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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

SPF two days early and a fond farewell

I am doing my SPF early because in a few short hours I will be on a plane bound for Phoenix to spend Christmas with my Dad and his side of the family. I am looking forward to it. I shall have lots of obnoxious pictures to share upon my return.

Anyway, on to business. Kristine designated this week's pictures to be:

Christmas cards
Our favorite wrapped present - I am modifying this to my fave present received thus far
A new edition to our Christmas decorations

Here are my cards. I love this little basket. I think I got some sort of hot chocolate deal in it but the basket was so cute I kept it.

This is the newest edition to my house. The husband surprised me last night with this. Isn't it great. I just love it. I am not a fan of dark wood (as y'all know if you have looked at ANY pictures of my home) so this is right up my alley.

However, this was originally (before the table gift last night) my favorite unwrapped present. It is a Steelers cookie jar. Nothing more needed to be said about that. :)

Newest edition to my holiday decor. See the beautiful silver candleabras behind my Mr. and Mrs. Claus teddy bears? Those belonged to the husband's mom. His sister found them a while back and gave them to him. They were tarnished and stained and an overall mess. He busted his ass to make them beautiful again. They will be on my holiday tables for years to come. I think they are wonderful.

Well, I am off to shower because we are out of here shortly. I hope y'all have a wonderful holiday season. I doubt I will post while on vacation so until the New Year, it's sayonara. Hasta la vista. Ta ta for now. And Danielle's favorite, later gator. :)

Elizabeth at 9:51 AM


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

So cute I could squeeze what stuffin' is left right out of him

Here he is again - the FIL. He does not have his toofers in because of the surgery but it went really well. It was same day surgery, so he is already at home. This is the best I have seen him in a while - color was good, had an appetite (which is great since he weighs a buck fifteen soaking wet), talking and joking with the fam. See those three mama hens around him? The one leaning down is Aunt Rita Mae, the one next to her is Aunt Joanne and the one on the other side by herself is Aunt Regina who, truth be told, is the biggest mama hen of them all. They futz and fuss on him so much but it is so damn cute, I swear. He laps it alllllllll up too. You see, the MIL - not so much of a caregiver. Not into the coddling even when that is what is really needed. No one ever died from being spoiled a little. I won't go into some of the incredibly insensitive things she said just today - one of them being for him to hurry up and pee so she could go home since she was tired from their early trip to the hospital. Oh yeah, she said it. Man just got a growth excised from his body but by God he better piss so she can take a snooze. Unreal. Anyways, these are the hens and I really love them. My husband has such a caring family and they really show their love for each other which I think is wonderful. I mean every time poor Mr. Vincent (the FIL) has been in the hospital, the whole damn clan is there practically. That's how it should be though, right? Family is there for each other. Family does for each other. At least that's what I think. I'm glad that the hens obviously believe that too. :)

Elizabeth at 3:47 PM


Monday, December 19, 2005

Hospital visit

My FIL is once again going into the hospital to have a growth removed. This poor little man. He has endured quite the lovely year. Constant pain, having his home and all his belongings get swept away because the levee broke behind their house (yep I so hate W) and have his whole life just be a constant struggle. Such FUN for a man who should be enjoying his days now doing what he wants. Just keep him in your prayers or whatever y'all do. He needs some goodness in his life right now. He is too cute for this crap.

Elizabeth at 11:52 PM


That's what I love about Sundays............

Oh man, is anyone as happy as I am that this fucktard is finally knocked down a notch or two? I am not disputing his talent because Lord knows he has got it. However, being that I live in the Land of the Mannings, if one of them breaks wind, we interupt tv to discuss it. This dude has been shoved down my throat for several years now and I am OVER IT. I am glad they got knocked down. I wish the Steelers could have done it, but San Diego handled up quite nicely. :)

And of course, my boys made it look very easy up there in MN. Yep, they sure did. They are still in the running for a wild card spot for the playoffs but Cincy clinched the AFC North title which pisses me off. Gotta give them credit though - they really got their shit together this year. If they were not in the Burgh's division, I might root for them. However, since they are the competition, they must die.

