs. I really really really wanted a dog. Why can't the dog (something I really wanted, by the way) be our engagement symbol? Something we could love and take care of and put bandanas on, etc. He looked at me a tad oddly and said that he would think about it, but that he was not sure how he felt about an engagement dog. He promised to at least consider it. Cool. I went home.

The next day he picks his kids up, and tells them his plan. He comes home with the kids and tells me that he is agreeing to the engagement dog. I am all psyched. So we go up to Petsmart where this organization brings dogs every Saturday for adoption. We are all early and sit by the door awaiting the tiny pups. Being the small bladdered girl that I am, right when they pull up, I have to run off and pee. Before I took off, I saw my dog. He was hanging off the arm of a nice lady being brought in to be hopefully sent off with a loving owner. I pointed him out to the hubs and he went to go secure our pup. I came back to his son holding the dog with the dog looking way content. I snatched him up and while we filled out a million pages of paperwork for said Pooper, he laid rather contentedly across my forearm with nary a peep coming out of him. Anyway, we went through all the hoops to make the Pooper our very own. Then the hubs actually went through the whole getting down on one knee IN THE MIDDLE OF PETSMART and proposed marriage extending the dog up to me as an offering. I was all happy and weepy because (a) I was getting engaged and (b) I was getting a doggie. I was almost too distracted to notice that next to the dog, there was a ring. A nice ring. A purrrrrty ring.

So it was all a big fat lie. The lack of credit. The getting turned down. The big crocodile tears (Did I forget to mention that when the daughter and I were comforting him that night he forced out real tears KNOWING he already had the ring?) The ring has been purchased weeks before and was waiting for Christmas. He had to concoct this ridiculous story only because I had found the bill. The man is just evil.

So that is how we got the Pooper. And that is how he got his name - Gage for being my enGAGEment dog. Best engagement gift ever in my humble opinion.

Random and Odd photo. I like this photo but it is just kinda random. Hope it fits the bill.

Something borrowed. This is Dusty, our tenant for about a month or so. We borrowed him (sorta) while the MIL and FIL were stuck in their FEMA trailer and active Dusty was just not doing well in such a confined space. So he hung with us.

So did you play? Let me know and I promise to come check it out!!!

Elizabeth at 9:36 AM


Thursday, June 29, 2006

FUG Thursday - I got nuthin

Yeah, I am not prepared for this week's installment of FUG Thursday. Here is the thing. I am starting my new job on 07/24 and until then, I am taking it majorly easy. I mean, EASY. My hubs has taken to only shaking his head in disbelief in the utter lack of movement of his wife. When I tell you that I am doing the bare minimum as far as anything, I am so not being dramatic. I have informed him that for the next 3.5 weeks, the lack of movement will only go up exponentially as the day that I start my new job looms closer. Now, please don't misunderstand - I am thrilled to be starting a new chapter of my life. I think this job is going to be the bomb diggity. I am way psyched. However, my time of taking breaks when I want and chilling out when I want and running errands whenever I see fit is rapidly coming to a close. I will actually have to adhere to a schedule. I left the firm when the hurricane blew through and I don't regret it for a moment. I have become super duper spoiled in my new schedule free life. Therefore, my point is that I am going to soak up every moment of being a bum until the last moment before I sign in on my computer in the guest room/my new office. I figure that by the week before I start my job, I will be such a slug that I will need to use a breathing machine because inhaling will just be way too much to handle.

Well, the mother's home. Lord help us all. My mom is a very nice woman. Truly. She does not have a bitchy, nasty bone in her body. However, she can drive me nuts like no other can. I am not going to go into major detail, but basically due to some ailments that she has suffered, she is now on a medical disability. My main problem with her is that she tends to act helpless and "forgetful" and blame it either on getting older (she is 61, not 90) or the fact that her mind is not what it used to be. Frankly, I think it's all bullshit. I am so fucking tired of hearing "You did not tell me that" or "Oh I must have forgot" or my personal fave "Wait til you are 61." My childhood with my mother was difficult. I feel that I would be disloyal if I went into all the ways in which my life with her has fucked me up, but suffice it to say, that most of my neuroses stem directly from about a five year block of my life. I just go with the company line that she did her best with what she had to give and try to move on. Anyways, our relationship has its ups and downs. Maybe I will go into more details another time.

So anyway, the content of my days are going to be as follows - get up without aid of an alarm clock, take a shower at some point after I check my email and do online banking, perhaps put make up on if I will come into contact with other humans, watch Young and the Restless and send Kami updates on what either pissed me off or flipped me out that day (I'm sure that is the highlight of her day), eat lunch, run an errand or two, hang with the hubs if he is home, finally finish the entire Dawson's Creek series (I am on the final season as I type), see if I can get through Season 2 of Gilmore Girls (not ONE word), watch as many other Netflix movies I can cram in the next few weeks, and basically be a bum. Oh I am also trying to read a good bit because I am still trying to do the 50 book challenge this year and I am sure that once I start slaving away again, my reading time may be limited. Tammy has asked me a few times where on earth I find the time to read, but y'all forget I don't have kids. I mean, I see my friends with kids and how just gone they are once the little ones get to bed. I don't have that issue currently. Once the house work is done, other work is done, and stuff like that, my time is my own. I'm sure once a mini-SFG comes barrelling into this world guns blazing, I will read way less. :)

OK, I am outta here to go pick up the hub's prescriptions. How the fuck DARE HE assume I should leave the house today? Geeeeeezzzzz, some people.....

