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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Back from the land of which I came.....huh?

It was never so clear to me how much I have changed since leaving the land of milk and honey as this trip home this last weekend. That place is insane. I could never in a kabillion years live there. Case in point, the house that my fam and I lived in during high school was a nice house - 4 bedrooms, pool in back, but nothing like astronomically special. Nice safe hood, you know the drill. It is going for close to a million bucks. Um, yeah. You read that right. I am not Tori Fucking Spelling. How the hell are people supposed to live that way? Normal people, I mean. God, whatEVER. Don't even get me started on the freeways.
OK, so the project that I had to have done before I left is done. Yeeeeefuckinhaw. Man, that was a muthah. I got up at 3:30 AM Thursday in order to make my flight. I was there for a wedding and also we were doing a lunch/shower for my knocked up sister. Let's do the recap, shall we?
Got in Thursday. The bro picked me up. He is who I stayed with. Poor thing. My shit and I took over his bathroom. He probably went home after dropping me back off at the airport like "Wow, there's my counter." I met up with my BF who was also the bride. Now, please realize, that up until now, I only heard wedding updates from her. She totally sounded calm. I was like all proud of her for not going all Bridezilla on the other bridesmaids. I was way off the mark. She was a ball of fucking nerves about the weather and every other single detail. Ho. Lee. Shit. I am glad I missed all that crap leading up to the wedding. I love her and did not wanna have to bitch slap a sister, ya know? Basically Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday were low key. I hung out with the bro, lunched with the bride, and of course put a hurting on Kohls. It was ever so loverly. Saturday night was the rehearsal dinner. One of the other bridemaids and I had a falling out in high school and I was not sure how things would go. Initially it was very uncomfortable. I was so not thrilled, but the groom's friends were really cool so I got to talk to them. So Sunday I go over Wendy's house early. That was the bride, by the way. Debbie, another bridesmaid, was doing everyone's hair because, well, that is what she does. Tricia, the fall out girl, was there. I mean, it was so fucking ridiculous how uncomfortable I was. Wendy, however, was so tense that her shoulders hovered around her ears all damn day. OK, I am sure that several of y'all will disagree, but I just don't see the damn point of allowing details to make you crazy. Granted, it is a wedding day, but I guarantee that all the shit that brides freak the fuck out over are never noticed by the guests. So for the love of GOD, calm down. That was reason #1837182 why I trashed tradition and went on the beach for my nuptials. Way less stress. Anyway, she was a freak and we all sorta bonded over that - our fear of Wendy stabbing any of us in the neck at any given time. After that, it was all good. Wedding was fun for the most part. I drank heavily and never got drunk - just calmed my nerves. Basically I was just glad for the whole deal to be done. I am not a good bridesmaid. I don't enjoy that shit. I try to put on a happy face about being all dolled up like a damn kewpie doll but really I just want my flip flops back on and to go have a beer. I am hopeful that this is the last wedding I am in for like ever.
Now, the next day was fan-fuckin-tastic. I got to see my PG sister who looked so damn cute. I totally can maybe see the belly touchers of the world point of view. I just wanted to rub on her like a buddha. However, y'all will be proud to know that I did no such thing until I asked and it was only because the baby was kicking and in my 32 years, I have never felt that. By far, one of the coolest things I have ever felt. She showed me her popped out belly button - how cute. She looks so good. She is a very petite girl (clearly we are step-sisters) so she has that whole very slender, just a basketball under the blouse look happening. If she was not my sister, I'd have bitch slapped her. Her mom in law, my step-mom, Krista (that's the sis) and I drove down to Santa Monica to a place called Shutters on the Beach for a relaxing lunch with a bunch of chicks - about 13 - and gifts. No cheesy ass games. None of that nonsense. Great food in a beautiful place which cool chicks and champagne. Loved it. I have a ton of pictures of both the wedding and the shower, but I am too tired to do that now, so you will have to wait. Suffice it to say, Krista looks wonderful and a good time was had by all.
Right now, the hubs and my mother are at the girl's graduation. He asked me to reconsider going and actually I thought a lot about it on my exhaustive trip home (more on that later), but I just could not do it. I am still angry and I have not forgiven anyone about anything. I have always sworn in the past that things would be different and that I was going to take a stand, but I always backed down. I just could not back down this time. I am not sure that I made the right decision, but I had to go with my gut and protect myself. That might sound selfish, but these have been 9 really long years and I can't keep allowing myself to be set up to be knocked down. I don't think the hubs is really pleased with me about this, but I had to do it. I hope he understands. He apparently told the girl how I felt when she inquired about the number of tickets he needed for the after party and she found out I was not going. However, he told her that I was not going because I thought she did not want me there. While that was true, that is not why I did not plan to go. I did not plan to go because those kids have made it abundantly clear that I don't matter. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. If there is any one word to describe their feelings towards me, it's indifference. And that hurts. After all these years, they still don't care. Well, I have to start caring about myself to do something - even if it causes waves.
I will have to go into the ridiculous trip home later. I am tired and the house is torn the fuck UP. I can't deal. Just wanted to check in and say hi to everyone. I'll try to catch up on blogs as soon as I can. :)

Elizabeth at 8:28 PM

10comments

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

So incredibly fitting


I nabbed the new Dixie Chicks CD this afternoon when I was doing the final grocery shopping to tide the Momenator and hubs over until I get home. I listened to it while I cleaned up the kitchen and wrapped my sister's gifts for the BAY BAY.