Elizabeth at 12:58 PM


Sunday, December 18, 2005

Movie review

So last night I somehow did not pass out at 10 PM like usual and was able to get all comfy and snug in bed to watch a flick. Sometimes when my movie picks come to me from Netflix, I wonder where my head was exactly when I read the synopsis of the movie. This was one of those but I decided to give it a shot. The title is "Tiptoes" and it starred Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beckinsdale and Gary Oldham. Sounds like a winner based on cast I think. Basically Matthew and Kate were a couple on their way to getting married when she reveals that she is probably pregnant and he reacts somewhat unreasonably. One might figure he was just being a regular male afraid the world will not continue to revolve around him and his penis, but no. He has a legitimate concern being that his family are all dwarves and that condition is genetic despite Matthew being normal sized. Oh yeah, you read that right. Gary Oldham plays his brother who happens to be his twin but shrunken down. Y'all, it was just odd. I was almost sorta transfixed by this movie. I won't ruin how the flick turns out just on the off chance that you might want to rent it one night out of curiousity. Overall I liked it but it was definitely out there. Please bear in mind that I could have enjoyed it just because I got to look at Matthew for 90 solid minutes. That definitely would color things. The drawf dad was played by the man by the dude who was in Twin Peaks. Does anyone remember that show? It was so strange but I LOVED it. Truly. I love bizaro shit like that.

Right now I am sitting watching "You've Got Mail" for the 500th time at least. Any time it's on TBS, I stop and watch the whole damn thing. It's a classic. Meg Ryan before she got Botox crazy. Now the woman just looks insane. If anyone wants their girl next door image of Meg Ryan blown right to bits, rent "In the Cut." Just an odd movie where you see Meg in her all together several times. It was too much for me.

OK, I'm off to look through the newspaper in a vain effort to find good deals even though I will not shop until after Christmas because the stores are insane unless you are a glutton for punishment. I am clearly not. I shall avoid all stores until I hit the after Christmas sales in Phoenix. I can finally go to Kohls. Be still my beating heart.

Elizabeth at 10:53 AM


Saturday, December 17, 2005

Random musings from the empty mind of mine

I thought I found a new blog today but now I realize I have been there before and just forgot to save her to my favorites. Huge mistake because this girl is hi-fucking-larious. I can't do the little thing where you link to whatever so the site is meancoffee.blogspot.com.

I am watching Law and Order and how the fuck did Angela from Who's the Boss become a judge on here?

My hands smell like Clorox Clean Up and I heart it.

House is incredibly clean.

Pile o' laundry is also done.

I, however, have not showered.

I am feeling somewhat better about things, but still know that I need help. This is only a minor blip on an otherwise not good radar.

Tom Benson (owner of NO Saints) is a fuckwad and needs to have his rectum cleaned with a scrub brush. Go to San Antonio, bitch. We fucking hate you here and wish death upon you. (I'm not even a Saints fan and I still hate this muthah.)

I get my feelings hurt way too easily. I so gotta get over that.

I really wish I could sleep the way the Pooper does. He just stretched and let out such a sigh of contentment. It is a charmed life, I tell ya.

When did SNL start to suck so bad? I have not watched it in a good long while but it is just stupid now. How sad.

Tomorrow is gift exchange with the inlaws. Let's hope that goes swiftly. I found out from the nieces that my MIL is buying a kitchen table exactly like mine. What. A. Surprise. Nevermind that her house does not have walls yet. Let's make sure you have all the inside stuff first. Oh, nowhere to store it? Dump it all on us. Absolutely. NOT.

How on earth did King Kong get great reviews from everyone? I am just blown away. I see me going to see that right after I go see Britney Spears' next movie.

Is it just me or is this man just beeeeeeeyooooootiful? I just wanna lick him.

All right, I'm out. Have a lovely weekend.

Elizabeth at 10:54 PM


The closet explosion

Well, shit, I wonder what I'll be doing today.

Damn it.

Elizabeth at 1:04 PM


Friday, December 16, 2005

SPF - Stuff you decorate

Kristine over at Random and Odd decided that this week's SPF should focus on decorating. I opted to not show Christmas decorations as my pictures because I will most likely show them in a whole other post. So here goes.

Something red. My tootsies are almost always red. It is the only color I really like on my feeties.

Something green. My bedroom is very green. I love this color green and waking up in it every day makes me happy.

Something I decorate. Nothing brings me so much joy and excitement as getting new stuff for the house. I love to move existing things around to new spots, rearrange furniture, and generally futz and fuss around in my own home to make it look and feel just the way I want.

Elizabeth at 2:33 PM


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Stolen from Nessa - this shit is funny

Santa Clause
North Pole, Earth

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Wendy's Office party. It was Jen who spiked the punch with too much Vodka and cranberry. I can't help it if I drank 7 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like dog farts.

I thought it was funny when I put Victoria's thong on my head and danced the hokey pokey on the desk chair while singing `"Gold Digger"'. I didn't mean to break Wendy's remote control and don't know why Wendy would accuse me of public drunkeness.