Elizabeth at 12:03 PM


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Guest posting

Today was my day to do a guest post over at TBG's site so my rant against the airlines is over there.

I did not feel like cutting and pasting it here because I am lazy like that. I have shit to do, yo. Like pick my nose and see if I can hit the tv screen with it. Cut the cat's whiskers on one side and watch her walk crooked.

I'm fucking busy, ok?

Elizabeth at 2:53 PM


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The one in which I go the FUCK OFF

Right now I am tired, but tomorrow there will so be a post entitled Dear Fucktards that make up the employment staff of US Airways.

Why is nothing ever easy for me?

Elizabeth at 11:54 PM


See, there is a God

Star Jones announced that she is leaving "The View" after 9 years. Thank God that I won't have to hear her say that her husband has the skin of caramel or butter or whatever. I loathe her.

Rush Limbaugh is being held (unclear where or what "held" means) for having Viagra and no prescription for it.

Oh man, sometimes, life is just funny.

Elizabeth at 2:05 PM


Ten things

I have seen this idea on a number of posts, but Kami did it this morning and I realized that I have a ton of unspoken things that I probably need to get off my chest. You know, since I am normally so censored and shy about such things.

Shut up.

The object is to write down 10 things you want to say to someone without revealing to whom you are speaking and only use 1 thing per person. Ya with me? Mmmkay then.

1. I have never in my life met a more manipulative, selfish, horrible person in my life such as you. I comfort myself with the knowledge that karma is a bitch and when she comes for you, it ain't gonna be pretty.

2. There really is not much that can occur that will change my attitude towards you. We are beyond apologies.

3. Guess what? The world does NOT revolve around you. Just because you think your way is not only the best way but the ONLY way does not mean that my way is stupid. Everyone deserves to be treated with at least a modicum of respect.

4. Clearly our friendship meant very little to you as you have made zero effort to keep in touch with me. Frankly, I don't consider this a big loss.

5. You are one of the most socially backward people I have ever had the displeasure to meet. I hope your new wife either comes to her senses quickly and runs for the hills or manages to live her life in blissful ignorance of what a total dipshit you are.

6. If you don't stop using the "getting older" excuse soon for your senseless behavior, I might have to kill you.

7. (This one is for a collective group - sorry, can't divide this one up.) You are all a bunch of twisted, white trash pieces of shit who have such a God complex because of your job. Get the fuck over yourselves and do me a favor - don't bother with the fake niceness on the rare occasions when we see one another. It's such a farse and frankly, I don't have the energy to do the fake smiles, mmmmkay?

8. Seriously, honey, you are not nearly as hip as you seem to think you are. You come off as a major bitch and I don't think any of us are nearly as impressed with you as you seem to be with yourself. Oh, and guess what, you are white. I know, shocking, right?

9. Leaving your job and waiting several years for your ex-con boyfriend to get out of jail are two things I will never understand. I wish you the best but frankly I am waiting for the downfall of this little happy home.

10. Dude, SERIOUSLY. If you don't stop with the fucked up mess around your house, I might have to stab you with one of your motorcycle tools.

I feel way better. Thanks for listening. :)

Elizabeth at 11:27 AM


Sunday, June 25, 2006

Book 27 - The Reading Group by Elizabeth Noble

I have eyed up this book at Target and Barnes and Noble a million times, but never grabbed it. However, I decided in the interest of saving some money, to scour the library. I happened upon this book as well as 2 others that I have seen but never purchased. SCORE!!!.

This was a good book but longish at over 420 pages. However, this was the shortest of the 3 that I got from the library. LOL. It centered around 5 women who were not friends originally (well, a few of them were) but were entangled in each other's lives through this book club. One was dealing with the problems of an aging mother. One was dealing with infertility. One was dealing with an impending marriage of her own and becoming a grandma for the first time. Basically each had her own story but they all touched upon each other's lives. I really enjoyed the book a ton and recommend it. For whatever reason, I have happened upon a whole slew of books that are set in either England or Ireland lately and it's a nice change of setting.

I am now onto a book by Cathy Kelly, an author I have read before and reviewed here. I plan to spend my day watching What Lies Beneath on tv (one of the best Hitchcockian movies made in the last 20 years), reading my book, and running out to do a quick errands for the hubs. I so love quiet days like this. If the weather could only churn up another storm for me, I'd be happier than a pig in slop.