I have always loved me some music, but every once in a while a lyric or a chorus resonates with me in a way that other just as fabulous songs just did not. That is what the song "Not Ready To Make Nice" was for me. They managed to capture just how I feel and will probably continue to feel for a long time to come. This particular part is what caught me.

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Sometimes, doing what everyone else thinks is the best thing or the proper thing is not the right thing for you. This is so my life right now.

OK, I am officially outtie. I have 5 more reports to finish up before I pack. The good news is that I found shoes for both the wedding and rehearsal din din. Go me.

Latah gatahs.

Elizabeth at 7:20 PM

23comments

Hey, if the Napper can do it.....

Nap Queen is famous for doing her posts bullet style. Being that I have about 50 things swimming around in my skull right now, I shall do that too.

- In less than 24 hours, I will be on a plane to southern Cal where I grew up to stand in a wedding for my very bestest friend, Wendy. I will be seeing a lot of people that I went to high school with and that is either going to be a great thing or a suck ass thing.
- I also get to see my Dad, Step-Mom, bro and sis. My parents and bro are invited to the wedding. Sister is coming down from No. Cal so that we can do her shower the day after the wedding because no telling when we will all be together again. I am excited to see her all knocked up. I will take pictures of the cute belly.
- Speaking of my sister the incubator, please say prayers for my niece that is currently in utero. It seems she is a tiny thing. Currently, she should be 4 pounds and she is 3. That does not sound like a big diff but when you are that little, it makes a major difference. Her organs and brain stem seem to be developing fine despite her size, so let's hope she is just petite like her mama. My sis is gaining enough weight but she needs to rest herself a tad more or the doctor threatened her with bed rest. Please explain to me why women keep telling my sister horrible labor stories? What the FUCK is that? It's called support ladies - look it the fuck UP.
- I am in a wedding in 4 days and have no shoes. Yeah, I am not kidding.
- As of today, I will be done with a major project that will change my work life in the next month or so. Still not ready to discuss it here yet, but I am so damn glad to be done with this that I may just dance a jig.
- We do NOT have termites. Apparently, a bad swarm swung thru my hood last Saturday night (the pest control dude knew this since he lives on the next block). The few we saw did no damage and just had come through some pipe or whatever into our bathroom. He saw no evidence of them setting up shop at all. I was so happy I almost humped his leg.
- We are, however, getting a termite contract soon.
- Gage finally got a bath. Poor darlin was smelling like a dog and that is NOT ok with me.
- My mother gets back from the Burgh this evening. The hubs is picking her up so that I can finish the packing and organizing for tomorrow since I have to be up at the butt crack.
- Nothing has changed with regards to the kids. The hubs is completely clear on where I stand on this issue. He is also clear that if he, even one more time, allows his ex-wife to run our life, I will leave and not look back.
- The MIL emailed the hubs asking why she does not hear from us. Apparently, once you become a widow, you also get amnesia. What the fuck ever, lady.

I think that about wraps it up. I need to do the work left on this project today, and then make one last ditch attempt at finding shoes and then pack and stuff. If I don't have a chance to post, y'all have a loverly Memorial day weekend and I will be back a week from today. :)

Elizabeth at 8:49 AM

17comments

Monday, May 22, 2006

It just keeps getting better

We may very well have termites.

Son of a BITCH.

Elizabeth at 10:00 AM

23comments

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Weekend

Friday night I went to dinner with my friend, Lynn. We had a nice time. Ate some bad ass ice cream after at Cold Stone. That place is just one giant fat ass waiting to happen. However, the have good shit.
Saturday, I got up and did a bit of work. That afternoon we went to Build-A-Bear for a friend's daughter's birthday party. I had never been in that place but holy shit, what a fucking genius that owner of that company is. I mean, you shove crap in a scrap of material and dress it up and then bye bye, gimme your money. The kids were eating it up. They have outfits for everyone too. It was unreal. My husband and I were both blown away. After that, we had to find some last minute stuff for my trip coming up. Two of those things are shoes - one pair that I actually have to wear in this wedding and one that I need for my outfit for the rehearsal dinner. I am so over this shit. Seriously if one more person ends up getting married and asks me in it, please smack the shit out of me if I say yes. I loathe all this shit. I also have to find a bead because my sister wants to make a bracelet to bring with her into the delivery room in July when she pops out my niece. Plus I need to find something that can go on the niece's mobile that represents me and/or my life. Um, ok. Let me get right on that. Today I got up and worked pretty much all day. Also did laundry and dinner is in the crock pot. I am worn the fuck OUT. I will be so damn glad when this month is over.
Here is a funny story. Not funny ha ha, funny I wanna punch a wall. I have gotten no less than 3 people calling me asking me what the girl would like for graduation. Oh wait, let me specify, people from my family and bank of friends. Two of these people do not even know the girl but because she is a so-called member of my family they are opening up their wallets to hook this ingrateful child up. I seriously want to vomit. I knew my father and stepmother and mom would give her gifts and/or money, but I never even considered anyone else. Yep, good thing we don't care, right? Good thing that no one gives a fuck about that girl except for her mother's fucked up family. GOOD FUCKING THING. You all will be proud to know that I just said a card would be fine and appreciated. However, most want to give gifts so they are sending checks. I don't begrudge the girl this money because shiiiiit, I remember when I graduated and I was pleased as shit to get my checks. However, I want to write on each of them "since we clearly don't care about you."
Oh, and remember when I initially mentioned with great glee that the court date was on the girl's graduation? Yeah, that's going to be changed. The hubs has called his attorney to take care of it. So now we wait more and continue to pay longer than we should have to all because heaven for-fucking-bid the bitch is not at home all damn afternoon to do the girl's hair. Yep, that is the reasoning. What the fuck ever. Just let me know when it is June 2008 and we are done paying for good and the boy is 18. If I have not gone stark raving mad by then, I want a medal. A big one.
Well, we saw The DaVinci Code and I liked it. I did not get to read the book but I did know what it was about. I don't see what all the damn controversy is about. The Catholic church keeping a giant lie hidden or perpetrating fraud? Well, hell NO. They would NEVER, right? Yeah, ok. My faith is what it is and it is not tied up in what any men in any church do or don't do. Therefore, I had no problem watching a FICTIONAL movie about a giant "what if?" Call me crazy but movies don't make or break what I believe.
Tonight is the Desperate Housewives season finale. I am curious to see how they wind this all up. Should be pretty damn good. I just hope I don't boo hoo through it the way I did with Grey's Anatomy.