I don't remember calling Kenny's wife a stupid rooster---even though she looked like one with purple eye shadow and mustard yellow lipstick!

And when I threw up on Lynn's husband's boobages, it was only because I ate too much of that lasagna.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Dodge Ram through my neighbor's attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a dreary elephant and have me arrested for indecent exposure!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all annoying and loud. And I'm really not to blame for any of this stupid stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and slowly yours,
SFG (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 17 bucks!

Elizabeth at 7:57 PM


I just love her.

"Mama, can we please go to bed now? Get OFF the computer. FUCK!"

OK, the "fuck" is me but being that she is my daughter, I bet the word goes through her fluffy little head.

Elizabeth at 5:04 PM


Gotta change things up a little

I know not everyone is into decorating and house stuff but I am. So if this stuff bores you, just move on to another entry or another blog. I get all excited by white sales, so sue me.

Elizabeth at 4:56 PM


Is this love.................that I'm feelin'?

Ain't she purrrrty?

PS - name the band referred to in the title, yo.

Elizabeth at 2:23 PM


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's raining, it's pouring.....

The old man is most likely snoring but being that he is at the station, I am being spared the nasal musical stylings of the Flip aka the Husband. Damn,it is really coming down out there. I love rain storms. I would love to be able to go somewhere and sit outside but being that my patio is not covered, I am gonna go with no.

Things are really improving. I think making the decision to get some help took a lot of the pressure off of me and I see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's a dim light and there have been points during today that it was not easily seen but I know it's there. This has happened to me in the past. The first time that I clearly remember feeling this way was in college. I worked midnight shift in a store so I studied while I worked and then slept before class. It was pretty cool actually. Anyways, for whatever reason, I was just despondent about everything. I would wake up and cry while I got ready for school, cry on the way there, cry in between classes, etc. I was one of those people that held it together in front of everyone so no one except my boyfriend at the time. At some point, it passed. I don't remember when. It just sorta did. I also fell apart when I first started waiting table at Ruth's Chris. I would cry when I ironed, etc. You know the drill by now. Still, no real clear reason. And now this. This go round is by far the worst. The sadness is coupled with anger this time. I think I am frustrated with myself because I hate feeling this weak. I am really trying to get past this and realize that I am not a whack job. It's tough for me to ask for help and to admit that I need people. I am struggling with knowing that I will most likely have to take some sort of med for a while, if not forever. (Oh, the rain is so crazy out there. LOVE IT.) I just have to realize that I am ok and have faults and that those that are closest to me will understand and if they don't, fuck em.

Thank y'all for your wonderful support and comments. I hope that I can go back to my sarcastic, bitchy, sometimes funny self and quit boring y'all with my drama here soon. This drama ain't funny so it's GOTTA GO. :)

Elizabeth at 11:15 PM


I'm obsessed with this show

Please take the poll to the right above the links. I so love Desperate Housewives (I was CHAPPED when it was not on this week due to a two hour Extreme Home Make Over aka Cry Fest 2005) and I always wonder how y'all see yourselves. If you are comfortable revealing your answer, comment and let me know which person you related to most. Thanks!

Elizabeth at 6:38 PM


The darkness is receding slowly

Thank you for all your support. I have decided to seek some help from the cuckoo doctors. I am going to go straight for the psychiatrists because since this has happened before and I am inclined to believe this might just be part of my make up. While I still feel that sadness in me, today is bearable. The husband has been supportive, thank goodness. I wonder when he signed up for this marriage if he realized that (a) his wife was nutso and (b) would take it out on him. That might have given him pause for thought. Not sure that I will be able to get an appointment for the loony bin before our trip to Phoenix but I will try for one as soon as possible. Thanks again for all your support. It means more than y'all will ever know.

PS - the hair still looks like shit. I hope karma bites that girl in the ass.

Elizabeth at 12:49 PM


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

What to do

What should I do when I feel this way: logically know that I should go speak to someone, possibly get some drugs but don't give enough of a shit about myself or anyone else to do what is necessary? I just don't care. My husband is all pissed off because I have been such a joy to live with and he wants me to get help. I just don't care. "Don't you even care about us and being happy?" Surprisingly no. I still have enough lucidity in order to know what I should feel and to know that what I am feeling is not normal, but none of that spurs me into action. That is where the "I don't give a fuck" comes in. I don't want to deal with anything. I just want to be alone and not have anyone make any sort of demands on me. I have no desire to see friends. I have no desire to go to my dad's for Christmas. I have no desire to act all jolly and happy during this holiday season even though I know in one short week, I am going to have to. I would honestly rather get a bikini wax by a blind epileptic. I told the husband that I no longer have the desire to bring a child into this world knowing that I will be passing on these fab genes to them and I am not selfish enough to want to take a chance. It's an odd feeling - hating how I feel and wanting it to go away but not having the energy or enough desire to do the work. I hope it goes away. Actually I don't give a fuck either way.