Elizabeth at 10:46 AM


Saturday, June 24, 2006

The makings of a perfect afternoon

Hard to see, but that is a rain-splattered door. I love me some rain storms and this one was complete with thunder and lightning. Loves it.

My spot on the sofa for the day. I have nice reading light - nothing overpowering, a nice pillow for the lower back, and ample space to put my feet up.

One always needs a Pooper by her side.

And what better way to listen to the rain than by candle light? I love candles - even if I am here by myself and not trying to be all romantical and stuff.

Ahhhhhhhh, I love the rain.

Elizabeth at 7:43 PM


See - I'm not dead

I have just had a relatively busy week. I think I last posted on Tuesday. The hubs got off that evening and we relaxed. Wednesday afternoon my aunt and cousin came down from Vicksburg because my cousin is up for a job working offshore and he had to get his physical down here. They spent Wednesday night here. We had a yummy dinner of fried turkey, new potatoes, grilled asparagus, corn on the cob and dinner rolls. Hello, YUM. That next morning, they went to the physical, the hubs had to go to court as a witness due to a fight he saw and I had to get the mother to the airport. It was a busy morning but by 1 or so, we were done done done. The hubs and I relaxed the rest of the day. Well, as much as I could relax being that I was checking my email like a maniac waiting for my test results. I passed. I did really well on the test and was immediately offered a new job Friday morning. These people are nothing if not quick, I tell ya. I will start their training on 07/24 so I have some time to chill before the new job. That had to be the longest 14 days of my life. Waiting sucks ass.
That night the hubs and I went to Hooters to celebrate. I mean, that is where every hetero girl goes when she gets good news, right? No? Well, all right then. I love me some wings, so it worked for me. Then we took our stuffed full asses across the river to Cold Stone to get ice cream that is so good but made me even more stuffed so that I was pretty much miserable the rest of the night. Weren't pretty.
Friday the hubs and I were total slugs. I got up and finished watching disk 2 of Season 6 of the Creek. He finally got up and we hung out, went swimming, ate lunch, watched the flick 16 Blocks (boring - don't waste your time) and relaxed. I did actually take a shower at some point, but never did put make up or do my hair or put normal clothes on. We took the Pooper for a walk and ended up seeing our friends who live one street over. They invited us over to hang out so we went over - even with me looking like a hag. :) Had a nice evening on their back patio listening to the frogs screech their mating calls in the trees.
Today and tomorrow I have the wonderful pleasure of having the house to myself. I already watched Syriana. What a powerful movie. Makes you so proud to be an American. (Um, that was sarcasm in case you are new here.) George Clooney did a bang up job - no pun intended. I highly recommend this flick if you want to see a movie that challenges your ideals and makes you think. I happen to love movies like that, so this was right up my alley.
The rest of the day I am going to read my book and relax and watch movies I have already seen a million times on TBS or TNT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, paradise. :)

Elizabeth at 12:51 PM


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Bliggity bliggity blah

So today is day 12 of my wait for these damn test results. I woke up today and thought that today might be the day so I got up and came trotting out (ok, trudging slowly because I have no balance when I wake up) to the computer to see if the results were in my email. Alas, no results. Damn it. I guess it will be Thursday then - that is the official 14 day marker.

Tomorrow evening my aunt and cousin from Vicksburg are coming for a quick overnight visit because my cousin has a physical near my house for an offshore job. I am way excited because (a) we never get like company and (b) they are such fun people so I am all hyped up. So today I am going to clean the house to within an inch of its life and steam clean the carpet. I steam clean the carpet every 3 months anyways and July 1 is when I am due to do it again. OK, don't laugh at my scheduling of the cleaning, but I have pets and frankly one has to be diligent about animal smells, ya know? I am always so nervous about that because I figure that since I have the pets, I might become immune to their stench, so I really try to keep stuff clean. Ya feel me?

The hubs has the next 3 days off. I KNOW. What is that about? I mean, what a slacker. :) Y'all know I'm kidding, right? In the last several months, he has been almost never home due to his work schedule. So this is a nice little break for him. We aren't doing anything other than the fam coming so hopefully we can chill out and the dog can get his fill of Daddy.

Let's see - I think I am overdue on some flick reviews. Let me check and see what flix I have sent back recently. Well, I did manage to watch all of Season 5 of Dawson's Creek. I have seen the entire show from the beginning due to Netflix. I so love me some Netflix. I am big fan of this show so if you are going to rag on me about the fact that I am 32 and hello, get a life, then I'll have to cut ya. We've also seen Glory Road and Munich. Glory Road was great. I am a big Josh Lucas fan -yum. He is a great actor too. I tend to love the sports movies where teams or athletes overcome odds and shit like that. I cried like a huge ninny baby for Remember the Titans. I'm a sap. Whachu want? Munich was also done very well. It was LONG so we watched it over 2 days. I did enjoy it though. I know very little about that time frame with regards to international politics so it was interesting to me. Holy shit, I am such a geek. Also saw Two for the Money. Oh, Matthew. He is ever so loverly. Good flick. I recommend. Al Pacino is always good for a fantastic movie.