Elizabeth at 8:26 PM

9comments

Friday, May 19, 2006

Yeah, SPF ain't happening today and Books 20, 21, and 22

Well, the hubs had to go to the senior breakfast with his daughter this morning and snagged my camera. I had no damn clue what I was going to snap for this week's SPF anyway so it was hardly a big loss.

I have a lot going on work wise. I am not totally prepared to go into all the details right now but what I am working on to enter the next phase is coming to a close shortly. Hopefully I will be done before I leave on my trip to CA next week. It is possible I will not be done, but I am gonna bust ass to hopefully get there.

Overall, things have calmed down considerably which is nice. I loathe having all that drama in my life. It stresses me out and I do NOT handle stress well at all. (Who the fuck does, anyway?) However, the knot in the gut is gone and I am sleeping much better so that's good stuff right there.

I took my mother to the airport this morning to go up to the Burgh for a 25th anniversary party for her younger sister. This is the same sister who took us in, pets and all, for the hurricane. My aunt and her hubs were incredibly cool about all that and never once made us feel like we were in the way or that they could not wait for us to leave. If anything, they seemed a tad bummed when we DID go. Anyway, I get a small break now. As someone who loves and CRAVES time alone, I have had precious little of that lately. Being that she and her "man friend" are sorta on the outs, I imagine that I had better suck up these next few days and enjoy the solitude and do all the naked laps around the house and off key singing while I can. I imagine it's gonna be a long time before I get this again. Nevermind the fact that during this solitary time, I end up cleaning house and watching movies rather than throwing parties or going on road trips. It's my boring life and I like it, ok?

Also, I have to update on the last 3 books I read, 2 of which I am in shock and totally disgusted with myself for even getting. One was this ridiculous book by Kimora Lee Simmons, wife of hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons. The name of the book is, brace yourself, Fabulosity - What it is and how to get it. I have never been a fan of this chick, but when I saw the book, morbid curiousity took hold and I had to know if she could string a sentence together. Actually it was not nearly as offensive as one would think working with that title. Not something I will ever read again but I am not nearly as grossed out as I thought I would be. The second one was along the same lines of getting what you want out of life. I can't recall the exact title but it was something like Wanting Much Too Much and was written by some magazine editor. I wish that one was better than KLS's book, but it was plain awful. This woman felt the need to talk about every single aspect of her work life and never got around to going into anything else. I was disgusted at how impressed with herself she was. The last book was called Tales from the Underbelly. It was pretty damn amusing. The lead character, Lara, was adamently anti-child until her husband convinces her (and she realizes she would get maternity leave) to get knocked up. The character was wonderfully flawed and selfish. She said all the things that I bet lots of first time moms say or at least think, but never admitted for fear their friends and family would look upon them in horror. It was a hoot.

Well, I need to get back to work. I hope y'all have a fantabulous weekend. Tomorrow is a birthday party for a friend's daughter and the hubs and I are going to try to see the DaVinci Code. He loved the book so we shall see. I am really not sure what to expect. It could be fab. It could suck elephant ass.

Elizabeth at 3:29 PM

6comments

Have you ever.....

Sneezed so hard and so unexpectedly that you truly believe half of your brain is now somewhere outside of your head?

Yeah, I just did that twice, so if I start tripping or stumbling over my words, it is clearly because I just snotted out brain cells.

Carry on with your day.

Elizabeth at 12:41 PM

4comments

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Puss n Boots report

Reba has been drooling over the last few days. I mean, like big time drooling. Bad enough that she leaves little puddles and drops of kitty spit if she sits anywhere for a period of time. Her little feet were wet from the drips. It was ridiculous. The last time she drooled like this, she had eaten a dryer sheet in its entirety. Yeah, I know. She has lived to tell the tale too.

Anyways, this time, it seems to be nothing. She is eating well and pottying, so that means there is no obstruction. I just came from the vet and she has a slight temperature, so she may be getting over an infection. I was given a prescription for amoxicillin for the next 7 days for her. That should be loads of fun. She is so open to new things.