Elizabeth at 1:40 PM


Hair bitch

I am not sure at what point my saying "I would like between and inch to an inch and a half off with the layers that I currently have just shortened accordingly. Also please take out some of the bulk since my hair is rather thick" became "Give me a fucking mullet." But apparently that was what my words translated into. I am so not pleased.

Elizabeth at 12:35 PM


Monday, December 12, 2005

Please get over yourself

Dear O,

I could not be more over you. I used to be a big devotee following your sage advice for years. I am not sure at what point you became your own religion, but it is so ridiculous. Generousity is great if it is heartfelt and does not need to be broadcast to all the housewives in America while you kill yourself patting yourself on the back. The straw that broke the camel's back was when you felt the need to tell the world that you not only are taking your staff to Hawaii but their families as well. That's lovely but why the need to brag on tv about it? I will probably never watch you again. Not that you care.

Elizabeth at 9:28 PM


The sure fire way to make me smile

Look how cute. Plus the fact that he rushed for 101 yards and lumbered into the end zone for my boys just makes me heart him all the more. I only wish I could have seen the game. Football played in falling snow is the bomb diggity.

Elizabeth at 6:09 PM


Open letter to backyard neighbor

Dear Fucktard,

Do not tease me into thinking you are finally getting around to fixing the fence from the hurricane by putting in the metal poles AND THAT'S IT. I am tired of looking into your living room that is so hideously decorated that it gives me a tic. I am tired of your yapping dog coming in my yard, shitting and then firing up all 4 dogs next door. Trust me, that big ass Rottweiler? He is only not jumping that fence and eating your dog for an appetizer by choice. I am tired of your dorky ass son hitting his tennis ball with his wiffle ball bat into our yard and then taunting said dogs yet again. This fires up the Pooper because, of course, he can't go out back since there is no fence so he whimpers and whines because there is an overgrown rat in HIS YARD. So put the wood up, bitches. NOW. Or I'll have to cut ya.


The bitch in back

Elizabeth at 12:33 PM


Sunday, December 11, 2005

Time to think

I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling how I feel. I'm so sick of being lethargic, of not caring, of basically hating any sort of movement. I have never been in therapy. Wait, that is not true. I went to couple's counselling with my husband right before we broke up a few years back. Other than that, nothing. I'm not sure it would help. I'm not sure drugs would help. What I am sure of is that this lovely thing is genetic. My mother has bad postpartum depression - bad enough to be institutionalized. She had a complete nervous breakdown several years ago. I now see myself going down the same path without the pregnancy. I am not going to bring a child into this madness. Adopting is not an option either being that I will probably fall the fuck apart and end up scarring the poor kid. I have way too much anger inside me. It would be incredibly irresponsible to foist my drama on a child. I already make my husband and mother deal with it. I am good at faking like everything is ok so no one else knows exactly how fucked up I am. I probably come off as bitchy maybe. Sarcastic possibly. No one knows what all goes on with me. I don't think I even know. I don't care enough to find out. I just want everyone to leave me alone.

Elizabeth at 11:24 PM


Saturday, December 10, 2005

A rare moment of no brawling

These two can not be in such close proximity without there being lots of hissing, running, lunging and biting. I don't know what came over them. Other than sheer exhaustion from the napping and eating that I force upon them.

Of course, the Pooper is down for the count. Guarding the estate really takes it out of him. That and the licking of the canine penis.

Elizabeth at 10:20 PM


Friday, December 09, 2005

I am a wicked bitch

The neighbors are getting a new roof and the truck they use to dump all the old shingles in sounds a LOT like a fire truck when it rolls down the street. Well, the poor dog has been having fits all week thinking his daddy was stopping home for an impromptu visit. Of course me going "Is that you DADDY??? Hmmmmmm.....?????" Seriously, it's funny shit. He is still standing at the front door.

Elizabeth at 6:26 PM


Amazing what you see when you actually leave the house

Taken right outside on a trip with the doggie to go potty. So beautiful, no?

Elizabeth at 6:13 PM


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Movie reviews - also known as Allow Me To Save You Some Time

Ray - fabulous. I loved it. Jamie Foxx rocked in it. I had no idea Ray Charles was such a ho.

Cursed - seriously just the largest pile of dog shit ever. I am all for scary movies. I am all for campy scary movies. This just sucked.