OK, I have to get ready to clean. The hubs will be home soon and I intend to put him to work as well.

Did I mention that my mother is going away to the Burgh again? I have the entire weekend to myself. Thank the LORD.

Elizabeth at 12:16 PM


Monday, June 19, 2006

Holy shit, she must have eaten an Oreo

Lara Flynn Boyle is a pretty good actress but for years now, I have wanted to sit on her and make her eat one peanut butter and jelly sandwich after another. It looks like she finally allowed herself to ingest a calorie or two. She looks WAY better.

However, she does need to invest in a bikini top with a tad more, um, support. Droopy breastisis ain't cute.

I'm just sayin....

Elizabeth at 6:00 PM


Sunday, June 18, 2006

Waste of Space Monday - William Jefferson

This fucktard is one of the highest ranking members of Congress from Louisiana. He was chairman of the damn Ways and Means committee in the House. He is the rep from the 2nd Legislative District which encompasses, yep, you guessed it, Orleans parish. This stupid fuck got his ass cold busted embezzling money and taking bribes. When all this first started, I was just like everyone else thinking he was getting picked on for whatever reason because, up until now, he has managed to have a successful political career and be relatively unscathed. Well, more and more evidence has mounted against him including tapes and finding several 10s of thousands of dollars in his FREEZER.

Because I keep my petty cash there too.

He was asked to step down from his committee post and he arrogantly refused. So the entire House got together and booted his ass off. Now the Black Caucus is swearing up and down that all of this is racially movitated. What the fuck EVER. Right, I bet Whitey put the money in his fridge, right?

Did I mention that when the shit really hit the fan this week with this asswipe, Congress was voting whether to appropriate several million dollars for the rebuilding down here? Yeah, I am sure all of our Congress men and women were all hyped up to send tons o' cash down here since it will probably end up in Jefferson's freezer and not to the peeps who desperately need it.

Yeah, Tammy, I hate people too.

Elizabeth at 11:05 PM


Happy Father's Day

Here's to the best fathers in the world. This day's for you. Now get out there and grill me a damn steak, bitch.

First, this is my Dad. Ain't he cute? We have an uncanny resemblance in physicality and also in our uncanny ability to be the most critical person in the room. This Granny Smith did not fall far from his branches.

Ahhh, Lovebug. I miss my FIL something awful. We went to the grave yesterday to bring him some flowers since the hubs is working today. I wonder how long it will take for me to stop thinking every day about his little weathered face.

And of course, the hubs with his kids. I have the luxury of knowing that my husband is already a good dad so I have no qualms about bringing kids into the world with him. However, I will surely warp their tiny minds as my Dad did to me.

I mean, it's only right.

Elizabeth at 6:50 PM


Friday, June 16, 2006

Using the internet like it's my bitch

I have a couple of questions and I figured there might be someone out there who might know.

1. What the fuck would cause a stabbing, searing pain in one's abdomen behind the ribs - almost like having a needle shoved into your side? Left side, by the way.

2. What are one's options when considering adoption? Have any of you adopted? How much did it cost you in total? Did you know the mother before hand? Was the adoption open or closed? Did you use an adoption attorney or go through an agency.

If you don't feel comfortable commenting, please just email me at Alexiecfo@cox.net. Thanks.

Elizabeth at 5:20 PM


I hope he becomes someone's fisting partner

This son of a bitch went on a crime spree through 2 parishes, killed a cop and held a little old man, 81-year-old to be exact, hostage. Poor Paw Paw. If they don't accidently drop him off a bridge on the way to jail, then I hope he has his Astroglide privileges revoked while in prison.

Elizabeth at 1:26 PM


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday - She's getting married, bitches

OK, so I had like a rough time with this one. I think because I am tired and stressed about waiting for my test results for the potential new job-o. I still have another week. How damn annoying. Anyway, Kristine wants to see:

-A Puzzle
-Your best
-Something old

This is currently my puzzle - my faith and what the hell to do with it. I have had a hell of a time finding a church that I feel truly at home with. I am going to take RCIA classes starting in August in an attempt to answer some of the questions roaming about in my skull. Let's hope it is not a puzzle much longer.

My best. This is a coffee mug from the company that I am currently waiting for news on. I can truly say that the work I have done for them - I have given my best effort. I knew that this was a huge opportunity for me and to waste it would be stooooopid. I busted my ass and can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I did my best. So if I fail the tests, then I am clearly a dumbass. Nuff said.

I believe I have posted these before. That candleabra behind the gay picture of the dog is from the hubs mother. They were totally gross and green and he cleaned them for like ever to restore them to their lovely current level of luster. I don't have anything really passed down from my family so this might be the oldest thing in the house.