She is so hilarious at the vet. The exam table is about the height of your average kitchen counter - maybe an inch or two higher. After I dumped her fluffy ass out of the cat carrier, she scurried to the edge where I was standing, laid down with all her feet tucked under and dug her face into the space between my waist and my arm like "I just do not want to be privy to anything that happens in this room. Please alert me when we are in the car again."

Thankfully, she lets the vet do what she needs to do without biting or hissing or scratching. She just has this desperate look on her face like "Mama, I am not sure what I did. Did I take up too much of the pillow last night? WHAT? Can this woman stop touching me PLEASE?" I just talk to her and rub her head and her front paws and tell her how good she is being and how I know I will pay for this when I get home with many deliberate snubs and distrustful glares.

I am very happy to have a vet that I trust and I know cares about my pets. When Reba was very sick with the dryer sheet in her damn intestine, they took such wonderful care of her and let me visit when I wanted, never made me feel like I was in the way, never pointed and laughed when I cried because I thought she was gonna die. They just handed me Kleenex so I could clean up because they knew I was on my lunch break and had to get back to the office. They all remember her too. I brought her in not long after the surgery for the dryer sheet for a check up and when the one vet tech walked in, she was like "OH, IT'S REBA!!!!" like she was seeing a long lost friend. She told me how wonderful she was while she stayed with them during that time. How she never pitched a fit with the IV needles in her leg. (You have NOT seen pathetic til you see a shaved patch of skin on your animal where you know they drove a needle in just earlier. I cried when I saw her little leg with no fur on part of it.) How sweet she was even though she clearly felt like crap. How she would never make a peep but when she heard her mama's voice in the waiting area, she would start to meow and how when I got back there, she purred. I imagine at some point in my life, I will value my kids' doctor in the same way, but for now, this is my kid and having a vet that I trust and that I know loves my dysfunctional, weird family as much as I do means the world.



PS - this is where I will find her the rest of the day. Not an adverturous soul in the least.

Elizabeth at 11:10 AM

14comments

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Tagged by Cherry

I am...a nice girl who sounds angry all the time

I said..."no" to my dog at least 20 times today.

I want... about 20 Reese cups right now.

I wish...that things were different with the step-children

I hate... if y'all don't know that answer by now, then PAY FUCKING ATTENTION.

I miss... my cute as a button FIL

I fear... having a baby.

I hear... Will and Grace on tv.

I wonder... when I will stop caring what people who don't matter think.

I regret... that sometimes I am a chicken shit and people have gotten hurt by that.

I am not... the whitest woman on the planet anymore.

I dance... and look really stupid. Ask me if I care.

I sing... like shit, but I don't care.

I cry... at the cry of a muthafuckin' hat. Man, it's annoying.

I'm not always...pissed off, but sometimes it sure seems like it.

I made... an effort to learn to cook when I swore that I never would.

I write...this blog in order to vent and sort feelings and ended up meeting a cool group of people.

I confuse... my husband when I show him my very specific way of folding towels.

I need...more money.

I should...take the Pooper for a walk but it is just not happening tonight.

I start...a whole new chapter of my life in the next month or so. (Details on that to come soon, I hope.)

I finish...books at an alarming rate.

I believe in...God.

I know...that George Bush is a fucking idiot. (This was Cherry's answer but damn if I don't feel the same way.)

I can...find the silliness and beauty in just about any animal. Sadly, the same can not be said about most humans I come into contact with.

I can't...stand rude-ass rap music. Some of it I like, but once they starts with the shittiness towards women I am done.

I see...my lovely pupper laying under the coffee table.

I blog...to express feelings that otherwise probably would not come out in any sort of articulate way.

I read...a ton of chick lit, blogs, and online news articles on a daily basis.

I am aroused by...men that have nice smiles and good hearts.

It pisses me off...that there are so many closed minded people in the world.

I find...humor in weird situations.

I like...margaritas and laying on the beach.

I love...my husband and family very much.

I am not going to tag anyone but please let me know if you snag this so I can come read your stuff.

Elizabeth at 8:01 PM

15comments

It's better today

Yesterday I had a really awful day. The last 9 years of abuse that my husband and I have suffered at the hands of his ex-wife and children just hit me full force. I have been so stressed lately that I have cried for no reason (and for once, it is NOT hormonal), I can't concentrate on work, and I have felt incredibly isolated. The hubs and I had a HUGE blow out over the phone with me basically spewing forth all of my anger and sadness in the form of lots of cursing and hatred towards the 3 of them. He ended up coming home for a while to speak to me and I ended up falling apart crying and telling him how angry I was that he let all of this get to this point. He could have dealt with that woman years ago, but the only thing he can really do now is not put up with her shit anymore and not let her run our lives. I used to make excuses for the treatment we got from the kids because they were young and probably were just taking their mother's word as gospel. Well, they are 18 and 15, soon to be 16, so that excuse no longer holds water.
I have completed my last official act as step-mother. The graduation announcements are out and the senior pictures have been ordered. I sent out the last couple announcements that I forgot to send out earlier this morning. I am officially done. I am not even sad at this point. Not at all. Unfortunately, I almost feel relieved.
I am not going to keep the hubs from having a relationship with his children. I would never do that. They are welcome here if they choose to come but I will not be a part of it. I will go out for a while and he can call me when they leave. Being that they have been to this house MAYBE 8 times since we moved in last July means that this particular part won't be a hardship. I would like the record to show that this is NOT what I wanted. I wanted us to be a family. I never wanted to take the place or compete with their mother. However, because of other forces, that is not possible. All I can do at this point is protect myself. I also will not hold my tongue anymore. I will say what I want when I want because I no longer give two shits whose feelings I hurt. I have taken the high road up until now and it does not work when you are dealing with trash.
Today I slept in and feel a lot better than I have in a while. I am going to run some errands and try to work later. I really hope that I am past the worst part of this. I am really not sure how much more of this my marriage can take.