Hotel Rwanda - 2/3 of the way through it and it's fabulous. It is rather emotional that we pretty much left those people to die because we Americans love to have that "we have our own problems here so let's act like none of what happens overseas matters" mentality. I had to take a break because I started hating myself.

Walk the Line - abso-fucking-lutely amazing. Joaquin (MEOW) is just hot in it and nails Johnny Cash completely. Y'all must go see now. I don't give a shit if you don't like country music. His performance is just stellar. I smell Oscar.

Elizabeth at 11:17 PM


Stuff Portrait Friday - Happy to be stuck with you

No tattoos because, well, you have to use needles for that shit. No birthmarks other than a scar from chicken pox. Therefore I found this tattoo online that I thought was pretty. If I ever get over my needle phobia, maybe I would get this but honestly at this point, I don't see getting one any time soon.

I don't have bumper stickers per se on my car but I do have this magnetic Pittsburgh flag as well as this emblem that stuck right on.

Something I keep changing. My mind. I will settle on something and then do a complete 180 and go the opposite direction. This makes my husband insane sometimes.

Elizabeth at 5:03 PM


I wanna come back as a cat.

The difficult lives of my animals.

But but but I wanna be in the picture tooooooooooooooooo.

Obviously my making the bed has very little effect on their day.

Elizabeth at 12:11 PM


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The face of a guilty boy

Whatever it is that you are mad at me for, I so did not do it.

Elizabeth at 1:18 PM


Where FUG learned its power

This is just the worst hair I have seen in a while. We went to a Christmas show at our friends' children's school and this was what was in front of me. I am not sure the quality of the picture since it was taken with a phone. There is a chance you can not appreciate the true ratty quality to this hair do. Or hair don't as the case may be. Let me paint the picture. She clearly had extensions the sprung inexplicably from the underside of her hair - these long straggly, never before combed pieces hanging down her back. The rest of the mop that I believe, sadly, was hers just was a beehive of mess. I wanted to grab her, hold her down and douse her head with leave in condition and tell her to mend her wicked ways. The sad thing is that she was a pretty girl and had a great body. Topping all that off with the crown of thorns that was her hair is just not good. It was bad, people. Really really bad. The 80's are over. Consult your memos.

Elizabeth at 9:33 AM


The case for one word

I did not sleep well last night for several reasons. One, I have been going through this "hot" phase where I am comfy in my bed all snug like a bug and then I wake up an hour later feeling like I am roasting in the pits of hell. Two, I could hear my husband snoring THROUGH MY EAR PLUGS. The man has a whole village in his sinus cavity that only comes out to play at night. Beyond that I had something on my mind.

It hit me that I am a giant chicken. Big time. I am normally a pretty up front type of girl. I will generally tell you if you are acting like an asshole. I figure I am doing it for the good of humanity. However, there is one thing people can do in front of me and I will not say a word. It is use the N word. I personally don't use it. I think it's foul and ignorant. I think that applies to all races. I don't give a shit that a black person using it is considered ok. I think if you use it, you are stupid and clearly need a history lesson. I also do not agree with those people who very calmly and seemingly with much thought explain the to Yankee that is me that "Well, I don't hate black people. There are black people and then there are N words. White people can be N words." Let me tell you why that is the stupidest statement ever to hit. First off all, any white person who is called that would laugh because the word does not have the same power or connotation when flung in our directions as it does when spoken to someone that has some melanon in their body. So let's just let that ridiculous argument go, ok? Don't qualify your use of that word by stating that you only use it on those who, in your estimation, deserve it.

There are people in my life who use this word frequently. Namely, our good friends and my in-laws. Rampantly. Yesterday I had to sit there while our friends were incredibly amused while their son was telling us a joke that he learned in his CHRISTIAN school that included the use of the N word. Everyone except me found this amusing. I did not laugh but did I say anything? Nope, I just sat there like a dork and looked out the window. What does that make me? Obviously a chicken but what else? It's condoning it, isn't it? It's making those around me think that, while I may not use the word, I don't mind if they do. But I do mind. I mind a lot. If you want to call people ignorant words, please do not do so around me. I find it rude and worse than that, I find you completely stupid and ignorant that the only word you can think of to express a certain level of dislike is that one word.