You know, except for the hubs. He is almost 40. Fucking Paw Paw.

So tell me if y'all played and I'll come check it out.

Elizabeth at 10:42 PM


Gonna take off my shoes and run in bare feet......

Took the Pooper to Grand Isle yesterday to let him run like a lunatic. Behold the cuteness.

Elizabeth at 4:56 PM


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The rampant pet abuse that goes on in this house has got to be stopped.

Someone call the SPCA before the neglect and slave labor gets any worse.

Elizabeth at 3:22 PM


Do y'all see why I hate New Orleans so much? Please read.

The following article was sent to me by a friend of mine who was smart enough to get the fuck outta here after the storm. And yet, here I sit.....For those of you who think I made this up, it was in NY Magazine. Go check it out.

This winter, FEMA put up over 300 Hurricane Katrina evacuees in New York City hotels. Almost all of them have gone back to their lives, their jobs. But not Theon Johnson. He’s currently sprawled out watching Halloween 5 on one of the two full-size beds in his room at the JFK Airport Holiday Inn. He is one of four evacuees still living in a hotel in the city.

The others left in February and March, when, after spending more than $500 million, FEMA stopped paying for hotel rooms housing some 40,000 evacuees across the country. That left many scrambling for places to live. But thanks to the city’s squatters-rights law, evacuees here were safe. Their rooms weren’t paid for, but since they’d been in them for more than 30 days, the hotels couldn’t just kick them out. Only a judge’s order could evict them.

And Johnson, 49, isn’t that motivated to leave. For one thing, AMC’s in the middle of its “Thrill Me” marathon. Next up, Gothika. “Halle Berry,” he says with lazy lust. These days he’s usually up all night—it’s hard to sleep on an empty stomach. When he has to, he’ll go outside and beg for change, but he doesn’t really like that too much. Most days he just showers and gets back in bed, showers and gets back in bed. Once a week he and another evacuee, a diabetic named Larry, walk to a church off the Van Wyck and get canned goods. When Johnson’s caseworker, Sharon, comes around, she gives him some bus passes and maybe a few bucks, but she’s getting frustrated. “They sit around on their butts watching TV. There’s only but so much I can do if they’re not willing to help themselves.”

After being flown here for free back in September, Johnson’s been at the Holiday Inn since Super Bowl Sunday. On April 21, the hotel served Johnson with three notices of occupancy termination, saying that it would begin court proceedings if he wasn’t out by May 9. He wasn’t, so it did. If the court boots him, Johnson could end up in one of the city’s homeless shelters. He’s been broke for over a month now. FEMA sent him $9,000 in housing aid, but he spent it all on booze, cigarettes, some clothes, and food—partying, mostly. “I spent my money just the way I wanted, and I think [fema] should send me some more,” he says. But it won’t. Johnson’s caseworker says FEMA offered to buy him a ticket home to New Orleans in February, but he didn’t take it. FEMA won’t now. So he’s stuck, at least until the Holiday Inn pays him to leave.

Attorneys with the Legal Aid Society have been negotiating a buyout deal for Johnson and the remaining evacuees, and expect a settlement—he heard about $1,200—imminently. He says he’ll use the money to get a room for a few nights and have some fun before flying back to his little house in New Orleans’ Third Ward. But for now, Gothika’s on. “Halle Berry,” Johnson says. “Halle . . . Berry.”

Elizabeth at 2:49 PM


The one where I don't know what the fuck I did

Guess I pissed some peeps off in blog land. Oh well, was never my intent, but it seems that is what has occurred. I can't be worrying about every single time I rub someone the wrong way because with my foot in mouth syndrome, I would get nothing else done.

Good news: The girl is actually sending out thank you cards to MY family members that sent her cards and/or checks. I know, will wonders never cease? I was happy to hear they would be getting sent out. I was going to do it my damn self if it became clear that the ex was not going to enforce politeness.

Elizabeth at 1:26 PM


Monday, June 12, 2006

Waste of Space Monday

Just when I thought I did not have a topic for WOS Monday, I hear through the grapevine also known as my family, that Big Ben Rothlisberger was hurt pretty bad in a motorcycle accident due to the fact that the big dumb ox had no helmet on. NICE. Of course I hope he is ok, but at this point, I am just kind of disgusted.

Good example to set for all those kids up there in Da Burgh and all over the US who wear your jersey because you inspire them.

Elizabeth at 3:22 PM


Sunday, June 11, 2006

Book 26 - Knocked up by Rebecca Eckler and my weekend

Knocked up was done in diary form - like a string of entries - starting with the night of the main couple's engagement party where they decide to have unprotected sex and end up, you guessed it, knocked up. It was pretty amusing all in all. I love reading books where the main character is like this self-obsessed person because, sometimes, I totally feel that way and it is nice to know that perhaps I won't be that way for like EVER.