Elizabeth at 12:17 PM

10comments

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Is this karma coming back on me?

I wish I knew why they did not give a shit about me. I wish I knew why they have made it abundantly clear that my significance begins and ends with what I can do for them - normally in a financial sense. I wish I would stop feeling like shit every Mother's Day when the phone call telling me that they want to at least acknowledge me never comes. It will never come and I need to make peace with that. I wish it did not still hurt me a little bit to have made the decision to remove them from my life. One would think that since they are only in my life in the most peripheral sense that it would not make a big difference. Like the equivalent of maybe losing a favorite pair of jeans or something. I really wish that I truly and completely did not care because I am so tired of being hurt and for no one (and I do mean NO ONE) to be looking out for my benefit.

However if this is karma coming back on me for some past transgression, I get it, ok? Move on to someone who is more deserving for the deluge of shit. I am tired of shoveling.

Elizabeth at 11:08 PM

12comments

OH MY GOD

Am I the only one who fucking cried like a giant puss 5 minutes ago at the end of Grey's Anatomy?

Thank God the rest of the finale is tomorrow night and not next week. I'd pass out from stress by then.

Elizabeth at 11:02 PM

12comments

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Stuff Portait Friday - Just the 2 of us



Yes, darlings of the net, it is once again that time - the time where Kristine tells us what to photograph or she will drive to your home and bitch slap you. (Dude, she is a Raiders fan and they are INSANE. Just take the pictures and shut up.)


Something I have 2 of. My patriotic candles. OK, y'all know I am like all about the decor for the seasons. I just recently put my Americana crap out since Memorial Day is coming. I tried to tell the hubs that this is more seasonal rather than holiday related and can stay out until past July 4th. He was soooo not buying it.

Something I wish I had 2 more of. Two more hours in a day would be fantastic. And if one of those hours enabled Young and the Restless to be two hours long, then all the better.

And "two." Yep, thems bes the girls. Hi rack. Thank the Lord above you are shrinking. Maybe someday I can buy those cutsie bras that they advertise on TV and have (get this) padding to make you lift up. Um, if I did that, I'd have a chin shelf.

So did you play? Let me know and let Kristine know. Seriously, Raiders fan. Not good to piss off.

Elizabeth at 11:27 PM

32comments

Yep, it's that time again




This is not so much a FUG as it is a public service announcement for La Brit from her wee sis, Jamie Lynn. "Look, big sis, this is how you keep your legs closed."

Run DMC called. They want their ugly ass necklace back

Raven Simone trying her damnedest to be a Star Jones look alike.

Go let Kami know if you participated in the FUG.

Elizabeth at 8:36 AM

11comments

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

So let me know when I can pick up my penis

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Elizabeth at 10:59 PM

4comments

The animal menagerie


I tried to take a nap today because I feel like shit. I laid down in the curved part of the hideous sectional. The dog forced his way behind my knees in the curve.

He looks really concerned about my lack of comfort, no?

Then, when I finally got comfortable with a dog up my ass, Reba decided she wanted to eat 2 hours early. This is her tapping me on the face.

Clearly she is not starving as evidenced by her ever expanding girth.

Elizabeth at 5:10 PM

8comments

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I fucking hate her

This is a letter that I wrote just now to my husband's ex-wife. I don't feel like going into all the details of what transpired this evening, but seriously, right now, I could fucking stab that bitch and feel no fucking remorse. I loathe her with every fiber of my being. I had to write this letter in order to get my feelings out but being that we are currently in litigation with her over child support, I finally got my wits about me and realized that giving it to her would be dumb at this juncture.

So I will share with you. Enjoy.

Dear (insert whore's name here):

I do not know what fucking planet you fell off of, but what the fuck is your problem? You all got a divorce 9 damn years ago. It’s time to MOVE THE FUCK ON. Quit being a bitter bitch and get on with your life. You started fucking another man a total of 2 months after Vince left you so I seriously doubt you were all that fucking devastated. Yet you have made it your mission in life to do anything and everything to make him out to be some sort of asshole bastard and for whatever reason, you have the kids believing it. Does that make you feel better? Do you finally feel like you got some damn revenge? I mean, seriously. Grow the fuck up.

You are only pissed because your gravy train is coming to an end in a few years. You are only mad because there is a chance that we will have to fork over less money to you to fund your pathetic life. Is money all you give a shit about? If you were truly concerned about the kids’ well being, then why did you not go back to school to get a better job? You could not possibly make a nice living as a teacher’s aide. Money to go to school would have been tossed at you from 18 directions. But wait, that was too difficult, right? Why actually make an effort to better yourself for your own life as well as your kids’ lives when you could just sit back, play the victim, and have income from your sad ass job, your man’s job, and us? I mean, really, your way is easier, right? Why worry about the future when you won’t have your kids to rake in the money for you? Well, guess what? The future is here and it snuck up on you, didn’t it? Before you try to tell me that money does not matter, let’s just use David the woman beater as exhibit A. Proof positive that having an additional income coming into your house was more important than all of your well being. Good example for your kids, by the way. Stellar decision making on your part.

