Thursday, June 30, 2005

Stolen from Cherry who stole it from HDL

UPDATE: I originally had that I stole this from Kitty and not Cherry because I am a fucking moron. I am easily confused by anything that has to do with sex. You know, Kitty.....Cherry......PUT IT TOGETHER PEOPLE.

Pretty sure I did this thing before but they are fun and I don't feel like working, so here ya go.

A is for Age - 31
B is for Booze - Hardly ever drink, but I would sell my dog on the black puppy market for a margarita sometimes
C is for Career - Paralegal
D is for Dad's name - Malcolm as in X - and this is how I knew that my ex-boyfriend was not the one for me. When I said I wanted to have Malcolm be my son's middle name, he replied "A little BROTHERISH, isn't it?" Nice.
E is for Essential Item to Bring to a Party - blender for the margaritas
F is for Favorite Song(s) of the Moment - "Cool" by Gwen Stefani
G is for Goof Off Thing To Do - Check out my favorite blogs.
H is for Hometown - San Dimas, CA
I is for Instrument You Play - Nada. Well, I flick the hanging skin on the underside of my arm to the tune of whatever music is on. Does that count?
J is for Jam or Jelly You Like - Grape. Period.
K is for Kids - I want at least one healthy cute chubby legged little boy
L is for Living Arrangement - Just bought my very first house with the husband and our pets.
M is for Mom's Name - Carol
N is for Names of Best Friends - Wendy and Jen
O is for Overnight Hospital Stays - Never
P is for Phobias - Heights and cockroaches
Q is for Quote You Like - "Jesus loves you but the rest of us think you're an asshole."
R is for Relationship That Lasted the Longest - The husband - off and on for 8 years - 3 year break in between so I guess it's only 5
S is for Siblings - Three brothers - Rick - 50, Mike - 48, Kenny - 38 and a sister Krista - 30
T is for Texas, ever been? - Never
U is for Unique Trait - I know stupid obscure movie trivia
V is for Vegetable You Love - Asparagus
W is for Worst Trait - I tend to love up on the gossip and worry about stupid shit.
X is for X-rays you've had - Teeth, whenever I go to the dentist. My hips and back at the chiro.
Y is for Yummy Food You Make - chocolate chip cookies. I tend not to brag about my cooking skills but my cookies are the shit.
Z is for Zodiac Sign - Virgo

Elizabeth at 3:42 PM

6comments

40 acres and a mule

Back it up bitches, I own me some land. OK, not really land per se being that we are in a normal suburban community so if it is even like 1/8 of an acre, I would fall the fuck out, but it's MINE. Well, mine and the husband's but this is about me - as all things should be. We went to closing this morning and I was fully prepared for the closing attorney to look over some paperwork and go "Oh.....hmmmm...I see a problem." I just kept waiting for those words. They did not come. So we have signed all the stacks of shit they wanted us to sign, wrote a check out that almost gave me fits, and are now the proud co-owners (along with the mortgage company) of a cute house near where my husband works. So this weekend will be filled with moving trucks, boxes, living out of a suitcase and lots of deliverable food. Luckily those that deliver food in our neighborhood are well acquainted with us as I am hardly a culinary genius. I should have given them notice we were moving because I would be willing to bet my dog's life that every single delivery vehicle at our local Papa John's can put his car on autopilot to find my house.
On another note, yesterday was my sister-in-law's funeral. My husband, as I have stated before, is a rather large man. People frequently assume he plays for the NFL. I am not even kidding. The dude is a fucking wall. To watch this giant oaf fall apart for the better part of a day and a half is difficult. He is not one to "suck it up and take it like a man." He cries. Giant boo hoo tears. For that I am grateful. I am glad that he gets it all out and is not afraid to look unmanly or whatever. I also was concerned for his daddy who is another crier. So there I am in the middle of the Wall o' Man and Tiny Filipino - both crying. Watching your loved ones suffer through a loss is just so hard, ya know? I can not imagine losing a sibling. I just can't. It has to feeling like getting your heart ripped out a little bit at a time - a long stabbing pain that does not go away any time soon. He and my FIL are doing as well as can be expected, but this is just horrible. I am grateful that we have had this whole house thing to occupy our minds. It has been tremendously helpful for the husband for sure. I think without that distraction, he would have really stewed on all of this and been in much worse shape than he is currently.
Thanks to all of you who have been keeping us in your thoughts and leaving all the great comments because they have truly helped. It's so cool to know that people you don't even really know are pulling for you. So - party at my house this weekend. Bring box cutters to help us unpack and I will supply the alcohol and blender. :)

Elizabeth at 1:38 PM

4comments

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Karma - she's a muthafuckah

OK, so y'all know I work for an insurance defense firm, right? If not, now you do. So here I am paralegalling (it's a word, bitches) my ass off in DEFENSE of insurance companies. DEFENSE. As in on their side. As in high fiving with the insurance companies over us collectively beating down bogus claims.
So I get a call from my husband a bit ago from the insurance company. He had to go pay our homeowners and flood (because I live in the soupbowl of Louisiana) insurance prior to closing. No problemo. He gets there cashier's check in hand for the full amount. "Oh, Mr. SFG, I think the quote we gave you for flood might be wrong." WHAT??? We close in less that 48 hours. Um, rrrrrriiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhhhttttttt. You can't just void a cashier's check. So he sits there and ends up having to hash it all out with them (keep in mind that tonight is his sister's wake so he could possibly be a tad distracted) but finally gets it all straightened out. When he called me to tell me the problem before he fixed it, I went off SLIGHTLY. The word "fuck" and its various derivatives (fucking, what the fuck and my fave fucktard) may have been thrown around with callous disregard to any poor soul who happened to pass by my office during my tirade. So now in my head insurance companies suck. They may pay my paycheck indirectly but they suck large donkey dick.
I have tried to come up with something worse than insurance companies to defend and I came up with the following:

1. defense of Nazis
2. defense of those who run puppy mills
3. defense of those who love Tom Cruise
4. defense of women who insist on wearing stretch pants when clearly their stretch pants days are decades ago (as should be stretch pants but let's not get greedy)
5. defense of naturally skinny people who "just can't gain weight"

Feel free to add your own.

Elizabeth at 1:38 PM

4comments

The case that would not die, but the plaintiff will

UPDATE: THE CASE SETTLED. THERE. IS. A. GOD.