Friday night I was invited to go watch my friend Karen's 3 daughters dance in their dance revue but I totally begged off because I am still sorta like recovering from the major stress and business of the recent past. I am totally feeling like back to normal and my self-imposed hiatus ends effective tomorrow. I am back to walking and getting my shit in shape and not laying around like such a slug. Although, the slug-ness has been pretty night. I basically spent all of Friday night watching Disks 2 and 3 of Season 5 of Dawson's Creek. Sorry but that is my idea of heaven. Don't laugh.

Saturday I got up and the hubs worked until about 1:30 so I cleaned the house since it desperately needed it. We had some people over to sorta hang out, BBQ, and swim. I got to see the nieces that we were afraid that the MIL would keep from us and I totally did not realize how much I missed them til I saw them. It was really prety cool. Chelsea, the oldest at 13, has like a BODY. Um, since like February, she grew like a rack. The hubs was making me laugh because he goes "I felt like a pedophile - I did not know where to look." I mean, those knockers like sprang up overnight. Poor darlin, she does not know what she is in for. All in all, it was a really nice, chilled out day. Hot as a muthah though.

Today I got up and went to a quickie lunch with Karen as is our custom. I had to make it quick because I had to go to a baby shower for the hubs' goddaughter/cousin. I am not like super close with that part of his fam, but I was touched that they included me on the invite list so I went even though I would sooner bust out my eye teeth with a sledgehammer than go to a shower - especially a baby shower. Once again, this is the self-obsessed part of me, but I just sit there like "Was that one of my eggs I heard dying? Yeah, I think it was but you carry on with your procreating while I just rust and become the equivalent of an old Chevy up on blocks in someone's front yard in Arkansas." A tad dramatic, but you get my drift, no?

I have to say, though, I was never so damned happy to see my husband's too tight dressed ex-wife at Walgreens in my life. I was not sure if she was invited to this shower or if she was invited if she was going, so when I saw her dressed in camel-toe showing shorts and a tank top that she could pull off if she was 25 pounds lighter, I KNEW she was not shower bound. God bless. That made my fucking day right there.

Well, I am off to bed since I am not allowing myself to languish in bed until all hours tomorrow. I have a good 10 days before I get my test results. Please continue to send positive vibes towards Utah because that is where the testing place is and I need all the help I can get, ok? If you put the gris gris on me, I'll make my dog come live with you.

Elizabeth at 11:27 PM


Saturday, June 10, 2006

Book 25 - The Second Assistant by Clare Naylor and Mimi Hare

Very cute book about a girl who moves to Hollywood from DC and a fairly successful career in politics to become the second assistant at "The Agency" for a coke-snorting, insane man who happens to be a top Hollywood agent. It showed just how dysfunctional California is and why I ran the fuck out of there as quick as my non-Manolo shoes could take me.

Good book though - I recommend.

Elizabeth at 10:38 AM


Friday, June 09, 2006

You ask, I answer

Carrie asked: What is your favorite summertime drink?
Well, Carrie, I don't have a drink that is season specific. I am a whore for Coke Zero, but I really do love me some cold margaritas as well.

Lucky Lum asked: What's your sign?
That would be Virgo which explains a LOT.

Cheeky asked: What is your favorite drinking song?
I would say "Margaritaville." I love the way that song makes me feel - very carefree.

Pissy asked: Does your hubs read your blog?
I know he has in the past. Not sure if he does not and it does not bother me either way. I figure that I have to vent and frankly, if he finds out that he is on my shit list and can't take it, then he should not have read it, right?

Adam asked: Did I know that the Dixie Chicks video footage was prompting my blog to ask for a password?
I had no damn clue that it was the video footage until he pointed that out. So it is gone gone gone. Thanks for the clue, Adam.

Gracie asked: When will I have results on the test I took?
Approximately 2 weeks from now. I shall keep you informed.

Kami asked: Am I going to the Blogger Blowout in October?
I sure hope so. I can fly to Dallas in like an hour or so and would love to meet some of you crazy girls.

Nap Queen asked: Am I moving to TX?
Well, the hubs was not really receptive to the housing listings that I sent him. I pointed out that my big breasted friend Cher lives there and I bet she would push said boobies on him at regular intervals and he was still undeterred. What the fuck?

SPC. Freeman asked: How are you gonna act as if my neck does not bling?
Um, sorry. I don't speak dipshit.

The Kept Woman asked: What is the most interesting case I ever worked on?
Damn that's tough. I could answer the most boring, the biggest, etc quiet easily. I would guess it was one where a woman was denied coverage from her insurance co (our client) because they alledged that she defraused them and that she knowingly answered no to a question that was so clearly yes. It was interesting because I learned a TON about her condition and I lost my innocence that surely, the insurance company was just protecting themselves. Long story short, they were tying her up in litigation hoping she would die from another affliction. Moral - insurance companies are the DEVIL.