I have stayed out of this for a long time now. Never once in 9 fucking years have I made one disparaging remark about you to your kids or in front of them. Well, I am done. I could give a shit less if they know how I feel about you. I mean, what more could you possibly do? Turn them against their father? Done. Make them think we are the anti-Christ? Done. Manipulate the fuck out of every single situation to paint Vince out to be the worst father ever to breathe? Done. The only way that you could possibly hurt me is financially and frankly, I could not give less of a shit. So go for it. Give it your best fucking shot.

You told me a long time ago on the phone that your life’s mission was to ruin Vince’s life the way he ruined yours. Well, it’s done. Do you feel better now? Was revenge sweet? I just always assumed that when you said that, you meant financially. My mistake. I had no idea that you could be such an indomitable bitch as to turn his kids against him.

I am certainly not claiming he is perfect or that he was the perfect father. You know what though? He is their DAD. What you are doing is wrong. You know it. He knows it. I know it. I just hope that one day in the future the kids awake from their mother-induced fog and realize exactly what the hell happened. I doubt that it will happen since you are a master manipulator, but who knows? I hope the memories of all of this shit keeps your ass warm in hell.

Elizabeth at 11:39 PM

17comments

Attention all pet owners and animal lovers in general

Please go over to Tammy's site at Rant n Ravin Haven and give the girl some love. She had to put her beloved pup down after it was visciously attacked by other dogs. I think there are few things harder than making a decision like that.

So go extend some love and keep her and the fam in your thoughts.

Elizabeth at 1:44 PM

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Sometimes life is just FAIR

I was going through my day yesterday, not feeling especially great. I stopped at the station to pick up a check the hubs needs for me to deposit. He just had gotten off the phone with his atty. Guess what day the hearing in front of the hearing officer is scheduled? Well, shit, what day would I most like to ruin for the ex?

Yeah, I think that would be the graduation day for the girl.

Yep, May 31 my hubs has an appearance scheduled in front of the hearing officer regarding getting the child support reduced. Oh happy day. The girl is 18 and if all goes well, as of 05/31, we will have less $$$ that we have to throw towards Camel Toe Annie.

Just when I think that Karma may not really be a force in our universe, Karma decides to come my way and smile while kicking the ex square in the jaw.

I heart me some Karma.

Elizabeth at 1:37 PM

9comments

Monday, May 08, 2006

Movie review, book review, etc

I have seen some odd ass movies lately. First was "Onegin." I was so bored that I felt myself falling asleep after just 30 minutes. After I caught myself dozing the third time, I realized the movie sucked and promptly sent it back to Netflix. I also saw "Donnie Darko." Odd movie, but I enjoyed it. Jake Gyllenhall was the star. His sister was also in it. Don't read the synopsis of the movie because when you get to the phrase "demonic bunny" you will put it down but it's actually good. LOL The hubs and I went to go see "Silent Hill." Such an utter waste of time. I mean, so many part of it were never tied together. There were these weird ass human/alien life form type things that attacked people - well as much as one can attack when it looks like you are encased in cocoon. Um, no. I was not pleased.

Book 20 was Beach Road by James Patterson. I managed to score the book a day before it was released. :) The hubs read it in like 2 or 3 days. I then read it in a day. Nice twist at the end that I won't ruin for y'all. I am a hardcore Patterson fan, so this was right up my alley.

Today was a long ass day. I still have two more reports to do and just have no energy. This past weekend was just one giant food fest and I suspect that my lethargy is due to that. Friday night we went to dinner with my husband's brother in law at Cheesecake Bistro. Three guesses what we ended that meal with. Saturday we ended up eating pizza. Sunday we went to lunch with my friend, Karen, and at like pigs yet again. That is such a dangerous habit for me. I mean, I worked so hard to get out of the "it's always a celebration" habit and lost 17 pounds in the process. I have gained 3 of those pounds back and if I don't stop, there will be more to come and it won't be cute.

I am off to finish dinner. Catch y'all later.

Elizabeth at 6:44 PM

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Waste of Space Monday

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My nomination goes to this fucktard, who I am disgusted to say, used to play for the Pirates. He gags the shit out of me. Mark my words - someone will take this dude out one day. I so see it coming.

This article is from MSN.com.

Remember the good ol' days when a sports villain was just the guy that kept beating your team? I mean, he wasn't actually a villain. He wasn't a horrible person who mistreated everyone around him.

Well, that's all changed now. Bucky Dent could no longer be considered a villain just for breaking the hearts of New Englanders. Nowadays sports villains are truly contemptible people, megalomaniacal narcissists and sociopaths.
Usually when I deliver a top ten list, I go from 10 to 1 to build the suspense, but I just can't wait that long to name Barry Bonds the No. 1 villain in sports.


1. Barry Bonds
The only guy with an approval rating lower than Dick Cheney's. Even Giants fans, who have long forgiven his boorish behavior because of his on-field excellence, are starting to reconsider Bonds. Once he loses them, there will be nobody left.

Though he will never reach Ty Cobb's hit total, he may break the Georgia Peach's record for most-poorly-attended funeral.

Just when you didn't think he could get any worse, reports surface of death threats to a mistress recorded on an answering machine. Boy, this sure tells you a lot about the guy.

A) He's not real big on loyalty — even to his younger, newer wife.