What really got me thinking about this is the idea that these same people will one day think it's ok to use this word in front of my child. Will I be the same chicken shit that I am now? Will I just take my child aside later after a family gathering or an evening with friends and say "Darlin, even though so and so used that word, if I hear it come out of your face, I will smack the freckles off your face." Ok, that might work until they decide to start thinking for themselves. At that point, I am fucked. Then when I do this fake dance of racial equality in front of my kids, one day my kids will say back to me "Mama, if you have a problem with it, why not say something?" Damn kids and their ability to form complete thoughts. What do I do then? Clearly I need to take a stand well before that. And really, if I have any sort of backbone now, I need to to it the next time it happens. The problem is that I know what will happen. I will be labeled. "Oh, she thinks she is better than us." Well, I got news for you, peeps. I do. I think I am better than you despite my very obvious shortcomings and despite my own prejudices (because we all have them and if you say you don't, let's examine that big fat lie later), I know I am better than you because I have chosen not to continue to perpetuate that nastiness. I do have a semi-decent education and I truly believe that the use of that word is just a huge sign of lack of education.

So I put this issue out to y'all. Have you all also gone though this and how did you handle it? I realize I am going to be chastised and poo-pooed by those who are in my life but I am tired of being a chicken. I am tired of being a stupid ass by proxy. I can do that so well on my own. I don't need help.

Elizabeth at 8:58 AM


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

10 Random Facts

Kami tagged me to do this. Below are ten totally random things you may or may not know about me.

1. I can be incredibly selfish, self-involved, think the world revolves around me, then turn around 10 seconds later and drop my issues to be a good friend.
2. I get massive road rage.
3. My last boyfriend before marriage screwed me up so bad mentally and now my poor husband has to pay for it. Lucky guy.
4. I have a rather unhealthy addiction to magazines.
5. A lot of my anger stems from fear and getting my feelings hurt. That is how I cope I guess.
6. I'm really afraid sometimes that I will be a shitty mom.
7. I love to shop for other people but HATE shopping for myself.
8. I waited tables for five years and I am, therefore, incredibly easy on wait staff. Short of dumping food on my lap and then taking an attitude about it, you will get 20-25% tip. If you are cool and attentive, the sky is the limit (just about) if I can swing if financially.
9. The best job I ever had was working midnight shift in a convenience store in the middle of nowhere while in college. I only dealt with men starting at 4:30 AM and was paid to clean and read. It was so not stressful.
10. I think Will I. Am from Black Eyed Peas is hot.

I am tagging Danielle, Amanda B., Tammy, the Kept Woman and Cherry. :)

Elizabeth at 11:10 AM


Stolen from RSG

Below is a list; tell me what you think of ME.

Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.

* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* football or chess
* hiking or golfing
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* barefoot or shoes
* jeans or Dockers
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* cool or geek

Please let me know if you steal this so I can go check it out on your blog. :)

Elizabeth at 11:06 AM


Monday, December 05, 2005

Please just let this day be over

Remember the death Friday of my Cingular contract? Well, they are not the only ones who have been fucking with me lately. I normally pay as many of my bills online as I can because the whole writing out checks, finding stamps and mailing shit off on time is just annoying. Well, Entergy, our power company, does not have a way to pay them online on their own website. Should you want to pay the bill online you are immediately sent to a website called My Check Free. You can pay any number of bills on there and it all seems well and good, right? Back on October 5th, I paid $151.87 for our latest payment. Wonderful. All is done. When I got our next bill in early November, I notice we have a past due amount of $151.87. Now I am human - I can think I paid a bill I never paid but I was sure I paid this one. I consult checkbook. Not only did I pay it but the amount cleared - as in it was debited from my bank account on 10/06. Um, ok. So I call Entergy. They were not surprisingly unhelpful. "Call the online bill place." Great thanks. So of course there is no phone number on the website of the online bill place so I have to email them. Luckily they email me back with the phone number so I can call them. Let's fast forward another MONTH because that is how long this shit has been going on. I have called My Check Free a total of 7 times in order to get this matter rectified. I have called Entergy at least that many times seeking the same resolution. NOTHING. Finally I got a disconnect notice over the weekend. At this point, I am HOT. This is all after dealing with the fucktards at Cingular. I call MCF this AM and when they try to call Entergy, the lady tells me (with a slight tude I might add) that Entergy said they were experiencing "higher than average call volume" and then promptly hung up. I'll be honest, I thought she was full of shit and just did not want to deal with the highly agitated woman that was me. So I said fine, and hung up. I called Entergy. Hmmmmmm....she was not lying. Same thing happened to me. I call MCF back and tell them what happened. This man was confused and said hold on while he called in an attempt to have us do a 3 way. A non-fun 3 way. Same thing happened to him. He was nice enough and said basically continue calling them over the course of the day in an attempt to get this rectified. Not a very great solution but I mean, what else could he do? If the fucking company will not answer, he can't help me much. Finally we got through today at about 1:30. Let's cut this short - they hire fucking morons at this company. The MCF woman that I was on the phone with this go round was super nice. Her name was Sharon. Being that we had loads of time to chat since we were on hold with Entergy (we finally did not get hung up on) she had time to read the voluminous notes on my file illuminating exactly how long this has been going on and what lengths we have gone to thus far. She was understandably amazed. We continued to chat being that we were just stuck there. Lucky for me, she had half a brain and by the time we got a rep from Entergy on the phone, she was pretty much just as pissed as I was. Basically Entergy wanted to let me know that despite what my disconnect notice stated, my power would not be shut off on Wednesday. They were kind enough to push it back until December 15th. I'm sorry, fucktard says what???? No, darlin, the bill was paid. You acknowledged the receipt of the fax from MCF confirming the payment. This is now not my problem. Just because you can't find the money (oh yeah, you read that shit right) I should not have to worry about my lights getting shut the fuck OFF. Sharon and I both went back and forth with this woman who finally got fed up enough that she transferred us to her supervisor in Jackson, MS. At this point, the planets aligned, hell froze over and I had thin thighs because something amazing happened: I had two (not one, but TWO) people on the phone who (a) were semi-intelligent and (b) could see that this situation was not my fault and needed to be rectified. Well, halle-fucking-lujah. Jackson, MS woman agreed that them not being able to figure out where the fuck my money went is not my problem and she promptly took the disconnect notice off my account. THANK YOU, JACKSON MS WOMAN. This is what I went through almost all damn day. I am understandably a tad worn out and just annoyed with people in general.