Jennifer asked: How come I have never seen a picture of you on your blog?
Well, there was one of me and the big man a while back for SPF. (I think the topic was top two dipshits in your home.) I LOATHE pictures of me. I am the picture taker, not the model. There are almost no pictures of me in this entire house.

Christine asked: What question would you most fear being asked in a job interview?
I hate those "where do you see yourself in ??? years." Gag. I see me paying my bills with money from your payroll. How bout that?

Sea Creature: What is my favorite animal? Favorite pet?
My favorite animal - that's a toughie. I really love to watch big cats because I see the similarities from my cat and have to laugh. My favorite pet was probably Minew, or as I called him The Big Bubber. Oh, he was a large boy.

Nicole asked: What are SFG's future kids names?
For a girl, I love the name Emma. For a boy, it's Jake.

Tammy wanted: An example of my mouth getting me in trouble.
Oh man, let's sift through the files. Well, my husband is convinced that I will get him shot one day because I tend to let fly with whatever is in my tiny brain about the asswipes out there. Tammy, I hate people too. I so can't think of one instance.
Oh WAIT. Probably the time I pulled up to a light and saw my largest pet peeve. We shall call it the Britney. This woman was holding her baby on her lap. I motioned for her roll down her window. When she did, I said her baby was beautiful and she smiled and said thanks. I said "What a shame it will be when you crash and her beautiful head goes right through the windshield because her mother should not have been allowed to procreate." Yeah, I did that in the hood too. He's right - it's only a matter of time before one of us is shot.

Katherine asked: How old were you when you, ya know?
Did the hibbity bibbity? I was 16 and it was SO not worth it.

Cherry asked: Who is Mr. Pissy?
Why, that's Pissy Britches hubs. :)

That bes all of them

As a favor, could you all go say hi to Amanda at Very Zen. She got bad pup news today. Being that me and the Pooper just got a clean bill of canine health today at his annual checkup, I really feel for her. Pet sickness is one of the worst, most helpless feelings in the world. Go show her some love.

Elizabeth at 5:57 PM


SPF - Wide Open Spaces

So this week's SPF, who, in case you don't know, is brought to us by the soon to be old married chick, Kristine. She asked us to show the following:

-a wide open space

Oh, my Pooper. I love him so, but the widest open space I can think of is the space between his ears. It is empty as a field in Kansas. I love him despite his stupidity though.

Brightness. I took this one night from the front of my house. I am not nearly as talented as some of you all, but I dug this picture.

Oh yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. You know what that bad boy is, right? That would be the Superbowl XL ring that my boys just recently got. It makes me a happy girl that Jerome Bettis was on the committee to design it. I am still in denial that I won't get to see him play next year.

Happy Friday to all of you. I shall answer the questions in your comments later on today. Go tell Kristine if you played. Her team did not get one of those cool rings.

Oh, see, I went there.

Elizabeth at 7:53 AM


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The big day

OK, so today is the day that I take this monster test to see if I am suitable to work for this company. I am getting ready to do a conference call with them and then immediately thereafter I start my test. Please think good thoughts.

OK, so since I will not be too much around in the next day or so, how about we do this - you all ask me a question - anything at all and I will answer as honestly as I can in my next post. Just leave your question in the comment and then stand back for the answer. It may or may not be pretty.

So let er rip.

Elizabeth at 2:37 PM


Monday, June 05, 2006

Waste of Space Monday

Well, my original post was to be about Bush and his ridiculous campaign to begin the process of getting an amendment to the Constitution to ban gay marriage. I won't even go into the ridiculousness of this venture and the money that will be wasted on something whose chances of passing are next to none because surely, all of you realize that.

However, in the middle of my post ranting and raving (I have to rant since WOS is Tammy's idea) blogger freaked the fuck out and erased my post. Bastard.

I think Blogger is a Republican.

Elizabeth at 12:19 PM


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Fuckin A, I hope I am wrong

OK, so I had lunch today with my girl Karen. Our friends, Cher and Davey, were in town as well so that their son could attend the graduation of the school that he attended when they lived here. They moved for the storm and ended up staying there, blah blah blah. Being that their house in Metairie sustained no damage, they sold it for a sick profit and bought this big pissed off house in H-town. I am happy for them both. However, when I saw this house I just totally assumed that it was way out of my league so I just let it go. Well, they joined Karen and I for lunch today and the talk turned to the housing market in Houston. Turns out that currently in the Houston area (and I am not sure how much area that encompasses) there are over 40 thousand houses listed. 40 fucking thousand. Now, sure, I am positive there are some that are in less than desireable parts of town and perhaps smaller than I need. However, there has to be a FEW that would fit my needs right? Well, sure. However, I comforted myself with the notion that they would absolutely be out of our price range. Um, not so much. I did a quick search on realtor.com when I got home from lunch and I got a hit for over 2000 homes that fit my criteria. I narrowed my search for the house to be at least 4 bedrooms and be on a cul de sac and managed to eke it down to just over 800. 800 fucking houses, people. In the price range that my hubs and I, with the sale of our home, could afford. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I will be really honest. Houston is not my top choice of places to live. I just checked since that is where my friend is. I am so not even checking Dallas, Austin or San Anton because if I find the same fucking thing I am gonna go buck.