Oh, I am going to hell for that title. But it's true. One of my bosses went to a mediation yesterday in a vain effort to settle this case from hell. Let me give you just a Reader's Digest version of this case. We represent the demon insurance company, defendant. Our client cancelled the policy of this chick because they felt she misrepresented herself knowingly on her insurance application. (PS - I did the bulk of the work on this case and she SO DID DO THIS.) Anyways, the mediation was yesterday and it did not settle. So that cry of sorrow y'all may have heard coming from the general direction of Louisiana? That was me. However, Bossman did manage to get them to come down from their outrageous demand to a more reasonable figure and they are only about $40K apart so this is still doable. I hope he does it today and it settles and I can burn this file. I mean, put the file in storage. Yeah, that's it. I think the plaintiff's counsel finally agreed to mediate because this woman is sick sick sick. She has cancer pretty much everywhere and he has drug this fucking case out for so damn long that now he is realizing that he may want to get his client some fundage and by his client, I mean HIS OWN greedy ass some money. Let me explain my ill feelings. I hate plaintiff's lawyers. Not all of them but a great number. For every good guy or gal out there that is truly look out for the rights of the poor and disenfranchised who got screwed over by the man, there are 20 of them who scope out hospitals and do commercials like "Don't take a quick check - check with me." Their hearts are not pure. They are in it for the almost guaranteed payday at the end to a cool amount of 33% to a staggering 40% of the agreed upon settlement. 40% people. That means if you get a bad wreck and it truly was the fault of some fucktard, before you see a DIME, they take 40% OFF THE TOP. And let me define off the fucking top for you who have not had the thrill of being part of the legal system. That means before even one single medical bill gets paid. The attorney gets their cash. OK, I understand that they have a business to run etc etc blah blah blah. But when they go on tv and claim to get a settlement for Mr. I Got My Ass Rear Ended and not in an Astroglide Kind Of Way of $500,000, they need to be clear that amount is before the chunk of change going into Mr. Lawyer's pocket. Plus you have to pay medical bills and let's face it, God help you if you go in the hospital because that is $10G to $20 for even half adequate medical care. This is not to say that defense lawyers are all sweetness and light. Far from it actually. Some are total slime. Luckily those that I work for I believe can actually look at themselves in the mirror from time to time and not vomit in a projectile manner. Why would I go into this line of work when I clearly have such disdain for many members of the legal community? Well, mainly because I think that more often than not, things go right for the person who is not trying to abuse the system. There are of course example upon example of some shithead faking an accident and getting a settlement or some insurance company screwing over someone who has faithfully paid premiums for decades. Normally though, the badness comes out into the light of day and is seen for what it is. Normally the system works. That is when my job is a cool thing.

Elizabeth at 11:21 AM

2comments

Sunday, June 26, 2005

What a difference a few days makes

I know I have hardly been prolific this last week or so but rest assured that I have been keeping up with y'all and commenting here and there. We have had some good and some bad happen. Let's get the bad out of the way. My husband's sister passed away yesterday afternoon. She had battled cancer for a couple of years now. It started as uterine and by the time she passed, it was just everywhere. We made it up to the hospital to see her and her condition was shocking to me. She and I have not been close for quite some time due to her thinking I was pretty much going to toss her brother's heart onto the ground and stomp on it, so I had very little exposure to her since she was ill. Yesterday, I mainly went because I did not want my husband driving across the river by himself because even early on in the day, the news did not sound good and I was not sure if when he was coming home later, it would be because she died, ya know? Anyways, we went and brought my father and mother in law with us. There is a long story why my sister in law and her step mother do not get along but for purposes here, let's just say there was tension and leave it at that. Anyways, MIL was not really wanting to go to the hospital but we all went so I suppose she just sort of tagged along. Anyways, we ended up leaving a few hours later because the doctor said it could be hours or days. We had driven the in-laws and my FIL was crying and really wanted to go home, so we decided to take them home and just keep in touch with SIL's husband. Well, long story short, we were called back to the hospital a few short hours later and ended up not making it there. I really wish we had not left but we did what we thought was right at the time. The wake is Tuesday night with the funeral being Wednesday. My husband and father in law are dealing with things as well as can be expected I suppose. This was my husband's only sibling so in that way, it was rough. However, I know that both of them are glad that she is no longer hurting. It got very difficult for her there towards the end.
What is so weird is that this is all going on during what is supposed to be an exciting chapter in our life - the closing on our home. It is very odd. Like I am excited but I feel guilty about even being excited because of what else is going on. I think we are just going to try to take it a day at a time and deal with it. I think that maybe with all the hoopla of moving and unpacking and crap may be good for my husband in that it will distract his mind a little, ya know? Rather than sitting there trying not to think about it and stew. I know it won't take the pain away but at least there is something pleasurable in our lives that we can focus on. All I know is that we are both tired and can use something that will take our brains on vacation. Someone needs to patent that - brain vacations. I would like a two week one please.