B) He's a bully.

C) He's an idiot. Here's the thing about recordings, they can be saved and handed to district attorneys.

Instead of intentionally walking Barry, why don't pitchers just start plunking him with the first pitch of the at-bat? It would speed up the game and delight about 99 percent of the fans. His head is so huge and he wears so much body armor it's not like he could get hurt.

Let Tammy know if you played. :)

Elizabeth at 9:21 AM

5comments

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A really frightening confession

I am really terrified right down to my bones that I will never be a mom. My husband needs to have his vasectomy reversed and while I know we will get that done (even if I have to sell my fucking plasma), I am so afraid that maybe his stuff won't work or my stuff won't work. I truly do not know what I will do.

I don't talk about this much because, frankly, it is too painful. Most days, I am ok with the fact that I will have to wait a year or two before we can even try, but on days like today, that fear eats me up.

I really hate it. It hurts my heart.

Elizabeth at 11:10 PM

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The captions that should have been.....


Inside Katie's head: "Little does he know that my Scientology approved vitamins and exercise are not working and I will break down before the night is over."

What the FUCK is going on with her head? And her husband - can you say closet case?

Inside Snoop's head: "Damn, G, they busted me just for bringing a little herb across the pond?"

"Dude, can you believe I still have a career? Proof positive that big tits and the ability to suck off whoever I have to REALLY DOES WORK!!!"

Elizabeth at 7:06 PM

8comments

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Stuff Portrait Friday

Yes, it's Friday again which means we abide by the wishes of our girl, Kristine, and take some random pictures. This week, she wants:

-A body of water, big or small
-Something with flavor
-Where we plant our asses


Body of water - this is a photo of Lake Pontchartrain. It is still pretty fucked up in various areas due to Katrina. However, the lakefront is a nice place to go to relax - not that I get there often.

Something with flavor. Well, I am taking Gage's word for this one, but that look of utter dogasmic glee on his face leads me to believe that his chew thing is the fucking shit.

Where I plant my ass, part one. This is MY seat on the ugly sectional. I sit here and watch the tube, play on the laptop, read, etc. The hubs thinks it is his seat. The dog tries to snag my seat at every turn. But, it's MINE, people. MINE.

Where I plant my ass, part deux. I love my bed. It's comfy and cozy and roomy. Y'all have seen my hubs, right? The man is a moose. A girl needs some room, ya know? Thank God there are king size beds in the world. I am waiting until they come out with emperor size because I will so be on the waiting list.

So did you play???

Can't promise I will visit your sites immediately but please let me know if you do and I will get there eventually. :)

Elizabeth at 10:00 PM

33comments

Surefire sign that you have PMS

Has anyone else been eating a candy such as M&Ms or Skittles (something that is in small bite-sized pieces) and had the very last one go right down your shirt nestling nice and snug in your cleavage and then you, in a fit of PMS-induced starvation, fish that bad boy right out and pop it in your mouth?

No?

So that's just me then?

OK. Carry on.

Elizabeth at 9:12 PM

4comments

Stolen from Jack Daniel's Rose

1. How did you get the idea for your profile name? Well, I live in the South, I like all things Fried and I am a girl, so there ya go.
2. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? Not playing anything, just half watching Y&R.
3. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? I think I welled up when Princess Diana was killed because (a) it was on my birthday and (b)they showed a picture of her so very excited to see her two boys.
4. What colour underwear are you wearing? Teal colored
5. Do you want a baby? I'd sell each of my other family members into slavery to have a baby
6. What does your dad do for a living? Retired - used to be in the steel business
7. What does your mum do for a living? Retired also - used to be a legal secretary in the public defender's office
8. What is/are your pet's name(s)? Gage and Reba aka Puss n Boots
9. What colour are your bed sheets? Black, white and green
10. What are the last 3 digits of your phone number? 354
11. What was the last concert you went to? Montgomery Gentry I think
12. Who was with you? The hubs and his two kids
13. What was the last film you watched? Just friends - it was not a total waste of time, but I have definitely seen better
14. Who do you dislike most at this moment? The husband's ex-wife. She is a money-grubbing waste of space and incredibly stupid too
15. What food do you crave right now? Reese cups
16. Did you dream last night? I always do, but they are crap dreams.
17. What was the last TV show you watched? Still watching Y&R
18. What is your fav piece of jewelry? My circle of love necklace deal - Xmas present
19. What is to the left of you? The dog and my floor lamp
20. What was the last thing you ate? 3 Reduced fat Chips Ahoy (it was so not worth it)
21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Can I have more than one? I don't really have any good friends of the opposite sex anymore. Hmmmmm, interesting....
22. Who last MSN'd you? I don't have MSN messenger
23. Where is your significant other right now? Working at the station - probably eating lunch or something
24. Do you have a crush? Only on a few celebrities.
25. What is his/her name? Andy Garcia, among others
26. When was the last time you had your hair cut? Few weeks back and she fucked it up even more than it was
27. Are you on any meds? Nope.
28. Do you have a mental disease? Most likely but I think it makes life with me interesting.
29. What shirt are you wearing? A bright ass salmon colored one from Destin
30. Are you sexy? I so don't see it but the hubs thinks so.
31. What's your favourite store? Kohls - but the nearest one is in Jackson - 3 hours away.
32. Are you thirsty? Nope, I'm good.
33. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? Well, I already am, so I guess so
34. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss? Jen
35. Where do you work? Here at home.