This leads to my next topic and I promise this will elicit strong responses. I live in Jefferson Parish. Jefferson Parish is the parish just to the west of Orleans Parish. We suffered way less damage than they did. I am beginning to understand how cities like Jackson, Houston, Memphis, and Baton Rouge must feel. You see, those cities were "lucky" enough to get the bulk of our evacuees after the storms. I am talking evacuees that left voluntarily as well as those who were bussed out of the Dome. Well, I have been home since the very end of September and slowly but surely things are coming back to a state of normalcy. However, being that we sustained a lot less damage and population loss, we are opening businesses way quicker than Orleans parish is. Therefore, where do people come to shop, conduct business, MOVE TO, etc? Oh yeah, right here. I purposely don't live across the river because traffic makes me want to stab people in their eyes and then shove their cell phones up their asses. I like my town. It's smallish and I can do what I need to do in a semi-relaxed state. Not so anymore. We are crammed into our spaces because those people from Orleans parish that have been allowed back are staying over here. So while our businesses are open and our grocery shelves are no longer bare, we have to all compete to get what we need. It's a fight to drive to the store. Jefferson Parish is being sucked DRY. I know how selfish this sounds. Had the water moved more or the storm surge been higher, the ones displaced would have been us. I KNOW. Save the judgment. I am just tired. It seems like in a very twisted way that those of us who were fortunate enough not to lose everything are being punished for our luck. I am tired of going to Walmart and being pushed and it being even more ghetto than usual. I want my life back. My husband thinks I have become a lazy slug because I never want to leave the house. In a way, he's right but it's not laziness. I just know what is out there. He goes to and from work PERIOD. I do all the running. I am the one who fights traffic to get where ever, then stands in line to grab whatever off the shelf and then gets attitude from the bitch in front of me and then drives home in worse traffic to bring our shit here. I am resentful. Do I have a right to be this way? Of course not. I am luckier than most. My home is here - pretty much fixed from the small amount of damage we did sustain. I can't help how I feel though. I just am tired of the nightmare. It never ends.

Elizabeth at 8:10 PM


Sunday, December 04, 2005

He is one outfit away from listening to Cher

Elizabeth at 5:17 PM


Just do NOT do it

Chad Johnson of the Cincinnatti Bengals has decided to do something disrespectful with the Steelers hallowed Terrible Towel should he score during today's game. My guess is that he will grab one and wipe his ass with it. I know every single city has their teams and they support them and that's all well and good. However, if this asshole does this shit, he had better have GIANT BODY GUARDS because the fans of Da Burgh will drive their happy asses to Cincy and fuck his world UP. This is assuming he even gets out of Heinz Field. I am all for having fun and acting kinda stupid when you score. I can't even IMAGINE what scoring a TD in a televised pro football game must feel like but it must be cool as fuck. I'm sure that when you are a much maligned team and frequently the butt of jokes over your sucky record, to actually have a good winning season must feel like the best thing ever. Then act accordingly. Be excited. Be thrilled. Be even a tad arrogant. But don't be an asshole. If you do and some pissed off steel worker with an Rolling Rock in his hand comes to fuck your world up, don't say you weren't warned.