Elizabeth at 9:34 PM

9comments

Monday, June 20, 2005

So this is where I vent

So yesterday was Father's Day, right? I got my husband (with whom I have no human children with) a hammock which did not yet make it through our ever so efficient postal system despite being ordered two weeks ago but let's not go there, ok? He was pleased with the hammock picture that I printed out so that he would know what was on the way. He is simple that way. I do not believe I have spoken much about this topic but this post is about my husband's children, who I will call J and M. J, his daughter is 17 and going to be a senior this year. M, his son, will be 15 in just a few short weeks. I have been in these kids' lives since they were 8 and 6 respectively, ok? As most children have, they had a rough time dealing with their parent's divorce but with much time and patience and sometimes hurt feelings, I really thought that we all collectively (with the exception of their fucking bitch of a mother, but as I have said on many a post prior - that is another post for another time) had found a place where we could all exist happily. I am not one of those women who is jealous of time her man spends with his children. I loved having them over. We live in the same town as they do. They are good kids. I have never once in this 8.5 years been nasty to them or spoken ill of their mother in front of them or done anything to undermine their relationship with their father. I also am a product of a divorced household. I had a new step mother in less than two years and I was NOT thrilled about it. I felt very invaded upon and hated the fact that this woman just sorta moved in and took over. It took me many years to appreciate my step mother due to the nature of how she came into my life rather abruptly. That being said, I definitely let the kids come to me. I was nice and fun and all that but I never like imposed my beliefs or rules upon them. I am not their disciplinarian if they were with us. That is their dad's role. In my mind, I was just sorta a bonus adult. I wanted them to be comfortable around me and want to be in our home because I truly wanted them to think of it as their second home.
Fast forward several years to say a year, maybe 18 months ago. The kids are older now. I remember 15 and 17 WELL. I could think of several thousand things I wanted to do other than spend time with anyone resembling a parent. So when our time with the kids started becoming less frequent, I told the husband to chill out and respect their right to want to do stuff with their friends from time to time because if we are like "YOU GOTTA COME TO OUR HOUSE RIGHT FUCKING NOW" they will begin to resent it. Well, I should just shut the fuck up because I do not know what the hell I am talking about. Both of us came to realize that the kids, probably without their knowledge, were basically conduits to funnel information about our lives to their mother. We found out that basically she was questioning them about things re: us. I do not blame them because this woman is a master manipulator. She has the whole fucking world fooled. I could regale all y'all with story upon story of the shit this bitch has pulled but why bother? I will most likely come off sounding like a pissed off, bitter second wife who does not like her husband to have contact with the mother of his kids. So I will just let that go. To sum up, we have now had our relationship boiled down to child support payments and calls for money. We tried, in vain, for a good year to make plans with them on alternate schedules since his daughter was working now and was just busier in general. It always fell through. And WHY, you might ask, did our plans constantly fall through? Well, because at the last fucking second, the bitch would come up with plans of her own and instead of saying "I am doing this - y'all go have fun with your daddy who you have not seen since God was a boy." She would twist shit around until they wanted to go with her.
It is no coincidence that this post is coming on the heels of Father's Day. My husband is a good father. I have not one single qualm about having a child with him. He has the mind set of a 7 year old which every single child I have ever seen come into contact with him instantly responds to. It is like they look at him and in their little minds think "This dude clearly sees the importance of acting like an ass - he is A-OK in my book." He is not an absentee father. At least not by choice. He, and therefore me, have been exorcised out of his children's lives slowly and painfully by his ex-wife and her family. I purposely waited last week to see if I would get a call or an email asking what Daddy needed or wanted for Father's Day or where would we be or is he working, etc. Anything showing me that these kids were interested in spending time with their dad. He did not care about a fucking gift. If they had called us a few days back and been like "Dad, we have not really gotten to hang out with you, can we spend all day Sunday with you?" there is no doubt in my mind, he would have given up his shift and dropped everything to do just that. With my blessing.
Both of us are just tired. We are tired of being disappointed. Of getting our feelings hurt. Of watching our influence on these kids become less and less important. What the bitch says is fucking gospel and that's just it. Maybe other women would be happy that their husband was not distracted by kids from another woman. Maybe other women would welcome this opportunity to make sure their husband focused solely on their current wife and impending family. I am not that woman. I am the woman who is pissed off and hurt and tired, so very tired of watching a good man and an excellent father's feelings be stomped on by a bitter woman who decided that using the kids was the way to go. I hope she is happy. I hope that she is getting out of this what she planned on. I hope that some day she realizes what she has stolen from her kids.

Elizabeth at 2:48 PM

13comments

Friday, June 17, 2005

The world as I know it is ending

OK, I got up today and was in a generally good mood due to (a) it's Friday and (b) the house thing is pretty much a done deal. (Yes, I still say pretty much even after we have final approval because I am that much of a worry wart. A meteor could hit that house, ya know) Anyways, I get in the shower and am mentally going over my day. I get out and am drying off with the bathroom door open so I don't pass out from the heat in the bathroom from the shower. I have the Today show blaring from the bedroom and I hear these words from the oh-so-perky mouth of Katie Couric "We knew it was coming - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are engaged." So I ran my naked ass in there to see Tom Cruise's incredibly toothy smile plastered across my tv. I know there are people out there that never watch tv or read US magazine and look down on us clearly uncultured dolts who do. I know this, ok? So save your comments. I am here to talk to those folks that, like me, can read US magazine every blessed week with glee and watch "Best Week Ever" on VH1 and laugh our asses off, ok?
That being said, what is she thinking? Katie Holmes is a talented, seemingly well adjusted individual. I have loved her in the Creek (and if anyone dares blast me for loving the Creek, meet me in the quad after school because I am kicking your ass) and the movies she has done from "Abandon" to "Pieces of April" to "Go." She has nice normal roots in Midwestern America. She is not a Hilton. She is not a Lohan (I could write volumes on how she grates on my last nerve.) She is not a Spears-Federline. And yet, and YET, she is roped into whatever allure that man holds. I have never really gotten what is so damn fabulous about him. I love most of the flicks he does, so I get that he does have some sort of charisma that attracts the movie going public. He is just a giant ego filled turd though. I am tired of listening to him pontificate about the glory that is Scientology. If he uses the word "extraordinary" to describe Katie one more time, I will wretch in my hand. Everything he does seems very contrived, very for the camera, very "let's check the pulse of America." How does she not see that?
Why am I taking this all so personally? I have wondered this myself. Why am I so very put off on this particular relationship when things like the Paris/Paris nightmare, the Paris/Nicole tiff, etc don't seem to register on my radar screen too much? I have no answer for that. I just know that if these two stay together past the release dates of their summer movies, I will be shocked to say the very least.
I am climbing down off my soap box now.

Elizabeth at 10:52 AM

5comments

Thursday, June 16, 2005

100 things about me

I have serious doubts that I will be able to complete this list in one sitting but I am going to give it a hell of a shot today because I so do not feel like working.