Please explain to me again why I am living in this crime infested nightmare of a state.

Oh, because I am stupid?

Right. I forgot.


I just checked Dallas. Son of a BITCH.

Oh, did I mention these houses have like 1,000 sq feet more than I have now? Um, yeah. Fucking Louisiana.

Elizabeth at 10:40 PM


Saturday, June 03, 2006

How do you define waste of time?

Yep, I once again sat down like a giant dipshit with my husband and his lovely children to try to drill some sense into their heads. Did it work? Nope, I am confident that it did not. However, the difference between the other 900 times and this one is that I don't care. I had nothing to lose. I came home to basically speak for my husband who, when confronted with an uncomfortable situation, gets tongue tied and ends up stuttering and sounding like he could not have passed the 5th grade. I am not being mean here. He would totally admit this. So I got to come in and be the heavy. Trust me, he owes me big time for this shit. However, I am not upset. I am not sad. I am nothing. I just figure I did him a big favor by trying to speak to his children and it is nothing beyond that. My feelings are not hurt in the least that his daughter sat there and looked at me with such venom in her eyes that I am shocked I did not need a shot. Regardless of what mistakes the hubs and I made, I am not going to apologize for my life anymore. I realize now that she is missing out - as is the boy. So it's all good.

I am spending the weekend getting ready to take a test for a potential new job. I am taking the test Tuesday and Wednesday so think good thoughts for me on those days. It could make a major difference in our lives, so I am a might bit nervous.

Tomorrow I am going to lunch with Karen as always but we get a bonus in that our friend Cher is in town from Houston so we get to hang out with her and her insane ass husband. I am very much looking forward to it. Good food and great people is a wonderful combo.

I leave you with the goofy ass cats that I live with. I recently got an Amazon shipment and the felines felt the need to investigate. Am I the only person that gets like way excited when she sees the Amazon box? I mean, I like go all aflutter. It's sick, really. Anyway, here they are.

Elizabeth at 11:05 PM


Thursday, June 01, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday

Stuff Portrait Friday is the brainchild of our girl, Kristine. My Oakland bitch has had a rough month so go show her some love and put your damn pictures up forthwith. OK, I'll shut up.

This week, she wanted:
-something sparkly
-something dull
-something colorful

Something sparkly. My rings. I really love my wedding rings and recently my marriage has been put to the test. I know things don't matter but I really feel like my rings are a constant reminder that I have something worth fighting for.

Something dull. This is also a hint of my future work product. A medical dictionary can be a useful ass tool but can put you right into a damn coma. No, I am not going to med school. I ain't that smart, yo.

Something "colorful." Yeah, my mouth has been known to let more than the occasional f bomb fly. What the fuck you want from me? Shit.

So there you have it. Let me know if you play and go show the Raiders fan some love.

Elizabeth at 11:34 PM


Books 23 and 24 - Tales from the Crib by Jennifer Coburn and Someone Like You by Cathy Kelley

Tales from the Crib was about a chick who finds out she is knocked up on the same day that her hubs decides he wants a divorce. So they decide to stay married in name alone and raise the kid together, but live separate lives. Pretty good read and I zipped thru it on the plane ride out to California.

Someone Like You I struggled to really get into. It started with these 3 women who are on holiday on this amazing cruise down the Nile. They have next to nothing in common but end up becoming friends and continue that friendship when they return to Dublin. Each woman's story was interesting once I finally got into the damn book. Not sure why this one did not grab me right away but I did end up liking it. Good book for the most part.

I am somewhat on track to do the 50 books this year, but I see myself taking a reading break soon. I am getting a tad burned out.

Elizabeth at 11:56 AM


My letter to Northwest Airlines

After the nightmare process of dealing with the ticket agent from hell named Larry at LAX who was about as helpful as a nail stabbing me in the neck, suffice it to say that I will NEVER fly your airline again. I understand that airplanes break. It happens. However, Larry was so disinterested in assisting anyone with his lovely "Life sucks so don't complain to me" attitude that it was all I could do not to launch myself over the counter and bang his head into the keyboard of his computer. Being held up is not a huge deal to me. Dealing with the unapologetic attidude of a jerk like Larry IS. The only thing that made this flight bearable is that the flight crew who had been stranded along with the broken plane were lovely and made a couple jokes about their days being as long as ours had been. However, instead of complaining about it, they tried to make our experience a little better by making us laugh. Maybe Larry needs to retire a bit early and go work for the DMV. I have no desire to hear back from you because even if you promised me free flying until I am old and crotchety like Larry, I will put myself into a sling shot first.

Elizabeth at 11:10 AM