Elizabeth at 11:02 AM


This is the face of a happy boy

On our trip to Sam's the other day, the husband and I found a dog contraption named Hyperdog. Aptly named for our pooch so we decided to splurge on the $16 and give it a shot. Basically it is a major sling shot for tennis balls that hums those bad boys like 80 to 100 yards for Gage to run like a lunatic to go grab up and trot back very triumphantly. We have those flexible Frisbee things but he LOVED the tennis ball shooter and ran over and over and over to retrieve the balls for about 2 hours with a couple of breaks. Wore his damn ass out. As evidenced here......

Elizabeth at 10:10 AM


Friday, December 02, 2005

Score one for being financially irresponsible

We just got a check in the mail from my husband's former 401(k) company in the amount of $376.54. For some odd reason, they could not roll the money over to his new company and plan so they just sent us a check. Apparently there was some sort of accounting snafu and they shorted him that much money in the change over process. Now the good, coupon-clipping girl that I know resides inside me somewhere way deep down would take the money right over to Edward Jones and put it in his retirement since that was from whence it came. However, instead it will most likely go to Target in a spending frenzy. Or Amazon. Or Kohls. I am starting to get the twitches.

Elizabeth at 1:32 PM


Fucking genius

Whoever invented this thing should get some sort of Nobel prize. It is well worth the money. Especially if you have pets and/or children.

Elizabeth at 11:03 AM


Stuff Portrait Friday - CSI

According to Kristine over at Random and Odd, this week's SPF is CSI related. We are to show:

-the weapon
-the victim
-the crime scene
BONUS: the motive

I could have gone so many ways with this one. I am sure many of y'all anticipated seeing pictures of the ex-wife maimed and tortured with ripped up child support checks coming out of her dull lifeless mouth, but no. She is not the center of my wrath for once. Let me set the scene.

We have used Cingular for our cell needs for a while now. Well, really I did back when they were AT&T. This has been my experience with them up until yesterday when we jumped the Cingular ship and went to Verizon.

The weapon - my new Verizon phone that, get this people, keeps a signal and does not drop calls repeatedly. I know, unheard of. After the hurricane, the towers were down all over and it took some time to get everything back up and running. Completely understandable, but I continued to experience problems with having calls go through and dropping calls for weeks on end when other people seemed to be having less and less cell problems. Hmmmmmmm..... Now let me interject here that my husband was less than sympathetic. Because his cell phone was acting just fine, it clearly must be all me. I have no patience. I am over-reacting. I am blowing it all out of proportion. Let's go with NO. He changed his tune right quick when I could not get through to him when his father was in the hospital. I had to text message him to call me. I could not make the call. Then let's go to the day that he was on the phone with his boss and he dropped the call several times and then paid phone tag with said boss. Suddenly I was not so crazy. Amazing how that shit works.

The victim - my Cingular contract. I hope I cost somebody a commission somewhere. I am not a person to fuck with. I don't expect anyone to jump through hoops. I don't want free shit. I just want what I am paying for. They sure as shit did not give me a break on my bill when the Hurricane hit and my cell was useless. My bills are paid immediately upon receipt. Therefore, I don't think that assuming I can use my phone in an emergency is being unreasonable. Am I wrong here?

The crime scene. This is the best I could do of a Verizon store. I forgot to take a picture last night while we were there swapping our numbers over.

BONUS: Motive. This is what pushed me right the fuck off the proverbial edge. These are my rebate cards. When we spent a small fortune getting our Cingular phones, we were entitled to rebates totalling $130. OK, pretty damn cool, right? WRONG. Of course, like all rebates we had to shit twice, give blood, jump rope and do our taxes simultaneously in order to get the money back. We did all that and waited our seven weeks. This is what we got. Cards. We had to activate said cards in order to use them. Two of them have $50 on them; one has $30. OK, a tad annoying but fine. Until I tried to use them at 2 separate stores and was told they did not take them. At the second store, I paid for my purchases with my debit card and was so pissed that I think I made my 6'3" husband a tad afraid. I was that pissed. So after making me purchase a "Cingular compatible" phone because my old AT&T phone (THAT WORKED) was not good enough, paying out the ass for 2 new phones, waiting for my rebates and then not being able to use the money all on top of the constant dropped calls and network failure and network busy messages I get repeatedly all make up my motive.

Did y'all play????

Elizabeth at 8:51 AM