1. My middle name is Ann
2. I could eat my weight in Reese cups on any given day.
3. Same with pizza.
4. I think my best feature is my eyes.
5. They are blue.
6. I have tried to quit biting my nails.
7. It has not worked.
8. You can tell my current stress level by the condition of my cuticles.
9. I always felt closer to my dad but that has changed in recent years.
10. That makes me sad.
11. My mom just began living with us.
12. That is a huge adjustment, but I think it's worth it.
13. I have lost 2 cats and those days just about crushed me.
14. We still do not know, despite an autopsy and lung tap, why the first one died.
15. I still can't think about that cat for too long without crying.
16. My dog was my engagement present from my husband.
17. Hence the name - Gage.
18. I was proposed to in Petsmart.
19. Short of proposing at Heinz Field, that was the absolute best place to be proposed to.
20. I am lucky because my husband buys very thoughtful and very cool gifts.
21. I have three brothers.
22. I also have one sister.
23. I am also an only child.
24. My dad had to get married 3 times to get it right.
25. I actually like my step mom.
26. I want to go to Greece before I die.
27. Although I was not born down here, I truly feel the South (as a whole) is where I am meant to be.
28. I have more than one favorite movie.
29. I love almost all music but I can't handle old country twangy music - even though I love country music now.
30. My biggest fear is not having a baby of my own.
31. My head is killing me right now.
32. I am not a fan of summer - I prefer spring and fall.
33. If I could live anywhere, it would still be in Louisiana, but it would be on the water somewhere - preferably the bayou near where my husband grew up.
34. Minus the mosquitoes.
35. I am fascinated by things that normally fascinate 15 year old girls.
36. Example: The Ashlee Simpson show (when it was on)
37. Yes, I know how ridiculous that is.
38. I am a paralegal.
39. I thought for years that I would be an attorney.
40. I am happier that I am not an atty.
41. When I was a little girl, I never thought I would ever make it to the year 2000.
42. My parents divorced when I was 6.
43. I lived my first 18 years almost exclusively in southern California.
44. I went to college in western PA, but that has always felt more like home to me than CA.
45. I wish I was closer to my step kids.
46. We get along well but we just don't see them often.
47. I will go to great lengths to make someone laugh.
48. I think I am a good friend.
49. My best friend's name is Wendy.
50. She works for a huge production company.
51. Every time I see a movie produced by that company, I whisper to my husband, "My Wendell works there."
52. That drives him insane.
53. One of the best things about coming home is how excited Gage gets.
54. I purposely drive that dog nuts because it is so damn funny.
55. I yelled at a man in a super bad neighborhood because he was thiiiis close to kicking a dog.
56. I am amazed that (a) he listened to me and (b) that I did not get shot.
57. I am good at my job but I would give it up in a second.
58. I hate Mardi Gras.
59. Sundays starting in August mean one thing - football.
60. Dennis Quaid is the sexiest man alive.
61. My favorite feature on a man is his smile - bonus for dimples.
62. My favorite thing to buy is a new purse.
63. I got two new nieces when I got married.
64. I love having them over.
65. I still want to have a son though.
66. I love to sit on my front porch and read in the evenings when it is not too hot out.
67. Due to the move, my house is a wreck.
68. That fact is making me fucking crazy.
69. I know it's worth it.
70. It is physically impossible for me to be in public and not find amusement at some unsuspecting person's expense.
71. I am always on the hunt for the perfect comforter.
72. I love Mexican food.
73. Made by Mexicans - not that Americanized shit.
74. I keep waiting for Terry Bradshaw to cross my path.
75. The shriek that will leave my body if that day occurs will be heard nationwide.
76. Right now I am very stressed and frustrated.
77. The car I have now is the closest thing I have had to a new car. I bought it a year old.
78. The best thing about my job is finding out personal stuff about people.
79. That can also be the grossest thing about my job.
80. My favorite flower is a tulip.
81. I have lost two uncles to cancer.
82. One of my closest friends is my cousin.
83. I hate that she lives so far away.
84. If I have a girl, I will name her Emma.
85. If I have a boy, I will name him Jacob.
86. I love love love 80's music.
87. When I was a girl growing up, I thought there was no one cooler in the world than Molly Ringwald and Belinda Carlisle.
88. I am terrified that something will go wrong and we will not get this house.
89. Even though I am an adult, I still crave the approval of my dad.
90. I was the "other" woman.
91. I am not proud of that fact.
92. We just got final approval for the financing of the house.
93. I am now crying.
94. I truly had my doubts that we would have a house of our own EVER.
95. I do believe in karma.
96. I also believe in God.
97. I do not go to church.
98. I can't believe I am almost done with this list.
99. I hate my current hair cut.
100.I am in need of a pedicure at this moment.

Elizabeth at 4:19 PM

6comments

All about moi

Stolen from Susie's blog:

I am from sunshine, from McDonald's happy meals and homemade chocolate chip cookies.
I am from the way too many places - from southern CA to western PA - some nice homes and some apartments that were in scary neighborhoods.

I am from the sandy beaches, the steel mills.

I am from opening one present on Xmas Eve night and stubborn streaks, from Cook and Lancaster and Cooley.

I am from the place where all visitors feel at home and are made members of the family if felt to be worthy.

From a place where I will never be without love and a place where sometimes I was very lonely.

I am from Methodists and Presbyterians and sometimes charasmatic places that seemed unreal and fake to me.

I'm from Germany, England and Wales), and lasagna and Pitzells.

From the dinner where I refused to know what fondue was, the home where I was supposedly the favorite but rarely felt that way, and the family members who would use racial slurs but then never seemed to mind that my group of friends was more diverse than the United Nations.

I am from the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and every other place that we went to as a family. The pictures of those times capture us at our best - when stress was low and fun was at an all time high.

Elizabeth at 2:54 PM

3comments

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Update in general

OK, I know yesterday's post was FIL full. I was a very bad DIL and did not even go visit him last night even though I could spit from my front yard and hit the hospital but I promise I have a good reason. Let me back track and clue y'all in on the weekend first because it will make way more sense. Friday night was girl's night. Three girlfriends and I went to Juan's Flying Burrito and ate our fill of Mexican food (which was so good that it more than made up for the fact that our waiter, despite having his hair in a ponytail had some sort of Donald Trump odd ass combover thing happening) and drank mucho margaritas. After that, I met up with the husband and we went to go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith which was a lot funnier than I thought it would be. I also got a rather stressful phone call that day from the husband informing me that the man who was to arrange our financing was going to have to give our loan away due to a problem with his license. He had just recently split from his company and started his own deal and that messed with his license. This is not a big deal but we are trying to close on this house for 6/30. Um, hi again stress. My old friend. So I tried not to freak and just kept sucking down the ritas. Our realtor called us and said she had a fabulous lady who could take over and there should really be no problem or hold up. Um, sure. Anyways, we hooked up with her last night. Can you say SHE FUCKING ROCKS???? Go ahead and say it - I'll wait. This woman took all of our info and when I was in the middle of signing some document, my husband asked "So due to you just taking over our loan now, do you foresee us having to close past 6/30?" She did not even miss a beat - "Nope, 6/30 as a closing date is no problem." She was so confident in her answer that she truly made me think that this shit might actually happen on time. I am the first to admit that I do not know dickly squat about mortgages or loans or this or that, so I am relying on her expertise. I know my limits and this is it. The fact that she was just so certain that we would have no problems made me feel so much better it is like someone untied the knot in my belly that has sat there for a good two weeks now. The best part is that she works in my office building. The few things that I was lacking last night, I faxed over to her this morning and she will have an exact amount of money we need to have in cashier's check form for the closing on Wednesday. I mean, how fucking fast is that? We will have our answer a full week before the actual closing date. So now I am like bouncing off the fucking walls. I am so damn excited. You all just do not KNOW. My husband and I have been in a constant financial struggle pretty much from the time we got together 8 years ago. I mean, seriously. I think both of us are just like "pinch us because we are so obviously dreaming." We are both so thrilled but we are like keeping it sorta in check because in the back of both of our minds I know we are like "Let's not rock this boat because the mutha will capsize and we will lose this house." It feels like FINALLY things are coming full circle and some of the bad stuff is leaving and we are finally getting some relief. Both of us are letting some of the cautious attitude go and are getting like gleefully excited. Please keep us in your thoughts that this process continues to go well. I know that in the grand scheme of things whether a house closes on time is hardly a fucking catastrophe but you know what, this means a ton to us. This house represents our hard work and dedication to the rest of our lives together. We just want to start the next segment of our lives. We are very ready. :)

Elizabeth at 10:53 AM

5comments

Monday, June 13, 2005

Yeah for poop!!!