Let me know if you steal.

Elizabeth at 12:30 PM

11comments

What the FUCK???



Welcome to Kami's brainchild, FUG Thursday, where we issue hearty "Oh hell no" to some of the fashion not so forward. Behold.


OK, just no. There are so many things wrong with these boots that I am not sure where to begin. Wait, yes - the fabric. For the love that all is holy, what on earth is that fabric?

Just when you think it can't get worse, oh yeah, it can. This skirt is literally called a cowgirl square dance skirt. I swear. I think that pretty much says it all.

Someone else (can't remember who) warned us that the puffy/ruffle skirt was going to be upon us soon. It seems she was not lying. This was not flattering in the 80s and it ain't gonna fly now. Go away little skirt.

Let Kami know if you point out the FUG in our world. :)

Elizabeth at 8:10 AM

7comments

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Not quite the day I envisioned.

Sorry, I don't have the energy to go through pictures to find some decent pictures for Way Back Wednesday so I am skipping this week. Today I was supposed to have an off day from work to spend the day with hubs running a couple quick errands and then lunch and a matinee. Yeah, that lasted until about 9:30 or 10. I got up at 6, went walking, came home and did a small section of work since he was still snoozing. I went in and got him up a little before 8 and then I got in the shower. He and I got ready to go run the roads and complete a few errands. While he was in the shower, he got a phone call on his cell from a guy he works with at the station. Turns out that another dude (who has been a bit of a bur in the side of the fire station) just plain did not show up. The guy they sent to that station does not know how to man that station's truck. (Yep, they let him work anyway - NICE.) The husband did volunteer to work to the guy he spoke with, but the chief is the one who would have to call him in. Sure enough, we barely make it out the door and the chief calls. There went my day. NICE. I was not mad at the husband, because truth be told, we do need the money for the OT shift, but still, I was sorta annoyed. He did agree to take Friday off all day so that will be nice. The girl's prom is that night so she will swing by here so we can take some pictures of her. Please note that this will be only the second time I will have seen the girl since her grandfather's funeral in mid-February. Yep, that's cool, huh? I have yet to see the boy. So lovely that we pay out the ass for children we never see.
Anyway, I did some work today and had the worst time figuring some stuff out so I took a nice break for a trip to Target. After a relatively mellow trip, I came upon these three women who apparently were deaf to the SCREAMING child in one of their buggies. I mean, GOD, people, do you not hear that shit? I mean, she was shrieking like a banshee. I don't know if the kid was sick or what, but the mom sure as shit did not care. She stood in the middle of the aisle (I so love that) and had a nice chat with her friends.
So now I am back and have to complete 2 more sections of work to stay on track. I so do not feel like doing it but oh well. Thankfully there is not a damn thing on tv tonight so at least I won't be distracted.

Elizabeth at 4:57 PM

6comments

Monday, May 01, 2006

Monday Madness meme I found on Exceedingly Mundane

1. Sleeping in for me means sleeping until: I guess about 9.
2. Staying up late means I don't go to bed until midnight.
3. I probably spend more time surfing the net than I would like.
4. And I don't spend nearly enough time working towards my work goal.
5. I have zero tolerance for people that hurt animals or people who don't respect me in my own home.
6. I have a lot of patience when it comes to: Not much. LOL.

Elizabeth at 3:29 PM

7comments

Waste of Space Monday

Too all you fucktards at Cing*ular Wireless:

Look assholes, I was willing to pay the arm and a damn leg to cancel my service with you because your phones and service suck giant huge uncircumcised donkey dicks. When you hit me with the giant ass bill, I knew that I could not pay it all in one fell swoop so I did the responsible thing and called you. That is called being an adult and not running from your problems. No biggie. So what do you do? Send our asses to collection. Nice.

So now I am dealing with a FUCKTARD in San Di-fucking-ego who sounds like he is in Pakistan and can't form a simple sentence. I sent you a check for $200 a MONTH ago and you still claim not to have received it. Um, the mail here is no longer fucked up, so don't even go there. Well, I refused to send another check until that one posted because, frankly, y'all don't know what the fuck you are doing over there. THEN, and this is the best part, you call my husband (since it was his name on the account) at work. Oh he took kindly to that. We never ran from this bill. We tried to communicate with you and be easy to work with but you made that impossible. So guess what? You had a month to "find the check" and you did not do so. Therefore, I stopped payment on that bitch. Try to cash it now, asshat. I am sending one lump sum payment electronically so that I never have to hear your stupid fucking voice again. Can I afford to send one payment in full? Fuck no, but I am done.

Oh, and by the way, asshole, accusing me of not sending the check that I just paid to stop payment on and then lying to my husband (a lie he called your ass on) was not the way to go. We are good people who got fucked over by a cell phone company. We realize that this is our responsibility and we never once ran from your phone calls or even entertained the idea of not paying.

This is what I wish for you, San Diego fucktard: I hope you have wireless service that gets fucked up so bad that when your wife tries to call you to say your father is in the hospital again, you just keep dropping calls, thereby necessitating your wife to run outside and try to do a text message to you in order to get your ass to the hospital. Yeah, that is why we dropped Cing*ular. Do you feel like an asshole for calling me a liar now and then lying to my husband?

No?

I never thought you would so I hope you drop fucking dead, asshole.

Elizabeth at 9:24 AM

13comments