I just got the good news that my father in law took a dump. Let me set the scene. He was taken to the ER Thursday afternoon because he could not stop throwing up. Long story short he was admitted with a bowel obstruction. Poor thing. Almost 8 hours in the ER and never saw a doctor but let's not go there. In the hospital from that night and finally pooped today. He has had a tube up his down and then down his throat to drain all the crap that he would have been otherwise throwing up since it had no where else to go. Let me just say how attractive that way. My father in law is this tiny little man who weighs like a buck thirty, ok? From all the throwing up, he lost 3 more lbs. Like he can afford to lose more weight. I, on the other hand, walk near a bakery and the fat runs down the street after me and attaches itself to my ass. But I digress. Hopefully he will get the all clear from the surgeon today that since he passed the obstruction on his own, no surgery is necessary. The poor man just got done with chemo and radiation and now had plumbing issues. I think he is way over the hospital. Poor thing. He lays there in his hospital gown that is like 8 sizes to big so it is constantly hanging off his shoulders, no teeth in, tube up nose with green crap coming out and what is left of his wild hair (he calls them his curls) is like all over the place. I know that does not sound cute but the man is so cute you could just eat him. I am very lucky in the in-laws department. I know some of y'all have horrid stories to tell but I absolutely love my in-laws, my FIL in particular. Keep saying prayers for him that he gets the all clear from the surgeon and keeps pooping. :)

Elizabeth at 2:38 PM

8comments

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Stuff Portrait Saturday - Something I want more of

Something I want more of
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is my little cousin, Christian, who has been featured here before. I would love more time with him but more than that, I would love to have a happy healthy child like him. He is just such a treat.

Elizabeth at 12:02 PM

3comments

Something I want less of

Something I want less of
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

I know you probably think I just want less work, but no. This is a picture taken in my office of binders I have made in a securities case that I am involved in. I hate securities cases and it has taken me forever to even get a clue as to what I am doing. I hate not feeling confident in my work so I would love to give up all my securities cases. PS - all these binders - ONE FUCKING CASE.

Elizabeth at 12:01 PM

2comments

Something I am completely satisfied with - as is

Something I am completely satisfied with - as is
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is my little girl. I am so thankful for her and her many moods - I would not change a thing. She got very sick earlier this year and so now every time I look at her, I remember how close we were to not having her here at all - to whine and bitch. Like her mama.

Elizabeth at 11:59 AM

0comments

Friday, June 10, 2005

Things that fucking drive me....

This is probably a never ending post but I will try to confine it to the things that really just send my ass right the fuck over the edge.

1. Men who are losing their hair and in order to compensate decide to do the long hair in the back a la Michael Bolton. Guess what men? We are neither blind nor that shallow. Many women could not give two shits whether you might a little light on top. Just don't act like an absolute freak about it. Comb overs = ugly.

2. On the same topic, what the fuck is with the island of hair that some men get when they lose their hair? You know what I mean, right? They tend to lose hair in a sort of semi-circle fashion so that there is this small crop of follicles towards the front that just refused to die. In that instance, my advice to you is shave your head and be done. Or just get it cut super short - for those men who have the weird head shapes.

3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT drive in the fucking fast lane on your cell phone blissfully unaware (or maybe you are not unaware of your actions and that is a whole other post) that I have driven up behind you like a damn bullet train and I am on my way home and I am craving taquitos and I want to get home NOW to have said taquitos and you, my idiotic road partner, are in my fucking way. If you are not going AT LEAST 70, stay in the middle or right lanes.

4. Here is an idea - hang up the phone. If I am in a store or heaven forbid, a restaurant, believe it or not, I am not enthralled with the fact that your stupid skank sister in law is cheating on your brother and that you TRIED to tell your brother what a ho bag she was years back but did he listen? Noooo, girl, he did not. I do not wish to be privy to anyone's cell phone calls. Make sure you hang the fuck up in the following instances: when you are trying to check out in a store, when the waitress is trying in vain to take your order, when you can NOT fucking drive with that thing attached to your ear, when, due to the phone conversation that is ever-so-stimulating, you are now unaware that your demon child has wandered away from you yet again and almost got taken out by my buggy.

5. Walking into a vapor of smell in the bathroom. Two words people - courtesy flush.

6. Dealing with law clerks (clerk as in still in law school, as in has not passed the bar, as in has not even graduated law school yet) who decide that because they are in law school, that somehow gives them license to be dickheads. Wrong. You don't get that courtesy until you pass the bar, darlin. And then we only give you leeway for about six months until your staff knocks your ego right the fuck back down.

7. People that run hot and cold with others. Example: I know someone who is like all fired up and in constant contact with their friends for a while and then all of the sudden POOF, gone. I know things come up, but have some manners. Treat your friends well.

8. When you are in a shoe store in need of new shoes, be aware of what size you actually wear. Not what size you want to be. There is nothing less attractive than a big ass fat foot wedged into some strappy sandle that is cutting off the circulation to the toes. Or better yet, the feet that hang off the front or back of a shoe. Oh God, let me not even get started with that.

9. Let the grass grow so long that we are now a neighborhood embarassment and then tell me that "Well, I have been busy." Agreed, but you were not busy two weeks ago WHEN IT FIRST NEEDED CUT. (If the husband is reading this, you KNOW this is about you. And yes, I am the grass Nazi.)

10. Sit in your office (when you are actually in, that is) and wax poetic on how incredibly busy you are and how we can not imagine the things that come across your desk, etc. All I see is someone who leaves early regularly and takes long lunches. I am sure that you work hard but shut up about it, ok? We are all busting our ass, so can it.

11. Ask me, yet again, when we are going to have kids. Everyone in my life knows that the husband has a vasectomy that needs to be reversed (to the tune of about $10K) so unless you are offering to foot the bill, shut up and we will get around to it. I am 31, not 91. While the uterus may be a tad dusty, it still can crank out a kid, all right?

12. Do the whole knock and then barge in thing to my office. If you are going to barge in anyway, just forego the whole fake courtesy of knocking.

13. Wait until I am PAST your office to call for me. I know and you know that it is a power trip thing that you are doing so just stop. Get the fuck over yourself and then we will be fine.

14. Talk about yourself in the 3rd person. I could take someone's fucking head off just for that reason alone.

15. Tell me that you are "sad for me" because I say that very little shocks me when I hear about the bad behavior about a man we work with. You know what, don't fucking be sad for me. I am not sad for me. I am, however, realistic. I won't go into what this guy did but it was pretty shitty. He is not a total dickhead. Sometimes nice, fairly decent men do shitty stuff. That is what I meant. Don't act like I need some sort of big ass group hug because I said that very little shocks me. Or I will tell you that clearly your husband has fucking issues that need to be addressed FORTHWITH.

16. Be in front of me at Wal-mart with a buggy full of shit and have to have 3 separate transactions because you have your welfare pile, WIC pile and then straight cash pile. Before you all have a fucking stroke, listen. If you need welfare or WIC, then get it. Absolutely get it. Make sure the kids are fed properly. HOWEVER, if you are front of me with 3 separate transactions for that purpose, you had best not be on your Cingular Razr phone that just came out and is $200 ON SALE with a 'do that I know set you back at least $80 with nails that cost you another $40. I come un-fucking-glued with that shit. Particularly when one of the children who is to be the benefit of this food is sitting there in shoes that have holes in the bottoms or their clothes don't fit right but you sure as shit look good in your brand new clothes from whatever fucking company/store is hip right now. I could smack the piss out of these women.

That is a good start on a complete list. Believe it or not, I am not in a horrific mood. I just started thinking of this stuff and decided to vent. :)

Please add your own personal pet peeves should you decide to comment.

Elizabeth at 2:49 PM

6comments

Thursday, June 09, 2005

This is some funny shit

For those of you who were witness to or at least saw the outtakes of Tom Cruise making an utter fool of himself on Oprah some time back, I give you the following website - www.freekatie.net. I have been a Katie Holmes fan for a while now and think she is one of the few promising young actresses out there who does not act like a fucking skank every other night. Check the site out if you are so inclined or at least have a sense of humor.

Elizabeth at 3:41 PM

2comments

Icky weather

Icky weather
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is what it looked like yesterday evening. It is a tad hard to tell but the sky is really dark. It almost looks bluish in the pic but trust me, it was bad. I love this kind of weather. Makes me want to light candles, pop popcorn and watch a good scary movie on the tube. I love me some rain.

PS - we have a Tropical Storm in the Gulf but it looks like it is going towards Mobile. Damn it. I needed a day off.

Elizabeth at 10:30 AM

1comments

Tagged by Cherry :)

1. Your hubby is a firefighter. Does this bother you? Do you worry about him when he responds to calls? Honestly, I try not to think about it. I remember this one night - in fact it was New Year's Eve - and I had gone over to watch fireworks. They got a call and off he went. It was like "Wow, there he goes." And I realized just that quick how dangerous his job has the potential to be. Therefore, I have now gone back to the "ignorance is bliss" line of thinking or I will make myself nuts.

2. How did you and hubby meet? We worked together. He was a mid-man cook at Applebee's (his second job aside from the station because firefighters don't make dick) and I was a server. We clicked pretty fast.

3. Where is the strangest place you and hubby ever had sex? Well, it was not sex, but we got pretty hot and heavy one night on the hood of my car in the middle of a wide open parking lot.

4. Do you do a lot of your blogging at work? If so, does your firm have any idea? I read a lot of blogs at work but only blog here once in a while. Well, actually it might be like 50% here and 50% home. And no, the firm has no clue.

5. What made you decide to go into the legal field? I wanted to be a lawyer from the time I was 7. Then I realized that lawyers, despite what Hollywood shows, come out of school about $100K in debt and make maybe half that. Then they try to make partner which means they must bill 60 hours per week. Um, negative. I want a job, not a life of work.

6. It looks like you started blogging in February. What made you decide to start? I had a lot to say and did not feel comfortable talking to the people that are in my life. My husband now knows I blog and I am fine with that. No clue if he reads it or not.

7. You are a very good, colorful, funny writer. Do you ever think about writing a book about all the shit that goes on in your office? Diva sounds like she would be a good character. What would you name the book? Hmmmm, good question. Thank you for the compliment. I have never considered myself a good writer. I just write the way I speak so maybe I just describe things well??? Not sure. Anyways, if I ever got a bee up my ass to write a book about work, I would possibly entitle it "As the Firm Turns: A Look at the Goings-on of the Fucktards."

8. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Depends on my mood but pizza is always an option. I worked at Dominos in college and truly thought that being around that much pizza would kill my ridiculous cravings for it. I literally ate it every shift I worked (4 per week) and have not gotten rid of the cravings yet. It's ridiculous.

Elizabeth at 10:17 AM

2comments

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

And let the vomitting commence....

Cook and the Poop
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is my dog taking a Swedish fish candy thing from my husband's mouth. Charming bunch ain't they?

Elizabeth at 7:19 PM

4comments

Where I blog

Where I blog
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is for Self Portrait Day that I almost never partake in because I always forget. This is my laptop with work next to it. How...........fun...............for...............me. I know I am early so sue me.

Elizabeth at 7:18 PM

0comments

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Diva Strikes again

OK, people, perhaps you will tire of my ranting and raving and be thinking yourselves "Jesus, she just got approved for a house - the bitch should be happy." To which I say, back off - you know not of what you speak. Let me sum up.
I have somehow gotten roped into working with the partner next door to my office who has these document intensive files FROM HELL. I am not talking a large file or two people. I am talking boxes upon boxes of documents coming to us at warped speed that need to be weeded through because when we request them, clearly we mean to fucking send them all fucked up and out of order and that would be way to fucking professional to take the time to make it clear what the fuck you are sending. Um, I digress. Enter Summation. Those of you in the legal field know what I am talking about. It is a computer program that I took a course on while I was getting my paralegal certificate. Oh yes, you need a certificate to do my job. What a fucking crock because trust me, people, I did not learn dick. I learned by doing, not from taking a class on it. Um, I digress yet again. Summation is the computer program from hell. I know it can be helpful. I KNOW. However, it is a touchy ass not user friendly program that I truly thought I had seen the last of, but OH NO. It is rearing its ugly head yet again. Well, guess who is queen of the Summation? Oh you got it. The Diva. I am sure you recall me ranting previously about her - from NY, says fabulous a lot, etc. Well, this bitch is going to give me and V a tutorial - "a quick 15 minute lesson" - on how to use Summation. Um, let me just say that the reason that the class or tutorial was so fucking short is because that is all she fucking knows. She has used this program to scan in documents and code these same documents for well over a month and she does not know how to create a new field. I can't tell you the sheer number of times I heard the phrase "Oh, I gotta ask about that" or "Wait, that was not supposed to do that." This is the same girl who can not do the work for the two attorneys to whom she is assigned because she is way too busy scanning. A trained monkey who scratches his ass and smells his finger after could do that job. OH WAIT. I forgot the best part. We, the paralegals as a whole, are super busy to the point of almost drowning. We get help, right? Well, halle-fucking-lujah. The diva snatched her up to assist her with scanning. V, my friend and fellow paralegal, about bit her fucking tongue off at that one. Oh, and the new paralegal just passed the bar so she is in fact AN ATTORNEY. So we have an attorney scanning documents. I had to vent about this because I am about to fucking BLOW. And not blow in a good way, you pervs. LOL. Please send me good vibes or chant for me or whatever the fuck you think will help because soon you will see on the net somewhere that a paralegal in New Orleans lost her damn mind and bit the head of another paralegal OFF.

Elizabeth at 4:26 PM

7comments

Here is the thing....

I appreciate the concern about my "safety." I do agree it was probably not the swiftest move to put my potential new address on my blog. So it's off but of course, people saw it already. If a psychopath shows up at my house, then that's my bad. However, I never say what firm I work for. If the person who commented on my blog really lives and works down here then they know the sheer volume of fucking law firms down here. As for me describing my building or what have you, why should I be concerned? I don't use names. I don't do it because of everyone else's privacy. I use initials or made up names. Hey, maybe I am as naive as the day is long, but that is for me to worry about. If this ends up blowing up in my face, then so be it. For now, I will continue to be candid about my life on here while still preserving other's privacy. Thanks for the concern but it is not needed. That is all.

Elizabeth at 8:27 AM

9comments

Monday, June 06, 2005

Arma-fucking-geddon, Part Deux

Flood
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

This is the canal behind my neighborhood. I apologize for the quality of the photo but my husband took this with his camera phone on his way back from the dentist. Let me just say how funny it was to talk to him and hear him shay his wordshh like dish because of the shots and numbnesh. I laughed like only a truly nasty wife would.

Elizabeth at 3:58 PM

0comments

Arma-fucking-geddon

The rain here is so bad that I can just barely see the Hyatt across the street from my office. I would say that Hurricane Season has started with a bang.

Also, Jomama pointed out that now all of blog world now has my potential new address. I never thought of that really - probably not the best move being that there are psycho paths out there. But I have a really large husband. Really big. Like six three and can kick ass if need be. Granted he is a giant teddy bear and I think probably last threw a punch 15 years ago at least but at least he looks intimidating, right? So anyway, thank you for your concern about the address. I tend to live in La La land thinking that because I am not a psycho, no one else is. But hey, if y'all wanna come on over and have some housewarming margaritas with me, just mapquest my ass and come on ovah. :)

Elizabeth at 12:59 PM

7comments

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Don't jinx me

OK, I am in a very tentatively ecstatic mood. Let me splain. As I wrote before, the husband and I went house hunting with our fab realtor this weekend. We were not due to meet her until 1 due to a prior engagement on her part, so we had the morning to kill. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then headed over to an Open House at a for sale by owner house. I am very new to this whole real estate deal so I was unaware that FSBO people do not wish to work with realtors AT ALL. I just thought they were saving money by not choosing to be represented themselves. Well, we loved the house, but as I said, we had more to see. Long story short, after a rather hot as fuck day looking at various houses, we narrowed it down to two - the FSBO house and the very first house we looked at with the realtor. The houses were tied in my mind but I was ever so slightly leaning toward the non-FSBO house, but the husband was all over the FSBO one. We discussed it with our realtor who informed us that the owners of that house may not want to deal with her at all. I so had no clue. Duh. Let's fast forward - they were willing to work with her. WE HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT AND A BID ON THEIR HOUSE. So now we have to get together with our finance guy and make sure that this is definitely doable. As I said before, we were approved up to a certain amount - this house fits those requirements, so one would think that this is a slam dunk, no? However, this shit makes me nervous. I am so afraid that the finance man will go "Oh, you paid a light bill late 8 years ago - DENIED." So until their are keys in my hand and the next 30 years of my life are now accounted for financially, let's just say I am cautiously optimistic. Knock on wood. Throw salt over shoulder. Spit Spit.

Elizabeth at 6:57 PM

12comments

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Stuff Portrait Friday - Collection

Collection of candles
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

Well, I love candles. This is only a small sample of the several that are scattered around my house. I love to light them on dark nights when we watch a movie or something. Makes it very cozy. :)

Elizabeth at 10:49 PM

1comments

Computer

Computer and work
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

Here is my laptop with my backgound picture of my little cousin. The crap on the side is the deposition I was summarizing a little while earlier tonight.

Elizabeth at 10:48 PM

1comments

The kid's room

The poop on the bed
Originally uploaded by alexiecfo.

Well, here you go. The dog pretty much takes whatever damn room he pleases. He loves when his daddy is working because they he and I get the whole bed to ourselves. :)

Elizabeth at 10:47 PM

1comments

Books books books

I was very tentatively tagged by Weetzie for this. Poor thing thinks I am a mental case and was worried about asking me to answer questions. :)

What's in Your Reading Corner?

I tend to like mystery/suspense type of stuff. I can also be a total sap and read Nicholas Sparks books. I read to escape, not to learn. LOL. I did more than enough of that in school, therefore the books I do read tend to not be on the challenging side. Every now and then I will go to a non-fiction book like "The Power of Now" which is currently on my bookshelf, but I have yet to delve in.

1) Total number of books I've owned:

Countless. I also tend to be a purger. Once I read a book, I either pass it along or sell it on Amazon to recoup some of my money. I am not a book hoarder.

2) The last book I bought:

I got from Sam's Club and since hardbacks are so cheap there, I got two. One was "No Place Like Home" by Mary Higgins Clark and the other one was "Ya-Yas in Bloom" by some author whose name escapes me but obviously wrote "The Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood."

3) The last book I read:

Countdown by Iris Johannsen

4) Currently reading:

"No Place Like Home" by Mary Higgins Clark

4) 5 books that mean a lot to me:

"The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood" is my all time favorite book. I love books set in the South because although there is plenty wrong with the South, there is so much that I love. I love all the history, the mystical aspects, the charm, the etiquette, etc.

"Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" Also set in the South - Savannah to be exact. A fantastic book and a must read for anyone.

"Gone with the Wind" - so much better than the movie. Let's just leave it at that.

Can't think of 2 others, but those three for sure.

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs:

I tag:

Torrie
Kristine
Katie
Cherry
Sherri

If you would like to participate, cool. If not, I completely understand. :)

Elizabeth at 2:49 PM

2comments

Random hatred

OK, so I am a little pissy today. I have rampant PMS (can you call it PMS when it is not really pre-anything anymore), but yet once again, I digress. However, this post is dedicated to the fucktards in my office who get on my nerves. For the most part, the chicks I work with and around all day are pretty fucking cool. HOWEVER, (you knew that was coming, right?) there are always those couple.....that just work your damn nerves. This post is dedicated to them.

Let's call the first one diva. Why would I call her that? How about why the fuck does she call herself that? Oh and she does too. That is her fucking email address. Allow me to paint the picture. She is from here but lived in New York and worked for a huge firm named White and Case. I don't know dick about White and Case and I am sure it is just a lovely firm. Apparently it is HUGE and literally has people working all shifts. This girl, who came here as a paralegal, with much fanfare because she was from this big NY firm, blah blah blah, can't do shit. Come to find out that despite being called a "paralegal" at the prestigious firm of W&C, she was a glorified copy and Bates labeling girl. Um, no. She knows how to summarize nothing, subpoena nothing, request nothing, etc. THAT IS OUR JOB. We do not copy. We do not Bates label. WHAT THE FUCK, SISTER? Anyway, she gets here and it's all stories about NY and how fabulous (the amount of times she uses that fucking word is staggering) it is and all that shit. Then we come to find out that she sings opera. And she knows the named partner's father who used to conduct for the NO Opera Company. Lovely. Then she proceeds to speak to this same named partner in German because he is, in fact, German. I hated her from that point on. It gets worse. She finds out that the other named partner who is actually semi-retired now is a man that her father is apparently friends with and she proceeds to call him BOB. OK, this is a super loose firm. I do not call any of the attorneys Mr. or Miss anything. EVER. BUT WE DO NOT CALL THE FUCKING MAN WHO STARTED THIS FUCKING FIRM FUCKING BOB WHEN WE JUST MEET THE FUCKING MAN. OK, manners. I don't want to infringe on this man's privacy, so let's just call him Mr. L. Hear me, sister. His name is Mr. L. Even the other partners call him Mr. L. NOT BOB. Why this chaps my ass so badly is beyond me but it so does. I could go on and on about this girl, but I think this gives a pretty good idea of what this girl does that ruffles the living shit out of my feathers. Let's move on.
Then we have the good ole girl. I live just outside the city of New Orleans. Anyone here that calls themself a Cajun is full of shit most likely. The true Cajuns live out in the swampier part of the state towards Lafayette and south of there. Well, this woman that I will call C loves loves loves to regale us with what she calls her "Cajun accent" and tell us stories of livin' on da bayou, cha. If I don't pop this woman's head like a fucking zit, I will consider it a personal triumph. This woman commutes 90 minutes to work here in the city. Why she does not take her country podunk self out to Houma or Thibodaux and work for a firm out there is beyond me. Nope, she drives her giant SUV from butt fuck nowhere to work here and annoy me. It does not help that she is the secretary of one of the attorneys for whom I work. So I have to deal with her. I must have killed puppies in my last life to deserve this karma.
Last but not least, we have the office slut. I am one of the youngest people that work at this firm. While it is a fairly young firm in that a number of the partners and associates have small children and are in the middle of their "family" years, most are still older than me. I think just this one girl, maybe one other, is younger than me. Significantly younger. Her job is to basically be the back up for various duties. She is the back up recep. She keeps the office supplies on order, etc. Oh, also back up court runner. Um, ok. Does that require that you were a suit that is a size too small and 4 inch heels? I am gonna go with NO. You are trekking around the office doing various things and sometimes running to court all over town. You need comfort. You need ease. You need to look professional but this is not a fashion contest. Put on some fucking khakis, a cotton shirt, and some tennies and call it a fucking day. Oh, but that would not require that she hoist her breasts up and out of the suit jacket of her suit du jour. And apparently that would be a GOD DAMNED CATASTROPHE.
Are you feelin me people? Do you see why, on various hormonally related days, why some of these fucking people are treading into dangerous territory by annoying me? These were people that work with me - not those for whom I work. THAT is a whole separate post. I could go on for days.

Elizabeth at 12:45 PM

5comments

I slack, you slack, he slacks, let's all slack

I have not written much lately obviously. It has been a busy few days, and, other than work, my time on the computer has not been too abundant due to just running running running. So I will backtrack.

Weekend was super nice. The nieces, C and D, came over. I went down to pick them up Friday night from their house. They live with my in-laws to I got to visit with them too. (There is a whole separate post there about seeing someone's true colors, but I will save that for another day.) We left their house and stopped off at the firestation to see my husband since he was stuck at work. Left there and our initial plan was to eat at Chili's and then go see Monster-in-law since the movie I thought the girls would love (The travelling pants one) was not yet out. I figured MIL was PG 13 so the chances of there being any f-bombs or flashing boobies was pretty slim. Well, Chili's was packed so we rethought our plan and headed across the river to Applebee's since there is a different movie theater like right by it. Ate at the Bee, saw the flick and did not make it home until about 11:30. Let me just clear it up now that I am a 31 yr old grandma. I am like pitiful when it comes to staying up late. 11:30 for me - when I have been up since 6 - seems like 4 in the AM. LOL Anyway, we came home, I fixed up their bed and I drifted off into slumber. Saturday we got up, went to the mall so I could find these pants at Macy's that I am wearing today, did some shopping, ate at Olive Garden, then went home a bit. We dropped one niece and my mom off and the husband, C and I headed for yet another mall. It may seem like all we do is shop, eat out and see movies, but there is a reason. These girls do NOTHING with their mom. Their dad is in PRISON but we won't go there, ok? I mean, their mom works hard and is, overall, a good mom but as far as taking the girls anywhere (even just to a run to Walmart) just does not happen. So we definitely run their little butts all over town to sort of compensate. But I digress. So back to Mall #2. There was a blood drive so we gave blood, did a tad more shopping and headed back home. That night we watched the movie "White Noise" that they had brought with them. A tad grown up for kids but hey, who am I to judge? Sunday we got up, went out to grab a quick bite and then went to go see "Madagascar" which was so incredibly cute. The girls, at 10 and 12, both loved it. We then took them home and spent some time by my in-laws house. Monday the husband had to work (holiday pay, bring home the bacon...). I cleaned house and basically was a bum otherwise. That was my weekend.
Work week has been crazy busy, but the real cool thing is tonight is our meeting with our realtor. :):):) Saturday is house hunting day with the realtor. I can not fucking wait. I will for sure post about that latah gatah. :)

Elizabeth at 9:09 AM

3comments